A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:So, I am a 19 year old college freshmen who has a mom who got mad at her. Did I do wrong? I am the 2nd oldest of my mom's 7 kids but the 1st one she gave birth to. She adopted my older have brother and kept him after she and dad split. My parents have a 2nd daughter. They divorce, leaving my mom as a single parent of 3 for a while. She marries a childless man whose wife died of cancer when she was young. Mom gets pregnant so he will have kids and cranks out twin boys at 34, then a daughter at 38. Then, at 43, they adopt a classmate of the twins- a daughter- who had been abandoned by one parent and abused by the other. So, 7 kids, the first and the last adopted. The 5 in the middle by birth. 5 are still at home. I get a bad ingrown toenail and am going to use my dad's insurance to pay for the surgery. I try to take care of this on my own as an adult. My mom comes to my dorm and is offended that I didn't tell her about this and thinks I am mad at her or something. She goes with me to the doctor and holds my hand while I am getting a novacain shot in my big toe. Was my thinking wrong? I just thought she had enough on her plate.
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (24 March 2020):
You did nothing wrong. You handled the problem like a mature and sensible adult. Which is what you are, an adult. My guess is your mother is having trouble letting go. As you do more and more on your own she’ll eventually get used to it. Don’t lose any sleep over this.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (23 March 2020):
 I think what you did was perfectly understandable, and mature of you.
However, if your mum is accustomed to doing things for/with you and being kept in the loop as she would with younger children, she might have found the sudden and unannounced departure from the norm concerning.
So, my advice is, in future, let her know what the issue is, and that you've got it under control.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2020): She is your mom.She is not mad at you......she loves you.No matter how much she has on her plate her love for you is strong.Be happy about this some kids have parents who do not love them.You are one of the lucky ones.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (21 March 2020):
 Your use of the derogatory term "kranks out" makes me suspect your relationship with your mother is not quite as rosy as it might be. This, on top of using your dad's insurance but not bothering to mention it to your mother (when you must have known she would find out) makes me suspect this was some sort of stance on your part to show your mother you didn't need her, rather than the altruistic act you make it out to be. Out of courtesy, you should have mentioned it to your mother, even if you followed it up with "I know you have a lot on your plate, so I don't want to worry you and can assure you I am absolutely fine dealing with this on my own". That would have been the adult thing to do.
The fact your mother made time to come and sit with you through this procedure has hopefully reassured you she loves you and that you are not just a number among the other children she "kranked out".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2020): Your mother is your mother. Let her be. She'll decide when there's too much on her plate. Coming from a large family myself; I watched my mother handle a big house, all us kids, a garden, and she was also the household accountant.
Older kids helped with their younger-siblings, and there was order in the house.
Your mother likes being a mother, it takes a little time for them to realize when it's time to let you handle your own business. I don't really see much of anything to worry about here. The "passive-anger" is just motherly-behavior.
I don't think it's your place to determine if your mother has more on her plate than she can handle. I think she'd be the better judge of that. She's no longer a single-mother, she now has a husband. If you're using your dad's health-insurance; how can you by-pass your mother's concern about why you need it?
If you would rather deal with something on your own, just do it. If it involves your dad's health-insurance; expect your mom to be concerned, because it's her policy too! You can also use your words and tell her that you'd like to handle things on your own. I think she would have the mental-capacity to understand that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 March 2020):
 Just tell her that.
I think she was more worried than mad at you.
If you just verbalize that you FEEL she has plenty on her plate that that you wanted to get this done and do it an adult manner so SHE didn't HAVE to worry about it. And tell her THANK you mom, for coming with you and holding your hand.
I think it's all good, kid.
Sometimes we parents (moms and dads) overreact when we feel our kids don't come to us for help. But it is part of growing up for the kids to handle their own stuff.
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