A
female
age
51-59,
*tilia
writes:Hi,First sorry for my poor english language.In the last 2 years I,ve read questions and answers in this site hoping to find an explanation for my relationship but I,m still in ,, middle of nowhere,, and I can,t get out the pain from my chest.I am 40 yrs old, spent almoust all my life alone, but 3 years ago I,ve met a nice guy online,single, we had great times together since I realize he is in a very close friendship with an ex girlfriend from 12 years ago, in fact they are best friends now. I accepted but step by step I get hurt by them.I loved him more than anything else in this life, but 6 months ago I ended my relationship with him, it was painfull and still is...He said me and her are his best friends ever.He is a great man and maybe I wasn,t good enough for him, I understand ,but still haunting me all that great moments we had together.We meet from time to time as friends,but how can I cope with my feelings ? How can I stop thinking of him every single day ? Should I stop seing him completely ? I,m scare of the ideea of loosing him completely.Thank you
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female
reader, otilia +, writes (31 October 2011):
otilia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you eddie85,you are right, I am human and I need to be loved like everybody else.Thank you again
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (30 October 2011):
 Sadly, I think you know the answer to this question even before I answer it.
I would encourage you to stop seeing this man -- at least for the time being. Every time you do see him, it reopens wounds. I am sure on some level, you hope to get back together with him and these meetings probably cause the flames to kick back up again.
Right now, to use a metaphor, you keep touching the hot stove. It looks like nice, it's red and its warm, but ultimately you keep burning yourself every time you touch it. Realize that what this pain is holding you back from finding what you truly desire: a man who treats you as a #1 in his life. While this man and you obviously shared a great deal of emotion for one another, you weren't #1 in his life.
One of the best ways to get over this sort of pain is to get out there and meet someone new. I know it is challenging and you are going to meet some "dogs" out there, but until you give yourself the opportunity to love someone, you'll always be held back.
I'd also encourage you to start a new chapter in your life. Think about something you are passionate about and strive towards it. Learn a new language, start exercising, plan a nice vacation... do something that gets you out of yourself and makes you a new, dynamic person. You'll find that life has a lot to offer if you get out there and live it.
Finally, realize and accept that this man will always have a special place in your heart and treasure it -- many people only wish they had had that experience. But realize that there is someone else out there that will easily eclipse what you had -- as this man will treat you like a queen; and don't settle for anything less.
Good luck.
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