A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My hausband and I have been on the rocks for a couple years. We have tried to make this work but I think we have reached our max. He has a problem with sexting (which he has never really admitted to until a this past spring) whether it is by text or FB. He deleted his FB account and hasn't used one in almost a year. However a couple weeks ago he used the one I have for a orangization I host a FB account for and with all the changes he didn't realize that your instant messages get saved as a message and I read the entire conversation. I never truely knew how bad his sexting was till then. He is apologentic but yet defensive at the same time. I am tired of the back and forth games. One day he wants to work thru this the next it's "I don't know what I want anymore." We have been going to counseling for over a year untill this last episode we had been working very hard and things had been better than ever. I know with and issue like this its the same as an alcoholic and there will be slip ups. We have 3 kids and been together for 20 years now. I don't think I am strong enough to walk away but it is killing me to stay too. I battle with depression and this situation is not making it any easier. I question how much the depression has to contribute to our problems? I have no family here where we live so I feel extremely alone. I don't know where to turn for help. I can't finacially support myself with 3 kids. My oldest is a teenage girla nd this is no good for her either. I don't want her to grow up thinking this is the way to be treated. My husband has no family period. My mom passed away at 56 in 2005 and his father died 7 months later. He doesn't talk to his brother much and when they do his brother is in such a mess in his own life he can't even take the time to hear my husbands need to talk. I feel like if i leave i would be abandonding him. My head is spinning so fast I don't know how to stop it.
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (4 October 2011):
 It definitely sounds like you have reached a crossroads.
I think you are spot on in your assessment that he will relapse, but sexting is not a physical addiction. Have you asked him why he does it? Do you, as a couple, have intimate moments? Do you sexually excite him? Despite your resentments towards him, do you spend enough time with him and make him feel important? I don't ask this to give him an excuse -- for his inexcusable behavior -- but by asking these questions, you may uncover something that is missing that he is looking for when he does the things he shouldn't be doing.
You may want to read Dr Laura Schlessinger's "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Its not your typical pop-psychology books and you may find it helpful. He should also read them as well.
In addition, I do suspect that some of your depression may be a result of what is going on in your marriage. In addition, I hope you seek help for it. Sometimes exercise or social friendships can help battle depression.
Finally, I'd like you to start going to a councilor on your own, especially if you haven't already. Perhaps they can give you the tools and resources to help you figure out what you want to do with your life and how to best proceed. There are resources available out there for those wanting a fresh start.
But before you make that jump (or any jump for that matter), I really hope you take a deep breath and allow the dust to settle. You don't want to add gasoline to an already dramatic situation by announcing you are leaving when all he did was make a mistake that might be correctable. It is a positive sign that you were on the right track before this -- hopefully he can come back around.
Good luck.
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