| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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Too Close For My Comfort
Q. I need advice. My 24 year old stepdaughter moved in with us. She quit a perfectly good job and came home. She doesn't clean up, she doesn't pay rent, she generally acts like she is still a child instead of the grown woman she is. My problem and...
A. 30 August 2012: After reading your follow-up I have to say that this may indeed cross the line. Too bad your elaboration was deleted by a mod, because now we still don't know what this "graphic detail" is. Could you try to give us the cliff notes version so we know ... (read in full...)
Too Close For My Comfort
Q. I need advice. My 24 year old stepdaughter moved in with us. She quit a perfectly good job and came home. She doesn't clean up, she doesn't pay rent, she generally acts like she is still a child instead of the grown woman she is. My problem and...
A. 30 August 2012: This may be strange in a culture where physical intimacy has become somewhat of a taboo. That's the thing in America; compared to some other countries people here have a lot of freedom when it comes to love and relationships, yet men are afraid to ... (read in full...)
Want to be skinny
Q. i want to get skinny im uk size 8 or 10 but feel really fat i hate my body and need some confidence i have always been a bit chubby and always upset at my body i want to be petit i hate being curvy i find it so unatracctive and fat help me get ...
A. 30 August 2012: There is nothing wrong with your size, honey. I do understand what you're going through, as I experienced the same when I was your age. Then I started crash dieting, got really skinny and as a result guys didn't even want to go out with me anymore ... (read in full...)
Did I make the right choice by telling him to get rid of his female friend?
Q. So about a year ago, my boyfriend of 3 years and I got into a right about a female friend he's had for about two more years than he's known me (we've known each other for 7years). It might also be a good idea to add that we also dated for two years ...
A. 29 August 2012: You did the right thing. The girl said it herself: she was in love with him and knew she would never have him, which made the friendship painful because it wasn't a friendship from her side, it was unrequited love. I think she needed that push to be ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is a cheapskate with me but can spend the money on himself. I'm sick of it.
Q. My boyfriend is so, so cheap with me. Scenario: We don't usually ever go out to eat anymore. If we do, I'm the one who pays (he insists that I do) because he buys food for his apartment and shares it with me when I come over (even though he's rea...
A. 28 August 2012: Ah sorry, OP. I didn't spot your follow-up. Well, if his behavior has developed into this within 2 years, it's safe to say he'll be even worse as time passes. Especially when he's not open to criticism it's nearly impossible for a person to change ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is a cheapskate with me but can spend the money on himself. I'm sick of it.
Q. My boyfriend is so, so cheap with me. Scenario: We don't usually ever go out to eat anymore. If we do, I'm the one who pays (he insists that I do) because he buys food for his apartment and shares it with me when I come over (even though he's rea...
A. 28 August 2012: I dated a guy who acted like treating me on an incream cone was like paying the rent for my apartment. I was done with him pretty quickly.
Your boyfriend is even worse. And he'll continue to get worse from now on. The fact he can't handle y... (read in full...)
He's engaged, his fiancé is pregnant, but WE have feelings for each other. What should I do?
Q. I have a friend who is engaged to be married but is very unhappy in his relationship. We have recently discovered that we have strong feelings for eachother. The issue is his fiancee is 5 months pregnant (unplanned). We would never act on those ...
A. 27 August 2012: If you get involved with him, years from now, the situation will be the same, but with you in a different position. Another woman will post the question on this website, saying that the person she's interested in is currently in an "unhappy" ... (read in full...)
Do you think I overreacted?Should I just stop talking to him?
Q. I'm a girl.I've known this guy for 9 months and we were always good friends.We talked about almost everything - music,piano,our own crushes....etc. I always saw him as my really good friend cos he was such a caring,respectful(he always says sorry to ...
A. 26 August 2012: Well, he's obviously a pervert. But stop fussing over this so much, OP. He couldn't talk you into his bed (with the way he went about it I doubt anyone would fall for that) and that's that. You are overreacting yes, but in the sense that you are ... (read in full...)
Young Woman attracted to a man over twice her age or just really fiendly?
Q. I'm a mid 40's guy who works in the IT sector. Most days I have been going to the same local Subway for lunch over the last 6 to 8 months. There is this young chinese girl who looks about 17 or 18 and I think is interested in me. I say "think" ...
