A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guysHave been in a relationship for 7 years and to begin with everything was great. We were young couple (16 and 20) and almost immediatley were infatuated with each other. At the time I was having a tough time as my mother was terminally ill but my partner really helped me through it.Over the last few years we have steadily seen eye to eye on less and less. My partner had a child a little over 2 years ago that at the time I did not want to go ahead with. I now have a son that I love very much but my partner had a rough time after the pregnancy and was diagnosed with post natal depression. I had put my life on hold for a period to be there for her even left work as she had expressed that she did not feel safe around our son. I have started back at work several times and each time home life has broken down to untenable position so i have dutifully left work to come home and help out.My partner recently found out that she is pregnant again and knowing that I was mentally and physically exhausted I asked if she could give me a month to try and get my head together. She became vey angry and refused. I tried to make her see that it could be a benefit for us both to get some space to think and grow.I now dont know if I love my partner though I know I love my son I feel my opinion in our relationship has been batted aside for a very long time. I dont want to leave as I still care for her but am afraid of what it is doing to me. I am also terrified that this pregnancy will bring about further problems as my partner has struggled from day one with our first child and I know that a 2 1/2 year old and a baby will be very hard for the most balanced of people. I want to make a her realise what we could have but she agrees with everything I say but never follows through. Really want to make a nice family home for my kids but am afraid that may need to be as a part time dad cause cant see how this can continue. any advise would be greatly appreciated
View related questions:
at work, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): Hi there.
It is interested to hear your side of the story and I would love to speak to your partner as your story has started off almost identical to mine although there is still a chance for you. I had been with my partner since we were 16. had our first child (boy) 5 year later (aged 21) then I fell pregnant almost two years later (21/2 years between two children). Communication broke down and we broke up during second pregnancy although he came back when the second son was born however a year later I fell pregnant again and we broke up during that prgnancy as I found out he cheated. Would have been together 9 years.
I only wanted to bring light to your situation by briefly telling you about mine. I just feel as though yo need to talk, talk and talk. You need to bluntly let her no that you are not happy and that you do not feel as though she is trully hearing what you are saying. She has been through a rough time with the PND but it sounds as though you have tried to be there for her as much as possible when she needed you. I can understand why the bond with your son is so special and why you would be worried.
Relationships are hard work I just wish you could both try harder to work on it. I dont think that now is the time to have a month a part to grow as you are creating another child together and this may contribute further to the PND reacurring and might make things worse in the long run. She is carrying your second child and it will come regardless of whtether you want it to or not.
Support her while she is pregnant you need to act as two pillors and be strong for one another. You can soilder through this but you have to get her to listen to how you are feeling but at the same some make sure that she understands that you are listenning to her and that you are trully hearing her.
I do agree that you need more support though such as friends and family and maybe even councilling. It also sounds as you may need distance as you may be around each other two much now that you are not working. Arrange dates together and also seperately ao that you spend quality time togther but at the same time do not deny your social lives. All the best though.
A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (13 July 2007):
 Hi there,
Heard alot about post natal depression(PND) most especially after actress brooke shields went through it.
I think you have been strong for your partner and have been there for your son as well. You have dealt with things so well and should be proud of yourself. i think you are just afraid to go through it all again.
I think the best thing to do is express your fears to her, tell her what u said here in your posting. How difficult it was for you coping.She will obviously need extra help and support after the baby is born.If you cant do it alone u can try asking family members for help. Her mum or yours, sisters....? will they be willing to help out that is visit and stay abit after the babay is born. A friend of mine went through a difficult child birth and her mum was with her all the way and her husband was also supportive as well.Discuss this with her and let her know help might be needed.Sometimes you need to ask others for help.
When the baby is born encourage her to talk to you if at all she is feeling low. It will make you realise on time and seek help for her quickly which will favour the situation.
I hope i could help abit. I can see light at the end of the tunnel for you and i suspect things will go really well for you and your family this time.
Goodluck. kelly.
...............................
|
