I really messed up on my job and don't know how to fix things
Q. Hi all, I need some help, I am suffering from terrible anxiety and I don't know where to start. To give you some background. I am 35 living in London and had a job I love for 4 years as head of a team at PR agency, I had crap 2015, my dad ...
A. 26 September 2016: Don't quit. You're still in the game. It's not over until you get fired. If your boss is any good, he will understand people have runs of fortune and also dry spells. That's all that is happening. Trust your mojo. It's like swimming. If you let go ... (read in full...)
I found oral contraceptives and condoms in my boyfriend's room. What should I do?
Q. I found used oral contraceptive in my boyfriend room which I didn't use and also found 3 condoms under his pillow I asked him and he said he just bought it. Please what should I do ...
A. 26 September 2016: On the plus side, the fact that he cares about contraception is something that some young men never do. If he intended their use with you then he has at least been considerate enough not to want to put you in the 'family way'.... (read in full...)
I found oral contraceptives and condoms in my boyfriend's room. What should I do?
Q. I found used oral contraceptive in my boyfriend room which I didn't use and also found 3 condoms under his pillow I asked him and he said he just bought it. Please what should I do ...
A. 25 September 2016: Why would your boyfriend want oral contraceptives? They should be administered by a qualified medical practitioner to a woman. It sounds dodgy. ... (read in full...)
How do you know if an ex genuinely wants you back or just wants attention/validation?
Q. I just had a recent experience with an ex who came back in my life after a year and 7 months of No contact. He immeditely started dating someone else after we broke up.He sent me a message on Facebook just saying he would love to hear from me and ...
A. 25 September 2016: Don't go back - ever. Whatever was wrong then won't have changed. You are setting yourself up for a fall. If you aren't having luck with guys you are either picking the wrong type (maybe from the wrong pool) or not vetting them well enough before ... (read in full...)
He shut me out for 3 months, contacted me again but now is ignoring me again?
Q. So I have met this guy once, it went well, he texts me straight after to say he wanted to see me again. He then had a close friend die suddenly and so we didn't talk for 3 months since he completely shut me out ( to grieve I suppose ) he then texts ...
A. 25 September 2016: Why don't you put the points you have put to us to him? See what he says. See if it rings true. I admit it does sound a little fishy but if he shows real desire to want to be with you he might be worth one more chance. Maybe someone told him to act ... (read in full...)
Does my"friend" care at all??
Q. If a "good" long term, since childhood friend forgets to text or ask you how you are, you've been sick this week, in hospital overnight? Do you remind her you were sick when you see her Text her and tell her - needy Let her contact you and when...
A. 25 September 2016: The thing is my friend you can't see everything that is going on in another person's life. They could be coping with any kind of crisis: personal, domestic, real or imagined. So they neglected to ask about you? That's too bad. Nobody's perfect. If ... (read in full...)
My LDR is stressing me out. I do want to keep the relationship. What can I do?
Q. My relationship is stressing me out. To give a bit of background. I was with my ex for 7 years and he cheated. Left me for her. I was single for 9-10 months when I got with my current boyfriend. We've been together 8 months now. Everything w...
A. 19 September 2016: You are being conned. The line: 'He thought that something so good will go wrong eventually and he wanted to be in control of that, so he train wrecked us,' is just cobblers.
It sounds something an eight year old would come out with when caught stea... (read in full...)
Should I separate from my husband? Or push on in what feels like a dead marriage ?
Q. I've been with my hubby for nearly 11 years now and his cousin is one of his best friends and as a product of that, his cousin is also MY best friend. In fact we are closer than my hubby and his cousin is, our style of communication is the same...
A. 19 September 2016: Don't give up your marriage until you have explored all possibilities for restoring it to a relationship you cherish. Try everything, counselling, marriage guidance whatever it takes.
Then if you still have to leave you know you did all you coul... (read in full...)
How does this plan look to you?
Q. So I have posted about a guy I met online. I managed to find cheap plane tickets to visit him, so I am going there in a little bit. We have been messaging for over a month and skyping/texting for over 2 weeks. I really like him and I just want to ...
