A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently split with my boyfriend of 4.5 years. The past 5 months have been a rollercoaster and although we only seperated 6 weeks ago i think i came to terms with it over a long period of ups and downs. We do not get along anymore and he is not ready to commit i thought a 'break' would do us good. I bumped into another ex, someone i have a lot of history with we were together for many years, double my last relationship. Things ended badly between us when he betrayed me with a friend but i have always held a torch for him and know that he has wanted to get back with me for a couple of years now. I have been left feeling very dejected from my last relationship, when i saw my other ex all feelings came flying back and we ended up sleeping together. I feel very strange about it, i'm disapointed that i let him back into my life after all the hurt and betrayal. I also think had my current situation been better and i had not split up 6 weeks ago then this may never have happened. I also feel sad and incredibly guilty as even though i know that i'm on a 'break' there is probably no going back now....help!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): Try to move slower and make better decisions on whom you want in your life. On one hand you are wanting to move forward from your 2nd ex but you went for your 1st ex because of your ancient history with him. It would have been wiser to see what he is all about "now" and take things slower, maybe even taste the waters a bit, otherwise you wouldn't be feeling like this.
Good luck, and try to spend some time thinking about what you really want in life
A
female
reader, Redoctober  +, writes (19 April 2010):
Hello,
I would think that right now you desperately need some me time to clear your head. You need to stop all contact with both men in order to be able to make an informed decision.
Don't forget that an ex is an ex for a reason. You were probably feeling down, disappointed and unwanted when you slept with this ex and like you said it isn't something you would have done had you been happy in your current relationship. If you are going to start anything with him again you first of all have to end your current relationship, get over him, find yourself and then see about trying for a second time. If it was all a rebound thing, then you need to let him know so he doesn't have his hopes up.
With regards to your current boyfriend, you are on a break and from what you say, it is more likely that you will not be getting back together. If you do decide to give it a try, come clear to him about your expectations. Make sure that both of you are on the same page before giving it another go because you really do not want to start it all again, knowing what you know now and setting yourself up for heartbreak all over again.
Go easy on yourself. We all have made mistakes and not all of us admit to them
Good luck
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 April 2010):
I think neither of these men is right for you. I think you need to move on from both and really focus on yourself for now, because it seems like you need to address the type of man you fancy. Neither of these are right for you.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (19 April 2010):
 It sounds like you shouldn't be with either of those guys. The latest one doesn't want to commit and the first one betrayed you.
Don't feel guilty about this. I'd just suggest getting away from both.
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