A. 24 August 2012: OP, you have to be open to the possibility that she may just view you as a father figure and be extra kind to you because of that. I'm 24 and I got chatty with a guy who is two times my age. He seemed nice, wise and I guess I felt comfortable around ... (read in full...)
I looked into my dad's phone messages and think I've discovered he's having an affair!
Q. I am literally shaking with rage and I don't know who I can turn to right now. I think I have just discovered that my Dad is having an affair. My parents have been married for over 25 years now. I was having troubles with my phone so I looked around ...
A. 23 August 2012: Talk to your dad first. Give him the chance to explain himself and let him be the one to tell your mom and siblings about this. If he doesn't, you can always choose to do it yourself.
I'm not a fan of the "ignorance is bliss" approach, so I wou... (read in full...)
I'm falling for a teacher!
Q. Okay, so there is a teacher at my school, who teaches another grade. He's 27 and I really like him. He speaks to me like I'm an adult and he's super sweet to everyone. After school sometimes; he runs a thing for little kids to play around. My friend ...
A. 22 August 2012: OP, since you want to be treated as an adult I will not beat around the bush and I hope you can handle that like mature, responsible adults can.
First of all, please read this: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/crushes-on-teachers.html
As for ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my Bf that two friends, one being male, plus me, shared a bed during a sleep-over, but nothing happened?
Q. So I slept in the same bed with two of my friends, one male and one female when I have a boyfriend. Nothing weird happened it was just a simple sleepover but I am worried that my boyfriend will be upset about it - even though they are both his ...
A. 18 August 2012: Don't tell him if he doesn't ask. If you bring it up by yourself he may suspect there was more going on, so why would you? Besides, since it was completely innocent, you're not in any way obliged to tell him anything. I don't tell my bf all the ... (read in full...)
What I want vs what he wants!!!!!!! PLEASE HELP!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 years. We have traveled a lot, lived a lot of different places and done some amazing things. He is about 1-2 years older than me. This is the issue - I want to get married and have kids and feel like I am ...
A. 18 August 2012: I want to point out that at your age range 26-29, it's going to take quite a few years for you to be stamped as an 'old mom' . But if this is a deal breaker to you, you need to seriously discuss your future plans and ask him sincerely about his. ... (read in full...)
Trust? Betrayal? My Girlfriend cheated and got pregnant so now what?
Q. my GF cheated and got pregnant and the father of the baby died. now shes begging me not to break up with her.and wants me to help her with the baby... i feel like im just being used should i kick her to the curb help her out or what... and im...
A. 17 August 2012: And sorry to reply for a third time (Dear Cupid does not allow us to edit our posts) I just want to say that a bad family does not excuse bad, irresponsible behavior. My dad was a drug dealer, my uncle a severe alcoholic, my mom is ill, and ... (read in full...)
Trust? Betrayal? My Girlfriend cheated and got pregnant so now what?
Q. my GF cheated and got pregnant and the father of the baby died. now shes begging me not to break up with her.and wants me to help her with the baby... i feel like im just being used should i kick her to the curb help her out or what... and im...
A. 17 August 2012: Oh and one more thing: you only have her side of the story, which means she can make it as dramatic as she wants to manipulate you.... (read in full...)
Trust? Betrayal? My Girlfriend cheated and got pregnant so now what?
Q. my GF cheated and got pregnant and the father of the baby died. now shes begging me not to break up with her.and wants me to help her with the baby... i feel like im just being used should i kick her to the curb help her out or what... and im...
A. 17 August 2012: Your Gf is a treacherous snake, OP. I'm sorry to say it but this whole "boohoo look at poor little me" act is just for her benefit. She doesn't give a rat's ass about how you feel.
Heck she even admitted she slept with the guy for career prospect... (read in full...)
I don't know if this is workplace bullying :( what can I do?
Q. First off thanks for reading, i know it's quite long but today this has really gotten to me and i don't know what to think, hence why i am turning to you lovely people :) I have been working for a small but successful company for the past 4 years...
A. 16 August 2012: This happened to my dad after 19 years of loyalty to the company he worked at. They had to downsize and instead of paying him to leave they tried to make work conditions so bad he would quit his job by himself. The problem when you do that is that ... (read in full...)
