I need tips for dealing with the mother of my ex!
Q. My ex boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me almost two months ago, and his mom keeps contacting me. Why would she do it? I always had the feeling she didn't like me during the first years we were together as we have very different views ...
A. 3 June 2020: If she's in another country, it should be easy enough to block her, and change your privacy settings on any social media accounts.
If you don't want to cut her off so suddenly, then you could gradually increase the time it takes you to respond,... (read in full...)
Did my husband have a secret conversation on Facebook Messenger?
Q. Greetings all. I am a first timer. I have found you due to sheer time online during coronavirus isolation. I'm glad I did! I hope you can help me in this situation I have found myself involved in. My husband's Messenger was left open. He must ha...
A. 3 June 2020: I agree that it's very likely he's just poking around with gadgets.
I think it's premature of you to be suspicious, and perhaps you need something better to occupy your mind and your time during this pandemic. ... (read in full...)
I feel I am being used and am unsure what to do.
Q. I rented a bedrm to a man 2 1/2 yrs ago. We were just room mates, not lovers. I am 30 yrs older than him.But before he left to go to prison he ask me to marry him and I did. I sent him money and letters the entire time he was gone. And when he got ...
A. 2 June 2020: Toss him.
First speak to a lawyer, quietly, and find out exactly what your rights and responsibilities are.
Consider getting a safe deposit box. I recommend this for anyone, anytime. You never know what can happen. Keep important, offic... (read in full...)
I'm confused by what this man said.
Q. I recently started talking to someone in a friendly way , he lives in another city to me and asked me, if I am I going to keep him up an night if he stays at mine as I said id like to spend the night with him, im just wondering if he will have ...
A. 1 June 2020: He is not your pal. He sees sexual or romantic opportunity here. He may say he understands you want to take tings slow, or just want to be friends, but you knowing his interest and the fact that you've chosen to stick around equals hope in his mind. ... (read in full...)
My wife says my vest is embarrassing.
Q. There's a TV show about a motorcycle club called Sons of anarchy. I bought a vest like the ones worn on the show by the actors. I have a motorcycle and I'm such a fan of that TV show. My wife says it would be embarrassing to wear it as people w...
A. 1 June 2020: I agree with your wife. Perhaps someone else could explain it better than I can, but the Sons of Anarchy are closer to reality than any superhero movie, and the latter appeals to a wider audience, so one could brush that off as innocent humour.... (read in full...)
Sometimes I wish I could just text people and let them know how I feel.
Q. Sometimes when I feel sad , its normally when I feel like messaging the people who I wish I could be truthful to or opening up to someone. in situations like this I often feel more inclined to say something I regret as well or do something I regret ...
A. 1 June 2020: Suggestion: pick one of the examples, and post what you want to say here, and we can help edit it for you.
Part of the problem, I suspect, are the long, heavy messages. If someone had something critical to say about you, would you want it to b... (read in full...)
The more I try to better myself the nastier my friend becomes.
Q. Thanks in advance for answers to my guestion. This is a great site. I have been friends with this paticular friend for about ten years. I cannot say that this is the only friendship I have been evaluating lately. I have a great job and have started ...
A. 31 May 2020: It's not callous at all. It's a necessity and perhaps even a kindness to the friend. You can't fix her problems, but your continued association won't enable them.
Keep moving forward, and plant your seeds in fertile ground, not a barren wastelan... (read in full...)
Blocked, I'm angry at how all the blame is on me, should I send a letter and a gift?
Q. I was seeing a girl and she has a boyfriend, who she got just a few weeks after we met. Turns out she wanted to see both of us. But recently finally, the boyfriend found out her secret. She was out with me, and he got security to bget into her room ...
A. 25 May 2020: A letter and a gift? Really? You WANT to be seen as a weirdo stalker?
She is spinning this tale about you forcing yourself on her because she's trying to appease the new guy. It's the tale she has to weave if she has any chance of keeping ... (read in full...)
