| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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How do I attract and choose the right men?
Q. I just recently ended my 3rd serious relationship. We were long distance and he was very selfish and emotionally abusive. However, the pattern remains the same. I meet a guy, we get attached very quickly, after a month or so he says he loves me...
A. 28 December 2015: That's the question of the ages, isn't it? We all want to attract compatible people.
Anyway, what I'd recommend is going to a counselor/therapist to sort out those insecurity issues that pop up whenever you're in a relationship. You've got a lo... (read in full...)
Can't get him out of my head but is he really interested?
Q. I met this guy 3 years ago at a program and we became good friends. We both had a 'thing' for each other but both were committed to different people so didn't act on it. We lost in touch after the program ended until last year when I got back on ...
A. 28 December 2015: You don't have much to lose if you tell him how you really feel. You're not scared to lose the friendship, because let's be honest here, what you have right now isn't friendship. You two have simply been dancing around the big elephant in the room ... (read in full...)
While hiking during rough weather my boyfriend would go ahead and just leave me. Are men like that?
Q. My boyfriend and I had a week end planned which involved a 3hr hike. The weather ended up being really bad with a storm that hit the country. It wasn't so bad where we had planned to go hiking. It was however very windy and wet. We decided to go ...
A. 7 December 2015: "He said that he was concerned that it would get dark and we would have to make it through the dark and bad weather conditions."
WTF, he basically admitted that his own safety and wellbeing is more important to him than yours. Because that's w... (read in full...)
If my boyfriend really missed me would he be that relaxed?
Q. Dear Cupid, My ex boyfriend was very controlling and so he would count to minute how long I was gone with my friends, even in afternoon My boyfriend now, and just as an example I texted him yesterday to let him know I was going to get sushi wi...
A. 6 December 2015: The way your ex treated you was abusive and you've come to see it as the norm. It is not. Your ex treated you like property. Your current boyfriend is treating you like an equal, like someone who deserves a great time without having else someone ... (read in full...)
Since masturbation is the only sexual gratification I've had, what can I do to make it less shameful?
Q. I am 24 and a kissless virgin. I am ashamed of the fact that I have no idea what it is like to be in an intimate relationship and that the only sexual gratification I can get is self given. I feel like by not having dated in high school and college ...
A. 6 December 2015: I can relate, when I was around your age I felt the same way. I was a virgin and I was doomed, because the only time you're allowed to be at the 'grossly incompetent and knowing it' stage is when you're young, right? And I didn't feel young anymore. ... (read in full...)
Is it still possible to continue with a normal working life after posing for nude modelling?
Q. I am currently studying accountancy in college and have ambitions to have a successful career working in finance. While still attending courses in college, I did part time work as a model for local painting classes. I did not see this as something ...
A. 5 December 2015: Wow hun, that's quite a lot of info. Dump the friends that said you deserved what you got and keep the supportive ones.
As for your photographer friend, he might indeed be gay, shy or introverted or socially challenged or any of those possibil... (read in full...)
Can I tame this player?
Q. Hi. I’m a 23 year old girl and I’m falling head over heels for a boy at my university. The problem is he’s a real player and sleeps around A LOT. But could he be relationship material? He’s literally all I can think about lately. He’s 21 and ha...
A. 2 December 2015: Chigirl absolutely nailed it. Spot on A+ advice. I suggest you read it well.... (read in full...)
Fiancée's attitude makes me sick but how can I leave?
Q. A few weeks ago me and my fiancée of 2 years went to her parents house for her mom's birthday. It was there, her mother told the family she was sick. This is the wonderful woman who put my fiancée through school twice!, bought her a car when she ...
A. 2 December 2015: Have a frank discussion with your fiancee. Tell her how her behavior comes across to you and ask her side of the story.
Like others have said, people react differently to things like this and some people who seem like they don't give a damn nee... (read in full...)
Is it still possible to continue with a normal working life after posing for nude modelling?
Q. I am currently studying accountancy in college and have ambitions to have a successful career working in finance. While still attending courses in college, I did part time work as a model for local painting classes. I did not see this as something ...
A. 2 December 2015: Great to hear you've had some success :) Looks like your friends are keepers too.
I haven't found a video tracking tool yet, but google, among others, offers a reverse search engine. Just google "reverse search engine" and you'll have a lot to c... (read in full...)
