How do I raise this issue with my husband? So that my husband will raise the issue with the girl's mother?
Q. Hi, id just like some advice regarding children as no matter what choice i make i fear im going to upset someone. my husband and i have a son. My husband also still sees his step daughter from his relationship before me. He sees her two Saturday...
A. 6 October 2016: Again, without knowing the children's ages it's difficult to be more helpful, but I agree that you're over thinking this and worrying a little too much.
If your husband is going to be the girl's father, then act as though he is. When the kids are... (read in full...)
Why no kisses? Why are guys so hesitant?
Q. Went on a site that is for people looking for fun. Met one guy but I felt no attraction but he great to talk to. I wasn't bothered if I saw him again. He said I knew where he was and I said the same to him so I thought he would get in touch . H...
A. 6 October 2016: I think you're awfully pushy for someone who only wants some light fun. You're way too hungry and men can smell that. It's unsettling.
Slow down, pace yourself. Not all men throw caution to the wind and hop into bed with just about anyone. ... (read in full...)
Should we move to get away from this woman? How else can the situation be resolved?
Q. My husband is a very handsome man with beautiful eyes and he has many admirers. I am nearly due with my 3rd child and we are both really excited about the new addition to our young family and a little anxious while we wait for the big day. The on...
A. 6 October 2016: If she's telling people that your husband and she are having an affair, then actually she HAS done something illegal (assuming that he's telling the truth).
... (read in full...)
Girlfriend diagnosed with bipolar disorder! Break up?
Q. I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and recently she found out she has bipolar disorder. Now I understand why she has always been hot and cold with me, I'm thinking about breaking up as I'm not happy anymore. She' taking BP medications but ...
A. 6 October 2016: It's over.
You're not compatible for a number of reasons and you're just becoming more and more unhappy. A person can't try to be happy without making any other changes to their lives and if that isn't happening...there's really no point in stick... (read in full...)
Does prior promiscuity / lack of self care mean danger in a relationship?
Q. So.... a couple meets on tinder. They like each other, go for "the test". Turns out person A has an STD but makes out like they were just "unlucky" to have contracted it. Person B accepts and tries to move forward confidently. Person B had a clean ...
A. 6 October 2016: My suggestion for Person B would be to exercise Plan B, and walk away from Person A.
Person B might be wise to not believe everything they hear, in future. People tell us who they really are by how they behave. All we have to do is listen, ... (read in full...)
I'm hurt that my friend lied and deceived me over a man
Q. I still can't get over my anger and hatred for this ''friend'' who lied and deceived me over a man I was very close too. This girl pretended she was my friend. She said she had a boyfriend, but was hanging round this man (I was close too) all...
A. 6 October 2016: Very little real information to go on here.
Is it possible that when she said she had no interest in the man she was actually telling the truth - at that time? They may have developed feelings afterward, but unsure if and how to proceed did not ... (read in full...)
How do I raise this issue with my husband? So that my husband will raise the issue with the girl's mother?
Q. Hi, id just like some advice regarding children as no matter what choice i make i fear im going to upset someone. my husband and i have a son. My husband also still sees his step daughter from his relationship before me. He sees her two Saturday...
A. 6 October 2016: I agree. This is very difficult to answer without knowing both children's ages, nor the significance of 'in 6 months' time'. What's going to happen in 6 months? A growth spurt?
One thing I will say is it not right to tell your son before telling ... (read in full...)
I was offended by the comment my personal trainer made in assuming I wanted to have an affair
Q. Some of you may recognise my story. I met a Personal Trainer who works at my gym. Was not attracted to him at first then gradually got to know a little about him and started growing an attraction. I feel the attraction was mutual as I could read ...
A. 5 October 2016: I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for an apology because from what I've read you're not owed one. I think you've really misread this whole situation.
You're interest in him is pretty obvious, but there is nothing in your post to suggest he feels... (read in full...)
My dad seems suspicious of me and I'm afraid he'll have my aunt restrict me!