Aftermath of a threesome.
Q. I'm kind of in a bind here and I need your take on this situation because it's not a black or white scenario. Several years back, my friend decided that he thought it would be fun if we all had a threesome with his then girlfriend. We d...
A. 16 August 2012: OP, why not simply discuss it with your friend before this all blows up in your face? In arrangements like these communication is crucial because 'the rules' are gone. Ask your friend about the relationship with her and what he wishes from it. You ... (read in full...)
My wife passed away a year ago, and I have since fallen in love with my sister-in-law. HELP !!!
Q. Hi my question is My wife passed away over 1 year ago i have no kids and I have now become very close to my sister in law she is married and her husban is always overseas From the time I spend with my sister inlaw I have falling in love wit...
A. 16 August 2012: Just because you lost your wife doesn't give you a free pass at wrecking another person's marriage. As long as your sister in law is married, she's off limits, end of story. You keep your feelings to yourself, do not bother her with it and if her ... (read in full...)
My friend downloaded some music from a sketchy website!
Q. I'm really nervous for my best friend, she told me she downloaded about 20 songs the other day off a pretty dodgy website. And ever since she has her computer has been running really slow, crashing and all sorts. I said she should tell her dad, bu...
A. 15 August 2012: No worries, she just picked up a trojan virus. I once got one claiming it was the police and that I had to pay a $1000 fine right away for them to unlock my computer again. Truth is, there is no such thing. I cleaned my computer up and it was gone. ... (read in full...)
Are women put off by skinny men?
Q. I know everyone has different tastes and personal preferences, but in general, are women put off by skinny men? I'm 23, and while I eat like a horse, I just have never been able to put on any tangible weight, and have virtually little muscle a...
A. 15 August 2012: I think it's better to be skinny than fat. Lots of guys your age are lanky and I don't think it's off putting at all. It sure wouldn't stop me from dating one if I liked him.
If you're really bothered by it, eat more protein and work out a little... (read in full...)
Preferably guys' opinions- Friendship between guys and girls, What do you think?
Q. I know a lot of experts on dearcupid.org think men normally don't befriend girls unless they want something more from the girls - either sex or romance. So what do you guys think about this?Do you agree that a lot of the time, guys and girls b...
A. 14 August 2012: Bondgirl makes a really good point about the difference between being FRIENDLY and actual FRIENDS. I have a lot of male classmates I can get along great with without having something more develop. Do I consider them to be friends, like true friends ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a Gf to say sexy things in her sleep? Every night!
Q. My girlfriend makes sex noises in her sleep, it used to be every now and then, now its a nightly thing that wakes me up. Her history is quite promiscuious which probably adds to the paranoia, but we do keep a regular sex life. I know people can'...
A. 13 August 2012: Yup, definitely normal.
A friend of mine also used the sleep talking phone app and what she says is hilarious because it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Sometimes she makes noises (that can be interpreted in any way) sometimes she talks an... (read in full...)
How does an atheist overcome inter-faith dating challenges?
Q. Hi, I was wondering what your opinion is on inter-faith dating, specifically for atheists. How do I meet girls who are atheist or agnostic? Do you think girls care whether I’m atheist? My issue is that I really prefer to date girls who are li...
A. 13 August 2012: The short answer is obviously: date anyone you like, discuss religion early on and you'll know within the first 15 minutes whether she's suitable or not. You'll have to do more dating that way, but if it's so important to you, it's worth it.
... (read in full...)
Should I leave my psycho wife for the woman I truly love?
Q. I have no idea where to start. I am a 24 year old married man who just passed his 2 year anniversary. I am married to a somewhat sweet woman, but she isn't very open with her feelings which kills me. She has a very strong personality which throws me ...
A. 12 August 2012: I just want to add one thing to the excellent advice already given:
You're in charge of your own happiness. You can point fingers at your wife for making you unhappy, or you can think to yourself: "I married her, I made that choice, now I deal wit... (read in full...)
Would you give your girl a second chance after she cheated on you?
Q. hello everyone, i'm confused but reached the end when i'm with dearcupid. Men will you forgive your girl of 4 years, after she cheated for the first with no reason and confess to you. And then tells you how much she loves you, can't live with out ...
