| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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What should I do about my mum having a relationship with a married man?
Q. I recently found out that my mum has been having a relationship with a married man. My parents are divorced so its acceptable for her, but he is not. Also they are related to each other which i find very wrong. His children go to my school and i'm ...
A. 23 December 2012: I'd definitely tell her that you know and how you feel about this. Tell her that you see his kids at school every day and that in keeping quiet to them you feel complicit in this despicable act of hers. Also talk about the related thing.
Then ... (read in full...)
Mom can stop being critical of me. How do I handle this. Her comments are Very unkind.
Q. My Mother is a total control freak and I can't get her to stop nagging me. I am 21 years old and have been on my on for just over two years but school and finances have left me in a position where I have to move back in with my parents. I pay the...
A. 23 December 2012: God no, you're not a failure. I've always wondered about why getting married young and putting kids on the planet asap is seen as an accomplishment or even as a desirable thing. We've got too many people populating this world as it is, so if we're ... (read in full...)
Have I missed out? Is it normal to be 16 to still be a virgin in 2012? And not be interested in illicit drugs? Aand to not have dated yet?
Q. Hello everyone. I am a 16 year old guy and im in 6th form and i live in the UK. Ok so i am here because i always see people on here who are around 13 - 17 talking about sex and relationships and even at school or in the outside world and i have ...
A. 23 December 2012: Following the herd blindly never did anyone any favors. Plus try to consider that half of those talking the talk are virgins just like yourself; the difference being they feel the need to lie about it to fit in. Don't turn into those spineless ... (read in full...)
I'm almost twenty and I feel like I've done nothing fun with my life.
Q. Hi! I know this isn't spesific to relationships, but I need advice and I don't know where else to go. I'm 19, and I joined a mature learning college (over nineteens only), I'm the youngest person on the course, and it's made me really upset. ...
A. 21 December 2012: First of all: you're just 20. You're just starting out in life. The decade in which you'll decide what to make of yourself and come into your own has just barely begun.
Secondly, think about what you're saying: if you honestly believed getting ... (read in full...)
Can I forgive my girlfriend for not supporting me when I was at the lowest point in my life?
Q. I was bereaved 15 weeks ago. My son died in a fatal car crash. My girlfriend and i had a petty row and she walked out on me. I asked her not to go because i had shouted at her. I was bang out of order. My emotions were all over and i was dreading my ...
A. 8 December 2012: Ah, sorry OP. I missed your follow-up by accident. My internet connection is very slow at the moment. Yes, your girlfriend was a user and I'm happy you're recognizing that, as painful as it may be. I wish you the best and I hope you'll find someone ... (read in full...)
Can I forgive my girlfriend for not supporting me when I was at the lowest point in my life?
Q. I was bereaved 15 weeks ago. My son died in a fatal car crash. My girlfriend and i had a petty row and she walked out on me. I asked her not to go because i had shouted at her. I was bang out of order. My emotions were all over and i was dreading my ...
A. 8 December 2012: Losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a person. That's why I'm very surprised your girlfriend turned this whole situation around and made it about her and her feelings. She has to be a special brand of selfish to do that.
We al... (read in full...)
Why so hard finding good nice men?
Q. Dear Cupid, Im Asian women,was married with American white men. After divorced i live by my self. I work hard for take everything by my self. My married wasnt happy at all. He dont treat me well. He has 2 teen when i was marry him. They dont r...
A. 7 December 2012: Well, I wouldn't look online to meet good men. You don't really get to know each other that way. What I would do is stop focusing on love for a while and start trying to make more friends to share your life with. That way, when you do meet a guy, ... (read in full...)
Would I be right to tell anyone I meet in the future that I'm a virgin because I feel like I am, despite having tried to have sex a number of times?
Q. Dear cupids, I do not know how to explain how I feel at the moment. I am disgusted with myself. After I experienced bleeding, I still tried to have sex again like a month after. I bled again and every time I bleed. I believe I am still a virgin cos ...