How can I get past the fact that I'm not tall, improve my confidence and successfully date women?
Q. Ashamed to be a short man. I don't feel like I have the same potential as a taller man. Anything positive that I do would be much better if done by a taller man. I am also the shortest guy in my family and every time I meet a relative, family friend ...
A. 29 November 2015: Most actors in Hollywood are actually quite short and look at the attention they get! Personally, as a tall girl (I'm 5'10") I could care less about height. If I limit my options to men who are taller than me I cut out a lot of great, compatible ... (read in full...)
I think my husband is cheating with a co-worker and I no longer believe anything he says
Q. Last December I was in the car with my husband and the girl from his works office rang. They were talking for a bit then I heard what sounded like, dont forget to get me something nice for Christmas. My husband said she didn't say that and said, ...
A. 5 November 2015: Like the other poster said, a private detective is the only way to find out for sure.
But maybe go about this another way. Make a point of showing trust in him. Don't watch his moves like a hawk anymore, just tell him "it was insecure of me to do... (read in full...)
As a male inexperienced virgin who feels socially awkward - Should I pay a sex worker to have sex with me for my first time?
Q. Hello I'm a male virgin who's never even kissed a girl nor have I been on a date or had a girlfriend. I'm not particularly good looking and I'm very socially awkward. I figure having no clue about the opposite sex would be a massive turn off....
A. 5 November 2015: Anon, you did not add valuable information that would help the OP decide which course of action to take, which is the entire point when you're replying to a question like this.
All you did was use this question as a platform to present your own... (read in full...)
I'm worried my Gf will cheat on me while she's away enjoying her cruise. What should I do?
Q. I'm worried my grl friend of almost a year tht she is going to cheat on me on the cruise she just left on .ee didn't have sex for lie three weeks before she left and she loves to have sex she says only with me but I was busy working and her too and ...
A. 5 November 2015: It's very simple. You only have control over your own actions, not other people's. Statistics and laughably bad "studies" like the one posted in the answers be damned, in the end there's absolutely nothing you can do to control other people's ... (read in full...)
I'm dating my married step uncle...help? I need advice on what to do, please?
Q. Ok hi. Completely new at this. So to get right to the point. I'm dating my step uncle so (my mothers step mums son) so not. Definitely not blood related. He is married (not separated) tho like typical situations (is going to get a device an...
A. 4 November 2015: Girl, the advice you are looking for is the stuff that condones what you're doing and you're not going to get it. But you know that.
I have a friend who has been dating a married man for 10 years. He keeps telling her he's getting a divorce,... (read in full...)
As a male inexperienced virgin who feels socially awkward - Should I pay a sex worker to have sex with me for my first time?
Q. Hello I'm a male virgin who's never even kissed a girl nor have I been on a date or had a girlfriend. I'm not particularly good looking and I'm very socially awkward. I figure having no clue about the opposite sex would be a massive turn off....
A. 4 November 2015: Hi OP, no worries. You asked a question and at the time you felt it could be a legitimate solution to your problem. I've been on this site for a few years now and questions like yours, from male virgins in their twenties, pop up more often than ... (read in full...)
Is it still possible to continue with a normal working life after posing for nude modelling?
Q. I am currently studying accountancy in college and have ambitions to have a successful career working in finance. While still attending courses in college, I did part time work as a model for local painting classes. I did not see this as something ...
A. 4 November 2015: Wow, what a bunch of assholes. Okay, based on your situation, you definitely have rights.
You can stop a website's use of your image for three reasons: invasion of privacy, violation of right of publicity, or defamation.
Invasion of p... (read in full...)
I think my summer fling from Norway has an ulterior motive in wanting to meet up again!
Q. I hooked up with a foreign girl whilst on holiday last summer and she's just messaged me saying she wants to meet up again. But I'm slightly wary of her. I'm 22. Me and a group of friends went on a lads holiday to Sunny Beach in Bulgaria back in...
A. 3 November 2015: Norway is a well developed country with high employment rates, good education, good wefare and low poverty rates. Though there's wealth inequality, it has a pretty big middle class. In many ways it's a more wealthy place to be than the UK. So I ... (read in full...)
