A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I used to be a bloke with low self confidence. I remember celebrating my 21st birthday still a virgin. Not been in a real relationship either. I had many close female friends, though I somehow friend zoned all of them. They kept telling me that I am a nice guy who will find my special someone sooner or later. Except they must have not been reading enough, because girls like bad boys not the nice girls. Everyone knows that, don't they? Maybe they even don't know themselves.I wasn't a good looking or rich bloke so I thought I had to do something. Being the bookish nerd that I once was, I soon came across several books by an author named David DeAngelo. He wrote books such as Double Your Dating, Attraction Is Not a Choice and other dating advice. His books confirmed what I suspected, that nice guys finish last, in dating at least.His books were shocking to me. This dating guru claims that in order to make a woman sexually attracted to a man, the man must act arrogant and cocky to the woman, feign disinterest, and overall not nice toward her. Putting women on a pedestal was the last thing I should do. But all his teachings went against my moral compass.I had nothing to lose I thought. So I practiced being a 'bad boy' to women using his tactics. There were also YouTube videos by other authors, all teaching the same methods. I thought this had to be the truth, the lost art of picking up women most beta males are not aware of.By the time I was 25 I had mastered this lost art. First girl I slept with was a girl I met at a bar. Funny because I hate going to bars, or clubs, as I am a real introvert deep inside. I am nearly 30 now and I have slept with nearly 50 'high quality' women. Actually I have lost count. Mostly 8s but some 9s occasionally shared my bed. Not bad for a 175cm balding bloke I should say. If I were white, taller, and better looking I could have scored a 10, those perfect beauties.They were mostly one night stands. However I have been in a long term relationship for a year now. She is smart, accomplished, delightfully bubbly and kind. A bit on the plump side so maybe a 7. Been monogamous to her like a real couple. She is 31 a bit older than me. I believe I have found my one true love.The thing is I am growing tired of my own charade. I probably won her with my "bad boy" act, but I believe our shared interests and background are responsible for keeping up together for so long. I believe she is my soulmate.I feel that I should be my true self. Be the "nice guy" again. Be who I truly am. But I am afraid of losing her this way. Is it just my fake self that she is attracted to? Somehow I feel that she used to like bad boys when she was young but that was just a phase she has outgrown. I have a feeling she would have accepted me even if I were my real self courting her. But if I revert now I think she would be upset that I have been lying to her by pretending to be who I am not. But I feel I can't remain a bad boy forever. I has taken its toll on me. It goes against my beliefs. I also think she doesn't really like being treated badly, she might leave me if I continue be domineering towards her.Either way, I think I will lose her. What do I do? I want to marry her
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confidence, one night stand, soulmate, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (25 November 2019):
 Well, there’s only one way to find out.
Cut the crap you’re putting on to feel more macho. Be ‘yourself’ and if she decides to leave, then what can you do? You won her by putting on an act so it will have come back to bite you in the ass and teach you a harsh lesson.
If you marry this woman by acting, she isn’t marrying ‘you’ anyway is she?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (24 November 2019):
 You can't MAKE her like YOU (as you are) but my guess is that she already knows that you aren't the "bad boy" you think you portrait. that is probably why she is still with you.
And my second guess is that you don't ACT like a "douche-nugget with a play book" when it's just YOU and her. So she HAS been around YOU, the "real" you. And she is still seeing you, not for the "bad boy persona" but for the person she sees when you are alone.
At least that I what I hope for you. Because IF you really are a decent fella and she is a nice and good as you describe then maybe it can work out.
If you keep up the charade, she will eventually find someone better suited. If you start being more of yourself she will get who she thinks is "in there" and it might still work.
If she DOESN'T like the real you, ISN'T it better to know now?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (24 November 2019):
 The bad boy act may have been what attracted her, or more specifically the confidence she assumed was behind it, but it's possible that you've already been shedding some of it as time has passed, without realising it.
Ask yourself in what ways you believe you're still acting as a bad boy with her.
