| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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Hungarian girl wanted me to 'sign documents' for her, I said no and she hasn't spoken to me since!
Q. I went for a drink with a Hungarian girl a couple of weeks ago, we went out, had a good time, I walked her back to her flat. We chat on Facebook Chat, everything was going well, until yesterday, when I got a Chat message asking if I could sign doc...
A. 4 May 2012: I don't know OP. The way you put exclamation points behind every sentence you write about her suggests you are infatuated with her and not really objective.
Sure, her facebook may be 'real' as on fb everyone posts the version of themselv... (read in full...)
I'm engaged. But should I act on my powerful crush I have with my co-worker?
Q. I have been working with this married woman for about two years. I'm engaged. There was an instant attraction. She is this sexy hipster with a really cute face and a hot body. We started texting and the texts became heated. We decided to pull bac...
A. 30 April 2012: Let's rephrase the question: do you want to be a cheater? You know, the scum that inflicts hurt on those they're with and only look out for themselves? If you like the idea of seeing your name next to that description, go for it. It would be better ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my boyfriend of 6 years even though the spark has gone? Or leave him for the schizophrenic, compulsive liar who I've only ever flirted with over the phone?
Q. I am falling for 2 men, I can't seen to choose who to stay with! one i have been with for 6 years we are both the same age 6 days apart even lol i loved but i have started losing my spark with him. he used to be romantic now he's not hasn't been for ...
A. 30 April 2012: This is a no-brainer. I mean, listen to yourself:
"Should I stay with my boyfriend of 6 years even though the spark has gone? Or leave him for the schizophrenic, compulsive liar who I've only ever flirted with over the phone? "
Yeah, from th... (read in full...)
I'm 23 and my parents control my life
Q. Hi,mine is going to be a pretty long story so please be patient and kind enouf to read it I am 23 years old,and in my final year of med school,throughout my life I have been controlled by my parents,not that they hit me or anything they give me ...
A. 29 April 2012: I don't know much about Indian culture, I am sorry to say, but what would happen if you finish med school and leave and choose not to marry the person your parents picked for you? What are the consequences? I can understand you feel like you're ... (read in full...)
He's a teen and I am 22. Will the age difference not matter so much when we are in our 20s?
Q. I have been friends with this guy for over a year as we go to uni together. I am 22 and he is 18 turning 19 at the end of the year. We have kissed on a few occasions but nothing more and recently we have been getting closer and I have deve...
A. 29 April 2012: I know what you're feeling, I had my pre-quarter life crisis too when I got the hots for a guy a few years younger than me ;-) It just makes you want to set your birthdate a few years ahead. That was, until I realized how ridiculous I was being.
... (read in full...)
How much are we responsible about the bad things in our life?
Q. What do you think, how much are we responsible about the bad things in our life? I feel ,I tried my best regarding to raising kids,and marriage, and my health. But in almost every of those areas, I had tragic outcome. Including death of a child from ...
A. 28 April 2012: Sometimes good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. I believe in making the best out of your predicament. You can't help the circumstances thrown at you, but you can help how you react to them. Sounds to me like you ... (read in full...)
Hungarian girl wanted me to 'sign documents' for her, I said no and she hasn't spoken to me since!
Q. I went for a drink with a Hungarian girl a couple of weeks ago, we went out, had a good time, I walked her back to her flat. We chat on Facebook Chat, everything was going well, until yesterday, when I got a Chat message asking if I could sign doc...
A. 28 April 2012: Okay, so let's turn things around: what do you want from her? Do you want friendship, something more? In any case, watch your back and listen to your gut. She could just be taking the more subtle approach now, getting your sympathies so she can ... (read in full...)
Hungarian girl wanted me to 'sign documents' for her, I said no and she hasn't spoken to me since!
Q. I went for a drink with a Hungarian girl a couple of weeks ago, we went out, had a good time, I walked her back to her flat. We chat on Facebook Chat, everything was going well, until yesterday, when I got a Chat message asking if I could sign doc...
A. 27 April 2012: Thanks for the follow up OP, but I don't understand how this little story clarifies anything. Why did she need a friend to tell you her story? Why couldn't she tell you herself and what exactly does she want from you know?... (read in full...)