Is it still possible to continue with a normal working life after posing for nude modelling?
Q. I am currently studying accountancy in college and have ambitions to have a successful career working in finance. While still attending courses in college, I did part time work as a model for local painting classes. I did not see this as something ...
A. 3 November 2015: Whoops, another addition. Sorry. Dear Cupid doesn't let us edit our posts. I don't really know what your rights as an intern are. Again it depends on the contract you signed. Maybe this site could be helpful: ... (read in full...)
Is it still possible to continue with a normal working life after posing for nude modelling?
Q. I am currently studying accountancy in college and have ambitions to have a successful career working in finance. While still attending courses in college, I did part time work as a model for local painting classes. I did not see this as something ...
A. 3 November 2015: Forgot to add, but unless you have an employment contract with your employer, your employment is probably "at will," which means that your employer can fire you for any reason that isn't illegal. (Illegal reasons include discrimination based on ... (read in full...)
Is it still possible to continue with a normal working life after posing for nude modelling?
Q. I am currently studying accountancy in college and have ambitions to have a successful career working in finance. While still attending courses in college, I did part time work as a model for local painting classes. I did not see this as something ...
A. 3 November 2015: Well like others said, legality on the internet is a difficult thing, because of the nature of internet itself. To really be able to make a legal dent, the internet itself has to be harnessed and controlled. They tried to do that not very long ago, ... (read in full...)
Is it still possible to continue with a normal working life after posing for nude modelling?
Q. I am currently studying accountancy in college and have ambitions to have a successful career working in finance. While still attending courses in college, I did part time work as a model for local painting classes. I did not see this as something ...
A. 3 November 2015: I don't think there's much you can do now they're out there, but if they're on tumblr a lot it means a lot of girls find them tasteful too and they might even admire you for being comfortable enough in your own body to do shoots like that.
So my... (read in full...)
As a male inexperienced virgin who feels socially awkward - Should I pay a sex worker to have sex with me for my first time?
Q. Hello I'm a male virgin who's never even kissed a girl nor have I been on a date or had a girlfriend. I'm not particularly good looking and I'm very socially awkward. I figure having no clue about the opposite sex would be a massive turn off....
A. 3 November 2015: I think it would be wiser to look into therapy to deal with your self esteem issues and awkwardness. Truth is, having sex with a hooker isn't going to solve the underlying issues. Yes you'll have had sex, but you will still not be any better at ... (read in full...)
Why can't people just accept not everyone wants children?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and have no children because we chose not to have any- we are both very happy with our lives and children are not for us. My cousin who got married 8 months after us has just revealed she is ...
A. 31 October 2015: Oh dear, the "who will look after you when you get old" comment is comedic gold to be honest. My reply to that is: "The nursing home. Guess I'll see you there too because if you think your children are going to pick up the slack when you're old, ... (read in full...)
I am the parent to my teen brother - our parents are deceased. My brother is now 14. How do I raise and discuss talking about sex and all that to him?
Q. When i was 16 i held my baby brother in my arms and said to dad "god he's small, i'm not baby sitting". Well i think i changed his nappies more times then mum used to. Honestly a few years later when i went off to university my biggest joy coming h...
A. 31 October 2015: First of all, great job so far. You've been through so much and you've shown strength and character all the way. Really good that you're thinking about this, because a lack of sex education causes a lot of unnecessary problems later in life.
... (read in full...)
I surprised him by doing the housework but he reduced me to tears. Is this guy worth being with?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. Last night I went over to his house but got there an hour before he did. The house was a mess with dishes and dirty laundry everywhere so I thought as a surprise before he comes home I would clean. (as a ...
A. 29 October 2015: Also I want to add that he probably doesn't consider himself a bad person. He probably feels completely justified in his behavior. Or at least enough not to change. Once people are adults and they show this behavior, having them change is almost ... (read in full...)
I surprised him by doing the housework but he reduced me to tears. Is this guy worth being with?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. Last night I went over to his house but got there an hour before he did. The house was a mess with dishes and dirty laundry everywhere so I thought as a surprise before he comes home I would clean. (as a ...
A. 29 October 2015: Ask yourself that why it takes you pulling away from him for him to finally be nice to you. You want to know why? Because honey catches flies better than acid does. You're the fly. And once he's got you firmly in his grasp he doesn't have to be nice ... (read in full...)
