A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi,my boyfriend and i are both 26 and have been together for four years. We seem to have the same repetitive arguement all the time regarding performing oral sex on him.The thing is i really dont like doing it, so i dont do it often. maybe like once a month, but if it was up to me i'd probably wouldn't do it at all.If He asks me to do it and if i say no (if i'm tired or something) he doesn't speak to me and he causes a big arguement. He's like 'i can't believe my gf won't do ONE thing i ask for' and he makes me feel really gulity.Am i in the wrong for not doing it more often or when he asks for it?thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): No, you are not in the wrong but be prepared for your boyfriend thinking you are not sexually compatible and it being a deal breaker eventually.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 I agree, most men do like oral sex, but I also agree with the other answerers: if you aren't into it, the experience will be bad for him and for you.
While you begrudgingly do it and it is causing arguments between the two of you because he is expecting it all the time. After all if you did it once, there's no reason to expect why you wouldn't do it again, especially if he plays the guilt-trip routine with you.
I think you have to ask yourself if you are sexually compatible with one another (as he should do for you). Sexual satisfaction is a key competent to a happy relationship and if somehow he feels like he's being deprived or if you hate pleasing him in this manner, I think it is definitely food for thought as to whether you truly will be happy in this department. Many a person has strayed because lack of fulfillment in the bedroom.
I think you really need to be straight up with your boyfriend and not give him excuses about being tired or what not. Explain to him that oral sex doesn't please you and it really bothers you (and have your reasons ready). If the rest of your sex life is okay, the arrangement could work, but he needs to understand that if you are uncomfortable doing something, you have a right to decline. Just be sure you aren't leaving him in the cold when it comes to sexual satisfaction -- your next question here may be asking why your man cheated.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 September 2011):
 There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with what you are doing. What IS wrong is that your "B/F" is a self-centered, insensitive, narcisstic lout.... and doesn't understand the basics about how two lovers should interact....
I'd guess that this will continue to be a point of contention between you.... and that HE isn't going to back down from his "requests" and your preference to NOT accede to those requests.....
I hope you find a NICE B/F before too long.... Good luck..
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A
female
reader, Little Bunny +, writes (26 September 2011):
You are not wrong to admit you dislike something in the bedroom- ever. That being said - guys really enjoy oral. I think you need to explore for yourself why you dislike it so much. If it is just squeamishness, I think that could be gotten over when you realize how important it is to him-how much it turns him on when YOU do it - how much you are pleasing him.Do you have to? - No - never. He shouldn't force you or put you down for not. He should encourage you by telling you how it makes him feel about you when you are doing it. How wonderful you are - how much you turn him on - how lovely you look. If he just sits back and gets off - I can see how it would do nothing for you but make you feel dominated and used. Open up communications with him outside the bedroom about it. Most couples don't spend any or enough time discussing these matters when they should.Cosmopolitan has a lot of articles that are great for starting dialog about what you both prefer in the bedroom. They can be great conversation starters. Look into that as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni don't expect him to perform oral sex on me because i won't do it for him, i could live without it really, i wouldn't make him do something he didn't like doing either.
Also i don't think i would mind doing them so much if he didn't take so long to ejaculate. i've asked him can i just do it before sex (so i haven't got to wait until he ejaculates, but he thinks that's pointless)
This is causing big arguements in the relationship he calls me selfish and inconsiderate. I've asked all my friends if their boyfriends act like this and they are quite shocked by his behaviour, but to me its normal and he makes me think i'm in the wrong.
thanks for all the replies, much appreciated!
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A
female
reader, LustyLisa +, writes (26 September 2011):
No you are not wrong and he needs to respect that "NO" means "NO" and not act like a toddler having a terrible 2 moment. There's nothing wrong with establishing boundaries but he also has the right to determine if he can be happy within those established boundaries. If blow jobs mean more to your partner than you and your feelings do, then maybe you are with the wrong person. A loving partner tho disappoionted won't act like a spoiled bratt just because you won't put your mouth on it. Doing something you don't like, even once a month will eventually lead to resentment so he really needs to learn gratitude.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (26 September 2011):
I personally am of the view that no-one should have to do something they really don't want to when it comes to sex. If you really don't like it then I don't think you should do it.
The other side of that coin is don't expect him to give you oral either. I guess it's a case of treat others as you would like to be treated.
Don't feel guilty. You're not in the wrong. Just, don't necessarily expect him to perform oral. But, please don't let him make you feel guilty. I'm sure you are happy to please him in other ways.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (26 September 2011):
Your boyfriend is being really childish about it.
He shouldn't need to ask for sex, but also, if you don't like something then he should respect that and not bring it up again.
Trouble is, if you've been doing it once-a-month for four years so obviously you don't dislike it that much. Giving a bloke a blowjob can sometimes be the best way to show that you want to make him happy. Maybe this issue is a sign of a larger problem in your relationship?
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