A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been together for 14 years but, only married for 1 year. We both have careers that draw on our time together. I noticed that both he and I were preferring to jerk off instead of trying to make time for each other with our busy schedules. I feel I am more guilty of this than he is. I noticed this pattern and have been trying to be more affectionate and spontaneous. We were in a nice hotel over a weekend recently and I bottomed for him which I have never done in our relationship. Things were really hot. Afterwards I came over to him on the couch intending to make out a bit and cuddle but I got totally shut down. When I went to kiss him he told me "I dont have any energy for that" In an angry tone. I thought maybe he was freaked out about me bottoming out of the blue or that he was turned off from me bottoming since I am kind of masc and usually top him.Things went back to normal and the other night I was going to buy some new toys for the bedroom. I asked him if he wanted any and had a bit of a sexy conversation. The next morning I asked him " what should we get?". He said "we have to pay for the computer" and didn't say anything else. I was so confused I thought we were having 2 different conversations. I clarified "what toys should we get?". He then said it again and totally shut me down. Any ideas why he's being so fickle lately? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2016): So I spoke to my husband. He had gotten an E-mail that morning telling him the rest of the cost of the computer was due or we would have to start paying interest. He was worried about this but hadn't told me that morning. We're still on for toy shopping. In person this time. I told him that I wasn't trying to pester him but, I was trying to keep things exciting. I definitely think we will be enjoying our day off together this Sunday. Thanks guys!
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 September 2016):
 Your husband might not be inclined to engage in discussions about sex if he thinks they all have to lead to something.
He's in the mood when he's in the mood, but when he isn't he doesn't want sex in his face.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2016): I agree with WiseOwlE.You can speculate, that's all. You need to talk. But it takes two to talk, which means that he too has to be in the mood for a conversation. Since you're the one who sees a problem, you're more likely to get impatient.But something's up. And it may or may not be connected to you. It seems that whatever it was was not caused by your change of style during your little getaway. As I understood it, you two where having a problem before that. And that little trip was supposed to make you closer, but instead it underlined the problem that was already there. You've known him for 14 years. Does he shut down when he has a problem (at work, with family, health-related, or with you)? If he does, then you know that he'll tell you when he feels like it (I'm not saying that this is fair). If he shuts down only when there's a certain type of problem, then you might speculate as to what it may be (I don't advise jumping into this rabbit-hole).I'd just be really kind and tell him that I feel that something's up and that I would like to talk to him when he feels like talking. Try making more time for the two of you. Take him out and do something you both like (ok, something that he prefers ;). And give him some space. However, if you continue to notice that he's still fickle, then as WiseOwlE said, you need to insist on having that conversation.I hope things work out!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2016): Sometimes people get a bug up their butts and it really has nothing to do with you; or what you may perceive to be the reason. Only he knows what his issue is; and until he decides to fess-up, all you can do is speculate.
Like our female counterparts, we gay men sometimes leave it up to our male partners to read our minds. We become a drama queen in a silent movie. When asked what is the problem, the answer is "nothing." Then 20 minutes later, you get your head ripped from your neck for something petty.
Talk man to man. Just tell him you can't figure out what the problem is, and you'd really like to know. You'd be willing to listen to what it is. If he refuses to tell you, tell him what you believe it to be. He'll have an opening to express his feelings and finally clear the air.
Some folks are shocked or resistant to change. Maybe he thought you weren't satisfied with the usual arrangement sexually or might be up to something on the side. Now that you're more mature and suddenly becoming adventurous, he's feeling pressured to keep-up with you. Take baby-steps and have some sexy conversation. He may have a problem totally unrelated and taking out his grumpiness on you.
Shutting you down is avoiding the facts and evading a serious discussion. You have to ask him to talk to you, or you'll just assume the worst. That's all you can do when people get stubborn and won't talk. Don't tolerate his snapping at you, if he won't man-up and spill his guts.
Fickleness is often associated with a guilty conscience.
...............................
|
