A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know people will read this and may think this sounds like a sleazy kinda job, but I really want to become a lap dancer (stripper) or my biggest dream is to be a burlesque dancer. it has always been my passion, I am an intelligent girl and left school with great exams and passed all of them but doing that as a job would be my passion. I have blonde hair, a big bust and a pretty face, the only thing I need to now do is lose 2 sizes I'm currently a size 12 but I know I could get to a size 8 very quick as I've done it before then I will start applying for places to start out. The main reason I would love to do this kinda job is knowing that people are looking at you and admiring me, I really crave for someone to love me and give me attention as I never got it while growing up with my family, they always left me out. Do you think that I should go for it? Will it build up my confidence? Or do you think its a silly thing to do.
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (8 August 2012):
Remember this - once you become a stripper - you never can "undo" it. Not even when you meet the guy of your dreams and have to tell him what your past profession was.
As others have said below, you're looking for confidence in all of the wrong places. Just an educated guess, but given what you wrote, I would say you probably have a relationship issue with your father. If I were you I would work on that instead of trying to search for male approval elsewhere.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (8 August 2012):
Wow, you got a great answer from the anonymous person below me. I don't often respond twice to the same question, but I just wanted to give a nod to that answer because it just says it all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): Here's the thing about stripping. I am a sweet girl, intelligent, who was way too innocent when swept into that world for about a year when I was 19. I am the girl you would never in a billion years have expected to be a stripper. Never. And most people never have, unless they're on my inner-inner circle and I've told them. Otherwise, I have creative passions, goals, two degrees, getting my masters. I'm a nice girl with a crazy story from this one year when I was 19.
My total innocence helped. Honestly, I was a virgin when I started. Like, a reaaallll virgin. Never gone past 2nd base. And that innocence kept me away from all the really sleazy stuff going on that I was naive to at the time. There's a lot of dirty play, nasty guys and people into really bad things. There are some girls who are perfectly nice, normal girls. But there are a lot who do a lot of hard drugs, party hard and cross the line with customers willing to pay for it.
Does it help you lose weight? I'm not going to lie - I was definitely in the best shape of my life when dancing. I worked constantly and strenuous dancing constantly really kept the weight off. I was under 21, so without the booze... I was in great shape. Of course, unlike a lot of the girls who did the strut, strut, wiggle, strut, strut, wiggle, I was - am - a performer, and I'd dance like a boss every time.
A benefits? The money, of course. Really feeling your sexual power, feeling sexy, learning how to be sexy in your own way, and those nights when everybody thinks you're the foxiest woman they've ever seen. And yeah, that's a fun experience, I guess.
Does it help you build confidence? Well, my dear - that's a tough question, and a very, very essential one. So listen closely.
Every night is different. Sometimes you'll get guys who give you compliments and you feel wonderful. But a lot of times you have guys and girls who say the most terrible things to you, hurtful and cruel. A lot of guys come in hurting and they use you as a target for their cruelty and they say real things to you that crush you and stick with you forever. They'll say horrifically degrading things to you, want you to do things that are perfectly obscene. There are a lot of severely nasty people out there.
Some nights you make $600, and you feel amazing. And then the next night you make $24 and you go home feeling like crap. It feels like every night you make exactly how much you're worth. if you've danced for many guys for many, many hours and go home with $24 bucks, you feel like 24 bucks. And that is the crappiest feeling in the world.
So final answer to your question? For every 100 compliments, that 1 horrible thing somebody says will KILL your confidence. Smash it.
Why did I get out of the stripper world? God, I have so many stories. But specifically, it was the day that a guy viciously threw change at me, and then a regular came in and said, "geez, you're looking pretty chunky nowadays, here's a $20, go to the gym on me". I had gradually gone from 115 to maaaaybe 120. I'm 5'6. I was looking good. And I know that he was drunk, and asshole and wrong. I was growing up, filling out, gaining muscle. But God it hurt. And that was it, I was done with the critical eye, the hateful comments and action and I just didn't feel like me anymore. I felt grimy and icky and realized the thrill had ended two weeks after I started. The money could be good, but it wasn't worth it in the least. So I got a job at Victoria's Secret and used the great discount on lingerie to keep me feeling sexy and keeping in shape to look good in it.
Not to mention, everybody has a thousand cameras on them all the time now. Ipods, phones, whatever - they've got them. Anybody can take your picture and post them as they please. That stuff stays around, and that can come back to bite you REAL hard in the ass down the line.
Luckily, I had a great boyfriend during all of this, who I later ended up marrying - and he thought it was kind of fun. But luckily I wasn't single and doing this. I mean, I can't imagine. There are DJs, bouncers, bartenders, regulars, all who are perfectly cute and nice and all - but you don't want to get involved. That'll get you sucked into a world you DON'T want to. Please don't get stuck there. So many girls who I stayed in contact with over the year always said that it would be just for a little while - but seven years later, they're still there. They're not the sweet promising girls they were. Now they're trapped inside a lifestyle they can't get out of because of how it's tainted their possibilities and the potential future they once had.