A. 18 September 2016: You seem desperate. OK it's a bit of an adventure if you aren't doing anything else that day, but it doesn't put out much hope for the long term.
If you are looking for something long term then it needs to be in your vicinity. The whole point is B... (read in full...)
How do you balance being true to your own vision with implementing advice from others?
Q. How do we figure out the importance of being true to your own vision versus what is actually best for you. The only way I feel I have grown as a person is by listening selectively to people to see how they think I can improve also combined wi...
A. 12 September 2016: Love, whether romantic or platonic, comes with acceptance. If you care for a friend or partner then you accept their foibles. You accept the whole package. The bit you love is not on the outside.
They may be going through a phase; they may be expe... (read in full...)
I trust my boyfriend but I'm also afraid of being hurt
Q. My fiance is a personal trainer and he is crushing on one of his clients. As it is a professional relationship, I don't think anything would happen. However, we met that way initially and I'm so jealous... I work in the same building - on a ...
A. 12 September 2016: Women always have ways of showing men when they disapprove of something. Stop stifling your natural instinct and ability. You can make it quite plain without being specific that you are not happy with his behaviour regarding this client, and guide ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with this? He broke up with me due to the lifestyle of my Uncle, who died 23 years ago.
Q. Hi, My friend of 1 year 3 months decided to break up with me because of "society" as he says. Because my family background doesn't match up to his expectations,my uncle(my dads sister married him)the uncle in question,who died 23 years ago was a ...
A. 9 September 2016: I think it is rather interesting to have a colourful relation like that. You found someone who lacks backbone. Good job you found out early.
If on the other hand he was mixed up in 'the troubles' then I can see how your man could be appr... (read in full...)
Not sure I want to be in this relationship anymore. Two babies and he's rather play a computer game. I'm not sure I want to be in this relationship any more. What should I do?
Q. As a quick bit of background info: I’m a stay at home mum of two (2 year old and a 6 month old). I do have a job but was on maternity which has been extended due to having cancer and dealing with all kinds of other crap... My partner is the m...
A. 8 September 2016: I can understand why you don't want to be in the relationship. Ask yourself if there are any plus points and are they worth all the anger and neglect coming from him. If you are only with him because he pays the rent then you need to get a job and ... (read in full...)
I don't feel comfortable with who I am. How do I turn my life around and find contentment and satisfaction ?
Q. So just a week ago I turned 33 years old. By now, a lot of people would know about my previous posts in regards to dysfunction in my marriage. But I want to change focus to think about my own personal development. Perhaps I am being too hard on ...
A. 7 September 2016: You need a conversation with your wife about what you want to attain. What are you both working for? When you get it will you be content?
People tend to look at others' lives in broad brush strokes yet their own in minute detail.
Is the path you... (read in full...)
How do we find a healthy balance between sound judgment and judgmental?
Q. My question is regarding generalising and friends of friends, and friends partners. I have a problem that when i see someone or a friend dating someone who I find to be unpleasant/ unkind/ judgemental/ rude, I start to view the friend dating the ...
A. 7 September 2016: You have your opinions and they are valid. Don't spend time in the presence of the people you dislike. If you think all your friends' friends or partners are obnoxious perhaps you need to build a new circle friends. They don't share your critical ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time again or is there an actual possibility this could become a good relationship?
Q. I met a man online about six weeks ago. I just recently relocated to a new city and starting to date here We met online and talked about a week before he actually met me and the chemistry was really good. I liked talking to him in the evenings eve...
A. 7 September 2016: Just continue as you are for now. You may be the thing that makes him want to stay put. If you like put a time limit on it - say a year. If you don't feel he's going to be a good long-term bet then you may have to part company. I know there may be a ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to change who who we are?
Q. My friend has a theory that people never change, he says he thinks that people have this illusion that they change but actually your core stays the exact same. Another thinks people can make small changes in who they are. I believe someone can chan...
A. 5 September 2016: “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
? C.G. Jung.