Consider this, if a bad guy acts like a good guy in the beginning, over time his true nature begins to emerge. Perhaps the opposite has been happening with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2019): You have lost touch with yourself.
You see your future wife as one in a strong of conquest and yes, you are the guy that sprouts the lingo that most women hate.
Sadly you believe it too.
I don't care who you are or what you look like but you are so invested in what your conduct has created that you need urgent help.
You need help to find out where you are going next with your charade and you might as well accept now that if you do anything unpleasant to your partner then you will go to prison and the judge will not give you any credit for your ' I- thought- she- wanted- me- to- do -it 'act!
Actually I think prison might suit you.
You can associate with other bad boys and develop yourself accordingly.
You have adopted the manners of a psychopath where people become objects for yourself.
And the contempt you feel for yourself is projected onto all women in a misogynistic manner.
But it is unlikely you will listen to me as you want a male to comfort you with words.
If you start at the point that you have dehumanized women for your own satisfaction then you will end up at that point also.
Break up with this woman you feel compelled to hurt because it is the pattern of your behaviour so far.
Do not justify your sick ideology any further.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2019): OP here:
Yes I know it's sickening. I was merely quoting the lingo that male pick up artists use, since most readers here might not be familiar. Terms like perfect 10s and 'quality women' are terms I didn't coin up. I don't necessarily agree with their way of thinking but you are right, I have internalized some of their philosophy, much like how a secret agent or mole in a crime organisation develops some criminal mannerisms. I am sure you have watch movies like that.
It's mostly due to my new acquaintances or 'wingmen' as they say. Blokes I hang out at bars with trying to pick up women. They are natural bad boys unlike me. Some of these blokes are just a bit 'untamed' but some are downright violent towards their partners. I do not like the people I associate with or who I have become.
These real bad boys are just looking to score as many women as they can. On the contrary I started learning the way of the "bad boy" because I kept getting rejected by women. Surely a miserable male 4 like myself could get a date with a female 3 right? Wrong, I couldn't even go out with a 1. Pardon my language.
Yes, I rate myself a 4.
It's just my means to an end, maybe the wrong way. I started with the intention of finding a wife. Just that most of these women were interested in one night stands. Some dropped me when they realised I wasn't really a bad boy. That was during my early days as a PUA. Some had addiction issues. I had to leave them. Some were 9s I almost slept with but I decided not to at the end because I couldn't see a 4 like myself raising a family with a 9. Surely she would leave me someday when I drop from a 4 to a 2, that's what I thought.
So yes,maybe Honeypie is right, maybe bad boys do attract bad girls. But my sweetheart isn't like that. She doesn't party much, she doesn't do drugs, she is closed to her parents, likes cooking and baking. I am just afraid she will leave me if I turn "nice guy" again.
I have read that girls like bad boys and like to "tame" them. I don't know what this means for me.
I haven't heard any advice from male readers here. Maybe you could weigh in a bit.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 November 2019):
Jezzz OP
I know that some guys think these pick up artist crap is a VALID way for men to get sex, but seriously? Would you want women to GRADE you on a 1/10 scale and treat you like shit according to some "handbook" written by some moron who thinks women are nothing more than walking vaginas or a conquest?
"I could have scored a 10, those perfect beauties." Who the F gives a flying fart about how many "high quality" women you have slept with?! FFS!
I want to throw up in my mouth! You claim to NOT "really" be a "dick/bad boy" but the way you talk about women is disgusting.
Anyways, BE you. If she is only dating you because you are acting like a dick, aka bad boy, is that REALLY the kind of woman you want to be with?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2019): If you've been 'acting' this whole time (and i put that in quotes because it appears you've internalised a lot of very misogynist beliefs and attitudes) then frankly your girlfriend doesn't even know who you are. So in theory she may not want to marry you if you drop the 'act'. But she doesn't want to marry YOU anyway, because she doesn't know who the hell you are!
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