A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so i'm with the girl of my dreams, and a brief conversation we had one day is kind of bugging me. Were both in our early 20's, so this isnt anything to necessarily worry about any time soon:she is crazy about one of her sisters children- pictures on her wall, phone, always asking her sister about them, etc. one day the topic of our own children came up; i want two, she wants none.i have a lot of little cousins and friends with children that i adore as if they were my own...i can't imagine my life without kids; one of the many reasons i'm in college is to make sure i can have/maintain a stable living environment for myself and the family i want to have one day.despite how close she is with one of her sister's children, she said she's always hated children and never wanted to have any. shes never told anyone because she didn't want anyone to hate her for feeling that way. how she feels is totally understandable, but it still kind of makes it uncomfortable; im not sure if its really a sore subject..or how she would react if i were to ever bring her around any kids?i know its odd that id think about this so soon, but id hate to invest time and feelings into this and one day resent each other for either 1) me sacrificing something i want so badly or 2) make her feel pressured to give me something i know she doesn't want.is this something that may change or am i wasting my time?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 This is a deal breaker so you have no choice but to bring this discussion up once again. Have a nice clear conversation so that there are no lingering doubts about where each of you stand on the issue. Then decide which direction your relationship should go.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): so so young, everything will most likely change. wait till all of her freinds start having babys, wait until you have a steady and stable enviroment. I would nearly bet my left nut that she will be very interested in the future. I was in the same situation, now i have 3 beautiful children, the last one i was borderline begged for :)
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (8 June 2010):
 First of all, I know this has to be quite upsetting to you. Second, I'd like to clear up a misconception you have...NOT ALL WOMEN WANT CHILDREN! I never did, its not that I hated children, I just didn't see myself as being a mom, I never had that burning desire that some women have. If I never would have had children, I would have been ok with it. I do have children all grown now, and I enjoy them immensely. People's feeling can change. But the fact that she feels so strongly about this subject is what concerns me. I rather doubt her feelings will ever change. I'm afraid this really isn't something that you can compromise on seriously. You either want children, or you don't. If you are just a little afraid and unsure like I was..then it can work out fine. But if she really says she hates children...um...I don't think that's a good sign at all. I'm sad to say that it would probably be best not to go much further in the relationship. I'm so sorry. Perhaps if you talk to her, you could get to the bottom of it? I'd at least try before walking away. Maybe there's a very good reason?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionappreciate the answers! answers i was afraid of.... :(
id just hate to leave and see her in the grocery store 5 or so years later (the time id ever even consider having kids) pushing a stroller...this is very unique to me: i know women that do not have kids, but ive never met a woman that didn't want them. im not knocking it--your body, your choice-- but from my experience i always thought that it was the other way around.
i was honestly too scared to go any further with the conversation, so i never found out why she felt that way: she may not be able to have them, parenting issues, etc. would talking about the reasons why she doesnst like kids change anything? ive even considered talkin to her about adoption one day
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionappreciate the answers! answers i was afraid of.... :(
id just hate to leave and see her in the grocery store 5 or so years later (the time id ever even consider having kids) pushing a stroller...this is very unique to me: i know women that do not have kids, but ive never met a woman that didn't want them. im not knocking it--your body, your choice-- but from my experience i always thought that it was the other way around.
i was honestly too scared to go any further with the conversation, so i never found out why she felt that way: she may not be able to have them, parenting issues, etc. would talking about the reasons why she doesnst like kids change anything? ive even considered talkin to her about adoption one day
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 June 2010):
 I don't think you should pursue this relationship, unless you are not looking for a serious relationship. You sound like you are already for the look-out for someone to have children and a future with. This girl is not the one. But, if you do not want children yet, but in maybe 5 years time, there is nothing wrong with being with this woman for maybe 2-3 months and then break it off with her when you want to find the one you can be serious with.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (8 June 2010):
 A big reason for relationships not working, including divorce, is because couples are not on the same page when it comes to whether or not they want children. It's surprising how many times this topic does not come up.
Yes, you are still very young and so is she, but if you really could consider marrying her and she feels that strongly about not having children, and you are the exact opposite... than this truly is something that you should take into consideration before moving any further. Do people ever change their mind? Yes, but is it worth waiting around for her to maybe change her mind? That would be like her waiting around for you to maybe change your mind that you don't want to have kids. Will it happen?
If you both are on the extreme opposite ends of this topic and aren't going to budge, than it will not work... I'm sorry to say.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (8 June 2010):
 I suppose it can change and probably often does. On the other hand, it may not. I am an example of the later. I have no children, never wanted any and absolutely do not like other people's little darlings. I've been this way since the age of 16 and am now, 39. I've never regretted the decision nor do I entertain reversing my position. I think all you do is establish a baseline belief belonging to your g/f and work from that. If she alters her stance, then you're good to go. Only you can decide which direction to take. On a cautionary note: I'd discourage you from trying too hard to demonstrate to her, the likability of children; I know it has/had only the exact opposite effect on me: my personal "fave" being the dragging of a squawling new baby into my office, leaking from all major orifices and stinking to high hell. Or the always-enjoyable experience of a screaming toddler in a restaurant-whilst it's parents continue unperturbed. Not everyone adores children. It's why I don't have them.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (8 June 2010):
 This is major topic and if you want children in the future and she does not maybe it will best to part ways. Investing time in her is going to make you have stronger feeling for her, and maybe love her enough to marry her, and than you might request that she gives you a child. When in reality she was honest with you from the beginning, and you might start to resent her for it. Leaving now will be the best thing to since you two have different very important major MAJOR issues for the future.
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