A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Sometimes when I feel sad , its normally when I feel like messaging the people who I wish I could be truthful to or opening up to someone. in situations like this I often feel more inclined to say something I regret as well or do something I regret but its mainly me wanting to tell someone how I feel most recently there are 3 people who come to my head in relation to this .the first person is my friend, I went on holiday with her a few months ago , and the way she was highlighted to me just how much I wish I could be straight with her and tell how she is making me feel , some of her comments , that weren't nasty but it was just the way she delivered them just made me want to snap , its hard to think of an example . since then and prior I just wish I could be more honest , if I send a message she never says a lot to long messages so I never know what to do .the second person is also someone else I went on holiday with ( I see her more as a person who I just know - she met my friend who I mentioned above through work ) I feel I owe this person an apology in the way I acted on the holiday , hard to give examples just my moods and the way I behaved mainly , I haven't really got to know her in the way id like because on the holiday I found myself feeling like the third wheel ( I wasn't made to feel that way its just they both have similar personalities in comparison to me - I'm the quite one one and they both tend to have the same interests whilst I don't ) even though its been a few months since the holiday I know that I want to apologise but what could be a way of doing this, she is likely to reply a long message as she had done in the past ? I found it hard to get to know her as I do find her to be different to me and im just rubbish with conversation , id like to get to know her more but sometimes knowing I find it hard can stop this. the third person is someone who ive had a through issues with for a number of years and now im just wanting to explain in a short paragraph and hopefully resolve our differences and say and id appreciate it if we could be ok with eachother and hopefully end it at that .also in stead of necessarily sending messages to someone when I feel as though I want to open up what could be others of doing this or copying when I feel upset
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2020): There loads of good advice.. as RMN I would the apology keep shortish. It was lil while ago and since you can't remember specifics I would suggest something like hey, ( the normal formalities and asking how she is etc ) and then I would say ..I feel I owe you an apology for how maybe my behaviour or attitude would have been when we were on holiday..I can't remember specifics but if I seemed off or rude I certainly didn't mean it . I had a lot on my mind and I think that affected how I came across .I know we don't know each other that well . But I've been mulling this over for sometime and I just wanted to let you know . How sorry I feel if I hurt your feelings in anyway ..
As for your friend.. my advice let that go and be more assert7ve if you feel she jibbing at you .. say she says something that off .. say excuse me ..who ticked you with a feather duster. As it wasn't me . and laugh a lil.. she will soon get the hint that your unwilling to accept snippy remarks.. if she says what do you mean by that ..just say ..your comment was snippy I don't like it .. but do it at the time.. do leave it to dwell on it..
I do hope your well in the current climate. And chin up sweetie .. x
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (1 June 2020):
 I'd apologize to person #2 if the holiday was recent, if it was last year? Too late. Let that go. If you DO meet up with her in person, you can tell her :" you know I was thinking about that holiday we took to XYZ and I feel I owe you an apology for being a brat while on holiday". And then leave it at that.
Like WiseOwlE suggested, write down WHAT you want to say, read I back to yourself and then think is this going to help anything?
If someone "slighted" you months ago, you should have said something then. It's not beneficial to yourself to ruminate over things people said to you and then spend weeks or months thinking up a response. Does it mean that you can't sort out things from the past? No, you can. but at times you will HAVE to let things go.
You make presumptions on HOW things were said as well, not so much what WAS actually said. If a situation where someone says something hurtful or rude or whatnot and this is a friend you ASK them to clarify. You should be open and honest with friends but NOT JUST in situations where you want to be rude or mean back. Not when it's just a kneejerk reaction.
I also agree with Codewarrior. When he said :"If something someone says is unclear in it's intent, then assume they have good intentions until it's clearly demonstrated that they don't. " SO true! You can't read minds OP.
Don't HOLD on to the negative stuff OR the negative people.
And sometimes people will STRAIGHT up tell you if they feel/think YOU are in the wrong. What to do then? Give it a 5 minute think (because sometimes you CAN be wrong) Sometimes people don't say stuff like that TO BE mean but to let you know (as a friend) that you are wrong or being an ass. The same goes the other way, IF a friend is being an ass or wrong. Don't let it stew. And don't lash out. Think it over and then TALK to the person, not argue with them or "snap" - TALK. Express yourself.
This is ALL better done IN PERSON. Not over text. It's 100 times easier to misunderstand something written compared to spoken.
Lastly, like Ciar suggested, PICK one example and tell us what EXACTLY you want to tell this friend/person and why and how. Then maybe we can help you edit or improve it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2020): Write down your thoughts first. Read them back to yourself, and refine the details. Keep writing them over and over until you've expressed exactly what you want to say. Practice saying these things out-loud to yourself. Teach yourself to get straight to the point. Long narratives are fine when you are teaching someone something, or telling a story. If you want to workout a situation, it's best to be brief.
Then arrange for a meeting in a comfortable setting; and say it face-to-face. Don't hide behind text messages. It makes you seem cowardly or tactless. Learn to communicate with people on different levels. Stop bottling things up to stew over later when people offend you. That doesn't mean become hypersensitive and pop-off at every little thing that rubs you the wrong-way. It will take practice. You have to learn what to address, and what to let slide.
The third situation could be resolved by writing your friend a letter. I suggest that it be one page. Don't drag it out. You could also get a blank greeting card with the theme of apology, and write-out your apology. Keep it short and to the point. Like I said, when you write long narratives, unless you want to teach or tell a story; the reader may lose interest before finishing what you've written. Invite the friend out to lunch, or for coffee, and offer a formal apology. If that person lives too far away, call and speak to them personally. Sincere apologies must be spoken.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2020): If you have things to say to someone that will lead to a very long message that you don't think they'll read or respond to, then why don't you meet them in person? Have a drink or a coffee together and chat. Then introduce whatever it is you want to talk about. Is texting etc the only form of communication left for your age group now?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (1 June 2020):
 Suggestion: pick one of the examples, and post what you want to say here, and we can help edit it for you.
Part of the problem, I suspect, are the long, heavy messages. If someone had something critical to say about you, would you want it to be heavy and drawn out, or short and light?
Some people may be overwhelmed by long messages.
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