A
male
age
30-35,
*oobie
writes:I'll get straight to it. I have had the same woman pop up at my apartment because she couldn't reach me via phone, deny me the previously enjoyed privilege of caressing her butt and after months of no communication, send me a birthday text.I remember her seeing my ID once and that was the first time we went out. If she looked me up, she didn't admit it and when she showed up at my apartment, she managed this by visiting my mom's house (expecting me), but instead got my address from my brother.Be honest. Should I be worried? I don't want anything platonic (she's aware) and she doesn't seem to want anything at all (which goes against my wishes for a non platonic relationship). Is this some Joker type shit? I feel like if she wanted anything sexual, she'd have been upfront at this point.Is this the behavior of a stalker? I have to know from someone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2016): Now you tell us she's a dancer? As if you don't know the credibility of ladies who choose that profession. They are prostitutes who swing on a pole and dance on a stage.
They rely on money from patrons for shaking and jiggling, and will go the extra nine-yards if you'll become a sugar daddy. You're playing way out of your league here. If you have financial problems, and she always empties your pockets; she knows you think with your small head, and not the larger one. She sees nothing but a sucker.
Strippers and dancers are girls fallen by the wayside and have found an easy way to make money; and will play the knuckleheads who throw cash at them.
If you had told us she was a dancer from the start, you would have gotten a totally different answer from me.
She's a gold-digger, and you're too broke to have anything to do with someone in her profession. Does your brother and mother know what she does?
Something serious with her? Are you kidding us?!!
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 September 2016):
 It's not rude to be blunt (for the most part) so I wouldn't feel bad about that.
She probably WAS hoping for a guy who would give her whatever she asked for. Or she was testing your limits, either way, good for you to be honest with her and cutting the contact (which really seems to be in your best interest as well).
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A
male
reader, Doobie +, writes (6 September 2016):
Doobie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie is right and mg apologies for the idea that I have rights to grab ass. Let me clarify.We met at a party, we both obviously wanted SOMETHING from one another because beside the night of flirting, groping, dancing and an unexpected snowstorm, she was quite intent on getting me into a vacant room that night.Our first date, I was convinced to make a shady trip out of town for her benefit, was promised gas money, didn't get it, went to a dinner that ended up costing me $70 after I made it clear that I wasn't in financial shape, she woke my mother to play with the family dog and seemed to have some aversion to driving her own damn car to do anything.In the middle of this, I was foolish enough to want something serious (yes, we talked about it), but upon review, I thought "this woman is either insane or using me, but to what end".The shady activity, her profession ("dancer") and her behavior make me untrusting of her and even a bit concerned.I wish I could tell you more, but the gist is that she knows i wanted her before, but I have long since wised up.She claims to love hanging with me, but it always cost me everything and she never seemed to grasp that I simply can't pay her way everywhere or have her sleeping in my bed with me and other shit like that.To me it seemed she was just taking advantage of my initial attraction, but I refuse to be a fool forever.Our latest conversation ended with me telling her I wanted no such platonic friendship (on my end, because of distrust in her intent) and her saying no hard feelings and that I could call her if I ever wanted her back in my life.I replied that it wasn't likely, but thanks. Rude, i admit, but I need to get my point across. I never wanted what she claims she wants and it's not in my best interest to play these games.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2016): She just pops up? My friends do that all the time. Sounds like she just needs some attention or likes your company.
She likes the fact you find her attractive, but she may have some issues she's hiding about herself. She may think you're cool as a person, but not boyfriend-material.
She doesn't hit you up with a blitz of text messages, she's not all up on your social media accounts, you don't catch her starring up at your window at weird hours of the night, and she used to let you grope her. I speculate that she is conflicted about how she feels about you, and she's a very strange person. Unless she starts showing signs of a fatal attraction; or you walk in and find her already in your apartment.
I see no real reason to be concerned. She already knows your mother, and your brother trusted her enough to give her your info.
Have you ever straight-out asked her why she pursues you; but has no interest in you in a romantic sense? The best way to find-out what's on another person's mind is to ask them. Unless you are avoiding her for some reason.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 September 2016):
 I wouldn't panic just yet, yes her behavior is a bit over the top. My guess is that she likes you more than she is admitting. If her behavior is making you uneasy simply tell her you don't want her calling to your house anymore that you don't see a future friendship between you both then block all her contact details. You will know then if you have anything to worry about.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (2 September 2016):
 Not answering one's phone or returning a call is not an invitation for someone to come over, so I'd say she was more than a little rude, but I wouldn't call her a stalker at this point. Not by a long shot.
The fact that she's made some effort to see you suggests, but does not prove, that she's interested in you, but she might be insure about your intentions for her. Do you want a proper relationship or just a sexual fling?
If she only wants a friendship and that's not enough for you, then you need to tell her and cut ties. If you want to continue seeing her, you have to distinguish between wanting HER and wanting sexual favours.
It would be a good idea to instruct your family not to give out your contact information to anyone. If someone wants to get in touch with you they can leave THEIR contact information with your family. Then you can either call or not call. If you don't they'll know where they stand.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 September 2016):
Is she a potential stalker?
Honestly? It could be. If she "claims" she wants nothing from you, but hang out.
BUT it could also be that SHE thinks you two are becoming friends and let's face it, FRIENDS hang out. Friends visit each other. She knows you were interested in AT LEAST getting laid and SHE likes to play games....
I think it's WAY more likely that she is trying to regain your interest.
If you don't WANT to be her friend, TELL her and block her.
IF she still shows up at your house don't open the door. Just ask her to leave if she doesn't call the police.
Tell your family to NOT give out your address in the future and that this woman is NOT someone you are friends or anything else with.
And OP, any woman can at ANY time "deny" you to cop a feel. You have no "privileges" to another person's body.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2016): Writing as someone that was stalked to the point that it nearly went to court I'd say no, this woman isn't stalking you. I'm a bit confused did you only want sex and she wanted more? Or did you want a relationship and she wanted friendship? If the first scenario is true (you wanted sex and she wanted a relationship) then it sounds like she has a crush on you. When women want more they will want to be in contact and around you to see how you react but will avoid situations where anything sexual can happen.If the second scenario is true (you want a relationship and she wanted only friendship) then she's after attention. She knows you liked her and is looking to boost her ego by engaging with you again to see if you are still infatuated.If I were you I'd stop worrying. One text and a visit to your apartment is nothing. If you ignore her or tell her to leave you alone and she starts sending lots of texts or emails, and you start seeing her everywhere you go, then be concerned.
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