I like dressing up and acting as a woman but my wife is pushing me to have sex with a man
Q. My wife encourages me to dress as Joanne every day. She tells me that she told all of her co workers about me, about how my eyebrows are plucked into thin, highly arched lines, how my ears are pierced, how I keep my fingernails long and shaped ...
A. 11 May 2020: I think, if you really want a second, third, fourth opinion, you should consult those who are more receptive to your BDSM lifestyle.
Then again, perhaps you've come to a vanilla site to encourage horrified responses that heighten your own sense of... (read in full...)
I moved out because I didnt feel safe, landlords are asking me to come back.
Q. Hi people. I moved out of a property 2 months ago due to the owner's adult kid harassing me. He made false accusations against me and was going through something at the time. I never made a big deal of the situation but I avoided talking to him. I ...
A. 30 April 2020: Do NOT go back. If he's the owner's son, then he can return at any time, and while the landlord may be aware his son is a problem, at the end of the day, blood is thicker than water.
Their loyalty will be to themselves and him before it will be ... (read in full...)
I recognise the man on the dating site, and he is MARRIED!
Q. Dear Cupid. I'm on a dating site and have had a man message me saying "Hey how are you going :)" and "Your super cute, love to know more about yourself!? Feel free to ask me anything" Anyway, I Looked this guy up on facebook because I recogni...
A. 30 April 2020: I second Honeypie's advice, and I love the idea of emailing him a link to his Facebook profile.
And she raises a good point too, that it may not be him, but someone trying to set him up, or playing a prank, or some well intentioned friend trying t... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that my gentle wife is reading books about murder and violence?
Q. I just found out that my wife of 5 years, a caring gentle woman in her 70"s, has been reading John Stanford books about violence, sex and murder. Should I be worried?...
A. 21 April 2020: No, you should not.
The fact that Mr. Sandford is a prize winning author means that many others read, and apparently enjoy, his books.
Consider all the books and documentaries about WWII and the Nazis, about past crimes-solved and unsolved. T... (read in full...)
I've met a 50 year old who lives in his mother's garage.
Q. I recently met a guy who is nearing 50. He has a full time job and has worked in the same place for 20 years. The problem? He lives in his mother's garage. He's not an addict, has a job, has a car, his kids are grown and gone. He's been divorc...
A. 10 April 2020: He's emotionally and financially heavily dependent on women.
This is a big red flag in my book.... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my daughter's posts on Tik Tok, how do I approach this?
Q. Wow! It has been a long time since I came to this app, but I'm finding myself lost and needing help and support. My daughter is almost 13 at the end of the month. She is a typical 12 year old. Great with school work, always wanting to please, ...
A. 10 April 2020: One approach you could use is to talk about it as it relates to others doing it. Be matter of fact, non judgmental and try to engage her by asking what she thinks about it.
I also recommend you keep the conversation brief. The moments that sti... (read in full...)
I'm in lockdown with an abusive husband.
Q. Hi aunts and uncles, I hope you could give some advice I can use to do something about the situation I am currently in. I understand that these are hard times for everyone. My husband of 20 years and I are locked in in the best possible c...
A. 8 April 2020: I forgot to add, and this is very important...
If and when he settled down and starts apologizing and explaining his behaviour, resist the urge the press the point home by adding your own thoughts and opinions to it. Maintain a calm quiet and if y... (read in full...)
I'm in lockdown with an abusive husband.
Q. Hi aunts and uncles, I hope you could give some advice I can use to do something about the situation I am currently in. I understand that these are hard times for everyone. My husband of 20 years and I are locked in in the best possible c...
A. 8 April 2020: For things to change in your home and in your life, the first thing that needs to change is you. How you think and how you act. A reasonable discussion is something you have with a reasonable person, while they're being reasonable. It's... (read in full...)
He treats me like a queen but we are incompatible sexually! Should I stay with him?