Is that any help?... (read in full...)
Is she in to me and how do I approach her? What can I say to her?
Q. Hey. So I'm back again because I got some good advice the last 2 times I posted on here so I'm hoping for more. So as I first said I'm a African American age 19. In one of my college classes, one of my college classes, there's a girl who on the firs...
A. 4 September 2016: We have no idea if she is interested in you. You are the person on the spot. What do you think? What do your friends think? Have you asked them? Have you asked her friends?
Come on. We don't have long distance antenna.
Secondly what is stopping... (read in full...)
Was I in the wrong at all here? Should I complain? Should I leave a bad review?
Q. Hi all! Some advice needed please. I've been going to this beauty salon for almost 3 years and they have a very strict policy whereby if you give less than 24 hours notice to cancel your appointment, you are fully charged. I have no problem...
A. 4 September 2016: Yes complain to head office. There has been a mix up, but if they value your custom then there should be some wiggle room here. Sorry to hear you have lost your hairdresser.... (read in full...)
How can I heal this relationship? Should I stop texting him and treat this as a break-up?
Q. Hi all. Will try to make this as short as I can. My one year boyfriend recently told me he feels stressed when we meet up and he needs time to think carefully about what to do next. He made it clear he is leaning towards breaking up for his decis...
A. 3 September 2016: Sorry to tell you but I think it is over. You should cut contact and play things on your terms. His line is often code for: 'I want out but I don't want to hurt you'.
Tell him you need time to re-assess things too. and he should contact you when... (read in full...)
Has my teacher got a thing for me?
Q. Let's call him Mr. Jones. Well, Jones started teaching at my school when I was a freshman. (I'm 16, he is 23) I am now a junior and this is my first year taking his class. Every girl thinks he is gorgeous, which he is, and I would notice him always ...
A. 3 September 2016: You both need your heads examining. Teacher/student relations are strictly off limits. It's a no brainer. No good ever comes from it.
Keep your relationship professional - and don't encourage him. Don't be a tease. Men's blood rushes from our brai... (read in full...)
Has this instant connection got a future?
Q. Several years ago I started dog-sitting for a couple, grew close to their dogs, and eventually them. I have since been through the death of one of the dogs, and the adoption of another. More importantly, I have become rather close to the husba...
A. 3 September 2016: It's all about asking the right questions. Are you sure she feels the same as you? If so, how are you going to be together?
The stuff about the parents is irrelevant. You are only committed to them by your desire to help them - actually their dogs... (read in full...)
Discouraged he won't deal with his premature ejaculation
Q. I have been with my partner for 9 months and I am in love with him but his issues with premature ejaculations is leaving me frustrated. He refuses to seek help claiming that he has always been like this (he is now 46). He gets hard and he has no ...
A. 2 September 2016: Obviously time for an adult conversation. There is a lot to try - everything from thicker condoms to desensitising gel. Perhaps even a mild sedative or something similar. He might also want to try relieving himself beforehand so that his state of ... (read in full...)
After 15 years why now are they behaving like this?
Q. Hello friends, Need your suggestion. I have been working in a private company from past 15 years. I have done a lot for this company. 15 years back, I joined in IT department but due to company problems I worked for them alone for almost all r...
A. 1 September 2016: It's not good when people shout at you at work, particularly when you are trying your best. Do you have another job lined up? It's always a good idea. And it looks like you were only working a half day so was that for your convenience or theirs?
A... (read in full...)
Is this desperation? How can I break this obsessive cycle ? Any tips?
Q. How can I overcome this desperation? I have been seeing a therapist after the last couple of years of dating (jerks) led me to this - long story short and since this is anonymous I can be honest. On the outside I'm a grown woman - I try to keep ...
A. 1 September 2016: I think it is true that life keeps giving us a lesson until we finally learn it. Then we move on to the next. You will stay locked in this cycle until YOU decide enough is enough. There is no shame in this. We all get stuck at various times in life. ... (read in full...)
My new relationship is about to become long-distance. How can I help make this work?