Hungarian girl wanted me to 'sign documents' for her, I said no and she hasn't spoken to me since!
Q. I went for a drink with a Hungarian girl a couple of weeks ago, we went out, had a good time, I walked her back to her flat. We chat on Facebook Chat, everything was going well, until yesterday, when I got a Chat message asking if I could sign doc...
A. 25 April 2012: Listen to the international lawyer. Any document you're asked to sign, no matter how trustworthy to person who asks it of you, should be reviewed by a lawyer first before you do it. This girl made it easy for you to flush her out because she's as ... (read in full...)
I'm helping my girlfriend with her assignments and she's promised me bedroom-related action as motivation in return, but she keeps putting it off
Q. Hello everyone, I'd like some advice. Me and my GF are having some relationship issues but we talked and are trying to fix it. My question is about something else though. We're both in the same class and I'm making her assignments for her, I k...
A. 25 April 2012: Listen, putting it off means she's never going to hold up her end of the bargain. She's just going to dangle that carrot in front of you but you'll never get it. She's just hoping that by the time you realize this you'll have done all her ... (read in full...)
Would you date someone who has done porn?
Q. I am going to do a photo shoot in a few weeks...a photo shoot for a pornographic magazine and website. My closest friends, the only ones who know about it, have said that it may affect future relationships that I have. But is that really true? ...
A. 25 April 2012: Well OP, if you are fully aware of the risks and long term consequences it may have and you're okay with that, sure, go ahead. I think the reason most of us react so vehemently is because we don't know you, don't know how much thought you put into ... (read in full...)
My husband is getting more and more controlling of my appearance
Q. First, it was the clothing: dresses, skirts, tights, blouses. I'm not allowed jeans, trainers, flipflops, T-shirts, track suits. I'm barely allowed tasteful trousers. Then, it was telling me how much jewellery I can wear. Then, it was th...
A. 24 April 2012: OP, he is like a spoiled child. The more and more easily you give, the less satisfied he becomes. At this point you're worn out, but he doesn't see that. To him you're his little servant. All he has to do is snap his fingers. I think the best way of ... (read in full...)
Would you date someone who has done porn?
Q. I am going to do a photo shoot in a few weeks...a photo shoot for a pornographic magazine and website. My closest friends, the only ones who know about it, have said that it may affect future relationships that I have. But is that really true? ...
A. 24 April 2012: Ah sorry, your follow up showed up after I posted my answer. As to your question:
"if a girl has a lot sex anyway, is getting paid by a professional production company to do it such a bad thing? Especially since the truly professional companie... (read in full...)
Would you date someone who has done porn?
Q. I am going to do a photo shoot in a few weeks...a photo shoot for a pornographic magazine and website. My closest friends, the only ones who know about it, have said that it may affect future relationships that I have. But is that really true? ...
A. 24 April 2012: Yes it is true.
To put it quite simply: guys like gals like you to have casual sex with (but with protection because they fear you're STD central) but they won't consider you for a real relationship. Not all guys think like this, but many do.... (read in full...)
My husband is getting more and more controlling of my appearance
Q. First, it was the clothing: dresses, skirts, tights, blouses. I'm not allowed jeans, trainers, flipflops, T-shirts, track suits. I'm barely allowed tasteful trousers. Then, it was telling me how much jewellery I can wear. Then, it was th...
A. 24 April 2012: Good for you OP! Don't let him put you down with his negative comments, I'm sure your hair looks lovely!
"He still wants the tattoos removing, even though I told him it is too painful."
Well, shrug and tell him he cannot always get what ... (read in full...)
What is your opinion on a 25 year age gap ?
Q. Is it too much ? Because for the past 2 years i have been really attracted to someone who is 25 years older . I am not looking for 'the father figure' or he isn't looking for 'sex' . But would it be stupid for us to try and date? Is the gap just too ...
A. 23 April 2012: Too much.
At your age I once fell for a guy who was 40 and though I considered myself to be very mature for my age, just a few years later (I'm 24 now) I know that wasn't the case and still isn't. I was never going to beat all those years of... (read in full...)
I really hate being the first born!
Q. I've always hated my birth order. As the first born your parents always rule you with an iron fist. But with the younger siblings they ALWAYS treat them differently no matter what. As the first you always have to be responsible and cautious. Yet ...