Q. I met my current bf a few years after my divorce( with my hs sweetheart and first) and after a rebound relationship. I found him to be the sweetest guy( very polite, helpful, responsible and very attentive) After dating for a couple of years( and ...
A. 4 April 2020: Glad to hear you're planning a life beyond him, but don't get hung up on the 'I love you declarations'.
There are plenty of happy, sold couples who barely say it because their actions say it for them. ... (read in full...)
He treats me like a queen but we are incompatible sexually! Should I stay with him?
Q. I met my current bf a few years after my divorce( with my hs sweetheart and first) and after a rebound relationship. I found him to be the sweetest guy( very polite, helpful, responsible and very attentive) After dating for a couple of years( and ...
A. 2 April 2020: This is not treating you like a queen. He's very immature and his tastes put you at risk.
I'm afraid this is as good as it's going to get with him. There just isn't enough about him to make him worth the effort.
Not what you want to hear, I'... (read in full...)
I don't want my partner back but he says he cant live without us.
Q. I split up with my ex after discovering his infidelity. We have 3 children together who he still sees every other weekend and we have stayed amicable. 2 weeks ago he went silent for about a week. He told me yesterday he is struggling with his ment...
A. 24 March 2020: M A N I P U L A T I O N This is a textbook example. Stand your ground. You and your kids needs stability. Don't try to help him. He doesn't want help, he wants you back, he wants his affair to continue, and he wants to taken care of as the vic... (read in full...)
A former friend has cancer, should I reach out to her?
Q. Hello, I've just found out an old friend has terminal cancer at 41years old, however we haven't spoken in over 10 years. We didn't fall out but i just decided at the time that due to feeling like her and her boyfriend (now husband) regula...
A. 23 March 2020: Steer clear of her.
She's a former friend for a reason. If things haven't changed, and we've no reason to think they have and you have to cut ties with her again, how much worse are you going to feel doing it in her present state.
Besides... (read in full...)
Man I'm dating still lives with his ex and won't tell her about me
Q. I have invested time in a man but I can’t work out whether I’m being too trusting or whether I’m being naive. We’ve been seeing each other about 5 months. He lives in another state and is in my area 4 days a week for work. When we first started ch...
A. 23 March 2020: She's not his ex. She's his wife and you're the other woman.
Your relationship cannot progress any further than it has while he's in a relationship with someone else.
I know you won't accept that on my say so, but perhaps you could scale ... (read in full...)
I thought my Mom had enough on her plate.
Q. So, I am a 19 year old college freshmen who has a mom who got mad at her. Did I do wrong? I am the 2nd oldest of my mom's 7 kids but the 1st one she gave birth to. She adopted my older have brother and kept him after she and dad split. My parents ...
A. 23 March 2020: I think what you did was perfectly understandable, and mature of you.
However, if your mum is accustomed to doing things for/with you and being kept in the loop as she would with younger children, she might have found the sudden and unannoun... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with co worker involving politics has taken its toll on me
Q. Hi there, The nature of this post is dealing with work relationships rather than personal relationships. I've been at my company 5+ years. I recently achieved a significant award and recognition. I'm a field employee as opposed to internal mana...
A. 24 February 2020: OP, you've already been given some direction on how to proceed, so I'll just add this.
Most people are sheep and will defer to anyone they think is in control, to avoid conflict. This is why all the notable tyrants in history have risen to power... (read in full...)
Should I try again with the woman I dumped?
Q. I broke up with my girlfriend because she had a degree and gets paid more than me. She has her own place. I moved back in with my parents because I’m going through a divorce. I have a crappy job she tried to help me find a better one. I kind of ...
A. 22 February 2020: I think you should return her property, leave her and every other woman alone until you have yourself sorted out.
'The sex was amazing'...Shallow. ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to have healthy relationships with family with mental issues?