A. 12 August 2012: No. I'm very firm when it comes to cheating. Cheating stands for a set of characteristics that I do not appreciate:
- self-centered
- disloyal
- untrustworthy
- weak of mind
I can say with full confidence that I would never put myself i... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I used to self harm?
Q. I'm a former self-harmer and I would really appreciate some advice about how to tell my new boyfriend about my scars. My boyfriend K and I have only been together for a few days, so it's more a question for what to do in the future if (hopefully) we ...
A. 12 August 2012: Personally, I'd wait until you're a bit further along into the relationship. Dumping all your baggage on a guy in the first stages of a relationship can be overwhelming. He may even decide to pass you up, thinking that if this is just the tip of the ... (read in full...)
Is he having a mid-life crisis? Is this not love?
Q. Because What would a man his age want with a woman like this? Ok well my Ex and I we are split up for about 5 months . We still tells me about his life , and for the past 3 months he is constantly talking about his friend he met for the first time ...
A. 8 August 2012: I understand your POV, OP. But in the end if he wants her and she wants him, there's nothing you can do about it.
If it were me in your situation I'd tell him that if he's to go ahead with this, to be careful with her and not use her, as she coul... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to move interstate with him, which means quitting my job, selling my house, etc.
Q. My boyfriend of 3.5 years is considering applying for jobs interstate. He may be lucky to find a job where we currently are (his current one will be ending soon) but i would say it is 50/50. I know it isn't actually happening yet but we need to be ...
A. 8 August 2012: Maybe it's an option to keep it an LDR until you're sure you and him can build a future there. He's asking a lot of you and if it all goes sour so will your relationship and then you'll be left with nothing.
Talk to him frankly about this. Yo... (read in full...)
Should I tell him he Isn't the father and risk losing him or keep it from him?
Q. Ok I hope this doesen't sound too shallow...I recently got pregnant with an ex who is a complete and utter ass as well as verbally abusive to me. Shortly after the break-up my best friend introduced me to a friend of her's who is the sweetest most ...
A. 8 August 2012: Eyeswideopen hit the nail on the head: it's not a question of "if" but "WHEN" he'll find out. With modern technology going as fast as it is, you do not really have a choice anymore when it comes to that, OP. You now have to decide whether you want ... (read in full...)
I want to become a stripper!
Q. I know people will read this and may think this sounds like a sleazy kinda job, but I really want to become a lap dancer (stripper) or my biggest dream is to be a burlesque dancer. it has always been my passion, I am an intelligent girl and left ...
A. 8 August 2012: Wow, you got a great answer from the anonymous person below me. I don't often respond twice to the same question, but I just wanted to give a nod to that answer because it just says it all. ... (read in full...)
I want to become a stripper!
Q. I know people will read this and may think this sounds like a sleazy kinda job, but I really want to become a lap dancer (stripper) or my biggest dream is to be a burlesque dancer. it has always been my passion, I am an intelligent girl and left ...
A. 8 August 2012: Great job on passing the exams and having good career prospects. Do not throw that away with this. It's a seedy world out there and the reality is only a few end up like Dita Von Teese. Others just get sucked into the gritty sex trade and all the ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for hating my mother right now?
Q. First of all, I should explain a little bit about my current situation: I am from Mexico, my mother is a US Citizen. My life-long dream has been to live in NYC so ever since I was 12, I've been asking her to get my US Citizenship because as a daught...
A. 7 August 2012: She sounds seriously messed up. No you're not wrong for hating her. The problem is that it's such a pointless emotion to have. It's not going to get you anywhere.
Also, I'm not a immigration expert, but why do you need your mother's help to becom... (read in full...)
Cell phone etiquette, She answers messages during intercourse!
Q. My girlfriend's idea of turning off the cell phone while having sex, is to just put it on vibrate. The noise totally takes me out of the moment and is getting extremely annoying. I ask her to please turn off the phone to allow us to have some ...
A. 7 August 2012: Two decades ago people weren't reachable 24/7 either and we didn't have mass death because of it. She's obsessed with her phone, she just doesn't want to admit it. I highly doubt her mom doesn't have anyone else in the world to turn to but her.
... (read in full...)
Why am I fantasizing about a much older man?
Q. I am a 22 year-old college student and I have always been attracted to older men (50+). My oldest crush was 56 but I have been fantasizing about one of my professors this year who is 65! Isn't that crazy? The funny thing is that he is not even ...