A. 20 April 2012: Look at it from the positive side. Kids raised with an "iron fist" tend to be more responsible, more mature and wiser than those of the same age that have been spoiled.
Look at MTV Exiled for example. Here the spoiled rotten kids from "sweet 1... (read in full...)
My husband is getting more and more controlling of my appearance
Q. First, it was the clothing: dresses, skirts, tights, blouses. I'm not allowed jeans, trainers, flipflops, T-shirts, track suits. I'm barely allowed tasteful trousers. Then, it was telling me how much jewellery I can wear. Then, it was th...
A. 19 April 2012: OP, from your posts it has become apparent that:
- He doesn't love you
- He doesn't respect you
- He insults you
Your husband, quite frankly, is a bully. What you describe reminds me greatly of my time in high school, where the popular kids d... (read in full...)
After years of little contact my father is giving gifts. I'm unsure how to react/feel about this
Q. My father and i havent spoken properly for years we occasionally pase in the street if he is in the area and say hello and only keep in touch by letter. This is because he was an alcoholic and was physically abusive towards me and my mum throughout ...
A. 19 April 2012: I don't know how far his mental health issues range; were they caused by his alcoholism? If so, could they be diminished if he became sober? In any case, you cannot erase the past and what he's done is too much to simply just forgive and forget.
... (read in full...)
I'm tired of feeling guilty for wanting sex all the time!
Q. Wife and I are in a nearly sexless relationship. We have two sets of twins that drive her near insanity, both work full time, and, obviously I want sex way more than she does. I masturbate a lot, but it's not the same as the real thing. She has ...
A. 17 April 2012: This, to me, seems like a problem created by lack of balance. She is so tired of dealing with the kids, her career, etc. that she simply doesn't know what to do. You, on the other hand have too much energy left, which manifests in your high sex ... (read in full...)
My husband is getting more and more controlling of my appearance
Q. First, it was the clothing: dresses, skirts, tights, blouses. I'm not allowed jeans, trainers, flipflops, T-shirts, track suits. I'm barely allowed tasteful trousers. Then, it was telling me how much jewellery I can wear. Then, it was th...
A. 17 April 2012: First of all, props to you for recognizing the problems and coming here to do something about it! You've made the first step, so hang in there!
You're going to have to gather your courage so you can save your soul. At this rate you'll be a hollow... (read in full...)
Found out he was married, he eventually left his wife and claims to want me.....but could this ever work out after everything that happened?
Q. Hi, I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for four months when he arrived at my house in the middle of the day to tell me that he was married and that his wife had just found out about out relationship. I'm not squeeky clean in this situatio...
A. 15 April 2012: Even if it was an "exit affair" as you put it, it's still a rotten way of getting rid of someone you once vowed to stay with 'till death do us part'. If he really had been itching to get away from her, he wouldn't have made those promises to her and ... (read in full...)
Found out he was married, he eventually left his wife and claims to want me.....but could this ever work out after everything that happened?
Q. Hi, I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for four months when he arrived at my house in the middle of the day to tell me that he was married and that his wife had just found out about out relationship. I'm not squeeky clean in this situatio...
A. 13 April 2012: If branding yourself the victim allows you to confront yourself with the consequences of your actions (or lack thereof) then by all means do so. But will this help you open up your eyes and make you a stronger, more rational and objective woman? ... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to let me pay for his vacation?
Q. I have a boyfriend who I want to go on vacation with. My brother and his girlfriend have been asked to come with us, and it's all looking good so far. We're planning on catching a last-minute flight to save on money, as last minute flights are real...
A. 13 April 2012: I agree with person12345, as long as you don't expect him to pay you back and you can afford this in such a way it won't interfere with your budget for the rest of the year, it's a very sweet thing to do.
Tell him that you've thought about th... (read in full...)
This girl I work with is cheating on her fiance! Should I tell him or stay out of it?
Q. Should I say something? Or say out of it? There is a girl Ive worked with at work that I got to know very well. Ive even met her fiance about four or five times when he stops over at are work to pick her up which they will be getting married ...
A. 13 April 2012: *sorry, I said "her" while I meant "him"... (read in full...)
This girl I work with is cheating on her fiance! Should I tell him or stay out of it?