How do black people find positivity in a world that seems to hate them?
Q. I'm black and every week I come across a video or article that commentators summarize as "black people are savage, Africans are worthless and the worst thing on the planet". I want to know how other black people find positivity in a world that hates ...
A. 24 October 2015: Also I just had to add that followtheblackrabbit posted a really great answer. Her attitude is fantastic and one I think we all can learn from. ... (read in full...)
How do black people find positivity in a world that seems to hate them?
Q. I'm black and every week I come across a video or article that commentators summarize as "black people are savage, Africans are worthless and the worst thing on the planet". I want to know how other black people find positivity in a world that hates ...
A. 24 October 2015: Like with all things, there isn't a place where you're completely safe from encountering what you want to avoid. The best you can do is keep your head up and try not to give attention to those who spread racism. If people stop paying attention to ... (read in full...)
I surprised him by doing the housework but he reduced me to tears. Is this guy worth being with?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. Last night I went over to his house but got there an hour before he did. The house was a mess with dishes and dirty laundry everywhere so I thought as a surprise before he comes home I would clean. (as a ...
A. 24 October 2015: To answer the title question: NO this guy is not worth being with.
He's treating like you're less than him and he's just plain nasty towards you. Surely someone who loves you wouldn't do that? Would you ever do that to him? No. Then why should y... (read in full...)
How can I dress to hide my muscular legs?
Q. Do you guys think my body type is weird? I'm around 5 ft. 105 pounds, I'm very athletic so I have muscular thighs and I have a decent sized butt, all muscle and toned. I'm a double zero and have a 4 pack. My legs are longer and I have a short torso ...
A. 24 October 2015: Girl, based on your description your body looks fantastic. If anyone talks down on you for having muscle definition, squeeze their heads like a melon between your thighs. Look, I know that compared to all those skinny size zero models you feel like ... (read in full...)
Got drunk and cheated on my boyfriend. I feel incredibly guilty. What do I do now?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years.I am 27 and he is 29. I love him with all my heart so much so that my friends think it has changed me and I am forever neglecting my own needs. Like many relationships we have had our ups and ...
A. 11 September 2015: Okay, first of all you need to be honest with yourself about why this happened in the first place. Why did you get so drunk? How come you let yourself go like that? shove the guilt away for a moment and try and look at it objectively.
The r... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant with my FWB partner and he says abortion is the only answer
Q. I posted on here a few weeks ago about a friends-with-benefits situation I have with my ex who I'm still in love with. Well I just found out I'm pregnant- he doesn't want it. Says it irresponsible of me to even think about keeping it seeing a...
A. 11 August 2015: I read over my answer again (we can't edit, hence the new post) and I realize it came across as me trying to make the decision for you, which was not my intention.
You're in a tough spot and your FWB ex is in the lucky position that he can make... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant with my FWB partner and he says abortion is the only answer
Q. I posted on here a few weeks ago about a friends-with-benefits situation I have with my ex who I'm still in love with. Well I just found out I'm pregnant- he doesn't want it. Says it irresponsible of me to even think about keeping it seeing a...
A. 11 August 2015: You're going to have to accept that the man you love doesn't love you back (anymore) and does not want to raise a child with you. He's made it very clear that if you keep the baby, he will want nothing to do with it or you for that matter. That ... (read in full...)
Is it over? Wife met up again with guy we had 3sum with and let him do things she has never let me do
Q. I recently got talked into a 3sum by my wife where she let the other guy do a sexual act she has always refused me. I've now found out that the same night, after when she took him to the train station they did it again in the car. Is it over?...
A. 9 August 2015: Yup, it's over. She initiated the 3some with another guy as an excuse to cheat with permission. The fact she did it in the car with him after that is basically a big exclamation point. And you know what, good riddance. She obviously doesn't care ... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to act when a male friend sends me unwanted pics of his privates?
Q. Hello Agony aunts. My first question is what do we say or do about friends that send pictures of their privates to their female friends. I remember the first time my very close friend did that to me, I severed all contact with him. I was ...
