My army guy only contacts me when he's down
Q. Hello, I met this guy online and started to talk for almost 2 months. He is in military active but he is a national guard. We went on several dates. Most of the times he texted me when he is depressed cause of his family issue or he is lost his...
A. 21 July 2017: His behaviour changed because he lost interest and to be honest, I can't entirely blame him.
Clearly you have nothing going on in your own life that you're not willing and able to stand in the dust waiting for him. Where is the excitement in that?... (read in full...)
I even left my daughter at home for 4 days for the sake of my affair and now he's disappeared. I feel so lonely!
Q. I met this guy in Vegas over two months ago. He approached me and my friends at a club. I told him from the beginning I was married and he respected that . The night went on and everyone was having a great time. He would dance next to me because he ...
A. 23 June 2017: You told him from the beginning that you were married and he respected that. You think so? I don't see it that way. dancing close to you, then accepting your cell phone number, texting you later that night and wanting to see you again is respecting ... (read in full...)
Do I ask him about marriage? children? He says he doesn't ever want to marry again
Q. Is it wrong to ask my boyfriend to think about having children and getting married? We both have a daughter each, and he has been divorced for the last 3 years officially. He is 10 years older then me, and we met while he was in the process of g...
A. 23 June 2017: If he's 'made it clear' that he has no intention of ever re-marrying or having more children, what is there to ask? How can he be more clear than clear?
He may change his mind one day down the road and if he does, he'll let you know if and when... (read in full...)
Family puts too much stress on me. Should I end it?
Q. Hi, I’m sorry if this going to be a lengthy question, I just want to give you all the facts to better explain the situation. I met my current live-in boyfriend almost 5 years ago while I was on the rebound from another relationship. I...
A. 23 June 2017: First off, a grown man who is still living with his parents is a red flag.
Then he offers to get an apartment in YOUR building. Of all the places he could have rented he sets his sites on YOUR building. You really think this wasn't a ploy to ... (read in full...)
Is my pedicure cause for concern?
Q. I am not sure if I should be offended or not? But I AM!! I just got a pedicure and I love it. I like the colour. It is bright and summery. My boyfriend did not share my enthusiasm. He said pedicures with any colour draw attention to feet, and he ...
A. 23 June 2017: A bit, though his comment was rude and I'm guessing he's only 'logical' when it comes to how other folks might feel.
Your manicures and pedicure and all the other grooming habits should really be FOR YOU, not anyone else. When I get a haircut ... (read in full...)
I'd like to be there for my friend but I don'f feel comfortable with everyone assuming I'm the one to go to
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles, I'll try and keep this short and clear, or at least clear :) -this is a friendship question. Two years ago a new colleague came to the firm. She seemed positive, hardworking and nice. Since we live in the same neighb...
A. 15 June 2017: OP, I think you have to face the fact that this woman is no longer a friend (if she ever was), but a very toxic, and unstable dependent.
Things will never be the way they were.
Do you see yourself giving her a set of keys to your home? Trust... (read in full...)
It's been five days and I haven't heard from him.. How can this be resolved?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a few months. The relationship has been really rocky lately but we continued to try and work through it. A couple of weeks ago we broke up because we have been arguing too much and he didn't seem to w...
A. 15 June 2017: He's not really interested in this relationship but doesn't want to be the bad guy so he manipulates you into thinking you're in the wrong.
You know what he is. ... (read in full...)
It's been five days and I haven't heard from him.. How can this be resolved?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a few months. The relationship has been really rocky lately but we continued to try and work through it. A couple of weeks ago we broke up because we have been arguing too much and he didn't seem to w...
A. 13 June 2017: Whiteredwhite, he has what's most important to him right now. Rent free accommodations and the money to spend on himself.
Even if he moved in with you right now, you'd have to put up with him and his nonsense while trying to raise children... (read in full...)
My husband has me earn lovers by performing painful or degrading acts with him
Q. Hi I'm a bit lost and in need of help. I have been married for 20 years to a man I have always loved. He has always had strange sexual practices and I have always played along, I have always looked up to him and always felt that he was better t...