Q. Hi everyone I really need some advise.. I recently moved to a different country to study and even though I'm living my aunt, my dad keeps on calling me everyday and honestly, it's a very intensive course and sometimes I don't pick due to the fact ...
A. 2 October 2016: Thank you for the follow up, OP. I'm relieved to know what the cultural angle is.
I stand by my earlier statement about trust and honesty being a two way street. This applies to ALL relationships. If parents want their children to be truthful... (read in full...)
My dad seems suspicious of me and I'm afraid he'll have my aunt restrict me!
Q. Hi everyone I really need some advise.. I recently moved to a different country to study and even though I'm living my aunt, my dad keeps on calling me everyday and honestly, it's a very intensive course and sometimes I don't pick due to the fact ...
A. 1 October 2016: I have some concerns about this 'honesty at all costs' philosophy.
It's easy for us in the Western world to advocate that young people confide freely and openly in their parents, but not all cultures embrace the ideals we do here. There is clear... (read in full...)
He caught me in a small white lie about my smoking cannabis!
Q. Ok so I told a small white lie to my boyfriend that I hadn't smoked cannabis in a while but he found out I had infact the day before but it was only a tiny bit and I didn't enjoy it anyway. When he got with me he knew I smoked and had given up...
A. 30 September 2016: Stop. Stretch and take a deep breath.
You have owned your mistake, your boyfriend has already said he wants to forget about it so leave it be and let time do the rest. He's not going to get over it any quicker with you keeping it all fresh in... (read in full...)
My dad seems suspicious of me and I'm afraid he'll have my aunt restrict me!
Q. Hi everyone I really need some advise.. I recently moved to a different country to study and even though I'm living my aunt, my dad keeps on calling me everyday and honestly, it's a very intensive course and sometimes I don't pick due to the fact ...
A. 30 September 2016: Trust and honesty are a two way street. If we want folks to be honest with us then we must do our part by helping create an atmosphere in which they feel safe telling the truth.
If your father has earned a reputation for mishandling news that ups... (read in full...)
She showed me her nude pictures. Does this mean she likes me?
Q. A little about us, we are both 21, study at the same university and are very close to each other. We study together, eat together, hang out it the same group most of the time. Last week we were doing an assignment at her place. Actually there w...
A. 28 September 2016: She told you she sees you as a little brother and she's declined every invitation you've put to her. I think it's safe to say this woman has NO romantic/sexual attraction to you whatsoever.
To her, you are purely a friend and no more.
... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is moving into a house with a guy she once cheated with. I'm not happy about this!
Q. Hi, My girlfriend recently moved out into a student house. I've been with her for a few months but shes moving into a house with the boy who she cheated on her boyfriend with previously. He has no respect for boyfriends and always tries to hit on ...
A. 28 September 2016: Another vote for the 'see ya' camp.
I recommend you don't try to explain this. A reasonable person gets it without explanation. She's pretending she doesn't so she can do whatever she wants.
She has poor judgment and poor character. You c... (read in full...)
He shut me out for 3 months, contacted me again but now is ignoring me again?
Q. So I have met this guy once, it went well, he texts me straight after to say he wanted to see me again. He then had a close friend die suddenly and so we didn't talk for 3 months since he completely shut me out ( to grieve I suppose ) he then texts ...
A. 26 September 2016: I have to agree with Honeypie. It's a terrible thing that his friend has died, but as has been pointed out, if this is how he deals with grief or setback, it's quite likely to happen again.
I don't think I'd bother with this one. Just quietly ... (read in full...)
Would it be acceptable to ask if our family could go again to their vacation home?
Q. I have known a couple for a very long time and used to see them often, but for the last couple of years it seems like they only want to get together once a year. My family used to borrow their vacation house-- we haven't been in about 5 years. Do...
A. 24 September 2016: I would definitely NOT ask. If and when they want others in their home or at their cottage they will invite you. It is very rude to put someone in the awkward position of saying no if they don't want you there. Even if you were very close to these ... (read in full...)
Why is he so fickle ? Why does my husband keep shutting me down?