Q. It has only been recently I’ve realized just how toxic my relationships are with my immediate family members. I’m having trouble knowing how to proceed with them now that I’ve had this realization. I’ve always been aware that our family is ...
A. 20 January 2020: You're very welcome. My reply was pretty long, lol.
... (read in full...)
Should my parents respect that I buy my own food and leave it alone?
Q. I don't know if I'm being selfish or not or if my parents are being assholes but I am 22 years old and I buy my own food because I am a diabetic, and can't have any of the food they provide so I buy my own. My wage isn't that great, I just have ...
A. 19 January 2020: I second getting the mini fridge with the padlock.
It's difficult, to say the least, being at the mercy of those you can't rely on.... (read in full...)
Room mate blackmailing me and threatening to tell parents about my life if I don't go to church with her
Q. I live in the dorms and at first I had two roommates, "Sarah" and "Patricia". Sarah was/is wonderful: she is messy/clutter but she keeps it to her area and she's gone much of the time. She's a fine arts major with an emphasis in sculpting. She basiy ...
A. 19 January 2020: I'm inclined to agree that now may not be the best time to come out.
You should be free to be who you are, buy that's easier said than done while you're still dependent on those who you fear coming out to.
Unless you've hinted at or told Nicol... (read in full...)
Is it possible to have healthy relationships with family with mental issues?
Q. It has only been recently I’ve realized just how toxic my relationships are with my immediate family members. I’m having trouble knowing how to proceed with them now that I’ve had this realization. I’ve always been aware that our family is ...
A. 19 January 2020: Here are my answers: 1. Yes, I believe you are doing the right thing in distancing yourself. Not only that, but I think you're going about it the right way too. You haven't made any declarations (I'm assuming that since you haven't mentione... (read in full...)
Why did my husband go my sister-in-law's house when he knows I dislike her?
Q. Let me give you a little background first before asking the question. My husband and i live in city A, his brother and his wife live in city B, and all our parents are based in city C. We wre all currently in city C with our our respective paren...
A. 2 January 2020: Yet another vote for the husband.
The sister in law knew you had other dinner plans, so inviting your husband (her husband's BROTHER) to dinner was appropriate. Your husband had every right to accept that invitation.
I don't know the history... (read in full...)
Husband I intend divorcing had a mutual friend contact me for information.
Q. I’m writing this question for people’s views and it will help put my mind at rest. My husband lives in a different country from me, he has been quite abusive towards me in the past and I did everything for him. I also believe he is a narcissi...
A. 7 December 2019: Ok then, to answer your question, it shows him very little, I'm afraid, since it's still early days. It may have been months, or a year since you left him, but a lot of people get back together after an even longer separation. In all likelihood, ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have secret savings?
Q. I have some savings that my partner doesn’t know about. It was money that I saved up over many years and that I have set aside as an emergency fund, in case one of us loses our job, or gets sick, or we break up (I’m not planning to break up, but ...
A. 24 November 2019: Whether he's great at saving or more inclined to spend, it's easier for you to forget it's there if he doesn't know about it.
I don't see anything wrong with it, personally, and admit to being more like your boyfriend than you when it comes to... (read in full...)
I'm tired of my 'bad boy' charade
Q. I used to be a bloke with low self confidence. I remember celebrating my 21st birthday still a virgin. Not been in a real relationship either. I had many close female friends, though I somehow friend zoned all of them. They kept telling me that I am ...
A. 24 November 2019: The bad boy act may have been what attracted her, or more specifically the confidence she assumed was behind it, but it's possible that you've already been shedding some of it as time has passed, without realising it.
Ask yourself in what ways you... (read in full...)
How can I convince my fiance to stop lying?
Q. Hello and thank you So I’m dealing with lies from my fiancé. I have confronted him and told him I don’t appreciate when he lies to me and it makes me not trust him. For example I’ll ask him so how was your night, what did you do? He will say...
A. 23 November 2019: You can't. You can only decide if this is something you're prepared to live with and when you determine that it isn't, you move on.