A. 12 June 2017: Katbee, you've received some very good advice here, but I feel the need to caution you.
Your lover may care about you and is smart enough to see the truth but this does NOT make him a saint. His motives are not entirely altruistic. He has a vested... (read in full...)
He has Mommy issues 2. Should I move on? Or wait for him?
Q. I was with this guy for about a couple of months, we met on a dating site..he has Mommy issues, he is in his 30s amd his mom lives with him but they constantly fight she belittles him and he just takes iy because she has no where else to go.. He end...
A. 12 June 2017: I agree, but I really suggest you NOT contact him at all even to wish him well. That just makes you look desperate and it could make it harder for you to move on. Taking him back after dumping you out of the blue would set a very bad precedent.
... (read in full...)
Upset because I was not included on a night out
Q. If you were not invited to a work social event and 3/4 the rest of your female colleagues were would you feel left out? It was a one colleague's 24th birthday, and later that same day another colleague's, who is 29, hens/bachellorette dinner. Pic...
A. 12 June 2017: Hit enter too soon...
Higher fences make better neighbours. Keeping a professional distance between you also decreases your chances of being drawn into personal squabbles or having to pick sides. ... (read in full...)
Upset because I was not included on a night out
Q. If you were not invited to a work social event and 3/4 the rest of your female colleagues were would you feel left out? It was a one colleague's 24th birthday, and later that same day another colleague's, who is 29, hens/bachellorette dinner. Pic...
A. 12 June 2017: I'm with N91 and Honeypie.
No one is obliged to invite the whole department to any kind of personal social event. We're closer with some people than with others.
If you were hosting a WORK event, such as the company Christmas party then it wo... (read in full...)
Why can't my wife understand my need to cross-dress? Why is she so upset that I wore her clothes?
Q. My wife knows I am a crossdresser so why was she so angry at me when I came home the other night. I was completely dressed, with a full make over, my eyebrows plucked super thin with a high arch in them and my ears pierced. She said she knows t...
A. 10 June 2017: I second Honeypie. 100%.... (read in full...)
My army guy only contacts me when he's down
Q. Hello, I met this guy online and started to talk for almost 2 months. He is in military active but he is a national guard. We went on several dates. Most of the times he texted me when he is depressed cause of his family issue or he is lost his...
A. 9 June 2017: Move on.
He only contacts you when he's down. You're a counsellor, not a love interest.
Just ghost him. ... (read in full...)
Was he leading a double life with me and someone else?
Q. So me and my bf or Ex, have not been speaking some time ago due to a misunderstanding (I believe it was kind of my fault, I did not handle the situation well) also after him finishing his studies he was leaving back to his hometown which is in ...
A. 4 June 2017: I don't think he was all that invested in you to begin with.
He didn't put much effort into seeing you in the three years you were dating and he dropped little warnings that he would be leaving when he'd completed his studies. Clearly you were... (read in full...)
I need help so I can stop having an irrational hatred towards women
Q. I did some therapy but it didn't really help. Through strength and determination I’m a much more positive person that I was a year ago and I’m proud of myself for my growth. Core Problems: 1. My earliest experiences with the opposite sex were ve...
A. 3 June 2017: You might be trying to tackle too much at once.
Perhaps you could learn to be more comfortable with women as just friends. You wouldn't have to be suave or charming, or worry about performance problems, and you don't have to limit yourself... (read in full...)
I made some inquiries about a co-worker, she must have found out and now avoids me
Q. hi all, i know this lady since 3 years ago, we are working in the same place not the same department. we will bump into each other a few times in a week and sometimes will start a conversation. Most of the times she will be the one initiating t...
A. 30 May 2017: That attraction you felt was, sadly, all one sided.
She is not romantically interested in you. She's making herself unavailable because she doesn't want to be put in the uncomfortable position of having to tell you directly to leave her alone. ... (read in full...)
Advise needed about my husband's therapist!
