| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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Is it possible to resign yourself to a life without love?
Q. I just want to say this and get it off my chest really. Comment if you wish. I'm getting on for fifty, and have been married for twenty years, most of them unhappily. My wife suffered from serious post-partum depression after our children were bor...
A. 20 October 2012: Thanks for the follow-up, OP. Sorry I'm late in replying. Keep visiting the friends you have where you live. Keep your social life going. As for the other woman, please do keep your distance. I'm afraid you'll lose her if you get too close. Your ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to resign yourself to a life without love?
Q. I just want to say this and get it off my chest really. Comment if you wish. I'm getting on for fifty, and have been married for twenty years, most of them unhappily. My wife suffered from serious post-partum depression after our children were bor...
A. 13 October 2012: I disagree with everyone who says you should simply resign yourself to living without love. Other people may be content choosing to do this, but I can tell from your post you're not one of them. Plus think it's an insult to life itself as it has so ... (read in full...)
I don’t think I can ever respect another woman again.
Q. Right now my brain is the midst of a battle...Why? It’s because I’m somehow beginning to see women in a completely different light than I did before. Long story short, Wednesday at work, the topic of women came up. In my office there are 3 guys and...
A. 13 October 2012: So basically you're basing this whole newfound 'truth' on a few conversations you had at work and with your mom? Sounds to me what you lack is a foundation in life. If a breeze is all that's needed to make everything you hold true in life fall apart ... (read in full...)
Should I date this guy with no job and who didn't go to college? I like him!
Q. Hey guys,I've been friends with this dude since early this year.(March to be precise).Well, we exchanged numbers and really hit it off.Lately we've been spending lots of time together and i really like him and he feels the same way too.Thing is he ...
A. 10 October 2012: Oh I missed your update, OP. Well, If he behaves responsibly he deserves a shot. I have a friend who has two degrees and is unemployed. Goes to show that it's no guarantee for a job. ... (read in full...)
Should I date this guy with no job and who didn't go to college? I like him!
Q. Hey guys,I've been friends with this dude since early this year.(March to be precise).Well, we exchanged numbers and really hit it off.Lately we've been spending lots of time together and i really like him and he feels the same way too.Thing is he ...
A. 10 October 2012: It all depends on why he's unemployed and didn't study. Not all of us are meant to go to college or even have that ambition. Society functions because we have people who don't have degrees doing the physical work for us. As for being unemployed: ... (read in full...)
Should be try to work it out? He is hopeless with money
Q. Hi I need help as I don’t know what to do. I have been with my partner for 10 years we have four kids together but I can’t trust him. When we first got together he used to stay out all night. This stopped and a couple of years later I found text...
A. 10 October 2012: You can make a secret account, you just have to be more careful at hiding it. For starters it needs to be on your name only. You may even want to get a separate (small) wallet for it. Redirect your income to that account and stash savings on it too. ... (read in full...)
Have you ever caught your spouse, fiance or boyfriend perving on high school girls and I found his porn stash
Q. When we go out to eat at a local restaurant (it's a small rural town) I noticed that my boyfriend will stare over quite a lot at the local waitresses teenage daughter who is 17 when the daughter decides to come into the restaurant to see her mother ...
A. 10 October 2012: There is beauty in youth that is both short lasting and elusive. That's why all the mags hire teenage models and why facial creams and serums are called "youth code." People often associate their personal best with their youth. Men your bf's age ... (read in full...)
I'd like to hang out with my former teacher and be friends. Do you think this is a good idea or would it be wrong?
Q. In high school, we got a new teacher who I completely fell for. I never ended up having his class, as the year before I had taken that class with the old teacher. I knew him a bit from my favorite teacher who was best friends with this teacher I li...
A. 10 October 2012: Oh and before I forget, end things with your bf first before starting off on this. Whether he's hanging out with another girl or not, you're basically already emotionally cheating on him. So set him free because this is not working anyway. One ... (read in full...)
I'd like to hang out with my former teacher and be friends. Do you think this is a good idea or would it be wrong?
Q. In high school, we got a new teacher who I completely fell for. I never ended up having his class, as the year before I had taken that class with the old teacher. I knew him a bit from my favorite teacher who was best friends with this teacher I li...
