A
male
age
51-59,
*amar4658
writes:I am involved with a woman that is married and she says she is still madly in love with her husband but yet she says she has fallen in love with me. The chemistry between us started sometime around October 2011 in which she started saying things to catch my eye. We began talking more and more on the phone and began innocently flirting with each other and then it became more and more obvious what we were doing but no one ever said anything. I then around December 2011 began to start feeling more and more for her and she the same. In January 2012 I told her how I felt and she pretty much agreed the same and we began going through the motions but never had intercourse. She tells me how much she wants me and all the things she likes about sex and we talk all the time on the phone. We have basically done everything like kiss, fingered her, touched her breast, kissed her neck and forehead, basically made her cum with clothes on but the whole time we are fooling around, she tells me to stop but somehow allows me to do just a little while constantly pushing my hands away. She says constantly that we must stop our actions and that she will not contact or come over anymore but she keeps coming back regardless of what she says. She says she cant see me not being in her life and if the tables were turned, she would be all over me and has contemplated several times going all the way but she is afraid because she knows her husband will not let her go and she cant see herself leaving him. I get so confused with our talks of loving each other and her resistance or wall she puts up but then she keeps coming back. She says its hard for her to be around me because she constantly stays wet and wants me. At times I feel like we are on top of the world and that she may leave him but her guilt takes over. Is she just getting her thrills, and is possibly truly in love with me likes she says or am I just wasting my time. Oh, she has been married for about twelve years. She got married at age 19 and is now 30. I am separated and have been married for about 12 years and I am 43. It seems she was more into me while I was at home with my wife than it does now for some reason. Can you help me with that as well even though we see each other more easily.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 May 2012):
 you are her toy...
nothing more.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 May 2012):
 She is playing you like a fiddle Buddy. There is and never will be a future with her. Straighten things out in your own life and stay out of other people's marriages.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2012): you actually left your wife for her? and now she blows hot and cold? seems like you were too hasty to get into her pants my friend.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Sadly, this is what happens when you get involved with a married woman who is still in love with her current husband.
I do believe on many levels she has very strong feelings for you. Forbidden love is often stronger than a normal relationship, and there is a strong sense of excitement and taboo.
However, I think you are beginning to realize that this isn't an easy situation to deal with. Your girlfriend has indicated she has no intention of leaving her husband, so at the moment she can spare some time for you... at the risk of getting caught. In addition, you could be putting yourself up for bodily harm as well -- if her husband finds out what you've been doing.
I think you need to look at the big picture here. Is this short term pleasure really what you are looking for? Aren't there more available women out there that can devote 100% of their time to you? Do you really want to responsible for wrecking your love's family life -- especially if it doesn't work out?
It sounds like you need to get your life in order first. You are separated -- why not make it official and split with your wife and find someone more available that you can fully invest in emotionally and physically. Sure, it'll hurt and it'll be painful, but in the long run, I think when you look back, you'll realize how much pain and suffering you saved yourself and what you stand to benefit. Keep your eye on what you truly want in life and don't lose site of the ultimate prize.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (14 May 2012):
 This lady is clearly just having her sexual fun with you and has no interest in leaving her husband for you.
She also has no interest to *love* you completely, its too risky for her.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (14 May 2012):
 It appears she is 'in it' for the attention rather than love and wanting to be with you.
Several things you have written indicate this...
'She tells me how much she wants me and all the things she likes about sex'
'She says constantly that we must stop our actions and that she will not contact or come over anymore but she keeps coming back regardless of what she says'
'She says its hard for her to be around me because she constantly stays wet and wants me'
'It seems she was more into me while I was at home with my wife than it does now for some reason'
It seems to just be about attention and sexual contact. The fact she is so explicit suggests that she is lacking something in her marriage but not enough to leave.
I don't think this is about love. You are both cheating and this is often the set up with extra marital relations. You may have feelings of love towards her but by the way she has acted I don't think she is going to be able yo return that love on a sincere and true basis.
Maybe it's time to call it a day and focus on your own marriage.
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