A
female
age
36-40,
*kn4luv00
writes:So my husband and I will be married for a year in March but we have been together for four years! We have a huge age difference! He is 40 while I am 23 mind you that he does not look a day over 30! My friends thought I was absolutely crazy but I was head over heels in love! So about three years into our relationship he began messing around with his ex girlfriend who is just two years older than me and it broke my heart! Me and my husband have two kids together and that was the reason I wanted to make it work out! So after he cheated he said he would never do it again! A couple of months after the heart break subsided we were married! Five months after our marriage I come to find out again that he was cheating on me with the same girl! After the second time I tried to leave but I couldn't my kids were in the back of my mind and I didn't want them to grow up with just one parent like I did! So after all this drama, I am very insecure and I have never been this way! It is constantly in the back of my mind that he is cheating! Lately though he has become less affectionate, he doesn't kiss me but maybe once every two days, he doesn't hug me anymore, we have sex maybe once a week, and I just can't take it! He claims that he loves me and his cheating days are behind him but I honestly don't know! I think I deserve better than what I'm getting! Somebody help me????? Why is he becoming less affectionate towards me!
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ex girlfriend, his ex, insecure Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): Dont worry about the age gap go for it life is for living.
I like men half my age so what
If you care for each other thats all that matters
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): "I think that if I wouldn't of gotten cheated on I wouldn't be so insecure about myself!"
Maybe, maybe not, but cheating doesn't improve your security.
"A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011):" This posting was from me.
So, he's a good father. Then, he needs to go to counseling with you or the marriage is ended. Tell him that, hold him to that.
Remember that good fathers don't cheat. If they do, they teach their boys to cheat and their girls to accept cheaters as being "normal and expected" in their lives.
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A
female
reader, lkn4luv00 +, writes (1 February 2011):
lkn4luv00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have expressed my concern to him and he just blows it off! He is a really great father! I just need more attention than he gives me! I just don't understand how he doesn't see a problem! He keeps pushing me away! When I try to talk to him about it it just turns into a heated argument! I'm just fed up! I think that if I wouldn't of gotten cheated on I wouldn't be so insecure about myself!
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Something is clearly going on here. A 40-year-old guy not wanting to sleep with a younger woman definitely raises red flags in my book.
I am not sure why you married him in the first place. When a guy fools around with his ex-girlfriend during the engagement / dating phase -- it just shows where his thoughts lie. And to top it off, after you married, he returned to her.
Despite what he is saying, I think you need to have a heart to heart talk with him. Is it something you are doing (or not doing)? Is he busy at work? Are you guys going through the normal "marital blahs"? Explain to him that you are worried and you don't feel special anymore. See how he reacts and play it from there.
Either way, I think you have reasonable cause to be suspicious. I think also you should consider seeing a marriage counselor.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): "about three years into our relationship he began messing around with his ex girlfriend who is just two years older than me and it broke my heart"
Before you make any decisions, get counseling, and work on it, work hard at figuring it out.
What does it mean...you don't know. That is the problem.
Big question: Is he a good and dedicated father? If not, then perhaps the following is mute and you need to deal with the problem.
It bodes poorly that you have a much older husband, who cheats on you with another woman much like you (much younger than he is), and the counselor can help you figure this out.
If he refuses, then go yourself because you are going to really need the help particularly since you have kids with him. If he doesn't go to counseling, doesn't put the work in, doesn't open up and become honest, then the marriage is almost certainly doomed. If he won't go, then he is probably afraid, or doesn't really care. If he does go, it is no guarantee of truly engaging in counseling forthrightly, and frequently people have to be in counseling for several months before they open up and begin to tell the whole story. Sadly, some never do.
It may be a lost case, but the kids change everything.
I've had experience in this area, sadly, and my wife was the cheater with an older man. It took her a long time to tell the truth of her life and times and to spill her guts so to speak, but doing so changed her life and it came out of nowhere after 7 months of counseling and being unable to truly open up in counseling. While it was hard to hear, and to deal with it, did save our marriage thus far, and at least I don't go around thinking there is something wrong with me that led to the cheating.
If we had not had children, more likely than not I'd have left her over the affair and more likely than not she'd have left me for the other man as well and never recognized the problem until much later.
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A
female
reader, Br1dgette +, writes (31 January 2011):
I think that you should leave him. Yes, of course ideally kids want to have two active parents in their lives but sometimes it can't happen that way.
This man doesn't deserve you. You and your kids would be better off without him.
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