A
female
age
30-35,
*hadow Rose
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now, and although we do love each other... I've come to realize that there are quite a few things we disagree on.Mostly, it's just the fact that he's...Immature to say the least. He doesn't think before he acts and does stupid things. He's loud and he can be offensive too. But he's not a mean person, he just does it because it's "Cool" to be loud and different and all that. He's the kind of guy who hangs out on 4chan and plays those meaningless games online. (Note: I myself am a gamer, but I only play games with an actual plot, and not just those mindless bloody games online where you see how much damage you can do or whatever)He's nice to my family, and he can be thoughtful when he wants to be, but lately it just seems like I'm trying to make my way into the adult world... Get a job, get my lisence, get a stable income, all that stuff, and he's just stuck being immature most of the time.It's a long distance relationship, so most of the times, I get frustrated when we're IMing each other, and he's just being immature, and I just want to have a decent conversation...I do love him, and I wish the best for him, always, but it just gets so hard to talk with him anymore, because our conversations really don't go anywhere anymore. It's just like "Hey, how are you" "I'm bored" "You should play (Insert pointless game)" and then the entire conversation is him insisting on me playing it (Again), and me trying to explain that I didn't enjoy it. It's almost made me realize how little we have in common anymore... Or maybe just I can't see it very well because that's all he talks about nowadays.I just don't know what to do. I love him, and want to stay with him, but at the same time, I don't want to have to deal with someone who is immature and prone to doing stupid things (Even though I know he's very bright, he just doesn't act that way). I really need help...
View related questions:
immature, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (7 August 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for that advice on how to play hard to get! Hopefully it works....
I'd honestly be fine if he wanted to play games and not talk to me while he plays them. I understand that need to finish this level or defeat that boss, because I feel that way about videogames too, but it's just when he gets really annoying and does stupid things, mostly for attention I'm guessing, like stick a carrot up his nose or talk about the same damn thing for an hour and a half.... I just can't stand it....
And he moved because he was put with a new foster family. He's staying with them for college, or at lest until he can afford his own place to stay.... He's still in the same state, but it's just harder for us to see each other because of the distance.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (7 August 2012):
To be more specific, hold off on initiating contact. Let him ask the questions first. Would he ever text you first? Well this is a good way to find out. It would be interesting to see when he decides to make time for you. For example you know online gamers can't really pause their game to spend time so they have to opt for a specific time. I understand you love him but you would need to find out if he is willing to step up his game. Else you will be lonely for a long time. And I am 100% sure there are other guys who are willing to take his place. And treat you like a princess.
Also I understand that you are doing things with your life but you shouldn't expect the same of him. We all want to do things our own way on our own time. I think everyone chooses to get serious at their own pace so try to leave that out of the equation. Thinking about stuff like that is purely frustration oriented because as the same time the both of you are not together. Perhaps if he did the same with his life you would feel more connected but I think these specifics simply mean "you aren't making time for me".
...............................
A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (7 August 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, I'll give him some space, but I really don't know how to play hard to get... I've never been good at flirting or any of that stuff, really...
And to Thay:
The conversation was more than just "how are you "Bored", I just shortened it so I didn't seem TOO long winded. I had explained about how I'm out and about looking for a job, but it's really boring, and I wish I could hang out with people more (I was kind of hoping he'd say something like "oh, we should try and figure out a day where we can hang out!" or something )
Since most of my life right now is looking for work and finding things here and there to occupy me in the spaces in between. He's also included, of course, I always take time out of my day when he's online to talk to him, ask about his day, listen to his problems if need be...
But I'm also not a very active person, either. I'm shy, uncoordinated, and not athletic, so I don't often find sports or activities such as that enjoyable. I'm a gamer like him, but I don't sit there for an hour and a half trying to force him to play Kingdom Hearts or something...
...............................
A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (7 August 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice.
We weren't really long distance until about a month ago, when he moved further away than is possible for either of us to just drive down whenever we feel like it... We always tell each other we care for each other, and that we love each other. It's kind of obvious that the love is there, but it's just frustrating when he goes overboard...
I'm all for talking about what he wants to talk about, but not when he's saying the same thing over and over again for an hour and a half x.x
It's not really that he's always like this, it's just that he does it more and more often...
...............................
A
male
reader, Xearo +, writes (7 August 2012):
I think the bigger issue is that fact that it is a long distance relationship. I suppose he's not making time for you and I think anyone can expect his life to revolve around games at this point in his age since that is what he is into. The most I can suggest is try to play hard to get for a while and see how that goes. A heart to heart conversation will only work if its face to face since he wont have a monitor to defend his trolling.
Well its either you wait it out or try some more right? It's gonna reach a breaking point either way. Take some time off for yourself, clear your mind and what not and maybe he answers you seek will become clear.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (7 August 2012):
 At your age, both of you do are doing a tremendous amount of maturing and changing. Yes -- guys do mature -- some faster than others. The deal is, both of you are quite young and I can guarantee that one or both you will be radically different in less than 5 years.
I suspect what is going on is that your boyfriend isn't intellectually engaged during your chats. Long-distance relationships are tall on drama and short on intimacy -- at least that has been my experience. It is very hard to read the emotions and react accordingly when you are chatting online. I suspect he is typing to you with one hand and playing games with the other. He'd rather not deal with how you are doing and rather have fun online.
I know you have a lot of emotions invested in your boyfriend, but I hope you take a step back and realize that your long-distance relationship may all be in your head. Are his feelings as strong as yours? Does he tell you he cares for you? Does he love you?
Also, try to structure your online time so that it is about the both of you and not about gaming. I'd explain to him that you feel a little left out and that you want him to dedicate, say 30 minutes of his evening to talking to you. After that, you can have fun and do games.
Finally, I'd urge you take a look at whether this long distance relationship is actually satisfying both you -- emotionally and physically. You may be prolonging the inevitable by hanging on to something that isn't there.
Best wishes and game on!
...............................
A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (7 August 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really don't want to just leave him, though... He can be sweet, and kind and awesome, but sometimes he just frustrates me.
And then he gets offended when I get frustrated with him! It hurts to think about life without him, but I just don't want a life where I have to deal with his immaturity all the time...
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 August 2012):
 This is one of those things where... he needs to figure it out on his own, he needs to grow up on his own when he is good and ready.
Maybe you outgrew him?
But expecting him to change because YOU want him to is unrealistic. Maybe he was the right guy for you a year ago, but not any more.
Sorry.
...............................
|
