A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is there any point to me being in a relationship? I feel like as there are so many other good looking, smarter and generally better women out there, why would a man chose to be with me. I try to be single, but something happens and I end up stuck in years long relationship. My previous relationship lasted four years, and one day I just left him without warning. I just got tired of thinking that he was wasting his time with me.I was sure he was only wiht me because he was lonely or something. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (16 June 2012):
 So basically what you are saying is that no one should be with anyone unless they are with the hottest women in the world?
I think you are forgetting about an important part of relationships: love and compatibility. Yeah, I could be with the hottest, richest, smartest, most caring woman in the world, but if I don't love her, it isn't going to go anywhere. The man you just spend 4 years with, obviously he felt something for you. 4 years is a long time to invest in someone. Did you not feel anything emotionally for him?
I think it is also time for you to look at your self-esteem. You have a lot to offer to men but I don't think you realize it. Why not, as an exercise, list all the positive things about yourself. Be honest but also be gracious and kind to yourself. Guys don't invest significant periods of their time within women who have nothing to offer.
Again, be kind to yourself and I hope this gives you an opportunity to make some positive changes in your life.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2012): "Is there any point to me being in a relationship?"
not if you feel so negatively about yourself, then, no. Because if you feel so negative toward yourself, to this extreme, you will end up doing weird stuff that hurts the other person in the relationship - such as, suddenly leaving without warning after 4 years.
The first relationship you need to nurture and repair is that with yourself. You're every bit as worthy as anyone else, your problem is that you refuse to accept that. When you refuse to believe that you are equal to other people, you're making your life torture for yourself.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 June 2012):
 Is there any point to me being in a relationship? NO. Not until you get professional help.
A professional therapist can work with you to bolster your self esteem.
You were in a relationship it was four years long and you left him because you decided he was wrong to be with you. That he was wasting his time. YOU were thinking for HIM… did you even TALK to him about it or did you just blindside him and blow him off?
He was ONLY with you because he was lonely? Isn’t that a good reason…. Why do you want someone to be with you? Because you are the be all to end all? Nope doesn’t work that way… People seek others so they are not lonely.. when chemistry hits you are with them and love them FAULTS and all.
Let’s make a list of what you think a man should want in a woman:
She should:
Be gorgeous (well beauty is in the eye of the beholder so you are gorgeous to someone.. I’m 52 not that great looking but to my fiancé I’m gorgeous)
Be smart (again it’s relative… I have some smarts but not street smarts.. he’s street smart and thinks me stupid about some things but it’s the way I see the world)
Now what else do you think you should be able to do that you don’t think you do well???
I am a good cook.. everyone in my life has said so EXCEPT the man I am currently with. He thinks I’m a lousy cook because he is very particular about what he eats… but guess what… that’s HIS issue… either he cooks, he eats what I make or we eat out… problem solved..
My grandmother used to say “there’s a cover for every pot”
And I used to respond (so flip and glib at age 17 but in actuality WISE beyond my years)
“sure grandma there is but my pot’s a little warped so my cover will be warped too”
And guess what… my cover is warped. He’s a hot mess but he’s MY hot mess and I’m his “batshit crazy woman” (yes he says that but with love in his eyes and a smile on his face)….
YOU are not perfect. NONE of your partners will be perfect NO ONE is perfect.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 June 2012):
 I think you need to get yourself into therapy. There is no one who is best or worst, it's all subjective. Do you think all the other people who are married or in relationships are the best at everything? The smartest, funniest, and prettiest? Of course not, and neither are their partners. You can't sit around lonely all day because of the existence of Penelope Cruz. Everyone has something unique about them that makes them special and better than the other options. If you are so caught up in the idea that you are worthless because there are people who appear better than you (but actually aren't) that you walk away from long term relationships, you really need to get yourself into therapy to deal with this.
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A
male
reader, Discovery +, writes (15 June 2012):
So you dumped a guy who liked you just because you didn't think he should like you? Or something like that x.X Everyone has their strong and weak points; and everyone has something to like in them. You do too. All those other girls you think are better than you, nah, you don't know them, I'd bet some of them are probably nigh intolerable because of something that isn't apparent on the street.
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