Q. Should I say something? Or say out of it? There is a girl Ive worked with at work that I got to know very well. Ive even met her fiance about four or five times when he stops over at are work to pick her up which they will be getting married ...
A. 13 April 2012: Good for you OP. Happy you did it.
And to Foot-in-the-Mouth: what would that have accomplished? In a perfect world people would be appreciative if we gathered our courage and came forth with the info, but in the real world it often backfire... (read in full...)
Found out he was married, he eventually left his wife and claims to want me.....but could this ever work out after everything that happened?
Q. Hi, I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for four months when he arrived at my house in the middle of the day to tell me that he was married and that his wife had just found out about out relationship. I'm not squeeky clean in this situatio...
A. 12 April 2012: I get your POV OP, but don't kid yourself. "Problems in marriage" is not an outta jail free card to do whatever the heck you want. It's a flimsy excuse. He should have talked to his wife about his unhappiness in the marriage and when they couldn't ... (read in full...)
Help me compose a note to this actor!
Q. I met an actor after a show last week, and i want to write to him on facebook, saying that it was lovely to meet him, and i enjoyed the show, and that i hope to see him at the theatre again and meet him again, and that i hope to see him on tv more ( ...
A. 11 April 2012: Listen, no matter how unique your note, if he was interested in you personally he would have let you know by now. Just say something genuine, don't force yourself to be different. Repetition is flattering when it comes to stuff like this.
And t... (read in full...)
This girl I work with is cheating on her fiance! Should I tell him or stay out of it?
Q. Should I say something? Or say out of it? There is a girl Ive worked with at work that I got to know very well. Ive even met her fiance about four or five times when he stops over at are work to pick her up which they will be getting married ...
A. 11 April 2012: Personally I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did nothing and they ended up getting married. So if you do decide to do something, there are two ways of going about it:
#1. Have a heart to heart with the girl. Tell her you can't believe ... (read in full...)
Found out he was married, he eventually left his wife and claims to want me.....but could this ever work out after everything that happened?
Q. Hi, I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for four months when he arrived at my house in the middle of the day to tell me that he was married and that his wife had just found out about out relationship. I'm not squeeky clean in this situatio...
A. 11 April 2012: My knee jerk reaction to this is: No. Once a cheater always a cheater, etc. Also, the total disregard for his (now to be ex) wife is something to ponder over. That could be you in the future.
The problem is that my dad basically did the same thi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is videotaping other girls at the beach
Q. Hi, I went on a vacation with my boyfriend to an all inclusive resort he brought a video camera and I noticed he videotaped other girls at the beach... He was panning in on their breasts and butts and just videotaping girls. There were other video...
A. 29 March 2012: No you should not ignore it! In porn (well, the legal stuff anyway) the people in it know what's happening and have agreed to do it. Here he's filming people without their permission and even knowledge.
To give you some perspective: even in movie... (read in full...)
My boyfriend will be in prison anywhere from 15 years to life. How do I handle it?
Q. My boyfriend is doing 15 to life he has no specific time for release I love himi just don't know how to handle it can u help? ...
A. 29 March 2012: If he got that heavy a sentence he must have done something quite bad. Since he has shown no regard for the consequences of his actions (if he had he wouldn't have done what he did and you would not be facing this) it would be in your best interest ... (read in full...)
Is wearing a sheer or see thru bathing suit OK?
Q. My boyfriend (of many years) asked me to remove the lining from a couple of my bikini's, so that when we go to the beach they will be see through. I did this to one of my darker suits, the results being not too dramatic. More noticible on top, but ...
A. 29 March 2012: I know you'd be doing this to please him, but since you're exposing yourself to everyone else too I don't think it's appropriate. I'd look for a nudist beach to do this. This, to me, is more than just doing what you're comfortable with; it affects ... (read in full...)
As hard as I try, I'm still not doing as well in college as I wish I was!
Q. Ok. So i know this is one of those standardised question but I have to ask. I have lost all confidence in myself at college. Nothing seems to be going my way. I spend ages working and studying at what I am doing in college but it never works out ...