Q. Hi all, I'm really confused and would appreciate your help. My husband's therapist wants me to LIE to my husband and I'm not comfortable with it. My husband has been in therapy for almost 10 years. The last shrink changed our lives 8 mont...
A. 24 May 2017: I don't fault the therapist for not being able to intuit that all was not well with your husband. There is no brain scan, x-ray or blood test to tell him something is amiss.
It is offside for the therapist to counsel you to lie on his behalf. ... (read in full...)
Trust and retroactive jealousy issues
Q. Okay, well this is hard for me to write, but I really could do with some help or advice, please. I have been in a relationship with a lovely woman for 3 months now, and we are both getting along great and really enjoy each others company. We are ...
A. 8 May 2017: There was an uncle here, Yos, who has submitted some insightful responses. Go through his old posts and you should find things to help you long term and short term.
Link to his profile: http://www.dearcupid.org/people/yos
The one thing I disa... (read in full...)
What, if anything, should I tell my future husband about my dating history?
Q. After dating few men and some random hook ups, i eventually had to agree upon an arranged marriage by my parents. While my parents are seriously looking out for a groom, I am confused if i have to change my contact number and also delete my faceb...
A. 8 May 2017: You're not obliged to change your contact information but it might be a good idea. At least change your Facebook settings so that only friends can see your profile. Block and delete any exes and hookups.
Second, I agree with your friends about no... (read in full...)
I need to tell him I only want casual sex, not a relationship!
Q. I met this guy on a dating app and we have been on two dates so far. I don't think he and I are compatible but he's very nice and good-looking. I cannot see a long-term relationship forming from this AT ALL, but would like to turn it into FWB if it ...
A. 25 April 2017: Before you have any kind of discussion with him, you need to have a frank one with yourself about what it is you really want.
FWB may appear to be less complicated than a committed relationship, but really the difference between the two is the l... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend being a hypocrite?
Q. Is my girlfriend being a hypocrite? So, my girlfriend works as a cam girl on a website. I was aware of her occupation before we started dating. Since she was on that site, I thought there'd be no problem if I register as a member of that site too...
A. 25 April 2017: If her issue is you being intimate with other women then yes, she is being SOMEWHAT hypocritical. Regardless of the motives, you're both engaged in, or trying to engage in, activities you normally reserve for each other.
If her issue is that par... (read in full...)
His feelings for me changed so quickly!
Q. Can someone's feeling for you change in two months? My ex and I broke up in September 2015. We didn't speak for 4 months then out of the blue one day he texted me. We started talking, and hanging out as just friends. We talked about stuff like...
A. 25 April 2017: Anything is possible, but the only thing that matters is he's with someone else and he has a child with that person. You may have broken up with him originally, but he chose to pair up with someone else.
It isn't fate keeping you together... (read in full...)
My b/f made fun of me and called me a pansy because I refused to do something that I felt was dangerous
Q. I know we all say things to hurt our significant other's feelings at times. Something happened this weekend, and it might sound dumb, but I need another perspective on this. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He isn't afraid to ...
A. 25 April 2017: I forgot to add...
It's worth noting that men are far more likely to die from misadventure than are women. What good was the risk when you're not around to enjoy the rewards?
... (read in full...)
My b/f made fun of me and called me a pansy because I refused to do something that I felt was dangerous
Q. I know we all say things to hurt our significant other's feelings at times. Something happened this weekend, and it might sound dumb, but I need another perspective on this. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He isn't afraid to ...
A. 25 April 2017: You calculated the risks and weighed them against the expected rewards and opted to remain on solid ground. A wise choice in my opinion.
If a life saving cure for a loved one were at stake I don't doubt you'd have walked on the trunk and sat down... (read in full...)
Should I be mad because my friend helped get me fired?
Q. I was working with this girl K and my friend L and her friend C. Our boss LO, was always ingrained in L's life calling and texting her, and L asked me to make him stop with the text messages. After a while I discovered that LO was spreading rumors ...