A. 10 October 2012: Well, since you're not his pupil and the age difference isn't a huge obstacle, there isn't anything ethically or morally wrong with it. Just be careful about getting your hopes up. You obviously have a huge crush on him and you are hyperaware of ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has had sex with 100 girls. Am I just the next one in line?
Q. My boyfriend confessed to having nearly 100 past sexual partners. I'm still a virgin, which makes it a shocker for me. He told me that before he turned 21 (his bday is next month) he wanted to go above 100, but said he would stop at me. He wanted me ...
A. 8 October 2012: It sounds like he has an addiction to sex. I mean, a 100 bedpartners before his 21st b-day? That's insane.
In any case I am highly skeptical of his promise that he wants to stop at you. Because let's be honest here, his track record suggests... (read in full...)
Will I be taken seriously in a business professional environment or in interviews because of my less-than ultra-femme appearance?
Q. okay, this isn't actually a specific relationship question, so much as it's just a general question i really need advice about. it's something that is really stressing me a great deal. i am a 28-year-old college grad with great interpersonal re...
A. 8 October 2012: I doubt being gay will hurt your chances, even if you can "see it". As long as you aren't overly involved with your sexuality in a way it starts interfering with your work, I doubt people would deny you for that reason. In the end it's about whether ... (read in full...)
My cousin's husband was shamelessly hitting on me and I told him to back off and yet somehow my cousin thinks I'M the desperate one who's flinging herself on a married man!
Q. Please help! Last month, my cousin's hd hit on me. they've been married for almost six years now, and i recently moved back home and live close to them (about ten minutes on foot), so i see them every day. they had a little family get together and...
A. 6 October 2012:
I've been put in a situation like this once and basically exploded. I ended up sending the person who accused me of being a home wrecker an e-mail, and forwarded it to everyone involved who had started giving me the cold shoulder because of it. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has exchanged disgustingly sexual emails with girls online and when I confronted him, he said he was "bored" and then accused me of cheating!!
Q. okay so i've been dating this guy now for almost two years. I thought he was perfect in almost every way. We're nearly the same person, which may be the reason for some of our heated arguments, but besides those few fights I thought we had a great ...
A. 6 October 2012: Oh man, this is a classic case of redirection. Of course he's guilty. He basically confirmed as much by accusing you of cheating when you confronted him about what he was doing. By turning it all around and getting angry at you, he's hoping to draw ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my workaholic wife -- now what?
Q. I have been married for 10 years and have two kids under the age of 10. My wife recently was made an executive at her fortune 200 firm and has not been home much since. She leaves for work around 7 AM and most evenings she gets home after 10 PM. ...
A. 5 October 2012: Normally I am very, very harsh on cheaters. But with this, I don't think it's that simple.
I don't condone what you did, OP. Not at all. In a way your wife was right when she said you knew what you signed up for. She didn't drastically change d... (read in full...)
How do I deal with this? My Bf is constantly implying how much better things would be when we go all the way
Q. hello everybody. i'm in a great relationship for about eight months now - thing is, i'm a virgin, and my boyfriend, who is older and more experienced is not exactly sensitive about it. i mean, he doesn't do anything i'm uncomfortable with, but he's...
A. 3 October 2012: "He's a great guy."
Really? A great guy would take it slow and respect your boundaries. A great guy doesn't just look after his own needs, but does his utter best to meet yours too. A great guy understands that sex is about the enjoyment of two p... (read in full...)
Attracted to my fiancee's older brother.
Q. My fiancee and I have been together for almost three years now, and we have a 1 1/2 year old daughter together. I'm about to be 20, and he just turned 19 in August. We're going to get married here in the next month or so. Now, my problem is, I've...
A. 3 October 2012: First of all, this guy should not live at your place. Tell your fiancee all your objections (without mentioning the crush of course). Stand firm. You don't want him to move in with you, end of discussion. It's non negotiable.
I mean, you're g... (read in full...)
How can I get my girlfriend to show anger like a normal person?
Q. My girlfriend never gets mad. She just never gets impatient or annoyed or frazzled or frustrated. It's come to the point when I just want to instigate fights to get a reaction out of her. I push her, and push and push, but she nevers gets angry. W...