In the meantime, stop confronting him when you catching him in a lie. Stop asking him questions when you can't tr... (read in full...)
My overbearing grandparents have left me feeling isolated
Q. When I was in HS (and younger) I was raised by very strict, old-fashioned grandparents who sheltered me. I got made fun of a lot for not getting cultural references or not knowing who many celebrities were. I was not allowed overnights or friends in ...
A. 9 November 2019: The short answers to your questions: No, you're not and yes, they did.
My opinion is that you're having difficulty forming intimate relationships because your private self has been tainted by rejection and violation before it was even allowed ... (read in full...)
My husband likes watching other women and I like other men watching me
Q. My husband uses porn he says to meet his need for visual variety . I on. He says porn is just his sexual kink he’s not doing anything wrong or breaking any marriage vow and it makes him feel good The other hand like to feel desired and like to ...
A. 3 November 2019: Since you're both seeking gratification outside your marriage without any physical contact with others, then I'd say neither one has a right to point fingers.
Does your husband actually state his objection to this or are you assuming he'll ob... (read in full...)
It seems impossible to satisfy her sexually and it's giving me second thoughts
Q. My girlfriend of 8 months is unhappy with the amount of sex in our relationship. Tonight we had (in my opinion) a nice date and then had sex for 30 minutes ~ 1 hour and when I took her home, she just sat in pissed off silence the whole way (30 ...
A. 3 November 2019: "12 times per week"...in quotation marks tells me she actually SAID this, that it's not just hyperbole.
They have sex for about an hour ever time they get together which is about 3-4 times a week. For a married couple who live together, this wou... (read in full...)
Should I return the call of my estranged aunt?
Q. Hi All, I've been estranged from my father's family for over twelve years. It's a very long story but in short, after he and my grandmother died, there was a lot of anger, resentment and accusations. Because he and my mom were separated at the...
A. 3 November 2019: I think you should call her back.
People usually have to work up the courage to reach out after a period of estrangement. Birthdays, funerals and other events can often provide the 'excuse' one needs to take that bold step.
You might be making ... (read in full...)
Why does a guy have sex with 2 women in two sexual relationships? Has the first dropped the ball? Why is one not good enough?
Q. I'd like to know why and how a man can have a sexual relationship with two different women concurrently? Why isn't one enough? Does that mean he isn't attracted enough to the first one? Or doesn't love her enough? Or she isn't satisfying him? ...
A. 3 November 2019: This is the obsessed mistress who has been posting here about her married boyfriend for years. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-i-find-it-harder-to-trust.html ... (read in full...)
No one seems to like my daughter
Q. My 12-year-old daughter is constantly being rejected and I'm sick of it! When she was 6 month old I sent her to an in home sitter so I could actually get work done. (I'm a medical transcriptionist). I sent her w expressed milk, cloth diapers, and ...
A. 3 November 2019: Besides the young boys who behaved according to their ages at the time (not very nice, but it is what it is), no one has rejected your daughter.
They're keeping a polite distance from YOU, because they find your parenting style, especial... (read in full...)
My husband wants to end our marriage and I'm scared
Q. Dear cupid I'm married to my husband for 2 years and we dated 2 years prior marriage. My family is different country and my husband had never met them in person. Yesterday we were having conversation and he told me he does not want to.meet my paren...
A. 20 October 2019: Be more interesting. Travel without him, cultivate new friendship and rekindle some old ones. Take up a hobby, learn a new skill.
Bring the spark back into your own life, then perhaps he'll want to be part of it again. ... (read in full...)
My partner says we should be having sex 4 times a day
Q. My partner of 11 yrs told me we should be having sex four times a day. I don't think that's very realistic. Is it time to release him to seek other people who want to spend the time he wants in sexual activity?...
A. 20 October 2019: He sounds dull, so I'd say it might be time to let this one go.
... (read in full...)
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