| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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Can you redo projects when you are in university?
Q. I know this a relationship website, but does anybody know if at university you can re-do your projects? I am on a course which doesn't do exams, so luckily enough I just do a lot of practical projects over the course of the year. The thing is, this ...
A. 21 February 2013: Wasn't a problem at my uni. I even redid a few in my third year. Just make sure you don't get even more behind trying to polish up your past grades.
Talk to your professors about it, but I don't see why it wouldn't be allowed.
That said, here's... (read in full...)
What can I do to persuade my 21 year old daughter to put down the controller and pick up a boyfriend?
Q. I'm concerned about my daughter's social life or rather lack thereof. She's 21 and all she wants to do when she's not at work is play video games. She's never had a boyfriend, is not interested and getting one and is still a virgin. Geez I was ...
A. 20 February 2013: I lost my virginity at 22 and I played a lot of videogames. I also had lots of activities going outside of that, but my parents didn't know half of it. So consider you may not know everything about her, even if it seems so straight forward. ... (read in full...)
My father in law creeps me out. I spoke to him, but what more can I do?
Q. My father in law is always staring at me and gives me long hugs where I feel he tries to get a grab. I've told my fiancé I don't feel comfortable being alone with his dad so he really tries to stick around. Yesterday though they were both outside ...
A. 20 February 2013: Uh-oh. You're going to have to nip this in the bud. Talk to the dad first. But if you do, make sure he's not in a position to do something, so make sure you're in a public place or somewhere where other people are close by.
"I want to talk to ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to finally snap and publicly humiliate and insult someone who had been talking trash about me for over a year?
Q. Hi. I am looking for advice on whether I did the right thing or not. My boyfriend has this girl friend, who I have only met a handful of times, who has a lot of animosity toward me. I had always been really nice to her the times I ran into her. When ...
A. 20 February 2013: I always tell myself not to start throwing with mud, but when it comes to dealing with some people, you have to get down to their level and put them out in a way they understand. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for 'standing above it' and 'being the ... (read in full...)
Agony Aunts/Uncles need to open their hearts and minds rather than judging
Q. I wrote in yesterday and got a lot of very negative and hurtful comments from so-called agony aunts on here who seemed to think they know all about my relationship when they have never met me or my girlfriend. I wrote back to defend myself but ...
A. 15 February 2013: Could I get a link to the question you're referring to? I'd click your username, but you're anonymous.
As for the feedback you're getting, I'm sorry you feel this way but please remember we're all human beings here and we all have flaws ourselve... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't drink, how do I handle the alcohol issue in his birthday party invitation??
Q. Hey y'all ! So I've been in a LDR with my awesome boyfriend for a year now. He comes to see me often, so he's met my friends. this time, i want to throw a birthday party for him at my apartment...and all *my* friends will be invited obviously since ...
A. 10 February 2013: I'd probably send something like this.
"Hi [insert name]. I'm hosting a surprise B-day party for [insert name] at my apartment and I'd really like you to come. As you may be aware he is Muslim, so this party is going to be a bit differen... (read in full...)
Should I allow him to "brand" me with a tattoo? He's 24. I know he will not take me back if I refuse.
Q. So, me and this guy have just been through a break up, our relationship was a little rough around the edges mainly because he's 24 and I'm 16. I know I know, forget about the age a second. I'm really desperate to get him back and he says I need to ...
A. 10 February 2013: If you're mature you can handle the blunt truth: you're an idiot if you let this guy stamp you. He's already a complete moron for coming up with the idea in the first place. I'm 24 myself and the idea that someone exactly my age thinks that's ... (read in full...)
Family won't let me see him since he was arrested
Q. hi everyone.. . well, just to start off this weekend has been ery hectic in a very emotional way. You see, there is this boy that I have been talking to since the begining of the school year ( since august), and we have gone more attached I would...
A. 10 February 2013: If you want a shot at meeting him again, you're going to need to get your act together and calm down. Crying and begging will just drive home the point that you can't be objective in this, and let's face it, if this was your sister or your daughter, ... (read in full...)
What would be the negatives about having a first child when aged 35?