A. 7 December 2012: Like Honeypie says, you're not a virgin anymore so saying that you are wouldn't be right. I highly suggest you get an exam because you shouldn't bleed and have pain every time you have sex. ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for my bf and I to get past his cheating behavior?
Q. I need a bit of advice (obviously). me and my boyfriend of two years are expecting our second child, (i know two children in 2 years doesnt look good) before i fell pregnant with my second child, i kissed another girl, (yes i'm female) however we ...
A. 7 December 2012: I get you want to make this work for the kids. And by all means try. Just know when to stop.
First of all, make it clear that what he did was not the same: you kissed someone when you and him were broken up. He kissed someone while still being of... (read in full...)
Is it ok to ask the doctor for an x-ray so I can see my condition?
Q. i have scoliosis, one of my hips are flat and the other comes out alot which makes my body tilt to one side. im curantly doing physiotherapy. i haven't had an x ray at all, according to the GP my scoliosis isn't that bad, but i think it looks bad, ...
A. 3 December 2012: Get a different GP and talk to your parents. I also have scoliosis (mild form) and got an X ray. It showed there was more going on than they thought. I also second the yoga suggestion; it really helped me as well and even improved my condition. ... (read in full...)
What should be shared in a relationship and what should be private?
Q. What should be shared in a relationship after a year and 3 months? Is it wrong to want to see his facebook, cell phone etc? I have no problem showing mine! I feel like people with nothing to hide, hide nothing and all he says he wants is privacy! ...
A. 3 December 2012: Serpico nailed it. It has to do with trust. Look at your best friends. You don't ask for their passwords so you can check they're still true to you and not talking smack behind their backs, do you? You trust them. Well the same should go for your ... (read in full...)
Is my behavior my fault, or the fault of the person who caused me to behave this way?
Q. SIMPLE QUESTION: if i tell someone (in this case a family member) not to do or say a certain thing b/c it'll get me really angry, and then they go ahead and say or do what gets me angry anyways, and i blow up and get mad, am i at fault, or ...
A. 1 December 2012: A person who blames everyone and everything except themselves will never amount to great or even good things. With your attitude, you'll never be in charge of your life, nor your happiness. You'll always be running a mile behind, complaining about ... (read in full...)
I'm 22, he's 53. How will it look?
Q. i joined dating site to think i can find a real man.. cauce i wanna settle down.. i met a man who is older than me he is 53 we will be meeting soon 2013.. i just dont know how it will look like if i am with an old man. were open minded in all ...
A. 28 November 2012: First of all, you cannot be in love with someone you've never met. You can only be in love with the IDEA of them.
And yes, the age gap is crippling. Let's be honest here: you're still a young flower. For him, looking back at when he was your age... (read in full...)
I hate being a genius!
Q. I'm a gifted kid, but not what most gifted kids are. I'm different from other gifted kids like as an example. you would have to meet 1000 people to meet someone similar to me. Chances are they also wont be the same age as me too. Anyhow I hat...
A. 28 November 2012: Kid, when you correct someone on a typo, you have to make sure you're not making the same mistake(s) yourself. Otherwise you'll come across as a hypocrite and a know-it-all, which will not help you make friends. I know people who did this and still ... (read in full...)
Why did my teacher only invite me and none of the other students to his birthday party? He's 24 Does he love me?.
Q. I've have been in the big trouble! I have fallen in love with my teacher, and I wonder if he loves me too. The way he looks at me and he also looks at me a lot! My friends already thought I'm crazy. They said it's impossible to love the teacher ...
A. 27 November 2012: One of my favorite quotes is: "Everyone in love is stupid, it's part of the condition." People get easily confused when it comes to matters of the heart, OP. Good for you that you had the sense to ask for advise when you needed it. Keep that ... (read in full...)
We don't like her, so we bully her. I think she's going to report us, any advice?