A. 3 October 2012: My grandmother always told me: "Anger and jealousy are signs of a weak personality". And I think it's true to a regard. I have little respect for people who aren't able to reign in their emotions and lash out, get jealous and irrational every chance ... (read in full...)
Will I be taken seriously in a business professional environment or in interviews because of my less-than ultra-femme appearance?
Q. okay, this isn't actually a specific relationship question, so much as it's just a general question i really need advice about. it's something that is really stressing me a great deal. i am a 28-year-old college grad with great interpersonal re...
A. 3 October 2012: I think you may be too focused on your sexuality. Stereotypical straight fashionistas and girly-girls may suck up a lot of screen time on TV and be very loud and noticeable in school, but that does not mean they are always like that and that they ... (read in full...)
I found a lot of disturbing things on his pc and I'm worried about my children
Q. Hello i really need help with this its killing me. Ive just moved my boyfriend in and he bought his pc wellni looked at it and found loads of lolicon on it. It was horrible and my head is so messed up, we have been friend years then i started dating ...
A. 2 October 2012: This guy was never who you thought he was, OP. He hid his real self from you. He hid it because he knew that part of him is disturbing and wrong. Hell, he's still hiding it. Do not buy into the innocent act. He lied to you, tried to squirm his way ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to feel about dating an army man. Should I?
Q. I went out with some girlfriends to a bar a lot of army guys frequent; my friends really wanted to know what it was like to be with (i.e. sleep with) a military man. i wasn't so much into it because they kind of creep me out. but because i know my ...
A. 2 October 2012: Honestly, what is it about the army that you find "creepy"? Soldiers are people just like everyone else. Seems like you're so caught up in this image/stereotype you have you actually let it stand in the way of having an enjoyable time with a person. ... (read in full...)
I found a lot of disturbing things on his pc and I'm worried about my children
Q. Hello i really need help with this its killing me. Ive just moved my boyfriend in and he bought his pc wellni looked at it and found loads of lolicon on it. It was horrible and my head is so messed up, we have been friend years then i started dating ...
A. 1 October 2012: This guy is a pedophile, OP. He may have a way with words but that's the only one suitable for him. He's bad news. He's manipulative. Look at you, you're just a puppet on his strings, barely able to think for yourself. Something propelled you to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's son is the first priority in his life and I hate myself when I get jealous
Q. I'm sorry I'm not very good at explaining stuff. I'll do the bast I can: My boyfriend has a 6 year old son and they have been the only real family eachother have had since the kid was born. My boyfriend's parents have never really been in his life...
A. 1 October 2012: When a dad is so focused on their child they routinely cast you aside like you're not even there, I don't get why the hell they even bother with getting into a relationship. Being good for your child and giving that child the attention he deserves ... (read in full...)
I have an athletic body, but no boobs. Are my friends right about the comments, I'm now self conscious guys will be put off!!?
Q. I feel really self conscious about my body after the comments from people I live with at uni, now I think they're right that a guy wont like my body or maybe I should get surgery, or gain weight, anything to change myself. I'm not that tall, only ...
A. 1 October 2012: You sound like one of those pictures young girls post on Tumblr of "fitspo" and "thinspo". They're jealous, OP. They'd love to look like you, but because they don't they try to bring you down to balance out the odds. The first thing girls do when ... (read in full...)
How can I improve my ballet skills?
Q. Hello everyone. This isn't a relationship question, but if you can provide, I'd love to receive some advice on the best ways to improve my ballet, leaps and turns mostly. I aspire to audition for the musical theatre program at my school and my fr...
A. 27 September 2012: What are the specific requirements of this theater? You mention ballet, but is it classical, or modern? French or Russian? In any case, you can't learn ballet at home with a few vids. It's not like the movies. You won't be able to get the exact ... (read in full...)
I cant handle all this drama anymore, is this normal behaviour for a man?
Q. My boyfriend is interested in buying a second hand suit (not really a suit, but just for the story's sake we'll say it's a suit). I went to look at it with him. It seems nice. I have a seamstress whom I trust very much. I told my boyfriend that ...
