A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:My question is regarding generalising and friends of friends, and friends partners. I have a problem that when i see someone or a friend dating someone who I find to be unpleasant/ unkind/ judgemental/ rude, I start to view the friend dating the person in a negative light. Similarly, I often find that people who hang out with people with bad manners/rude, I start to see the person in a negative light. My thinking is along the lines of often I've found throughout my life patterns. Namely people with integrity don"t often hang out with people without it. Also the proverb, 'birds of a feather flock together'. I'm aware its risky to tar people with same brush, but also find it troubling when people turn a blind eye to bad behaviour in others. A particular example is a friend who dated someone who had high levels of ego, belitted said friends' friendship group, constantly had dismissive and rude behaviour, the vibe was he was better than us. Now obv. I shouldnt take it personally ,but my judgement comes mostly of my friend who tolerated it and never acknowleged his bfs awful behaviour until he was dumped in an unpleasant way, at which point, his friends were expected to be there for him. I question his self awareness and integrity. [Mod Note: Two questions combined into one]We are constantly told by society, we shouldn't judge other people as we never know what is really happening or their own personal story. But surely judgement serves a purpose whereby we communicate someone else's bad behavior and recognise when they have a pattern and its not directed at a person. Surely when someone endangering another emotionally or harming their others. Also bad reputations happen through the judgement of others, of course they can inaccurate or out of malice, but also they can be accurate. How do we approach the delicate act of judging? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (9 September 2016):
For me its simple. If they add to my life, I keep them around. If they don't, I don't.
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (7 September 2016):
 You have your opinions and they are valid. Don't spend time in the presence of the people you dislike. If you think all your friends' friends or partners are obnoxious perhaps you need to build a new circle friends. They don't share your critical acuity, or perhaps they are prepared to put up with things in a person you are not.
Which ever it is, it isn't doing you any good. You can't keep putting them down. You will sound like a real pain the rear.
When you take on a partner you have to accept the whole package don't you. If you don't like it you put them back in the pool. It isn't necessarily your role to be the overseer of morals, manners, temperament or whatever. Let it flow over you. They only show themselves up. Don't be drawn in
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