Q. Hi all! I'm in a new relationship with a guy perhaps 3 months we've been together. We really get on and I feel we've got a really strong connection together. We both travel a lot and see each other sporadically anyway (maybe two weeks of being in...
A. 1 September 2016: I think you should agree to park your relationship until you are able to be together again. You are going to miss so many opportunities for new friendships if you are worried about stepping over some line you fix for yourself.
Don't limit your poss... (read in full...)
Why do I keep attracting married men instead of available single men?
Q. Dear cupid I have been single for some years now but the only men that seem to be attracted to me is married men. Why is this happening to me? Do I have some type of vibe that they figure I date married men? I just don't understand this.I been a...
A. 30 August 2016: Well part of the reason must be your apparent availability, don't you think? If you are clearly off limits then they will be quickly discouraged. Perhaps a part of you likes the attention.
The other thing of course is culture. In some cultures men ... (read in full...)
I'm a gay virgin who desperately wants to try anal sex
Q. Hi yalls , im a gay virgin and i really wanna have sex and there's this cute cool experienced guy that's a bit older than me but he's cool and nice and well i'm thinking like maybe i should just have sex with him because i think i'd like it lol. B...
A. 20 August 2016: If it just the anal sex that you need to experience why not try some sort of substitute first. Is it the sensation of it, or is it the act of being subdominant?
Waiting for someone you love sounds good to most of us however the gay world can be a... (read in full...)
Have I lost my College friend? I miss the talks we used to enjoy together
Q. I had a college friend who after a long time got in touch with when I sent her my marriage invitation. Its been 8 years and we are in touch on whatzapp on and off and that too very casual chats. It was mostly she who would text me with question...
A. 19 August 2016: Friendship is one thing but it sounds like you were living in each other's shoes albeit by Whatsap, phone, txt etc. If I were her husband I might think it a little too cosy. It's hard to say because we don't know her side. We don't know if her ... (read in full...)
Should I be feeling so selfish for wanting to leave my husband? For me, the love has faded.
Q. My husband is a good, hardworking father who loves me and our children. He has also previously been physically and emotionally abusive toward me and on a much lesser scale our daughter. I know I should have left then but I wanted so badly to...
A. 19 August 2016: I often think that as marriages develop over time the contract needs to be redrawn. What you wanted and enjoyed when young can change over time. As couples grow into later life then companionship is as important as romance once was.
Sharing a life... (read in full...)
He's seeing someone else. Will our friendship deteriorate if I tell him I'm seriously crushing for him? What can I do?
Q. I've got a quick dilemma. Basically I think I am in love with my guy best friend. We've been best buddies for a while and hit it off straight away. We talk to each other about EVERYTHING. He's basically everything I look for in a partner but we'v...
A. 17 August 2016: The best thing you can do is tell him that he is ever free you would love to get together. Then back off completely. Don't crowd his current happiness.
And who knows maybe there is a better option for you out there.... (read in full...)
Why did my Bf keep on cheating after all I did for him? Should I want him back after what he's done?
Q. why my bf lied to me always? there cupid,i need ur advice about my bf? I meet my bf on FB on net we get close and he messaged me everyday until he express his feelings one day. we keep talk and txt until we spent together we lived together....
A. 17 August 2016: So sorry to tell you but you picked a wrong one. Don't humiliate yourself. He isn't worth a moment more of your time. Close the door on him now and forever. He doesn't love or respect you no matter how you want it to turn out.
Don't take his call... (read in full...)
What is he trying to say? Says he has to ''stay away'' from me. He called me ''the devil''. Asked me if I still love him.
Q. my ex stopped by to see me before i left for a 6 month business trip, he's been very distant from me for the past month and a half. he gives me a hug and holds me tight, he asked me if i missed him and i said no, then we started kissing and he told ...
A. 17 August 2016: Oh please! What kind of mess have you got yourself into?
It doesn't sound like you are thinking clearly. Did you both just need to get your rocks off? Where is your self respect?
He loves you as a fck buddy, and you need to take stock of your per... (read in full...)
