A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we're engaged and getting married this summer but lately he's been acting weird towards me he complains about my weight he tells me that I'm not attractive anymore, the sex is awesome, he wants it all the time No problems there, but he tells me to my face that he doesn't find me attractive anymore we love eachother very much but its just bothering me maybe I'm not good enough? We have talked about it but we always end up in a fight. I'm so fed up that I feel like calling the wedding off, should I end this relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): At 18-21, you're too young to be seriously considering marriage, especially to a man who says he doesn't find you attractive. If you've been with him 5 years, chances are that you've never dated anyone else or had other relationships. End the engagement, keep seeing him if you want, but I think you might want to consider dating other people as well. Don't spend your youth tied down to one man!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): well I can relate to what's going on in this relationship im a young man my self 24 girlfriend 22 we have been together for quite a while and this feeling he has about you is something which any young man has. He questions your beauty in comparison to these other young ladies he views everyday. Now the difference between me and you're bf I would not say something so rude. Cause I do find my gf attractive but not only because of her looks or sex its her complete package. I see hot women all the time but i realize they arent close to my baby. This is what I recommend you to try since he thinks your Unattractive plan your daily schedule full of things to do. Stop sex for over a week then during the second week towards the end of it. Go out Have fun then make love. Hopefully he will realize there is much more to a relationship then looks he will always see a woman that he fancy's but his thought process is strictly physical to give up true love for shallow sex. Is not worth it hopefully he will realize this. Also push the wedding back or cancel it he needs to tame his inner man before you can marry. I've been where he is hopefully he is not a idiot. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): Hi1. he is using you2. he has problems, not you 3. he is hiding the truth, maybe scared4. dont change for him, change for yourself, if YOU dont want to loose weight, he should accept you the way you are, or he is not worth marrying, he might later run away if you - for example - get sick or in bad trouble, or simply gain weight after pregnancy and birth5. break it off today, if he really loves you he will go out of the way to get you back, then he will learn to appreciate you. if he doesnt, gooooood bye
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A
male
reader, tannedarmyguy +, writes (23 April 2010):
End it. Yesterday is too late. If he loves you and hes the one to marry he would not be saying this to you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 April 2010):
 He seems really unsupportive and controlling, I doubt he will "magically" find you attractive once you have a ringer on your finger.
I would not marry someone if I knew they didn't find me attractive, that would seriously give me some self esteem issues.
The question is not AM I good enough? , it should be Is HE worthy?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 If he tells you he isn't attracted to you, you shouldn't marry him. He is putting you down for who knows what reason, and it is a red flag. If he wasn't attracted to you he'd leave you, or talk to you about what is causing the problem and want to solve it (maybe he feels you let yourself go or you started smoking and he cant stand it or whatever reason). He hasn't mentioned what his problem is (you havn't told us at least), and he hasn't made any efforts to solve it (none that you have mentioned again). So the conclution is: he simply wants to find a way to put you down so he can control you in the relationship. Red flag. Don't let him put you down!
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A
female
reader, Just Diana  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 DUMP HIM IMMEDIATELY.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks the advice is really helpful
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 You should not marry him unless you are 100% happy with this relationship - and by the sounds of things you are not totally happy. If he really loved you and cared about you he would not tell you to your face that you are unattractive, instead he would be finding a constructive way to overcome this problem.
Have you actually asked him why he is no longer attracted to you? And why he can still have sex with you if he is not physically attracted to you? And why he wants to get married to someone he doesnt find attractive?
Getting married is a huge decision, and it is for the rest of your life so if something as huge as physical attraction is missing then that is something to be very worried about! I think you need to call off the wedding before it is too late, and then try and work on your relationship and see if there is anything you can do to make yourself more attractive to him again. But do not marry him first and then try and fix the problem - that is a recipe for disaster! All your problems need to be fixed in your relationship before you get married, so it is best to postpone the wedding for now and see if you can resolve the situation.
I dont think you should neccessarily end the relationship right now - if you love each other so much and everything else is great then you never know, you might be able to save the relationship.
Have you put on a lot of weight? It may just be something as simple as that - you may have gone a little too far with your weight gain and it is normal for feelings to change due to this. I know this is difficult but when one partner in a relationship puts on a lot of weight then you are not the same person that the other partner fell in love with and that attraction is lost. It is not gone completely, and of course they still love you and are attracted to you as a person, but there is a limit to how much weight someone can put on before they look completely different and become unnattractive to their partner.
Would you still be physically attracted to your partner if he had gained a lot of weight? I bet your answer will be something like "of course, I love him no matter what he looks like" and of course this is true - but love and physical attraction are 2 different things. You can be in love with someone but not attracted to their body - that is possible. So maybe I am just suggesting here that possibly you could lose some weight and everything would go back to how it was before? I mean losing a few pounds would not be a bad thing if it saved your relationship now would it?
Now I am only basing this on you really putting on weight - if you have only gained a few pounds and your boyfriend is just being overly critical then that doesnt apply - you should not lose weight to help your relationship unless you have put on at least 7-10 pounds.
So just talk to your boyfriend - ask him why he is saying these things to you and why he would feel this way yet still be marrying you. You should not have to put up with this behaviour and it is not right, he is in the wrong here so you need to sort this out. Postpone the wedding until the problem is resolved, and dont agree to still get married if when you talk to him he says "I'm so sorry it wont happen again" - that is nonsense just to keep you quiet. You need to wait a few months to see if he really will stop criticising you before you go ahead with the wedding.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Isa123 +, writes (23 April 2010):
 For women, looks is highly important to us. As sad as that may be or how much we try to deny it, we want to look good for our men.
You definitely need to work through some issues here. Ask him what else he doesn't like about you and such. He has no right to keep complaining and still have sex with you.
And weight problems are fixable. Getting married during the summer? Lose some weight!
I went vegetarian (and cut off junk food too), exercised more, and ended up losing five sizes in three months!
Either way. You need to seriously get things straight with your fiance. Or else he may start to complain about far more uncontrollable issues...
Good luck sweetie.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (23 April 2010):
 When the man who you plan on spending the rest of your life with tells you he doesn't find you attractive anymore, he's got some issues and you probably shouldn't be marrying him.
I'd consider talking to him, tell him your concerns and see how he reacts. If calling off the wedding doesn't seem to bother him then you DEFINITELY should call it off.
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A
female
reader, TooGenerous +, writes (23 April 2010):
 This is coming from someone who has been with someone for 12 years and never married him!!! I would definitely call off the wedding. Why put yourselves through that? You both should get counseling before you marry and make sure it is exactly what you want to do. If you are feeling this way now, then imagine how you will feel once you are married and you can't just leave!! Too bad for him if you have gained a little weight! That is horrible he makes you feel belittled because of that. It might be his way of feeling good about himself. I would say call off the wedding get counseling and don't end up a statistic.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 April 2010):
I don't think it's worth being married to man who doesn't find you attractive. You do need to call it off work through this. Why marry a man who claims to to find you attractive yet still has sex with you? He might just be using you.
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