I'm not going to say that it wasn't fun a time or two. I guess there was a certain thrill from being admired and getting attention. That's the allure of it all.
Take a pole dancing class. That'll deal with the weight. The feeling of sexual power, etc. And it's pretty cool. An INTENSE workout. You really want to take your clothes off and have people admire you? Options:
a) Volunteer at a art school. Be a nude model. Have people create you into art and help artists hone their craft. That's a great way to productively explore your exhibitionist side.
b) Do your research and find a legitimate fine art nude photographer. DO YOUR HOMEWORK. There are plenty of sketchballs with cameras who claim to be. A legit guy should have a full portfolio, not mind you bringing a hulking male friend, etc. A few years after stripping, I found a fine art photographer, took some photos and cherish them. He's a pretty big deal now, so it was a real honor. I felt as classy and beautiful as the photos I got. Not like stripping, where you feel like a piece of meat surrounded by hyenas.
c) Seriously dying to strip? Go to an amateur night somewhere out of town, get it out of your system for a night, and be done with it. Don't sign up, don't go back, have your crazy moment of thrill and be done with it.
I hope you can get what you need from this. And I hope that my experiences are somehow helpful to you. I really can't say that I recommend it. But, I've been honest. And honestly, I have so many horror stories... those memories don't make it worth it at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): You sound pretty smart, but I think you already are aware that this is just something you want to do to shore up your self-esteem and get sexual affirmation. It's like someone going to medical school because they like being called "Doctor."
If you truly like to dance and enjoy the idea of entertaining strangers, go ahead. If you want attention and sexual affirmation, try dating, because you won't get it stripping. If you're not happy with your body, lose the weight. I think becoming a stripper is a distraction from what you really want.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (8 August 2012):
 Don't be a stripper.
don't be a stripper.
seriously, it's just walking around in uncomfortable shoes and having sleazy men ogle you.
Because you are in the united kingdom, I'm going to guess you're referring to the original burlesque, like what Dita does, not the basically stripping but with more dancing that the americans do.
Burlesque however, you should go for that. honestly, if you're really smart, you'll figure out how to make it out of a career. I say go for it, burlesque is awesome.
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female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (8 August 2012):
 You're looking for confidence in all the wrong places.
You should be confident on your own and not need a bunch of guys drooling over your tits to make you feel good about yourself. You're a yung and intelligent woman with so much potential. Why waste it on such meaningless, physically taxing, and emotionally draining activity?
I believe you ca do hatever your heart desires, but that you are also doing it for he wrong reasons.
Try becoming successful without shaking your stuff. It will be a lot more fulfilling in the long run.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 August 2012):
 I think if it's something you BURN to do, then do it. But honestly I think your view of the "job" is unrealistic. It's by FAR in 90% of the clubs not a glamorous job.
Men don't sit to admire you... most won't give a flying anything about you or your intellect.. all that counts is that you have boobies.
I think if you want admiration and attention, you might want to consider something else. The reason to give to get into stripping, is honestly... kind of silly.
A girl with your potential.. can do SO much more...
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): I think it's a dumb idea. Most strippers are seriously hooked on drugs. And the lines between stripping and hooking is very thin. I think you need to work on your self esteem! Try some counseling to help build your confidence and then use your brain to go after a nice job. You have so much more potential. Don't waste in in strip bars.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (8 August 2012):
I understand that you are craving attention. I did too growing up and at your age, even now i want to be admired looked up to and liked, but who doesnt? However in that type of environment they wont be admiring you or love you, they will be lusting for you. Wishing they could have you for a night and disregard you as soon as dawn peeked. I, too love burlesque. I would never publicly strip, only for my fiancee, but i do love burlesque out fits and dancing. If you like it so much how about doing more tasteful burlesque where you dont strip down fully. Make it a hobby but not a career. I really dont think you realize what you are getting into with stripping as far as the clientel... And most of the time people will as and offer you more an example would be prostitution. Even some club owners try and get you to sleep with them to keep your job. Really its no fun. Do something more productive and tasteful with your life that will give you the attention you crave.
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A
female
reader, Mugzie69 +, writes (8 August 2012):
 Methinks you must decide this for yourself. Sometimes your 'night job' can be combined with daytime work. But for some professions, that obviously won't work.
You'll find some who are very decent toward you. Others will hold you in complete disrespect. Beauty passes and you might at some point want some means to support yourself years down the road. Don't burn your bridges behind you, girl.
Mugzie
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (8 August 2012):
Great job on passing the exams and having good career prospects. Do not throw that away with this. It's a seedy world out there and the reality is only a few end up like Dita Von Teese. Others just get sucked into the gritty sex trade and all the misery that comes with it. The only way to get where you want is to know where to go and who to avoid.
Your wish to do this seems to stem from being neglected as a child. Throwing yourself into this cold, tough industry expecting to find comfort and attention is going to leave you with a very bitter taste in your mouth. I'm sorry to say this but you are far too naive. People will see this and exploit you and who knows where you'll end up then.
Get some counseling to help sort out the issues from your past and when you do, ask yourself if it's still your dream to become a lap dancer or burlesque dancer.
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