A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,So I have this guy friend that I have known for three years. We met in school, get along really well. We often would hang out in groups for the first year we knew each other. After that I started dating a person and we kinda grew apart. He would occasionally text me, facebook message me. We saw each other pretty infrequently. He went through a messy relationship last year that really hurt him. I recently (3 mos ago) was broken up with by my boyfriend. Since then my friend and I have been talking a lot. Sometimes he would late night text me, mild flirtations here and there. I always was physically attracted to him and my 2.5 yr relationship was a dud sexually. So I have a lot of frustrations in that department lol. Last monday we went on a dinner date together, it was just us, he picked me up, paid and invited me to a get together for sat. That was two days ago, and I went. We ended up getting buzzed, talked about sex and relationships a lot, smoked some pot, and hours later we were making out and he tried for more but it was that time of month and I wasn't having that. He still tried, but I was adamant about not having first time sex with him on my period. He said we could wait. We also discussed doing it a different time, I made it clear I wanted it and wasn't wanting a relationship. I was really bummed because I have always been into him physically and this was a great opportunity ruined by bad timing. The next morning we were fine. We talked, joked, not too awkward. My question is....how do I work this out to be a friends with benefits? I have no want for a relationship right now, my ex really screwed me emotionally but I could really use some great sex and I just KNOW this guy would be good. We were friends before so tomorrow I am calling him regardless so we can discuss what page we are both on, but is it too forward to say I want to have sex with him? We aren't super close anymore, and he did take me on a date last monday so he must have some non drunk attraction to me, so why not capitilize on it?
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drunk, facebook, flirt, friend with benefits, my ex, period, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (20 September 2011):
 From the sounds of it, this will never be a friends with benefits situation. You already know each other too well and just from the hints that you've dropped in your question, I suspect you already have mild feelings for him, whether you want to admit it or not. Also, I suspect he has some feelings for you. So even if he agrees to a FWB game, it'll mostly be so that he can still be close to you, in some capacity or another.
Ultimately, you are two consenting adults and what you do is up to you. However, I've seen a lot of "friends with benefits" situations turn into "friends with emotions" and they eventually become "friends who are hurt" because it went just a little too far. I would caution you that you may wind up with more than you bargain for.
Hopefully you can be honest with one another but I sort of see this getting extremely complicated in short order.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 September 2011):
 You're the only one who CAN initiate a "FWB" arrangement. That's because we guys think that EVERY arrangement with a woman is "FWB".... including marriage!!!!!!
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (20 September 2011):
 I'm 99% sure that one of you is going to start developing feelings for the other, it's extremely rare where a fwb stays precisely that.
But like you said, you're going to talk to him, that is where you'll find out what he wants, if he is okay with that then there you have it!
Good luck.
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