A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my husband and i got married 5 months ago. before marrying we had a child in 2001 and broke up for 4 years and got back together in 2008. We have been having some communication issues. And i feel sometimes he does not understands me. And that makes it really hard for me to embrace him sometimes. I have noticed that when we have sex i start to think of other men in the past and that helps me have an orgasm faster. Not to say that he isnt good in bed or his ___ is not big enough. I just don't understand why i do that?? Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): thank you guys so much. I am happy to hear that it is normal. And I actually spoke with him today about sprucing things up a bit. But I'm happy that I was advised not to tell him about the fantacies because I was actually thinking about it. All the advice you guys gave was great. thanks a million.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (2 February 2011):
 It is fairly common for people to think of other people during sex. Let's face it, we all have active imaginations. I certainly wouldn't admit to him that you fantasize about other men, however. Nothing good will come of that -- only bad drama.
What I am concerned about is that you feel disconnected with your husband. If this isn't corrected, it will only grow worse. It sounds like you have intimacy problems.
I suggest that you work on building a bond between each other. Find an activity that you both like to do and be sure to share it. You may also want to read Dr Laura Schlessinger's "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage". This book will help you build intimacy and a healthy respect for what each of you brings to the marital table. There may be other books that are worth reading... so check out your local book store to find one that is right for you.
Either way, it is going to take some effort on your behalf. Hopefully you can work things out.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, df30 +, writes (2 February 2011):
Its not a real big deal I guess kinda makes me wonder about my gf now, as long as its fantasizing and thats it I guess it isn't too bad.
DO NOT ever tell him that. especially about guys from your past that would hurt pretty bad.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): Fantasy...fantasy can be good for people.
Don't tell him.
Do work on thinking about him.
Do work on the communication issues and accept your part in it.
Do not fantasize about people that you are currently in contact with on a personal and more friendly or intimate level as that is a bit risky.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): if you're having sex, waiting for that orgasm, and if you have had faster orgasms, and this one is boring you, you'd start to think, thats normal, even if its of other men, just don't tell your husband you're thinking of other men in bed. ;)it might feel to you, that you're being unfaithful, or guilt may storm upon you, but don't worrie, if youre not acctually cheating, then everythings fine, try to tell your husband where you might like it, communicate during sex, to make it better, or even faster :D
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