A. 27 September 2012: Sounds like you bf is on the verge of a burn-out. My dad was like this during his very stressful and competitive job. His job was his life and he spent a good amount of time bitching about all aspects of it, like traffic, irritating colleagues, ... (read in full...)
We have to "like" everything posted in the company Facebook group or get our paycheck deducted. But I was deleted from the group!
Q. I posted here last week. I'm quitting a part time job that requires a one month notice and I have about 2.5 weeks left at this job. We recently signed a notice that says we have to "like" all notices posted on the employee Facebook group or we will ...
A. 27 September 2012: Stay on their good side until you're definitely away from them. So I'd mail the guy who manages the fb page and say you got blocked and therefore can't push the "like" button on their notices. When you're gone, if you have proof about their illegal ... (read in full...)
My married lover has moved on to another girl and I am so hurt, what should I do now?
Q. I have been cheated by my married Lover, he has moved on to a "new girl"(another victim).he has completely removed me from his life,We both are in the same office, spend 8 hrs together, sitting besides each other, but we dont speak at all. he cut ...
A. 27 September 2012: Think about it this way: now you know what his wife must feel when she finds out her husband is sneaking around behind her back. Except for her it's ten times worse because she's married to this douche. That didn't stop you from sleeping with him ... (read in full...)
I have been told that guys won't bother to try to spend time with a girl as only a "friend".
Q. It's the age old question: Does he like me as more than a friend? Simply put: A coworker continues to invite me to lunch. He is from another country so he is hard to read. I feel like he is just trying to make friends, or he is being polite by ...
A. 25 September 2012: If he wants more from you than friendship, he will make it clear, trust me. Inviting someone over for lunch is pretty harmless, unless he's done or said things that make you suspect otherwise. Does he ever invite someone else? In any case, you ... (read in full...)
Is it ok for a friend to sleep with your FWB?
Q. My very close friend slept with a fwb of mine and has not come out and told me herself. I am so hurt by this, but other people who I have spoken to don’t understand why I should be as bothered as he is only a FWB and therefore he doesn’t mean ...
A. 25 September 2012: Most guys think an FWB arrangement is more about the benefits than the friendship. In short, to them it just means arranged sex. That's it. No strings attached, no romance, no responsibility. Most women who enter FWB think that it's a relationship ... (read in full...)
After one month of college I still don't have a boyfriend
Q. hi, I am a 22 year girl...doing post graduation.In my past life I get 3 relationships, but all broke. now in my new college I wanted to start new.....I want someone in my college to be my boyfreind. but here no body takes intrest in me, though I ...
A. 25 September 2012: Contrary to popular belief, going to college is not a replica of the events in teen TV series where everyone dates everyone and you get together with someone in the first week. In fact in my class alone no-one ever hooked up with one another. Became ... (read in full...)
Guys, would you have reacted in the same way as my boyfriend to the fact that I am a virgin at 20?
Q. So this guy i'm seeing we were getting really close and things were intense, I wanted to go the whole way but I stopped him and said I can't i'm still a virgin, but told him I want to, just not yet. I'm ready, i'm just not sure yet if I want to...
A. 23 September 2012: I was a virgin till 22 but the guy I ended up losing it to made me feel like a rare precious diamond rather than the freak yours is making you out to be. Like everyone else said; he's shown his true colors: he's not in it for you, he's in it for the ... (read in full...)
I've been caught stealing and my employers know about it, they have given me 2 options, so what do I do now?
Q. I have been working for my company as a new business rep for 4 and a half years and always been good. I normally get my lunch from a supermarket down the road from my office but about a month ago, i had some fraud done on my bank and while it got...
A. 21 September 2012: You have to understand that people who run a business have to strike hard when it comes to employee theft to discourage anyone who may be tempted to do the same.
As for the choice, there is no choice. They have you pinned down. Playing innocent... (read in full...)
I treated her badly but now I want her back
Q. I cheated on a woman who was madly in love with me four years ago. Not only did I cheat on her, I disrespected her, lied to her, bit her, talked bad about her behind her back to co-workers and family members. I strung her along and I put her at risk ...
A. 19 September 2012: You don't deserve a second chance for what you did. "Normal" people won't be giving you one either, not if they know what's good for em'.