A. 29 March 2012: I suffered from the same issue you have, being that my grades didn't reflect the amount of time and effort put into it. Here's what I did:
#1. Let go of your peers superior grades. It doesn't help YOU. It only makes you miserable. Consider... (read in full...)
Met on a sugar daddy website but it hasn't turned out to be that kind of arrangement, do you think anything serious can come of this?
Q. To Whom it may concern: About two months ago I met someone online on a sugar daddy website. It was the first time either of us has ever met up with anyone from the website. Lets call him Jack. Jack is 39 and very wealthy. His work causes him to tr...
A. 27 March 2012: Girl, if you want money for sex, become a prostitute and charge for your services. Don't expect him to treat you on things when you're giving it up for free.... (read in full...)
I'm his FWB is there a chance he'll leave his girlfriend for me?
Q. okay, i don't need to be judged, but 3 months ago i sent a fb request to this guy i had seen round, (drummer in a band.) well he accepted (despite the fact he only had 100 friends on his fb account, so he obviously doesn't just add randoms. anyway i ...
A. 27 March 2012: Question: why do you want to be with a guy who has no qualms about physically cheating on his girlfriend with someone else? ... (read in full...)
Met an aspiring actress, got on so well with her but found out she plans to sleep her way to the top!
Q. Right so last week met this girl a stunner at a local pub. we got on right away and i started seeing her. everything was going just fine until we started off talking about careers and she revealed that her plan is to sleep her way into roles! I was ...
A. 26 March 2012: Haha she's stupid if she thinks that'll work out. The next morning she'll be discarded as trash and any promises made to talk her into bed will be long forgotten. We all know how much value "I give you my word" has in Hollywood: nothing.
She m... (read in full...)
My friend owes me money and will not pay up!
Q. This isn't exactly a Relationship problem but I have a 'friend' who I gave a loan of €250 last year, she is now engaged to her boyfriend of two months and quit her job to spend more time with him. I have panic attacks due to lack of money and I ha...
A. 25 March 2012: Do not let this slide. This is YOUR money! If you have friends/acquaintances that know her, get them involved as well. Basically tell anyone who is in her social circle about the sum she still owes you. Call her boyfriend, drop messages on Facebook, ... (read in full...)
Dad is being pathetic because I don't have a boyfriend!
Q. Every time I see my dad, the first thing he asks is if any guys are chasing me. He thinks I need a boyfriend. I'm a Sophomore in college and haven't had one since my Junior year of high school. I'm fine with not having a boyfriend, though it would ...
A. 24 March 2012: Thanks for your follow up OP! Ugh, as if the amount of attention you get from men is an indicator on whether you dress well. Hookers get tons of attention from guys, so does that mean he approves of the way they dress? Ridiculous.
There's absolute... (read in full...)
Dad is being pathetic because I don't have a boyfriend!
Q. Every time I see my dad, the first thing he asks is if any guys are chasing me. He thinks I need a boyfriend. I'm a Sophomore in college and haven't had one since my Junior year of high school. I'm fine with not having a boyfriend, though it would ...
A. 24 March 2012: I'm so happy you're so mature. Please stay exactly how you are. Your dad is the one who needs to do some growing up, it seems!
Society tells us that basically once you hit your teens you need to start dating. And of course in the old days peo... (read in full...)
Was I wrong in suggesting that my girlfriend should use botox? She just flipped when I said it
Q. I know this will make me sound like not a nice person (to some), when in reality I like to think I am decent, and am pretty diplomatic. Thing is, my gf of 3 years is aging badly. I love her to distraction, and that love is more about her lovely...
A. 23 March 2012: If you really want her to get rid of the bags under her eyes and wrinkles, she's going to need actual surgery, not botox. Botox just temporarily (3 months) paralyzes the muscles in for example the forehead, so that it can't scrunch together again ... (read in full...)
Is it weird to send him sexy pics of me after not having spoken in a long time?
Q. I was dating a great guy but he moved away and he was really disappointed about the distance as it interferes with us continuing things. And we haven't spoken in 2 months. Last time I spoke to him, when he was already moved and settled, he sent me a ...
A. 23 March 2012: Bad idea, even if it's just your body in lingerie. It screams desperate. Do you really want to present yourself as a hot piece of ass he can come and get when he pleases?... (read in full...)
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