Q. I am turning 21 this year and the thought of having children anytime soon within the next 5 years sounds really unappealing to me. A lot of my high school friends are getting married and having children already. I just want to be free and single a...
A. 10 February 2013: As you can see in the answers, 35 isn't a bad age at all to get kids. I myself consider 40 as the 'hmm, better watch it' age, but I think a lot of it also has to do with how you take care of yourself. So if you're being sloppy in that department, ... (read in full...)
He's married. We're strongly attracted. I even told his wife nothing was 'going on'. I want to have sex with him, should I?
Q. Hi...this is my first time seeking advice through the internet. I'm almost 20 years old. I applied for a job at a restaurant and I got the job and the general manager is 37. During the interview we made deeply eye contact and then once he...
A. 10 February 2013: Oh come on, you KNOW the answer to that question. Married men are off limits. End of story. Deep down you know what you want is wrong. You wouldn't have come here if you didn't. What do you think will come of this? I'll tell you: he'll just use you ... (read in full...)
He wants Anal and I do not. Should I stay with him, or just consider us as not compatible as a couple and move on?
Q. hi, this is my query, i have been dating my new guy for 6 months now, things WERE going well, but know there are problems in paradise, ( i know some of you are gone think this is silly). But he likes anal sex, i have never tried it never had th...
A. 10 February 2013: OP, I'm not a sensitive person by any means, but stuff like this should always be taken personally: after all it's your body we're talking about! When a guy brags and moans about wanting to do something to you that you're absolutely not okay with, ... (read in full...)
He wants Anal and I do not. Should I stay with him, or just consider us as not compatible as a couple and move on?
Q. hi, this is my query, i have been dating my new guy for 6 months now, things WERE going well, but know there are problems in paradise, ( i know some of you are gone think this is silly). But he likes anal sex, i have never tried it never had th...
A. 10 February 2013: Just one addition: NEVER give in to something if you're not comfortable with it. Anal sex with you is off limits and he should respect that or get the hell out. Don't ever let anyone talk/force you into doing things you do not want. Stay true to ... (read in full...)
He wants Anal and I do not. Should I stay with him, or just consider us as not compatible as a couple and move on?
Q. hi, this is my query, i have been dating my new guy for 6 months now, things WERE going well, but know there are problems in paradise, ( i know some of you are gone think this is silly). But he likes anal sex, i have never tried it never had th...
A. 10 February 2013: I had to deal with this in the past. Lots of girls do, unfortunately. These days, with every guy watching porn, they seem to think that anal is painless and common. The problem is that anal sex can be very painful and actually cause permanent ... (read in full...)
Porn users: how valid is my Bf excuse that he 'forgot' his user name on a porn site? Was that said to prevent me seeing his porn use log?
Q. Right this question is slightly different than most porn questions. It is directed at the techies. My boyfriend told me the site from which he downloaded his porn from, I asked his username. I discovered I could try and find out when he last log...
A. 10 February 2013: You're going to have to ask yourself how much of a dealbreaker porn is to you, because he's showing you he isn't giving it up. He's just trying to hide it better to keep you happy without him having to quit.
To be honest, he's an idiot. You don'... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting when I notice my Bf likes pics of other women on his Facebook?
Q. This really bothers me. My boyfriend is always on Facebook liking pics of other chicks. They're not like sexy pics or demeaning pics or anything. But it's a constant thing that a chick who he may or may not know puts up a cute pic of herself and ...
A. 9 February 2013: Hmm, really depends on the context. I myself am a person who likes to give compliments. When I see someone who has nice hair, a cool outfit, whatever, I'll go up to them and tell them that, both guys and girls. I do this on facebook as well. I'm not ... (read in full...)
How can I break up with this guy without it being too hard on him? Is there any proper etiquette for this?
Q. I got into a relationship too quickly with a guy. At first everything was fun and fine but the longer I know him, the more I realize that there are just too many red flags (our differences in personality/lifestyle/interests) but I realize that he is ...
A. 9 February 2013: Honestly: there's no way to soften up a break up. Rule of the thumb: do it sooner rather than later because letting a guy have the impression things are allright when they're not is one of the worst things you can do. Forget about Valentine's Day, ... (read in full...)