A. 7 August 2012: Did you miss a strong parent(al figure) in your life growing up? It often happens that when a father is absent or not really involved in taking care of you during childhood, you grow up wanting that kind of bond and seeking it in other people. ... (read in full...)
I can't stand being around him!
Q. I have been dreading posting this question because I know all the negative responses I will get. I know I am by no means a perfect person but I don't think I am awful either. I have a problem with with my husband's friends. Or any previous boy...
A. 7 August 2012: Thanks for your follow-ups, OP. I'm sorry I missed that detail: your previous follow up didn't show up on my screen until after I posted my answer.
Well, your abandonment issue means that you too need some basic social interaction to comfort ... (read in full...)
She had a one night stand while we were separated and refuses to see it as cheating!
Q. My wife and i seperated 2 weeks ago. We agreed that until things had settled down and the emotions were not as raw that neither of us would date etc. we have decided now that we want to give our relationship another go. However i have found out that ...
A. 7 August 2012: Tell her that if she hadn't made that promise to you, her argument would stand. Tell her that in your world, promises actually mean something and that if she wasn't planning on keeping it, she shouldn't have agreed to it in the first place.
How c... (read in full...)
I can't stand being around him!
Q. I have been dreading posting this question because I know all the negative responses I will get. I know I am by no means a perfect person but I don't think I am awful either. I have a problem with with my husband's friends. Or any previous boy...
A. 6 August 2012: OP, your past has obviously shaped you in ways that are making life hard for you right now. I really do advise for you to seek out a psychologist or psychiatrist to help sort out your anxiety and other issues. Meds are not always the first solution ... (read in full...)
If I started dating to spice up my marriage would that be cuckolding my husband?
Q. AS a joke my husband took and posted few photos of me on the internet. Over time he received loads of request for more and after telling me what he did it became a real turn-on for us both. I later started a web-site and the request for more, gifts ...
A. 6 August 2012: Sorry I'm late OP. I was away for the weekend.
Well, if he's okay with it (from your answers it seems like he shares your attitude) go for it OP. Just make sure you both talk about boundaries, about what is acceptable and what crosses the line... (read in full...)
Should I listen to the little voice inside telling me something is not quite right?
Q. Something happened last night and I'm not quite sure what to think of it. I'm hoping you guys can give me your opinion. My boyfriend was supposed to come here last night at 7-8pm and not having heard from him at 7, I text him to get his ETA. He ...
A. 5 August 2012: I'm all for trusting your gut/inside voice, but you need to learn how to distinguish it from insecurity and petty worries. Different scenarios start building up in your head, one worse than the other. However realize this is not your gut speaking. ... (read in full...)
Long term friends. We had sex. Now it's changed the relationship. Has he now lost interest in me?
Q. Hi. Recently my best friend of 6 years and I had sex. It wasn't a complete surprise because the attraction has always been there and we always talked about it. Well now that it's finally happened, we both enjoyed it very much and when it came...
A. 5 August 2012: Why not just meet up again to see how the atmosphere is? If it's awkward and there's tension, talk to him frankly about this and about your and his wishes. Don't let it dangle, deal with it head on. It's scary because it's unfamiliar territory after ... (read in full...)
If I started dating to spice up my marriage would that be cuckolding my husband?
Q. AS a joke my husband took and posted few photos of me on the internet. Over time he received loads of request for more and after telling me what he did it became a real turn-on for us both. I later started a web-site and the request for more, gifts ...
A. 3 August 2012: Thanks for the follow up, OP. So, from what I've gathered your husband have been in a monogamous relationship up until now.
I have a few questions for you.
- What are your husbands views on an open relationship in general?
- Is it just sex w... (read in full...)
If I started dating to spice up my marriage would that be cuckolding my husband?
Q. AS a joke my husband took and posted few photos of me on the internet. Over time he received loads of request for more and after telling me what he did it became a real turn-on for us both. I later started a web-site and the request for more, gifts ...
A. 1 August 2012: Where does it end, though? Going on dates to do what? Discuss politics over coffee? Or is your "one-night date" really a one-night stand? You're skirting the edges here and it's dangerous territory. It might all seem like fun and games now, but it ... (read in full...)
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