Q. in my friendship group there are 20 of us and we're all really close. since about yr6 we've been friends with this other girl,bertha, in yr7 we had a fall out. i felt really bad so i apologised to her face she accepted it, but did not apologise ...
A. 27 November 2012: Why not try to behave like adults and talk it out? Your dislike for this girl is based on mostly hearsay. Just because all of you agree with each other doesn't mean you're right. What happened during those times she had a falling out with some of ... (read in full...)
Cheating father--do I tell my mother?
Q. I am 25 and live at home with my parents. My father has always been somewhat "shady". He stays out u till late many nights and him and my mother have had argued on and off for many years. When they are going through a "fighting stage" (usually after ...
A. 27 November 2012: Confront your dad, but let him explain before you jump to conclusions. There may be legitimate reasons for him to have been with that woman that doesn't involve cheating. So try to be reasonable. However, if your gut says his story doesn't pan out, ... (read in full...)
Why did my teacher only invite me and none of the other students to his birthday party? He's 24 Does he love me?.
Q. I've have been in the big trouble! I have fallen in love with my teacher, and I wonder if he loves me too. The way he looks at me and he also looks at me a lot! My friends already thought I'm crazy. They said it's impossible to love the teacher ...
A. 27 November 2012: You sound sensible OP. Thank god for that. You don't want to know how many teens we encounter who fight us tooth and nail when it comes to pursuing their teacher. I'm happy to see you realize what's the right thing to do here. In any case, I'm just ... (read in full...)
Question for the girls out there about responding to texts!
Q. I've a question for the girls out there about responding to texts. Ok.....I'll give a quick example on my situation and then you can hopefully ease my impatient side. I was with this girl at my friends 21st Birthday. She was a lovely girl ...
A. 27 November 2012: Well to be honest I also often take my time deciding after reading a message like that. For example when I'm not sure how I feel about the guy who's asking me. I once waited for 2 days and got a really angry follow-up message from a guy asking why ... (read in full...)
How do I gain some confidence in myself?
Q. There is a girl at my work. She's pretty. I like her. I want her to like me as well. But I don't feel confidence in myself. I find myself utterly stupid and socially awkward. And ugly and unfunny. She has those beautiful eyes. She talks to me ...
A. 24 November 2012: Hi OP, thanks for getting back to us.
Moving to a new place can be daunting if you're not a social butterfly. I know what it's like. The key is putting yourself in a situation that is partly still within your comfort zone.
- So for example g... (read in full...)
Any advice on how to stay faithful to a sick partner who no longer desires intimacy?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been living together for a lil over a year now. He is 56 and I am 49. Roughly about 6 months ago he has been diagnosed with several chronic conditions which require him to be on medications. Here is the issue at hand. He ...
A. 24 November 2012: Don't feel bad about having needs. Unfortunately there's no easy answer for you.
But you have to try to put yourself in his shoes. Imagine getting the news of having these illnesses and getting to hear that your life expectancy is going to be dr... (read in full...)
I don't know what's wrong with him. He's being a jerk out of nowhere. PLEASE, I need advice.
Q. Sorry if this is a bit lengthy, but it's well worth the read. So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. We broke up in August because I had an attitude problem, but it was my birth control that made me have an "attitude problem"...
A. 20 November 2012: Sorry sorry sorry, I totally missed your update!
Better late than never I guess, so here I am!
Well sounds like your date went well. If he wants to celebrate Christmas with you and take you on a road trip, he must like you. Maybe he's takin... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a well-dressed man to find an average dressed woman attractive?
Q. I see this guy every day and every time we pass each other the flirting is intense. This guy is gorgeous and I love his mannerisms and find him intriguing, and would love to get to know him further. The only issue I have is that he very well ...
A. 20 November 2012: If he flirts with you, it's very likely that this will not be an issue. People don't flirt unless they're at least a bit attracted to you. Plus there are different ways one can interpret the term "well dressed." To me it just means that someone ... (read in full...)
Do biological fathers step out of their children's lives when a stepfather is on the scene?