I really care for my boyfriend's little boy, but how does he feel about me?
Q. This might seem like a strange question but here goes, I have been dating a man for nearly 7 months. I met his son more or less straight away. He is a gorgeous 10 year old boy who is polite, non-demanding, intelligent, quiet and just an all roun...
A. 6 February 2013: I also want to add that in my humble opinion there's no such thing as giving a kid too much attention. The notion that only the biological parents should dote on the child and that everyone else should keep their distance is something I see pop up ... (read in full...)
I really care for my boyfriend's little boy, but how does he feel about me?
Q. This might seem like a strange question but here goes, I have been dating a man for nearly 7 months. I met his son more or less straight away. He is a gorgeous 10 year old boy who is polite, non-demanding, intelligent, quiet and just an all roun...
A. 6 February 2013: OP, calm down.
I think the boy is taken with you and hopes that the relationship continues to work out. Like Janniepeg said, kids are very observant and they usually pick up on things. So if you know your period makes you more sensitiv... (read in full...)
I want a man who doesn't cheat or look at pornography. Does he exist?
Q. I want a man like this does this even exist? Basically i'm after a man who does not engage in any kind of cheating at all (glances at swimsuit pics mildly acceptable.) but no porn, no talking dirty to others, little female friends, no strip clubs. ...
A. 28 January 2013: You're going to have to sort out your extreme insecurity issues if you ever want to have a nice, fulfilling relationship with someone. ... (read in full...)
My best friend who is like a brother to me admitted that he's gay and attracted to me. I am now avoiding him because I don't know how to handle this
Q. I’m a man in my early thirties and right now I have a complicated situation in my life. My best friend confessed to me that he’s gay. We know each other for almost 25 years and he’s like a brother to me. We grew up together, we went in the same ...
A. 28 January 2013: Just because he's gay and admitted he's attracted to you doesn't mean he'll suddenly jump you. I mean, you've known him for 25 years; the man deserves more credit than that. Admitting something he knows can change the whole friendship dynamic takes ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend overheard her parents conversation and found out she was not wanted and now she's freaked out and its ruining our relationship!
Q. my girlfriend and I are having a serious crisis!!! We've been going out for over 2 years now and for the most part it's been great. of course we have our little moments but we always have seen it through together. Well now she just found someth...
A. 27 January 2013: Again agreed with YouWish. In other circumstances this may not be 'your business', but right now she is on a self destructive path that needs to be stopped. Talk to her and if she won't listen to reason, talk to her parents and explain the ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend overheard her parents conversation and found out she was not wanted and now she's freaked out and its ruining our relationship!
Q. my girlfriend and I are having a serious crisis!!! We've been going out for over 2 years now and for the most part it's been great. of course we have our little moments but we always have seen it through together. Well now she just found someth...
A. 24 January 2013: I wholeheartedly agree with YouWish. Some wise words there, so be sure to pay attention to them.
I also want to chime in with my own story, but from your gf's perspective: my parents never wanted kids. They didn't like kids and what they did like... (read in full...)
Can I make my breasts perky?
Q. I'm 16 years old, and I hate, hate, hate my boobs. They're cone-shaped and point downward. I'm 36B, and I'm completely healthy. I'm terrified when boyfriends ask to see them. In the past, I've had guy friends accidentally see them, and all th...
A. 23 January 2013: First of all: congrats on the weight loss! That's one hell of a journey. I don't know how long you've been at your new weight, but chances are your body just needs time adjusting. When I was your age I was pretty big. At my heaviest I had a D cup ... (read in full...)
Did I sent the wrong text message in regards to a job?
Q. i walked into a salon yesterday for a job and got a position for a receptionist. i knew her from before and I was really excited for it as i was looking for it for a while. the manager there told me first i can come in from tomorrow but then said ...
A. 21 January 2013: It's fine, OP. Don't worry about it. You showed you're interested in the job and that's always a good thing. ... (read in full...)
Is is true that guys think less make up is better?
Q. So the guy i'm seeing has been coming over mine recently, the thing is at the beginning I used to wear a lot of make up thinking i needed it. But now i've noticed I like waking up with only a bit of makeup and feeling more fresh looking, although ...