A. 25 April 2017: A madhouse indeed. This all sounds like some trashy teenage soap opera. I suggest you not squander precious time and energy being angry but consider this a learning lesson.
For starters, when a woman asks you to get some guy to stop sending ... (read in full...)
Am I expecting too much from a relationship?
Q. I have been happily dating a divorced man with two children of ten and 12 for a year. Mine has grown up. We get on well and the six elements I look for ie trust, loyalty, good job, own home, sense of humour and intellect are all there. We all get on ...
A. 24 April 2017: Being more of a thinker than a feeler myself I can relate to him.
Perhaps you need to be more specific about what intimacy and affection look like in practice. Random hugs, tickles, compliments? Does he do any of that now? How often would yo... (read in full...)
Should my girlfriend be posting photos of the guy she was seeing when we were broken up?
Q. Hi, Recently broke up with my girlfriend and in our break we both were sexually active. The girl I slept with is around at all but the guy is as he's her friend. We got back together recently and she still posts photos of her with him and usually ...
A. 23 April 2017: The kind of person who would be receptive to a talk wouldn't do this in the first place. What you're seeing here is a lack of character and sound judgment. What you need to do is decide if this is something you can live with or not.
She likes at... (read in full...)
Shall I tell them to stop setting me up?
Q. This happens to me constantly, and it always puts me in an awkward position. I am never interested in the guy they've chosen for me, and then I feel guilty a.) because I feel I'm disappointing the friend who is doing the setting up, and b.) I fe...
A. 20 April 2017: Not rude at all. In fact I'd say it was long overdue given how rude THEY have been putting you and some hapless man in a very awkward position.
Be honest and upbeat, but firm and keep it brief (but not curt). Don't get into explanations and exam... (read in full...)
Am I asking too much of my fiance?
Q. my fiance in the past has been drugged while at a club, drives 1.5 hrs from clubs after drinking.. all i ask when out on girls night out or on our dates is that i get texte,called or snapchatted to know she is home safe . i get: i fell asleep,phone ...
A. 16 April 2017: Your fiancé is a grown woman who is capable of calculating risks. And you're her fiancé not her father or her parole officer, so making rules about checking in is controlling, regardless of how well intentioned they may be.
If this is merely a... (read in full...)
Husband comes home drunk with his underwear inside out and stained. Is he cheating?
Q. Yesterday my husband came late from work again. This time it was far worst than the last time ... He works at a restaurant , he is a waiter. Three weeks ago he came home 6 hours later after leaving the workplace, He doesn't use a cellphone since he ...
A. 15 April 2017: I don't know if he was cheating or not, but I'm with Honeypie. The lengths you're prepared to go to to catch him are a creepy and gross. And it's besides the point.
He's got a serious drinking problem. He lies and he's a liability. That's r... (read in full...)
Should I message him just one more time?
Q. I went on a date with a guy who i really fancy ( i had already met him before so not a stranger ) He also said i was better than he thought . I left him a message on the dating site we are on saying if he wants to meet up again to contact me, ...
A. 15 April 2017: You should never hang about in limbo. You should be in perpetual motion until a man you fancy makes it clear he's serious about you. Even after a few dates (no sex) you're still free to go out on dates with other men.
It is very poor form and quit... (read in full...)
I have my ex husband's last name. My current boyfriend wants me to change back to my maiden name. Should I?
Q. My boyfriend does not like that I have kept the surname of my ex husband. It is just easier as my child's last name would be the same as mine. My boyfriend said it does not matter if my child's last name is different from his mother. I ...
A. 15 April 2017: I agree. Having the same last name as your children means something to me, not sure about you. It's also a name you've become accustomed to, and by which many people know you. Not to mention having to deal with government then notify EVERY account ... (read in full...)
We booked a weekend away to save our relationship and he wants to play soccer! Am I selfish? Am I not a priority to him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been having fighting almost non-stop for the last 3 weeks with things being hard since the new year. Every time we make up and promise not to fight, we do it again. We have been together almost 2 years and been through ...