Q. My boyfriend is always talking about us having beautiful children together. Is it OK when he has no emotional connection to his 14 year old son? He used to take him presents and take him out but the boy's mother apparently used him as a pawn to get ...
A. 18 November 2012: Let me offer a different perspective. My dad had kids from a previous marriage before he got together with my mom (which he still is, 25 years later). His relationship with his ex has been strained for as long as I can remember. She has bipolar and ... (read in full...)
Should I try to contact this model? I don't know him but I'd like to get to know him, maybe have a relationship.
Q. I'm a 25 yr old woman, I'm attracted to a male model, He's gorgeous! The guy isn't a well known model, so it's not like he might have a massive ego. The pictures of him are 2 years old and it doesn't seem like he has had any new work as a model. I...
A. 18 November 2012: I somewhat understand the negative responses as your infatuation is purely superficial and moral code says personality first, looks second. But honestly, why the heck not try? I mean, at worst he won't reply at all or he'll turn you down in a sweet ... (read in full...)
How do I gain some confidence in myself?
Q. There is a girl at my work. She's pretty. I like her. I want her to like me as well. But I don't feel confidence in myself. I find myself utterly stupid and socially awkward. And ugly and unfunny. She has those beautiful eyes. She talks to me ...
A. 17 November 2012: Honestly, I think some counseling would do you good. Many people are insecure, but your lack of self worth is of such a magnitude it cripples you in every way. From your post I suspect you've been dealing with this for quite some time now and you ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is Jealous of My Success
Q. My girlfriend is extremely competitive with regard to academic and professional success. She claims that she is "happy" for me, but makes snide remarks and tries to diminish my accomplishments. When I bring it up to her attention that I feel that ...
A. 17 November 2012: Glad I could help :) Let us know how things work out.... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is Jealous of My Success
Q. My girlfriend is extremely competitive with regard to academic and professional success. She claims that she is "happy" for me, but makes snide remarks and tries to diminish my accomplishments. When I bring it up to her attention that I feel that ...
A. 16 November 2012: Thanks for the extra context, OP. Well, it sounds like you two are mirroring each other, making the same comments back and forth. She's competitive, but so are you. You are very much alike, which is a good thing, but in this case I can see how it ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is Jealous of My Success
Q. My girlfriend is extremely competitive with regard to academic and professional success. She claims that she is "happy" for me, but makes snide remarks and tries to diminish my accomplishments. When I bring it up to her attention that I feel that ...
A. 16 November 2012: Well OP, it all depends on how you formulate your comments.
Take your example: if your gf did not go to a top MBA program, stating that going to one is vital to post graduation success, I can understand why she wouldn't be very apprecia... (read in full...)
My ex owes me money! Is it worth trying to get it back?
Q. Grrrrr, i can't believe I am yet again posting about my ex... He owes me money for a car that i sold back to him before the summer (at his request might i add) I have sent him a couple of reminder emails, but just get fobbed off each time, last ...
A. 16 November 2012: Thanks for the follow-up, OP.
I get that if you blocked him you don't want to unblock him on fb, but I really think the amount of money is too big to let it slide over that. Of course, if you manage to reach him through e-mail, then that's p... (read in full...)
My ex owes me money! Is it worth trying to get it back?
Q. Grrrrr, i can't believe I am yet again posting about my ex... He owes me money for a car that i sold back to him before the summer (at his request might i add) I have sent him a couple of reminder emails, but just get fobbed off each time, last ...
A. 15 November 2012: *oops I switched £ with $*... (read in full...)
My ex owes me money! Is it worth trying to get it back?
Q. Grrrrr, i can't believe I am yet again posting about my ex... He owes me money for a car that i sold back to him before the summer (at his request might i add) I have sent him a couple of reminder emails, but just get fobbed off each time, last ...
A. 15 November 2012: Do not give up. It's too big an amount to let slide. I was in a similar situation once and also thanks to facebook I was able to get it back by constant nagging and therefore tainting the page.