Q. My husband and I have been together for 14 years but, only married for 1 year. We both have careers that draw on our time together. I noticed that both he and I were preferring to jerk off instead of trying to make time for each other with our busy ...
A. 22 September 2016: Your husband might not be inclined to engage in discussions about sex if he thinks they all have to lead to something.
He's in the mood when he's in the mood, but when he isn't he doesn't want sex in his face. ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 18 September 2016: Actually, you haven't been a wuss. You have standards. You set boundaries, and have maintained those boundaries throughout. You've been clear and up front, and your actions match your words. Do you think this guy is sitting at home beating him... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 9 September 2016: You did the right thing. For the record, he wasn't kind to you. He was trying to get you to lower your guard do he could enjoy more than friendship.
... (read in full...)
Is it superficial to place importance on someone's physical appearance in a relationship ?
Q. If I place a lot of emphasis on how someone looks in terms of partner potential, does that make me superficial? How about if I'm unable to perform sexually unless I find someone very sexually attractive. Often things like having a belly or unhandso...
A. 6 September 2016: Your friend is judging and making assumptions about people he doesn't even know, just based on how attractive HE thinks they are. It isn't just opinions he forms, but he takes it further by imposing on them a stricter set of rules, which he claims ... (read in full...)
Is it superficial to place importance on someone's physical appearance in a relationship ?
Q. If I place a lot of emphasis on how someone looks in terms of partner potential, does that make me superficial? How about if I'm unable to perform sexually unless I find someone very sexually attractive. Often things like having a belly or unhandso...
A. 6 September 2016: Some people have reported getting error messages when trying to respond to your question. It seems to be fine now. ... (read in full...)
Was it just an excuse? Or am I being selfish thinking 15 minutes away was not far?
Q. I have been dating a new guy recently and I have no car, so he usually has to pick me up and take me home. He ended things because I was too far away, despite only being 15 minutes away. Am I selfish for thinking I'm not that far?...
A. 6 September 2016: I second that.... (read in full...)
What is my Bf trying to achieve? Why would my Bf make up lies about my gay GF?
Q. I went out of town for a trip of 5 days. My bf has a key of my place and I left a key to my best friend also. My bf doesn't live with me. Last night my bf called me and said that he wanted to come see my cat and the door was unlocked and he ...
A. 6 September 2016: Your boyfriend is a con man and this is just another trick.
Breaking up with you makes all this go away quickly and quietly, or threatening to break up gets you to focus on how he feels instead of what he does.
I told you before, known li... (read in full...)
How can I heal this relationship? Should I stop texting him and treat this as a break-up?
Q. Hi all. Will try to make this as short as I can. My one year boyfriend recently told me he feels stressed when we meet up and he needs time to think carefully about what to do next. He made it clear he is leaning towards breaking up for his decis...
A. 5 September 2016: Kudos to you for not having sex with him. Let's look at your situation another way: You've been working at the same place for several years and you get on well with your boss. So well that each morning you bring him a coffee and muffin. T... (read in full...)
Was I in the wrong at all here? Should I complain? Should I leave a bad review?
Q. Hi all! Some advice needed please. I've been going to this beauty salon for almost 3 years and they have a very strict policy whereby if you give less than 24 hours notice to cancel your appointment, you are fully charged. I have no problem...
A. 5 September 2016: You were NOT in the wrong here, not by a long shot.
Complain to their head office (if you can, have the names of the people you spoke to, along with dates and times if you have them).
Then post your experience to their Facebook page, but stick ... (read in full...)
Pregnancy dilemma
Q. Okay let's see so I dated this guy for about 6 months and we broke up 3 weeks ago due to the fact that he didn't trust me and always thought I was cheating on him and it just put a huge strain on our relationship so we ended it. Two days ago I went ...
A. 4 September 2016: I would not rush out to tell him just yet.
1. There is no point in telling him if you're going to have an abortion and he doesn't get a vote. That's just cruel.
2. There is no point in telling him too soon if you're hoping to keep this child ... (read in full...)
How can I heal this relationship? Should I stop texting him and treat this as a break-up?
