A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I need some advice. What is it about guys? Can you not just say what you want?! How do you interpret and understand all the mixed messages and tell if a guy really likes you or not. Are we just friends, do you want more? Why cant guys just SAY how they feel? Guys, can you give me some advice on some of the things you might say and do if you really liked a girl, but didnt have the balls to actually tell her? Or if you were just being nice and letting someone down gently?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (16 June 2010):
 I think his actions say that for whatever reason, he's not prepared to date you at this time. I think in light of this, if I were you, I wouldn't let myself get set up for disappointment by him. I think it would be better for you to go do some self-esteem building, whatever it takes, and as you get yourself to a more balanced place, you'll be able to attract guys who are also more balanced and easier to understand.
I have a personal fondness for yoga as a means of keeping myself serene, focused and somewhat balanced to get through my day in the healthiest of ways. I think it would be a very good thing for you too, as it allows you to observe yourself with a great deal of compassion, and you wind up getting to know yourself in ways that will surprise you. We all have perfection within us; we just need to recognize it and nurture it.
Just treat this man as a good friend for now, he'll eventually reveal what sounds like his own inner struggle with balance. Don't try to go out on dates with him, stop treating him as a potential date or mate. Do this for at least three months, keep him as a friend only, and then observe what happens. There's no rush here, right? You don't have some deadline you have to meet or anything, so just relax, and let things cook along at whatever pace gets set. Eventually, as your vision clears and your head gets straight, you'll be able to see his motivation and flaws and then will be in a much better place to decide what to do.
Yoga, I am serious. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am struggling at the moment, with low self esteem, depression and lack of experience, which are all confusing me when it comes to understanding love and relationships and how to read men. This man in particular.
Yes he says he cares for me. He says that he will always be there for me. He tells me how much we have in common. He said he wasnt ready to date, after breaking up with his ex (6 months ago) and he didnt want to use me, or hurt me by being a rebound. I mean too much to him.
But I try and get him to go out with me, to do stuff, and something always gets in the way. Either with me or him. If we dont talk for a few days he say he missed me. Yet trying to get him to go out with me is impossible?
I just dont get it. Really I dont. If he doesnt like me, why does he say all those things? If he does like me why wont he do anything about it?
What is going on? I know he is painfully shy, but I am trying. What is going on?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 June 2010):
Now, hold on there missy. Let's get the male brains engaged in this before we hoist the white flag. Please tell us what he says/does and how you have responded, before we totally give this up.
He's said he cares for you? Actually said those words out loud? And then did what? Asked you out? Said he's not ready for a relationship? Accepted a date when you asked him out? What?
The lack of detail is a problem here, you do need to give more info. And I'm sorry if my post was too vague, but it was based on thin air, after all!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am an idiot. Saying he cares obviously means he doesnt. He tells me how much he likes me, then he goes all quiet on me. He is shy, but from what you have all said I suppose its just apathy.
You have just told me my worst fear and everything that I did not want to hear. He's just not that in to you. :(
Thank you for your time anyway.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (10 June 2010):
 Beleive it or not, most of the guys ive met over the years are very very shy. We watch too many romantic films where the knight in the shining armour whisks us off our feet. Usually the woman has to give a guy a nudge in the right direction and once 'He's ' sure that you like him, he will then let himself go and be the man he thinks you want. Love is a game, you will learn the rules and be hurt along the way many times before we reach the goal. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 June 2010):
I think a 'mixed message' is pretty much a message that he's not into you enough to be clear about liking you. Ergo, he doesn't like you enough to make it clear he likes you, ergo he doesn't like you. Is that clear?
One of the other aunts used this line recently and I don't know if I can search it properly.
I found it: read CindyCares' posts in these: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-really-like-him-but-i-am-confused.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-dropped-me-like-a-bad-habit-what.html
Assume that he is letting you down gently. That will be easier on your ego in the long run. If he isn't chasing you, he isn't interested enough to chase you. There, I think that was clear enough.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (10 June 2010):
 See? what did I tell you?
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (10 June 2010):
You're asking the $64,000 question, sister. Personally? I think guys don't really express things, clearly because it's some sort of "EWWww ikky-poo-nasty feelings-stuff!" Sorta like getting cooties when you were little. People make millions writing books trying to translate this into coherency (Like: We're from Venus, they're from hell drivel) Being female myself,I don't think there's a real answer to your question beyond, women are wired one way, men are wired in some completely bizarre other way. There are some superior Aunt (uncles) on this site that can likely offer you some better insight to this than I. Hold on, one will probably be along soon. TimmD and Caring Guy are 2 really insightful guys. There's also a few old buzzards on patrol with a unique grasp of realty as well.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (10 June 2010):
 For the record, women are just as guilty as men at doing this. Not all women do it, but not all men either.
Can you give some examples of the behavior this guy has shown you? Odds are if you are getting ANY kind of sign, no matter how small, he likes you. Physical contact is a big sign, even small touches to the shoulder, arm, etc.
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