A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I feel ready to have sex. Just a few questions.....Approximately how long will it hurt after we've had sex? (I'm a virgin)He's had sex before, and I don't know what position would be most comfortable. Should we stick with missionary?He's against birth control, and I don't think there is any possible way for me to get it. Is it ok just for condoms or is it still too risky?Thanks for helping.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Virgin here. Same situation. Best advice given to me:
MAKE HIM GET TESTED FOR STDs BEFORE YOU HAVE SEX!!!
And get some b.c. of some sort. Condoms can rip.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the help. I really appreciate it.
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (27 December 2007):
Do a little internet research and you'll find the pain of first intercourse varies from "none at all" to "pretty intense", and it lasts anywhere from "a second or two" to "every time we had sex for several weeks". I'd guess the "average" is that it hurts less than getting your ears pierced, and you won't notice any real pain after the 2nd or 3rd time.This subject has been discussed before on this forum. One recent thread is called "First time - painful?", found here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/first-time---painful.htmlI described my own experience with a virgin girl (and I was a virgin guy) in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", found here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (27 December 2007):
I'll tell you about the mechanics of first-time sex in a moment but you and your B/F really need to look into contraception and disease prevention a little more! These are VERY REAL problems, and your approach is absolutely frightening.While it may be inconvenient for you to obtain a hormone-based birth control prescription, I doubt that it's as difficult as you make it sound. Many family physicians are actually sympathetic to your situation and can help you without betraying your privacy.There are other options for avoiding pregnancy besides condoms and birth control pills. I won't attempt to list them all here - Google with the seed "contraception" or "contraceptive" and you'll get almost a bazillion hits. Please do a little research!Especially with what you've said about your B/F, you are possibly exposing yourself to sexually transmitted diseases. Many of these are much more serious than missing a few days of school with a sore throat - they can kill you! While condoms are one way to reduce the chance of getting these diseases, in practice they are NOT as effective as some like to think. Young people are especially prone to use condoms incorrectly, and cancel out any protection they provide. Even if you DO use condoms I suggest your B/F should get tested for STD's, and you should make him share the test results with you in a way that guarantees he can't alter them.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (27 December 2007):
 You wrote: He's against birth control, and I don't think there is any possible way for me to get it. Is it ok just for condoms or is it still too risky?
Red Flag. This means he did not use birth control in the past. If he considers condoms a form of birth control (which it is) do not do it. He could be carrying a disease that he does not even know about, or caused a pregnancy that was hidden from him.
Find someone else to lose your virginity too.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): i agree with ryan
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (27 December 2007):
 Just to warn you. Accidents do happen and condoms do break. And you are VERY fertile at your age! Its best to use a condom regardless to prevent STD's but I think you should take care of yourself. Why is he against birth control? Thats something you should decide for yourself, dont let him decide for you!
You can get birth control at a free clinic or planned parenthood. My advice, protect yourself as you are probably not ready to deal with a possible pregnancy.
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A
male
reader, dc.ryan  +, writes (27 December 2007):
 Hello,
How much it'll hurt really depends on you, as it varies between person to person. It also depends if your hymen has alrady broken or not, if you do gymnastics or horseride there is a chance it has already broken and you the pain could be very mild.
How ever, don't expect a pain-free experience - in some cases after a minute the pain will go away leaving you to enjoy the feelings that come with sex. You may get a bit of bleeding, don't worry/panic its totally normally, it may sting for a couple of hours later. If it does hurt, please tell your partner to go easy - tell him to slow down, or don't go as deep. If you're lucky though, you might not experience any pain at all!
As already suggested, missionary would be the easiest position for you to do - you may find you both orgasm very quickly, and therefore you don't have much of a need to move around - I wouldn't worry to much about positions this early on, as they'll all come naturally to you.
Condoms are perfectly fine, they have a 99% sucess rate, the other 1% is probably down to human error! They protect you from getting pregnant, and reduce your chances of catching and STI/STD. Just make sure you both know how to put them on correctly - there are plenty of resources on the Internet on how to put a condom on.
Ryan
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A
female
reader, x-Happy-Feet-x +, writes (27 December 2007):
 well use a condom definetly he should no how to put one on and most people forget to push the air out the top of it by just squeezing the top while putting it on so thats birth control over but i dont fink it will be comfy for you to do missionary as your first i fink the easyiest would be for him on top of you and then doggy really its much more easier x take care
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