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Should I tell him I am a virgin before we have sex or simply don't mention it?

Tagged as: Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 December 2007) 17 Answers - (Newest, 5 June 2008)
A female Switzerland age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I have been going out with a guy recently but it is the first proper relationship I have been in. Therefore, I am still a Virgin. When the time comes, is it a good thing to tell the guy you are a Virgin before you have sex or should I just leave it and hope for the best?

View related questions: still a virgin

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A female reader, Fiona xxx United Kingdom +, writes (5 June 2008):

Fiona xxx agony auntI of course mentioned it. He said he knew, because of how I reacted when he carressed me, which was 2 months prior to actually having sex.

That way he knew to take things fairy slowly.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008):

i think you should tell him that way he will feel more confident about himself and he wont try to be to rough on you because if your a virgin than he should understand that you your body wont be completly ready and if you dont tell him than you will be acting wierd during sex and he will have doubts

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008):

i think it's up to you, if you want to mention it that's fine but if you don't he'll never no, will he. There's no proof that it hurts every girl, and if it does he won't no it's hurting really. If you bleed there are simple explanations rather than 'ive never had sex' that you could tell him. Sometimes i think it is best to keep it a secret, after all it;s not his buisness to on is it it's you'rs and only you'rs and he would never no unless you told him afterwards.

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A male reader, daletom United States +, writes (22 December 2007):

Both guys and girls should make sure their first partner knows they are virgins. If that fact has no significance to the partner, then he/she is probably a poor choice for yor first partner.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007):

you should probably tell him.i agree with Somethingeasy

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A female reader, skibbe United Kingdom +, writes (10 December 2007):

well if you have been together for a while then you should be ok with telling him ur a virgin but reli its up 2 u and if you feel comfotable but i say tell him then your first time will be great because he will try harder to impress you because its ur first time email me if u wanna talk hunn xxx

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A female reader, monalisa_p India +, writes (10 December 2007):

you should mention to him about you being virgin. He will not expect something extraordinary out of you since you are unexperienced. It happened with me.!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007):

You should definitely mention it. I didn't mention it my boyfriend the first time we had sex, although fortunately he is very gentle in bed when he needs to be, but I do regret not telling him.

Telling your boyfriend means he can expect you to be nervous, and maybe experience a little pain. It will make the moment more special, and of course, he'll love the fact that you're virginal. ;)

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A female reader, Dirty Jersey United Kingdom +, writes (10 December 2007):

Dirty Jersey agony auntMake it fully clear that you have no prior sexual experience, that way he knows what to expect, the mild discomfort, the possibility that you may bleed and it would also give him the heads up to make it that little bit more special for you.

After all, what girl doesn't like to feel special now and again? especilly when facing such a big mile stone in life.

Don't rush into anything either, my boyfriend and I have been together a long time and he respects that I'm waiting until after my 18th birthday.

If this guy can understand,accept and respect that you are a virgin then you know you've found the right guy for you. Keep in mind that although him not knowing you're a virgin might not be a big deal for you, he may prefer to know.

Look at it from both points of view.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

L xox

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (9 December 2007):

kenny agony auntYes like the other aunts have said, i think you should tell him, i think it will make the whole moment even more special.

All the best & good luck x

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (9 December 2007):

TasteofIndia agony auntDefinitely tell him. He needs to know that you are giving him the best gift ever, He will be patient, kind, and extra attentive to your needs.

Tell him, girlfriend!

Hope your first time is special...

xxIndia

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A female reader, Gemini1506 United Kingdom +, writes (9 December 2007):

i would tell him

he'd probz be more understanding and patient

xxxx

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A female reader, Crisy United Kingdom +, writes (9 December 2007):

Crisy agony auntIf you to are talking about having sex before actually doing it (which i would advise) then tell him. he needs to know your still a virgin and that your vounrale and delacate, then hell treat you with more respect because he will know you really like him because your ready to lose you virginity to him.

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A female reader, Fairy_Lu United Kingdom +, writes (9 December 2007):

Fairy_Lu agony auntI would tell him so he is prepared and doesnt rush you into anything and so he is gentle

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A male reader, Samutsen Poland +, writes (9 December 2007):

Samutsen agony auntYes I definitely think that you should tell him before hand. In addition there is no harm in telling it. And when telling this fact that you are not doing just to get rid of it and you know he is the guy.

Plus it is better he is prepared what he is going to be doing and doesnt get surprised or anything.

almost all man would love to be in your boyfriend's place though:)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007):

This is the opportunity to build up your communication skills with your new partner. Talk to him and let him know that it is your first time, therefore maybe he can take it easy on you. If this is really worrying you then its best to talk to him about it since he is the one you are sure about giving yourself to. God luck!

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A male reader, Somethingeasy United States +, writes (9 December 2007):

Somethingeasy agony auntYou should probally mention it.

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