Simply leave a message on facebook, saying: "I hate ... (read in full...)
How much do you normally spend on Christmas gifts for in laws and parents?
Q. I have a question regarding Christmas gift giving. How much do you typically spend on parents and in laws for Christmas? I can only really use my own family and my husbands family as examples and we do things pretty differently so I'm curious what ...
A. 14 November 2012: Depends on our financial situation. In good years, we may spend $400 total. In bad years, like this one, it's going to be close to $100 total. We're 4 of us.
But it depends on the gift too. One of my favorite gifts was this sweater my mom got ... (read in full...)
My specialist doctor makes me feel very uncomfortable around him.
Q. I've been seeing a specialist doctor over the last couple of years about an medical problem regarding an intimate area and have to see him again in the future for check ups. I feel a bit uncomfortable around him. He stares at my lips the whole ...
A. 14 November 2012: funny, so_very_confused, because it was entirely the opposite for me. Doctors with bad bedside manners turned out to be bad at their profession too. After all, if they do not care about their patient's wellbeing, they're not going to be very ... (read in full...)
I don't know what's wrong with him. He's being a jerk out of nowhere. PLEASE, I need advice.
Q. Sorry if this is a bit lengthy, but it's well worth the read. So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. We broke up in August because I had an attitude problem, but it was my birth control that made me have an "attitude problem"...
A. 11 November 2012: Hey girl,
Great you found a nice person to spend time with, but before this all moves too fast you've got to make a clean break with your bf, if this is truly what you want. You have to consider the idea that the reason you're sucking up this new... (read in full...)
69 year old with a 23 year old, is this wrong?
Q. I am 69. I love a girl who is just 23. I am madly in love with her and have a full grown sexual and complete relationship with her. Is it wrong or ok?...
A. 10 November 2012: Age gaps are fine, but there's a line. Almost 70 dating a 20-something? I'll be honest with you: I think it's disgusting. She could be your granddaughter. What in the world do you want with a girl like that? Love? I don't buy it. There are plenty of ... (read in full...)
Caught my boyfriend on dating sites, after calling me a slut and a stalker he then claims it was a virus!
Q. I have found out my boyfriend has been going on dating sites. When I asked him about it he went mad at me and started calling me a stalker, said I dont trust him because I myself am not to be trusted, called me a slut and then turned it around to ...
A. 10 November 2012: A virus? That must have been the most stupid excuse I've ever heard. Your sister is right. You should leave. He's insulting your intelligence if he expects you to buy this crap. Plus he's insulting you by calling you these degrading things.
Virus... (read in full...)
Do I have a chance of taking him away from his girlfriend?
Q. Me and a guy at my job has been having a secret relationship for about a year during this time the relationship is a secret everyone knows. He has a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend(me and my boyfriend broke up for un-related reasons) now im singlr ...
A. 9 November 2012: Think about this: if he can't stay faithful to his current gf, why should he stay faithful to you? You're not going to take him from his gf because you've made the mistake of letting him shag you while he's still in a relationship with her. Now he's ... (read in full...)
He's making me choose, him or my dream, what do I do?
Q. Hey there guys/gals. I am in need of help :/ Let me explain: I am 18 and have a boyfriend of a little over a year and known him for about 6 years. We both have dreams and aspirations as many others although he's not very fond of mine. My dream is...
A. 9 November 2012: Go follow your dream, girl.
I would never stop my partner from going after their dreams for me, I'd hate myself for it. For me to be happy my partner needs to be happy. That's what a relationship is about: caring and adapting to each other's ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's mom criticizes my natural/healthy lifestyle. Should I stand my ground? If so, how do I do it respectfully and graciously?
Q. Hello, Please excuse me in advance for the length of this message. I am in a 4 year relationship. I am 24 and my boyfriend is 29. We currently live separately, each with our parents. We plan to move in together as soon as I finish university t...