Together for 3 years and we have 2 children together. Did he ever really intend to marry me? Am I interpreting this situation accurately?
Q. I need help and i'll try and keep this as short as possible. My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years almost. We have 2 children together within this time and our relationship was very full on from the beginning with me falling pregnant...
A. 17 August 2016: Marriage isn't the be all and end all of life. Why are you so obsessed with it? If you wanted to play straight down the line why did you allow yourself to get pregnant - twice?
You have children together. Isn't that the closest bond?
It doesn't ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and crushing for her. But how can I determine if she feels the same?
Q. I met a girl at a Summer camp this year and we became close friends. She lives far away (well, in the same state) but we still keep in touch. The problem is, I've taken a real liking to her and I am crushing on her like nobody's business. She ac...
A. 17 August 2016: I don't want to sound patronising because your feelings are what they are. However at your age your hormones could be all over the place - at least that is what we are told.
I think you need to be realistic about if or how your friendship could deve... (read in full...)
Changes are making me feel super sexy
Q. Here is my question and issue. Why now? I just turned 40 this year and it's like my sex drive is over the top. Is this normal? I a woman who really didn't care about sex can't seem to get enough. I'm noticing different changes in my body but didn't ...
A. 16 August 2016: It could be worth checking in with your GP. It is probably just hormones, but there is another medical condition I can think of which should be treated now. It can't hurt to check.... (read in full...)
Could my fears be true?
Q. Hey there just like help and some advice. My partner works at a pub in town and she could work up to 3 nights a week. We do have 4 kids together too. Well I maybe getting a bit paranoid but it’s starting to hurt my feelings and it’s happened 3 t...
A. 16 August 2016: Why don't you have a quiet word with this guy who is asking for a lift home? ASKING FOR A LIFT - pathetic. Tell him to back off because she has a child and doesn't want any interference from him. Take a mate with you if you need a bit of back up. If ... (read in full...)
Family are trying to kill our relationship
Q. Hi, I've been in a relationship since an year now. I love her and she loves me too. But recently her family got to know about our relationship. Basically I am from a small town area here in West Bengal and she is from a town near Kolkata. Now o...
A. 16 August 2016: How big a chance will you both take to be together? India has inherent problems regarding relationships - not least cast and arranged marriage.
Your best hope is to run away together and make a new life. I don't think you are going to be seen by t... (read in full...)
After this can I trust my friend?
Q. Dear Aunts I have something on my mind that is disturbing me. Saturday night, me and two of my friends got drunk for the first time then suddenly we started talking too much. Pouring to each other our feelings towards our boyfriends. One ...
A. 16 August 2016: Alcohol only releases what is already there. In vino veritas. I think you know that this person is not worthy of your full trust. Put some distance between you. You don't have to be nasty but you should be cool.
She might have just been comp... (read in full...)
What do you think of the things that my ex said to me? I still find my ex attractive
Q. This is about my ex and his brother. I dated my ex for about four months last year. It didn't go well because we were both unwell at the time. I had only just come out of hospital when I met him. I was in there about my mental health problems...
A. 16 August 2016: You don't seem to be listening to what people have written to you.... (read in full...)
Being introvert is hampering my love life
Q. Hello all, I need your help with a crisis I'm going through. I am an extremely reserved person and tend to be myself most of the time. I like it this way. It's always been like this since I was a kid. However, as an adult there are situations w...
A. 15 August 2016: What have you done to help yourself so far? You realise that if you don't make the effort your chances of finding someone are limited?
If you have to be exhausted by faking it then so be it - that's what it is going to take for you.
Reali... (read in full...)
What do you think of the things that my ex said to me? I still find my ex attractive
Q. This is about my ex and his brother. I dated my ex for about four months last year. It didn't go well because we were both unwell at the time. I had only just come out of hospital when I met him. I was in there about my mental health problems...
A. 14 August 2016: It looks like he is preparing to jump out of one relationship and into another. This doesn't sound good for you.
You have got your life together. You have your own place to live - your own front door key. I don't think you need this kind of comp... (read in full...)
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