A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a 22 year-old college student and I have always been attracted to older men (50+). My oldest crush was 56 but I have been fantasizing about one of my professors this year who is 65! Isn't that crazy? The funny thing is that he is not even attractive! I KNOW it is NOT healthy for a 22 year-old girl to be fantasizing about a 65 year old but I just can't help it! Please help me! What is wrong with me?
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crush, older man, older men Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for all the responses. Despite what most people thought, I do have a father figure in my life. In fact, I have a great relationship with my father.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 August 2012):
Did you miss a strong parent(al figure) in your life growing up? It often happens that when a father is absent or not really involved in taking care of you during childhood, you grow up wanting that kind of bond and seeking it in other people. That's often where the attraction to older men comes from. He's been around the block, kind, wise, something guys your own age do not have. Now of course I'm cutting corners, but this is basically where it often comes down to. Ask yourself: is this man what you'd seek for in a mentor or father? If the answer is yes, you know why this is happening.
To be honest I'm a bit surprised others are saying there's nothing wrong with it, because if we'd turn things around: 65 y/o man falling exclusively for 20-somethings, everyone would be jumping on him for being a 'dirty old man'. Yes there is something wrong if you fall exclusively for men who are twice, sometimes triple your own age.
I suggest you seek out counseling to determine why exactly this is happening. There's nothing wrong with a bit of an age gap, but the age gap between you and the men you fall for is so big it's worth looking into.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 August 2012):
 You prefer older men... NBD... it's your taste... nothing is wrong with you.
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A
female
reader, Mugzie69 +, writes (7 August 2012):
 It’s sometimes said that the thing about men is that if they live until the learning curve begins to rise, their chances long-term improve exponentially. While maturing, men gain confidence and perspective on life. After all, they’ve navigated many pitfalls. Supposedly, they can teach something. Perhaps this is why it is also said that men are like fine wine; they improve with age.
Mugzie
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (6 August 2012):
 Kind of made me laugh to read some of those responses. I can say that I agree with each of them a bit, but some older men are refined and hot, so I can see the attraction to the professor. I can see the attraction in general as a lot of older men are more refined, knowledgeable, and just more personable than younger men who often have a chip on their shoulders. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 August 2012):
 There's NOTHING "wrong" with you.... People of any/all sexes and any/all ages take up fantasies and enjoy them.
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (6 August 2012):
Nothing is wrong with it, you're perfectly normal. I have found myself in the same situation fantasizing about a man who could be my dad! Fantasies are just that...they are fantasies. You don't have to tell anyone about them and you don't have to be embarrassed by them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2012): "What is wrong with me?"
Advance apologies if off-base or oversimplifying, but is/was your biological father in the picture while you were growing up?
If not, then I suspect possible long-term deep-seated daddy issues; you could be seeking the love, attention and approval from your father that every girl wants, needs and deserves in any possible way available to you.
Please seek counselling to get to the root of your issues.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2012): Hi,I'd say that we all have different tastes in life, love, turn ons etc.. You like/fantasize over older men and to me there is no problem with that. Where I would be asking a few questions is: would you be able to deal with all the downsides of an age-gap relationship? Older men can be healthy but they can also have limited energy, be less inclined to go out etc. It may not be all of them but that's likely to be most of them. If you do end up dating an older man, are you prepared to deal with people? or better said, are you prepared to ignore what other people will say? Also, there is a higher risk that their health declines or worse that they pass away... Think about it and if you've got positive answers to all these questions, follow your heart. If not, just let it be what it is: a fantasy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2012): You may just be more mentally mature than many other girls your age. Where a lot of youngsters these days would be out partying and playing the field, getting mortally drunk and doing reckless things, perhaps you prefer the more stable and sensible side of life, and the thought of older men who are settled, more mature and sensible appeals your Ideal?
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