A. 8 November 2012: Simply shrug it off and look at it with a 'your loss' mentality. The fact he was open to it at first is a good sign. It means that when he's flown from under his moms wings, her iron grasp on him will probably slip as well. Keep giving him the ... (read in full...)
I don't know what's wrong with him. He's being a jerk out of nowhere. PLEASE, I need advice.
Q. Sorry if this is a bit lengthy, but it's well worth the read. So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. We broke up in August because I had an attitude problem, but it was my birth control that made me have an "attitude problem"...
A. 8 November 2012: Glad I can help! I actually love follow ups. There are so many times I've given advice but don't get to hear how the OP is doing or what he/she decided, so actually having someone updating their questions is refreshing to me.
I know it's hard hon... (read in full...)
I don't know what's wrong with him. He's being a jerk out of nowhere. PLEASE, I need advice.
Q. Sorry if this is a bit lengthy, but it's well worth the read. So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. We broke up in August because I had an attitude problem, but it was my birth control that made me have an "attitude problem"...
A. 7 November 2012: No problem, OP! I'm not the most organized user here either: sometimes reply multiple times in a row to a thread because of things popping up in my head all the time. It's something more users here can identify with, I'm sure.
Now, onto the rest... (read in full...)
I don't know what's wrong with him. He's being a jerk out of nowhere. PLEASE, I need advice.
Q. Sorry if this is a bit lengthy, but it's well worth the read. So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. We broke up in August because I had an attitude problem, but it was my birth control that made me have an "attitude problem"...
A. 5 November 2012: Well, he's stubborn as hell, that's for sure. Honestly though, this doesn't sound good. If it were me, I'd probably text him: "contact me again when you feel up to it, but whatever you do, don't just leave me hanging. If you need some time, that's ... (read in full...)
I hate being a genius!
Q. I'm a gifted kid, but not what most gifted kids are. I'm different from other gifted kids like as an example. you would have to meet 1000 people to meet someone similar to me. Chances are they also wont be the same age as me too. Anyhow I hat...
A. 4 November 2012: Also, just one thing: you don't need to prove you are a genius. In the most positive sense it just means that what you may have in added intelligence is compensated by your inferiority socially. You are probably used to completing tests with great ... (read in full...)
I hate being a genius!
Q. I'm a gifted kid, but not what most gifted kids are. I'm different from other gifted kids like as an example. you would have to meet 1000 people to meet someone similar to me. Chances are they also wont be the same age as me too. Anyhow I hat...
A. 4 November 2012: YouWish gave great advice. I wholeheartedly recommend following up on her suggestions.
... (read in full...)
I hate being a genius!
Q. I'm a gifted kid, but not what most gifted kids are. I'm different from other gifted kids like as an example. you would have to meet 1000 people to meet someone similar to me. Chances are they also wont be the same age as me too. Anyhow I hat...
A. 4 November 2012: YouWish gave great advice. I wholeheartedly recommend following up on her suggestions.
... (read in full...)
I don't know what's wrong with him. He's being a jerk out of nowhere. PLEASE, I need advice.
Q. Sorry if this is a bit lengthy, but it's well worth the read. So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. We broke up in August because I had an attitude problem, but it was my birth control that made me have an "attitude problem"...
A. 4 November 2012: Personally, I'd give it another week. 2 weeks isn't very long and as stubborn as he sounds, it looks like he may need that. If after that he still hasn't contacted you, I'd text him. I wouldn't text him to ask to help out with a paper. Then it just ... (read in full...)
I don't know what's wrong with him. He's being a jerk out of nowhere. PLEASE, I need advice.
Q. Sorry if this is a bit lengthy, but it's well worth the read. So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. We broke up in August because I had an attitude problem, but it was my birth control that made me have an "attitude problem"...
A. 30 October 2012: He could just be overworked. Working as a paramedic is taxing both physically and mentally. You face things people in other professions don't. You have days where people die in your hands and there's nothing you can change about that. At his age ... (read in full...)
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