A. 21 January 2013: I can't really add much to the great advice already given, only that if you're scared of going 'cold turkey' you could try using a tinted moisturizer to even out your skin tone a bit without giving you that makeup look. And after that, when you're ... (read in full...)
I'd like to be exclusive, not FWB. Should I just stop sleeping with him?
Q. This guy and I have many mutual friends. For months we kept running into each other at parties and finally about 7 months later I kissed him out of nowhere. He explained to me how he had been trying to find out more about me for months and try to ...
A. 13 January 2013: If you wait for him to come up with that, he'll probably never will. If you want something, go get it. Men aren't psychic, they cannot sense what you want, so you're the one who has to tell him how you feel and hope he'll return those feelings.
... (read in full...)
My Bf will be so hurt. I cheated over Christmas with a work colleague. What should I do now?
Q. Need some advice,I understand if you judge me, I hate myself for it..... Me and my boyfriend of 2 years went through a miserable period over Christmas, felt really down about it. I had my works Christmas party where I found myself really drunk, ...
A. 12 January 2013: Though this is not what you want to hear, you're going to have to tell him. Otherwise, someone else will do it for you and the fallout will be much bigger, trust me. You made a huge mistake and there are more people that know about it. People are ... (read in full...)
Who? My controlling Bf? Or this sweet man who's my tutor, but he also has a Gf?
Q. I've had a problem concerning two guys for the past two and a half years. One of them is controlling, hates my friends, and puts me down a heck of a lot. We used to be great but things have just gone downhill since I started having a (in my ...
A. 12 January 2013: Personally, I would dump the terrible BF and just stay single for a while. Your BF has obviously done quite some damage to your self esteem and the fact you put up with it makes me think it would be a good idea to just stay away from relationships ... (read in full...)
A needy, clingy woman got my man. How come this happened?
Q. I am so through with relationships and men. I am an independent woman, smart, beautiful and keeps myself busy never clingy. Met a good guy and helped him, even when he didn't have a job and no money, but now he's run off with a clingy girl. What ...
A. 11 January 2013: OP, he's not worth your time. Don't become some whimpering creature I'd feel sorry for chasing after him like he's the last decent man on earth. If that were the case, I'd rather stay single forever.
Some people are just not compatible. That hap... (read in full...)
If he is getting help for his problems, would it be so bad if I took him back in a year or so?
Q. I posted a question a few days ago, but here is an update. I knew my boyfriend of 3 years was lying to me about certain things so I got access to his email account on Friday night, then did the same thing to his facebook account. I found dozens a...
A. 9 January 2013: You're smarter than this, OP. Trust your gut, because deep down you know the truth. ... (read in full...)
She lost interest in me because I let her pay for her part of the meal on our first date!
Q. I had a situation with a woman I really liked, and need you opinion on this. I 've met this girl in a building that I work at. She works for a different company, and I saw her several times at lunch before we started talking. We just talked for ...
A. 9 January 2013: Personally as a woman I like to pay my own share.
It's only when a person starts to mean something to me (and I to them) that I may accept treats like them paying my dinner, etc. once in awhile.
The problem for me is that a lot of people, seem... (read in full...)
BF won't move back to my state, and I won't move to his. Should I give him an ultimatum?
Q. So...here it goes...a little over 7 months ago, my boyfriend moved back down to Florida because he "hated New Jersey". He claimed it was because he couldn't find a job here and that he missed his mom. Since he's been back to Florida, he hasn't g...
A. 6 January 2013: From what I'm reading there are several big problems:
- Him getting into trouble and then being vague about probation is a serious red flag. First of all, don't underestimate what he did. You don't get 2 years of probation for stealing a snickers... (read in full...)
Guys: Do you judge girls by their shape and appearance?
Q. I'm so horny lately... I'm 19 and never had boyfriend before which i believe its my weight, i've always been over weight as child and i started doing gym recently and lost 6kg but need to loose 50 more !! but i can't wait untill i get the perfect ...
A. 5 January 2013: OK, first off 50 kg seems like an insane amount. I really hope you didn't set some ridiculous runway model weight as your goal, because being too thin isn't pretty either. There's no such thing as the 'perfect body'.
