A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hime and my boyfriend have decided we want to have sex, but i have never been fingered or used a tampon before so i'm scared it will hurt aloti tried to use a tampon the other day but i'm not sure what hole to insert in so can someone please tell me how you know which hole if i do use a tampon or get fingered before i have sex with my boyfriend will sex not hurt as muchplease helpthank you
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female
reader, shandygirl  +, writes (5 January 2008):
 RESPECT YOURSELF.... It sounds to me as though you are not ready for sex. Don't let your boyfriend pressure you into it. Guys sometimes have a way of thinking ONLY of THEMSELVES sometimes, when it comes to sex.
I was in a situation like yours, as a virgin. I wasn't ready and my boyfriend was going to leave me if I didn't. Well I was pressured into it. And... because... Like you... I wasn't ready, and it was not a good experience. It affected my outlook on sex for years, because if the first time isn't good... then it may make you NOT LIKE sex at all for a LOOOONG TIME. Anyhow, we were together for 1 year, and broke up.
So, what is the rush? You are the one with the power... tell him tht you are not ready. Tell him tht if he loves you, that he would WAIT until you are ready.
A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (5 January 2008):
RESPECT YOURSELF.... It sounds to me as though you are not ready for sex. Don't let your boyfriend pressure you into it. Guys sometimes have a way of thinking ONLY of THEMSELVES sometimes, when it comes to sex. I was in a situation like yours, as a virgin. I wasn't ready and my boyfriend was going to leave me if I didn't. Well I was pressured into it. And... because... Like you... I wasn't ready, and it was not a good experience. It affected my outlook on sex for years, because if the first time isn't good... then it may make you NOT LIKE sex at all for a LOOOONG TIME. Anyhow, we were together for 1 year, and broke up.So, what is the rush? You are the one with the power... tell him tht you are not ready. Tell him tht if he loves you, that he would WAIT until you are ready.
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A
female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (5 January 2008):
 If he says he'll dump you if you don't have sex with him, then he's obviously not worth your time or effort. Do you really, really want your first sexual experiences to be with someone so manipulative and disgusting? If he'll dump you because you won't put out, then he's only with you for the sex and probably if you actually *do* have sex with him he'll dump you straight afterwards anyway. Honey, you can do so much better! Leave him behind and wait until you find a boy who loves you for who you are.
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A
female
reader, Crisy  +, writes (5 January 2008):
 I dont think youll worry too much about the pain when your having sex. You dont really care what it feels like for the first time. You have to make sure you are definatley sure if your scared then your not ready. It doesnt hurt for everyone it might helpm to be fingered first to strech you out. Good luck x.
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (5 January 2008):
 "i know i shouldnt do it but he's got me under a lot of pressure and will dump me if i say no"so if you teacher pressures you, will you have sex with him too?if all the cool kids jump off a bridge, are you gonna do it to... i mean if all the kids are jumping off a bridge theres gotta be something cool down there. either that or hope to land on the fat kid.Seriously.Don't let him finger you.Do not let him pressure you or force you.If he actually cared for you. h woulnd't be forcing/pressuring you."Oh you'd let me do it if you loved me.."Yeah yeah and if he loved you he woulnd't pressure you like that.tell you what ask if you can use a strap-on on him in exchange and see how he replies.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi
thank you all for your advice
i know i shouldnt do it but hes got me under alot of pressure and will dump me if i say no
im probably going to let him finger me as that my calm him down a bit...
the thing im scared about if he fingers me it will really hurt and ill scream out in pain or something
just updating this incase anyone is wondering or curious whats happening...
there are people with bigger problems most likely so if you dont want to waste your time giving me advice you shouldnt
well thanks again :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): I am so proud of you if you truly put off having intercourse at this time in your life. I haven't even been able to sleep well tonight thinking about you darling. That's why I'm up at almost 5 o'clock in the morning. Some of us really care about young people. Please promise us.As I mentioned, some petting (feeling each other up) might be okay if you must and can limit how far it goes. Yes, even fingering will likely hurt and do you no good. I have to wonder why you feel so compelled to do sexual things. I suspect that your boyfriend is putting a lot of pressure on you about this. I realize that you probably think he is the love of your entire life right now.While that may turn out to be possible, it is highly unlikely. Don't you realize that throughout the hopefully many years ahead in your life, things will change?You will change. Haven't you changed a lot since you thought Barbie dolls were the most important thing in the world? Now it's some boyfriend you met, but he will change too, and you'll likely have many others.I've lived nearly five times longer than you have so far, and I've changed in many ways and many times. I'm basically the same person, but life teaches us many things that tend to refocus our priorities over time.Please don't try to hasten (speed up) sex in your life at this age. Be the sweet girl you were born to be, and don't let even the young fellow you think you love push you too far at this time. Go bowling or something.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (4 January 2008):
 If you haven't been fingered you shouldn't tell him that you have. That is another reason why you're too young for this: if you can't be honest with someone you shouldn't be having sex with them (that's probably the 2nd most important thing about sex, after using contraception).
I don't recommend you go ahead with this. BUT, if you do (despite what we tell you here), tell him first that you haven't done it before. And then make sure you tell him to STOP if it's not comfortable or you feel pressured in any way.