Q. Hi all. Will try to make this as short as I can. My one year boyfriend recently told me he feels stressed when we meet up and he needs time to think carefully about what to do next. He made it clear he is leaning towards breaking up for his decis...
A. 4 September 2016: So...lunch together every day and talking every night is space??
Treat this as a break up. That doesn't mean it's definitely over, but perhaps letting go of him will give him REAL space while not leaving you hanging.
Act as though you're do... (read in full...)
What is my Bf trying to achieve? Why would my Bf make up lies about my gay GF?
Q. I went out of town for a trip of 5 days. My bf has a key of my place and I left a key to my best friend also. My bf doesn't live with me. Last night my bf called me and said that he wanted to come see my cat and the door was unlocked and he ...
A. 2 September 2016: He lied.
He was hoping you would quietly start distancing yourself from this friend and that any fallout would stay between you and her, but he's been put in the spot light. Now your friend knows he's a liar. He overplayed his hand and now he j... (read in full...)
I just found out that the LDR guy I'd been dating is married and has a kid. I've blocked him but should I give him a chance to explain?
Q. Dear Cupid, I found out yesterday that the guy I’m with is married and has a child. I blocked him in wechat and whatsapp. It was such a disastrous feeling with I saw his Facebook of his wife and the child’s photos and not forgetting his we...
A. 2 September 2016: What reasonably explanation could there be for this?
And the fact that he calls you childish when he's caught doing the wrong thing says a lot about him.
He has nothing to say that you need to hear. So far you've handled this perfectly. So le... (read in full...)
Does this woman have stalker tendencies?
Q. I'll get straight to it. I have had the same woman pop up at my apartment because she couldn't reach me via phone, deny me the previously enjoyed privilege of caressing her butt and after months of no communication, send me a birthday text. ...
A. 2 September 2016: Not answering one's phone or returning a call is not an invitation for someone to come over, so I'd say she was more than a little rude, but I wouldn't call her a stalker at this point. Not by a long shot.
The fact that she's made some effort t... (read in full...)
My Zumba instructor boyfriend was joking with a participant to stop looking at his butt! Did he cross a line?
Q. My boyfriend is a Zumba instructor. Classes are all women. The other day in his class he told a participant jokingly to stop looking at his butt. He said this was harmless flirting. Part of the job. Hmmmm. I am not so sure about that. ...
A. 2 September 2016: Personally, I prefer a bit more formality as well, but I'm with the others. I think your boyfriend's joke was an innocent and harmless one.
There is a different dynamic at play in a salsa class or fitness club, then in certain other classes ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for being mad at my friends, and not wanting to talk to them?
Q. Quick advice aunts Do I have the right to be upset with my best friend? It was my birthday and we agreed to go to dinner and after drinks or a lounge. All my friends have boyfriends ( who they been with for 1-2 years) and I'm the only single ...
A. 2 September 2016: I agree with Cindy.
You'd have been better going for dinner or coffee and dessert or something. Spending the rest of the night in a bar is expensive and a lot more aggravation. Drinks cost a lot more, many places charge an entrance fee, then the... (read in full...)
What is my Bf trying to achieve? Why would my Bf make up lies about my gay GF?
Q. I went out of town for a trip of 5 days. My bf has a key of my place and I left a key to my best friend also. My bf doesn't live with me. Last night my bf called me and said that he wanted to come see my cat and the door was unlocked and he ...
A. 1 September 2016: I agree. Both have a reason to lie, but since your boyfriend has earned himself a reputation for lying, I would take anything he says with a grain of salt.
If he is, and I wouldn't put it past him, his motive is as old as the human race. He wants... (read in full...)
We met online. Am I being irrational about his actions? Should I be hurt ?
Q. I met a man a few weeks ago on a dating site app. He definitely came on strong and we texted quite a lot til I agreed to meet. I am very attracted to hm and likewise. He has some issues, recent divorce, job changes, relocation but seems very hea...
A. 1 September 2016: Perhaps another way to look at this is to imagine that you're one of his friends or family members.
What would YOU think of YOUR friend if she discarded you like an empty gum wrapper every time her boyfriend had a change in plans? What would yo... (read in full...)
