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female
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anonymous
writes: I am a 23 year old female who hasn't had a proper boyfriend. I hear things like 'people can't love you until you learn to love yourself' and similar things, but I do love myself and feel I have a lot to offer and a lot of love to give. I go to clubs to try to socialize and try to talk to people to start friendships but am very shy and it doesn't seem to be working. I worry that I'll be on my own for the rest of my life. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2005): I used to be just like you, shy and single. I soon found myself, and the reason I was so shy was b/c I didn't want anyone to think lowly of me. I realized that that was crazy, how could I have any fun in life w/o being able to be myself. You need to think why are you shy and forget about it. Life's too short to not get what you want. Be confident, make yourself look good (it'll also make you feel good), and go out there not looking, but being yourself, that's what people love. Before you know it, you'll be comfortable flirting and you'll have too many men on your hands. You can do it! Have fun with life.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (28 December 2005):
 Sounds like you are doing everything right to me. It's just a matter of time, you know...right place right time. It'll happen for you.
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (28 December 2005):
 Hi dearie, i am afraid i had the same problem like you and all throughout high school and college i didnt have a bf. They were guys who wanted to ask me out then and we sit back now and joke about how they couldnt just walk up to me to tell me becos i was so shy. I met my first bf by introduction in a party through a friend and that's how it started for me.
First, u have to find out why u are shy. You might be lacking a bit of confidence and believe me guys prefer confident women. Maybe u might consider somthing that might boast you confidence like a makeover e.t.c
Second i agree with one of the aunties here u could go with a friend who is a lot confident just like me and that might just be a starting point for you.
Take care and have fun.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (28 December 2005):
Its great that you see all the great things in yourself, keep that up! Alot of people these days don't have that, and its a horrible way to live if you can't even love yourself.
By having that, your already half way there! Thats good.
You said you are very shy, yet you do try to attempt talking to people, as much as you can. Good on for you for putting in effort and keep trying!
I'm not really sure why you might be finding it hard to find a proper bf, perhaps all the men your age or the age group you are looking in aren't looking for a commited relationship? Perhaps people are to quick to judge you and I know people do that to me, as I too, am shy. They take my shyness as a 'im not interested' vibe, which is totally wrong. The best thing to do is smile at poeple and be friendly, even though your shy, I'm sure you can manage to give out a smile to eveyroen you see right?
Also, like one of the other people mentioned, going to clubs to meet people isnt the best place, as most people who go there aren't lookign for a relationship, only a one night stand. So try other places and also ask friends if they have any sinlge friends to set you up with!
Good luck and don't give up, you'll get true loving relationship one day and you are 23, you have so much life left! The majority of 23 year olds I know aren't in a serious realtionship, so you aren't weird.
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A
female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (28 December 2005):
 Hey girl,
Don't you worry. All throughout high school, and most of college, I had the same problem. It seemed that none of the guys were interested in me, although I considered myself to be above average in terms of looks, intelligence, and personality. (I think that a lot of guys are actually intimidated by girls who have a healthy degree of self-love, and this may be true in your case.) I resorted to having a four year "relationship" over the Internet with a guy who lived out of state that I rarely saw. Then things started going downhill with him, and we broke up. Shortly after, a former coworker asked me out, and we've been dating ever since. I guess what I am trying to say is that a good relationship will come along when you least expect it. My first real relationship didn't happen until I was 21, and I certainly hadn't expected to date a coworker! Don't take your lack of previous relationships to mean that you'll be alone for the rest of your life. I am pretty shy, too, but my boyfriend picked up on that before we started dating, and he helped me to overcome my shyness so that we can now communicate openly and freely in our relationship. You'll meet someone who will understand you and who will be sensitive to your needs, too. Just relax and enjoy being single for now. Relationships can get complex, and you have your entire life ahead of you to get all stressed out over guys.
I hope that this helped. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (28 December 2005):
 Sweetpea
Firstly clubs aren't really the place to meet people and hope to make real friends simply because men go there to pick up one night stands, relationships formed in a club never last. And it's so loud you can hardly hear people speak.
If you want to meet people, take at least one friend that you know is not shy, then go to a Pool car or go to the gym, you'll be surprised how women tend to get talking in the change rooms or during a fitness class.
If you go to a pool place, get one of the guys there (without a girlfriend) to show you how to play, regardless if you can play or not.
If you show that you have lots to offer then you will be surprised just how much karma you send out and I do believe that karma attracts people to you.
Just be yourself and you'll be surprised what the world has to offer.
Good luck
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