Now, if you're truly obese, y... (read in full...)
No GF, I am a virgin and I failed college. My self esteem is at an all time low. How can I gain confidence?
Q. I am finding it very hard to like myself right now. I flunked out at college, I am a virgin and I have never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl. I have accomplished nothing and feel that I never will. I will be turning 22 in a few days and I don't ...
A. 5 January 2013: Good idea, OP. Set a goal, or a whole bunch of them and start ticking off the boxes. What I like to do is to set progress goals. Sometimes when you set a big goal, it seems so far away it's hard to judge how you're going to get there. By setting ... (read in full...)
No GF, I am a virgin and I failed college. My self esteem is at an all time low. How can I gain confidence?
Q. I am finding it very hard to like myself right now. I flunked out at college, I am a virgin and I have never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl. I have accomplished nothing and feel that I never will. I will be turning 22 in a few days and I don't ...
A. 5 January 2013: First I'm giving a nod to Abella's post. Very useful info in there, so definitely take the time to read through it all.
The reason why I'm replying is because I want to share my own experiences with this. I used age as a measuring stick for succ... (read in full...)
Why will my girlfriend not stop going on dating sites?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend just short of two years. She has been going on dating sites like it`s a habit for at least the past year. She has lied and lied about it, but she surely knows that I know different. We have been broke up over Christmas ...
A. 5 January 2013: If you can't trust someone, the relationship is doomed. If she cannot see that, it's not worth giving her a second chance.
As for why she can't let go of the dating sites: it's probably an addiction of sorts. I mean, look at facebook for example.... (read in full...)
Have I ruined my new relationship by being insecure?
Q. The guy that I've been seeing for three months has just told me that he thinks we shouldn't spend so much time together. We see each other nearly everyday at the gym.. And then afterwards and also at the weekends. He says that he thinks I need to ...
A. 1 January 2013: Because he's been upfront to you about what bugs him, I think he wants to salvage the relationship. If he didn't want to give it another chance, you would know by now.
If it were me, I'd thank him for his honesty and tell him you're working ... (read in full...)
Is pursuing a masters degree with a baby realistic?
Q. Hi Everyone! I'm looking to hear from people (especially women) that have raised a family while pursuing their post-secondary education. I'm currently 25 years old and a full-time university student working toward two degrees (simultaneously)...
A. 27 December 2012: Personally, I would wait and focus on your studies first. Juggling a child in between that would put pressure on everything, and those first years simply won't be a lot of fun because of that. Babysitting can be tiring, but from your own child you ... (read in full...)
Everyone I know is married, has babies or is in a settled relationship except me! Am I behind and missing out?
Q. Hi, I'm having a little age crisis I guess haha. I've just turned 20, and I don't have one friend that doesn't have a baby or isn't married. Everyone I knew from school is married, had a baby or has been with the same guy/girl for a couple of years. ...
A. 27 December 2012: In the village where I grew up it's basically the same: everyone got married and had babies when they hit 20. But even if that was the norm all around the world (and trust me, it's not) does that mean you should strive for that for the sake of being ... (read in full...)
Do I let him go? I am now drug free. Trying to get my baby back. But my Bf talks the talk but still does drugs.Will he ever wake up and get drug free?
Q. Here's my issue .I met a man a few months ago and things were great. Shortly there after he became a drug addict, shooting drugs all the time. Selling everything. Stealing. I cared about him so much, but being a former drug addict (I quit 5 months...
A. 25 December 2012: You let him go. His mouth says he wants to do better, his actions show he doesn't. If there's one thing I've learned about addicts, it's that they either pull themselves together and get help or they don't. Trying to play the savior won't make one ... (read in full...)
What should I do about my mum having a relationship with a married man?
Q. I recently found out that my mum has been having a relationship with a married man. My parents are divorced so its acceptable for her, but he is not. Also they are related to each other which i find very wrong. His children go to my school and i'm ...
A. 23 December 2012: I'd definitely tell her that you know and how you feel about this. Tell her that you see his kids at school every day and that in keeping quiet to them you feel complicit in this despicable act of hers. Also talk about the related thing.
Then ... (read in full...)
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