Help I am worried what others may thnk at work about this..
Q. At work this week I was asked by assistant manager to work in a different area for 2 shifts as the staff in that area were not completely trained at a particular skill those shifts. ( many are but those shifts they were not) It was night shift in...
A. 31 August 2016: I agree. Chances are the possibility of you bad mouthing anyone hasn't even crossed anyone's mind, but yours. If they did wonder, for whatever reason, act as though this is all quite natural (which it is) with something like 'I told management if ... (read in full...)
We met online. Am I being irrational about his actions? Should I be hurt ?
Q. I met a man a few weeks ago on a dating site app. He definitely came on strong and we texted quite a lot til I agreed to meet. I am very attracted to hm and likewise. He has some issues, recent divorce, job changes, relocation but seems very hea...
A. 29 August 2016: I don't see that he's done anything wrong here. You've only had three dates, haven't known each other long at all, so expecting him to cancel his plans to accommodate you is a bit irrational. And at this early stage it's a bit premature to introduce ... (read in full...)
Why are certain men likely to act the way he is being towards me?
Q. I decided to cancel a 2nd date with a guy because i dont think hes worth giving a 2nd date . The reasons being he lies and he lies a lot , He told me he was 'fishing' this weekend so couldnt do the 2nd date this isnt the first lie hes told me hes t...
A. 27 August 2016: It's actually quite rude to ask someone why they can't make an engagement, whether they're declining a new one or cancelling/postponing an existing one. The reason may be perfectly innocent, but personal and possibly a little embarrassing. It's ... (read in full...)
Would going to the movies with an older male colleague be a mistake?
Q. Hi everyone, A few months ago, I moved to a new city for a new job. Most of my colleagues are a lot older than I am, and I am basically the 'new' blood being brought in to compensate for those who are going to retire soon. Anyway, I'm new to t...
A. 25 August 2016: I'll second Honeypie's caution.
You're dancing a line here because he's already started the troubled marriage routine. I cannot even begin to count how often we've heard this. It's a cliché really.
... (read in full...)
Is my ex boyfriend taking advantage?
Q. Am I being taken advantage of?. My ex boyfriend started doing some painting in my apartment. He has done two days work so far. He doesn't decorate for a living. He just said he would help. He got in touch with me on facebook, after not contacting me ...
A. 25 August 2016: OP, I don't think anyone here believes this guy is a gem, but you are not a victim here. You're taking advantage of him just as he is taking advantage of you.
Your first clue that he was going to be pushy was when he kept pushing to come to your ... (read in full...)
How can I ignore her attention seeking toxic responses and move on?
Q. I am in love with my straight best friend I have been in love with her since i met her...but by then, we were young. She partially reciprocated my love, because i have told her i love her. She however is afraid of really coming out...s...
A. 24 August 2016: Actually it's quite easy to ignore when her feeds are hidden or she's blocked and deleted entirely.
How do you plan to move on keeping her around?... (read in full...)
I know my ex has a new Gf, so why is he bothering to text me when he's drunk?
Q. why do ex boyfriends send text when drunk? my ex continues to give me false hope with random contact, I know he has a new gf so why the drunk texts?? ...
A. 24 August 2016: For the same reasons ex girlfriends send drunk texts. It's nice to know you're in demand and have options in case the one you're with doesn't pan out.
Like Honeypie said, he's just making sure you're still a viable temporary back up plan.
Bloc... (read in full...)
Is my ex boyfriend taking advantage?
Q. Am I being taken advantage of?. My ex boyfriend started doing some painting in my apartment. He has done two days work so far. He doesn't decorate for a living. He just said he would help. He got in touch with me on facebook, after not contacting me ...
A. 24 August 2016: What you're doing is akin to a man who shows up at his ex wife's home expecting her to cook him dinner, wash his clothes, nurse him when he's ill and have sex with him whenever he wants then argues he's a single guy and can date whomever he wants. ... (read in full...)
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