A. 29 March 2017: I think you're being unreasonable as well. You had almost the whole weekend with him and all he wanted was 3 hours for himself (not for his team but for HIM) which I don't think is asking too much.
Maybe you need to be more clear with yourself... (read in full...)
Is she just lazy or what?
Q. This has been eating away at me for way too long! I feel like my wife never thinks about me. More times than I probably should I go out of my way and above and beyond for my wife. For Christmas, she was saying that she wanted a specific makeup. I ...
A. 25 March 2017: From what you've described I imagine your wife was very happy with what you did for her Christmas and her birthday.
What I noticed in your post though, is that while your wife was specific about what she wanted you were specific about what you... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants me to indulge in an MMF threesome with his best friend
Q. My boyfriend of a year recently asked me if I would be into a MMF threesome with one of his best friends, although his words were "tag team". He revealed it was one of his fantasy's, and asked me if I would be into it. At the time I said I don't ...
A. 15 March 2017: If he's already done this before then he doesn't need to 'TRY it' again. He already knows what it feels like.
And the fact that he himself described it as a 'tag team' makes it very clear where you fit in in all of this. This is a bromance... (read in full...)
She gives me false hopes and is still chatting with her ex! Advice?
Q. Hello DearCupid readers, I am 30. two and a half months ago I got in contact with a woman, who is 24 and she has a 2 year old daughter. We first talked online and then started seeing each other offline, since we're both in the same city. In...
A. 15 March 2017: My advice is not to 'proceed' at all. That's in quotation marks because there hasn't been any real progress to date.
There are a few glaring red flags here, the first being that this woman practically introduces herself as 'just coming out of a... (read in full...)
Can she still be a virgin?
Q. I know a girl when she was young she did not know what sex means or what it could do to her. She was used by three men sexually eight times, but they never penetrated her vagina and she never remember seeing blood. Can she be still a virgin or get ...
A. 15 March 2017: Without vaginal penetration she is still, in the traditional sense, a virgin.
It is possible for her to have an STD from other acts such as oral or anal sex.
... (read in full...)
His behaviour has broken my trust in people
Q. Hello everyone. I hope you're doing well this Sunday. I was recently in a 3 year relationship. This whole time I thought I had a sweet, brutally honest, loyal, friend, lover, team mate. Everything came crashing down. Turned out he was not loyal or...
A. 13 March 2017: Interesting. Man hits woman = he's a waste of space. Woman hits man = HE'S a waste of space.
OP, your outrageous (and criminal) behaviour may come as a surprise to you but he apparently had reason to anticipate it, which is why he played nice lon... (read in full...)
How do I get her to want sex more?
Q. I am in a relationship with a sag woman, I'm a virgo. We have been together for 7 months and about 2 months ago we had sex for the first time. We both seemed to enjoy it and I was able to make her orgasm ( better then last lovers according to her) ...
A. 13 March 2017: Besides health issues, more often than not when a woman loses interest in sex, it's because the rest of the relationship isn't quite working for her.
Everything outside the bedroom is foreplay, so turn your attention to that. She either hasn't s... (read in full...)
What are my options to protect my privacy? Do nothing? Or contact the company and flag my concerns?
Q. A year ago I split with my ex partner leaving behind an abusive relationship where my ex had been given a suspended sentence for assaulting me. I've moved on with my life and am a lot happier. This week though I discovered that my ex has a new ...
A. 12 March 2017: The issue isn't whether or not he'll share the information, it's that, as an employee, he may have access to it.
The fact that something is illegal is not a guarantee of safety. I'm not going to leave my front door unlocked simply because ... (read in full...)
I'm troubled by my boyfriend's spiteful side
Q. My boyfriend and I went on holiday recently and we missed our flight as we both got the return flight date wrong. We travel on the bus to the airport to see if we can get another flight. I had a leg injury. Our suitcase fell of the baggage ...
A. 11 March 2017: I agree with dumping him. He's weak, childish, lazy and selfish.
Asking another guy to help you would have been a good idea. It highlights your boyfriend's worthlessness in front of others.... (read in full...)
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