A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HEY. Me and my girlfriend is together for 2 years and got engaged some time ago [e-mail address removed]. My problem is that I cant deal with the fact that she slept with four guys before we started dating. When I think of this I get so angry that I dont get a shortness of breath. I love this girl really much. What should I do, or whats wrong with me[Moderator's note: user's own title]
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female
reader, raiders  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 I suggest before you move forward go to counseling and deal with this jealousy. You don't want to get to serious in this relationship unless you know this something you can handle.
To be to worry about her sexual past must mean that your a virgin right, and you want someone that shares your points and value. You want to marry a virgin because you are one too. If this is not the case than snap out it because your contradicting yourself and you have no rights to throw stones.
Good Luck and I really hope you deal with this feelings now.
A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 If you love her is fact, than first think out the reason of your love for her...it may not be exclusively related with sexual matter, but with her physical and intellectual personality, and emotionally the intimacy you have experienced with her...
But, her sex with other should not disturb your mind, or choice of your mind. Sex with other do not make her impure in intellectual and emotional plane. The plain fact about sex is that human mind begin to experience sex even without partner!
or with some imaginary partner also.
Without feeling jealousy, and with experiencing intimacy, you can discuss political aspect of sex with your partner
also. Well, in all circumstances jealousy is diseases of
the mind, which kill the romance of love. Sex do not make anyone impure, but jealousy can make all life poisonous. which I like to remind you.
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A
male
reader, Kama  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 4 people is not very many at all. Have you also slept with about that many?
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Have you had sex with anybody before you met her?
Everybody has to deal with their partner's history. This is life. The thing you have to remember is that it's YOU she wants to marry and is going to marry. People need to experience love, including sex, to realize what they do... or in your girl's case, DON'T want... which has been those previous men.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Well like you said it was before you met... Not a reflection on you, and not something you or she can change. It's somewhat sexist to judge a woman on her number of partners. How many women have you slept with?
That said, everyone has felt jealous of an ex at some point. It's not rational, it just happens. Since there's NOTHING you or she can do to change it other than break up, you just need to try not to think about it or to break up with her. Maybe therapy would be able to help. Remember she didn't agree to marry any of them, but she's marrying YOU.
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