A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi and thanks in advance. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Its been a constant trust issue on his behalf. Accusations, of me being unfaithful(I've never been I'm loyal) I'm not allowed to speak to the opposite sex. If I do, then in his mind were "having sex". He has a "bad temper" grabs me, restrains me, yells in my face, belittles me. To give an example he thought I set up a facebook profile without his knowledge, I swore it wasn't mine, he still lost it. Yelled, accused, grabbed me, told me I had better not ever deceive him.I made the error of telling him past boyfriends so he even looks them up on facebook to ensure were not communicating or friends. He lies constantly, minimizes things. He's deceitful about the silliest things which leaves me wondering what else is he lying about. He doesn't pay bills(he works makes good money) and relies on me to pay them. For once it would be nice for him to take me out, to buy me something. I've expressed this, but it seldomly happens. Is this worth saving?
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female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (1 February 2011):
 No.
A
male
reader, GhostChild  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 No, I don't think it's worth saving.
He may have some good qualities, but he sounds jealous and manipulative. He physically grabs you and restrains you, belittles you and brings you down. He's an obsessive and he's overly possessive.
I think you should personally try and get out of this relationship as soon as possible. A guy like that doesn't sound too stable. Get out as soon as possible before he starts causing more harm!
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Usually, I'll give just about any relationship the benefit of the doubt in terms of working, but clearly this one isn't worth saving.
I am sure there'll be dozens of women posting to run and run while you can from this guy. He sounds like he is extremely controlling and potentially violent. While he may not have struck you yet, I think it's a matter of time -- especially(!) if you were to get married.
I think it's time to analyze what you are getting out of this relationship and why you would want to even stay in it. My guess is that you probably feel you don't deserve better or you think that this is normal. Clearly this isn't normal and I hope you honestly believe that. Normal and fullfilling relationships between a man and woman are filled with honesty, respect, love and communication. From what you post, I see none of those features in action.
Here is a man that is supposed to worship and love you and he doesn't trust you, he verbal abuses you, lies, is close to striking you, and isn't financially generous. To me, this guy has got it made and you are getting the shaft.
You are at the prime of your life -- why would you settle for a guy like this?
Without sounding too harsh, I think you need to honestly ask yourself why you are considering sticking around -- other to avoid the pain of a breakup. Only you can answer that question and I think it will give you insight on why you've stuck it out and hopefully grow something positive for yourself.
I'd also recommend reading "10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives" by Dr Laura Schlessinger.
Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): No.
Considering his possessivness and insistence that you cheat, he could very well be cheating on you. Guilt works that way.
Besides being emotionally abusive, he sounds like he is borderline physically abusive. You don't want to be around when he crosses that line.
Oh...and he's mooching off of you.
You haven't mentioned one redeeming quality about him, so no, you should leave him, just do it carefully so he doesn't hurt you.
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