A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This girl I’m in a relationship with for a year and a half, her mom always asks her if we were having sex. I mean we are two grown adults so why would her mom want to know that information, that’s private. She would tell me how her mom would say things like “you having sex?”, “you had sex yet?” or when we went on vacation she wanted to know if we took a shower together. Both her parent like me a lot but why is her mom doing this? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (29 December 2014):
Why she does it doesn't matter, OP. Whether we think it's disrespectful or not doesn't matter either. Asking that clearly crosses a line for you, and that's what's important.
The best way to deal with people like that is to set clear boundaries and enforce them. That means that whenever she asks such a question, you tell her: "That's really none of your business." If her comments are made with a joking tone, you add a smug smile to the "none of your business" part. That's all there is to it. You're showing her that subject is off limits without making a big deal out of it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014): Wondering if her mum is a control freak who has always had control over her family. The children may think she gets involved with their relationships because she wants what is best for them, but the reality may be that she needs to know every detail to control them.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014): I'm sorry, I stand corrected. You did mention that "both" her parents like you. I do standby my advice not to offer a rude response to her undignified inquiry into your sex-life. I still think she's using shock-value to indirectly let you know you had better be good to her, if you're boinking her baby!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014): You say you're two adults but neglected to mention her age.
Perhaps her mom is using shock-value as a passive-aggressive way voice her personal concern that you're being responsible with her daughter. The fact you didn't mention her age is significant. I suspect you're avoiding judgement; if she's still in her teens or much younger than you. Characterizing her mother as a dirty old-lady by leaving out certain details may get you one-sided responses; but I look at the whole picture, my friend.
I'm giving mom benefit of the doubt.
Her mom is obviously attempting to cause uneasiness and put you on the hot-seat. You mentioned nothing of her father's reaction when this happens.
If she is a single-mom raising a daughter; she's used to being both a mother and a father. She may grill you on such things. I disagree with everyone suggesting that you be disrespectful to her. She's being nosy, but there are more polite ways of avoiding intrusive questions like laughing it off, or just a smile. It isn't any of her business, and she knows it.
...............................
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (27 December 2014):
Your girlfriend's mom is trying to be her "buddy" now that her daughter is grown. She is trying rather awkwardly to cultivate a relationship where they are more like best girlfriends rather than mother/daughter, not realizing your GF is not comfortable with it.
Weird, a little, but no evil intent most likely.
She needs to explain gently to mom that she isn't comfortable with that level of familiarity.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (27 December 2014):
 Wow...I do not understand why at her age her mom would be asking such intimate questions. At 16 yes...unless your girlfriend is considerably younger than you, mom has no business asking such questions! Your girlfriend needs to tell mom politely but firmly, "none ya" (none of your business). I have a 27 year old son and trust me, I wouldn't even think of asking him about his sex life. Maybe her mom doesn't have enough to do?? Geez!
...............................
A
female
reader, Ginger fish  +, writes (27 December 2014):
 I went through this with my boyfriend his mother was asking me stuff like "is he good in bed" (she wanted to know this about her own son!) An all these inappropriate and disrespectful questions and comments. What I did was every time she asked me I wasn't rude nor mean I would say I really don't want to talk aboutthis (she was also asking in front of my mum) and just kept cutting her off until she got the message I then went to my boyfriend and told him how uncomfortable it made me her wanting to know every aspect of our sex life as like you I am a very private person especially when it comes to this. My suggestion for you is do what I did and talk to your girlfriend and explain how it's making youfeel and ask her to not share any iinformation. If she doesn't share any information the questions will eventually stop. It may not be out of anything but a close relationship between mother and daughter, with no harm intended. The best bet is talk to your girlfriend.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014): The mother is totally disrespecting normal boundaries - and this is an indication that she may disrespect boundaries other than sexual ones. I've found that when people ask inappropriate questions I either ignore it, or say "oh, I don't talk about personal stuff like that" or one thing that really tends to work is to ask: "Why do you want to know?" with a completely straight, puzzled face ie. don't say it laughing as if it is a joke, just respond as if you really don't understand why they would ask you that. Tends to put them on the spot and they stop doing it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 December 2014):
 I think her mom is being inappropriate, not necessarily disrespectful. I would ignore the question EVERY time. And I would ASK your GF if she has been asked that.
Or you can choose to say, THAT would be none of your business.
...............................
|