A. 9 August 2015: Why in the world do so many grown men think it's a good idea to send a dick pic? Here's a great response from a woman who got one and wasn't amused. You might still be able to draw inspiration from it: ... (read in full...)
Would you date someone who was missing one of their hands?
Q. My continued dating adventures have recently led me to confront this issue. Would you date someone who was missing one of their hands, and why or why not? I'm interested in all perspectives. ...
A. 24 June 2015: If the person missing the hand in question is you, and you've had some dating mishaps that made you wonder if your [lack of a] hand is part of why, here's some advice.
You're probably the only one who is so preoccupied with it. I have a lot of s... (read in full...)
The "Metrosexual" Guys I Find Physically Attractive Always Seem To Be Shallower Than I'd Hoped?
Q. I have a specific type in guys and I don't think this is wrong (geeky looking, glasses, skinny, short, well dressed, metrosexual ish). I tend to be very attracted to guys I see who look like that though they are quite rare where I live. However, ...
A. 20 June 2015: Thanks for your follow-up, OP :)
The way I see it, a type is basically what would roll out of the factory if dating was a build-a-guy-workshop, where you just tick the boxes of your prefs and press enter. But you've also noticed that those pr... (read in full...)
The "Metrosexual" Guys I Find Physically Attractive Always Seem To Be Shallower Than I'd Hoped?
Q. I have a specific type in guys and I don't think this is wrong (geeky looking, glasses, skinny, short, well dressed, metrosexual ish). I tend to be very attracted to guys I see who look like that though they are quite rare where I live. However, ...
A. 16 June 2015: I struggled with this a lot when I was younger. I'm basically a demisexual, which means I don't fall in love until I have formed a really strong bond with someone. Even then, the attraction has to be there or it never goes beyond friendship.
... (read in full...)
My 17 year old daughter has told me she is bi-sexual. I've accepted it, but I am very upset by this news. What's the best way for me to go forward?
Q. Yesterday, my 17 year old daughter told me she is bi-sexual. I have noticed for a couple of months that she has been very distant from everyone except me. I asked her to tell me what was wrong and she eventually told me. I am very proud of th...
A. 16 June 2015: Anon, what a great answer to your daughter. A grade parenting right there.... (read in full...)
Is he too young for me?? 33 versus 25
Q. After seeing the previous question posted about ages, it made me want to ask my own. I am 33 and fallen in love with a guy who is getting ready to turn 25. I've never had a thing for younger guys but he's absolutely amazing. He's everythi...
A. 10 June 2015: Honestly, I don't see the problem. At 25 he's fully developed, the product is finished, yadda yadaa (and that includes his brain.) That's why age gaps at a younger age are so jarring (and often wrong). Because young people under the 21 crowd are at ... (read in full...)
How do I win him back and feel better? My Mom and My Aunt don't like him
Q. I fell for this guy; I'm 23 and he's nearly 30. He seems to like me and he's also sexually attracted to me. However, I haven't been able to date him as I was trying to finish off my degree at the time. This is still an on-going problem as I'm s...
A. 1 June 2015: Thank goodness you're dumping him. You're dodging a bullet by doing so. Like the others said, you deserve so much better. ... (read in full...)
My 17 year old daughter has told me she is bi-sexual. I've accepted it, but I am very upset by this news. What's the best way for me to go forward?
Q. Yesterday, my 17 year old daughter told me she is bi-sexual. I have noticed for a couple of months that she has been very distant from everyone except me. I asked her to tell me what was wrong and she eventually told me. I am very proud of th...
A. 20 May 2015: Sorry, I made a typo and I can't correct my previous post: I meant here's another basic truth: being bi doesn't suddenly make one promiscuous or incapable of having a monogamous relationship. ... (read in full...)
My 17 year old daughter has told me she is bi-sexual. I've accepted it, but I am very upset by this news. What's the best way for me to go forward?
Q. Yesterday, my 17 year old daughter told me she is bi-sexual. I have noticed for a couple of months that she has been very distant from everyone except me. I asked her to tell me what was wrong and she eventually told me. I am very proud of th...
A. 20 May 2015: Good job on telling her you love her no matter what. That is probably the best and most important thing you could tell her. This is a turbulent time in her life right now and she'll be fine as long as she has unwavering support and loyalty from the ... (read in full...)
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