You've been given a tough time here! Don't feel bad about it, you did the right thing and a smart thing by coming here to ask. That was good of you. Now keep on being smart and you'll do fine :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionif im not going to have sex and i let my boyfriend finger me will that hurt? am i still to young or?also i told him i already have been fingered but i havent so is there a way he will no i havent!?please replythank you all!
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (4 January 2008):
How did you and your B/F go about deciding it was time to add sex to your relationship? As others have said, it sounds like you haven't reached the level of physical development where you can truly enjoy sex, and there is NO indication that you have the psychological maturity to do it responsibly.
If you are scared about the discomfort of your first experiences, I'll bet you are being pressured into it. And if you haven't progressed through the preparation experiences of fondling, petting, etc (the stuff that's often called "foreplay", or sometimes "outercourse"), I'll bet your body isn't ready for the experience, either.
Just to emphasize that point - if you had really thought it through, you would know that the physical pain of losing your virginity is discussed rather often on this forum. One example is the recent thread "I'm a virgin and my boyfriend and I feel ready to have sex. Just a few questions....." at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-and-i-feel-ready-to-have.html.
You really should reconsider your decision.
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A
female
reader, mary-lee +, writes (4 January 2008):
 first of all your much to young to be having sex, however i'm sure u will any way. so what i want to know is, why are you jumping right to having sex when you havent even been to the other bases yet? and if you dont even know how to find your vagina to insert a tampon you dont sound like a person who is ready to have sex or should be having sex, as you use the same hole to have sex as u do to insert tampons. maybe take it back a few steps, get to know your body first, you and your boyfriend should be exploring each others bodies, get him to finger you and the rest. to answer your question, it's going to be uncomfortable and probably hurt when you have sex for the first time, nomatter what you do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): You're too young to be having sex. The fact that you don't know where the tampon goes proves that you haven't had your period yet. The fact that you don't get your period proves that your body is still not developed completely. It will more than likely hurt a lot because of this fact. Let yourself grow some more, and until then, you should experiment with your body so you know what feels good and what you are comfortable with.
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A
female
reader, alwaysndforever +, writes (4 January 2008):
hey im 15 and ive had sex only 4 times. i know comming from adults "Wait ur too young" is so fucken anoying but im a kid too. ive spent way to many nights crying waiting for my period wondering if i am pregnant. no one warned me after sex ur period is not regular for a month or 2 so wen mine was 18 days late..i freaked out. I deffinitly thinnk if you dont know which hole to put that stuff in you are not ready for sex. its the hole below your clit. look it up in google or something. and getting fingered the right way feels amazing! i love being fingerd by my boy friend its the best feeling in the world! any way condoms do break...my cousin got pregnant really young and she used protection but there was a tiny hole in it. i dont have sex with my boyfriend any more because we are both not ready to have a kid. I know this sounds soo stupid and the majority of the world wont get pregnant but if it hapends it is bad. i truly think that u need to wait untill you can deal with having a kid incase the condom breaks. to answer your question my first time barely hurt..when he put it in i screamed..then made him go in and out slow and then it was finee same with all 3 times after that (2 with one guy nd 2 with another) so i think that its not just him its all guys. please i know you dont wnna listen but if nothing has ever been up you vagina you deffinitly do not want a dick to be the first thing. im telling you get fingered its the best=] pleaseeee talk to me if you have anymore questions and please wait. i dont want you to have the same stress about being pregnant that i did.
Xo-always&&forever
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A
female
reader, anewwe +, writes (4 January 2008):
sex. *sigh* well my dear, the first time i had sex was when i was 21. i used tampons since i was 18. and the first time i had sex it hurt. The first time will most always hurt. and sometimes the 2nd and 3rd times. (sometimes it just depends on how big the penis is too) hah.
what you need to do is check yourself out and find that hole. look in a mirror or a scientific diagram of the vagina. but there are only two holes. and i think you know which one its not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): Please reverse your decision. You will not like me telling you that you are too young, but you certainly are. Kissing and some petting at this point might be okay for awhile, but please don't start having sexual intercourse at your age.
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (4 January 2008):
well to start with. theres something far more important to consider.
are you on the pill and/or are you going to use condoms?
if the answer to either one of these is no.
Do not have sex.
or i will come over there and smack your heads togehter. take a look through this board and see how many young'ens are preggers because they didn't use anything. if the bf decides Not to use a condom. Tell him NO and make sure he doesn't. no excuses. got it?
As for the tampon question i believe that would best be answered by one our of female aunts here as that is a fragile subject.
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A
female
reader, howcomehoney +, writes (4 January 2008):
I'm sorry but I don't think it sounds as though you're ready for sex. If your age is correct and you are between 13 - 15 years old, I think that's probably too young.
To answer your tampon question, do you actually know what you look like 'down there'? Get yourself some time alone with no possibility of being disturbed, find a mirror and take a look. You only have one possible hole (come on, you wouldn't seriously put a tampon up your butt, would you?) and you'll find it. How much do you know about your own body? If you haven't even explored yourself, you're definitely not ready to let someone else explore you.
Wait a few years before having sex and you'll find it a lot better. Good luck to you.
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