How can you think that cheating, lying, exposing someone to STD's, biting them are things that can be overl... (read in full...)
Do steroids affect relations with others?
Q. I want to know if any of you have had a friendship or relationship with any man whose done steroids? What mood changes did they experience? How did you deal with them? Etc thanks for any input....
A. 18 September 2012: Why aren't you expecting a reply to your follow-up? It's worthy of being replied to.
You have some deep seated self confidence issues. Using steroids won't change that. If you want to lose fat, they're useless anyway because they mess up your met... (read in full...)
I'm 21 and he's 18! I've never seen myself dating a younger guy with such a significant age gap!
Q. So I have a bad situation. Me and this guy met at a party and we really hit it off right away. We have a lot in common, he's adorably cute and has great style. Well eventually right when I really start liking this guy, he reveals his age to me. He ...
A. 18 September 2012: It's not about the age gap, it's about the maturity gap. Some older guys may still be too immature for you, and some younger guys may be right up your alley. If you match, you match. Don't push this guy away because of 3 years. If you two enjoy each ... (read in full...)
Is he right about the meaning of my tattoo?
Q. I have a yin and yang symbol on my wrist, a tattoo. But when the guy i'm seeing noticed it he said he didn't like it because it meant I believe in satan and it's quite emo? I said no, it means balance that everything has an equal an opposite reac...
A. 18 September 2012: What an idiot. I wholeheartedly agree with Stacy and Yos' descriptions of the symbol. I also don't get why this guy goes out of his way to trash talk something he obviously knows absolutely nothing about. Your tattoo is beautiful in look and ... (read in full...)
Uncles: I need your thoughts please? He told me he didn't want a Gf but did want to hang out. Then an insulting offer. Now what? Do I accept him apology and move on?
Q. I met a single man(in this 30's) last year from Canada and we have been in contact for 1 year now. We only met once and had a great time and chemistry and everything(did not do anything with him at all, I'm more respectable). So, now he emails me t...
A. 18 September 2012: I agree with Ciar on the name calling. Don't ever lower yourself to that level again if something like this happens again.
Explain to him that no woman will see being referred to as "a piece of ass" as a compliment and that it's actually very off... (read in full...)
I helped pay for 2 friend's lunches and they haven't paid me back. Are they mooches or an I gullible?
Q. I feel pretty dumb but hear me out. This classmate of mine and I were out to lunch on campus. She forgot her wallet so I insisted on buying her coffee and a soup from the salad bar. It wasn't that expensive but that's not the point. She seemed ...
A. 17 September 2012: I get that OP, but the ways I mentioned are pretty painless. Just mention it in a casual way. Look at it from this way; if the roles were reversed and you'd received money from someone, would you refuse the requests I listed? I doubt it. No decent ... (read in full...)
I cant stay over with the guy I'm seeing because I'm scared of him seeing me without make up! Help!
Q. so i've been seeing this guy and I can't stay the night with him because i'm worried about the morning after. I'm not naturally pretty, he always goes on about how beautiful and gorgeous I am... which just makes me insecure about wearing no to ...
A. 17 September 2012: I once watched a documentary about body dysmorphia. In it was a beautiful girl who hid her face behind layers and layers of makeup, because she was afraid that people would find her hideous without it.
At the end of the documentary, they'd g... (read in full...)
My boyfriend enjoys a sexual act that causes me a lot of pain, I ask him not to but he threatens and does it anyway.
Q. I have a boyfriend who is really into a certain sexual act. I wont divulge too much because of the ages of some on this site. That being said, due to his size, this act is extremely painful and I don't like it. The problem is, he does like it, re...
A. 17 September 2012: There is always a choice, OP. Even if your circumstances/his manipulations make the option of staying with him more appealing, there is ALWAYS a choice. The only thing that's holding you back is yourself. If he's threatening you, you can call the ... (read in full...)
I helped pay for 2 friend's lunches and they haven't paid me back. Are they mooches or an I gullible?
Q. I feel pretty dumb but hear me out. This classmate of mine and I were out to lunch on campus. She forgot her wallet so I insisted on buying her coffee and a soup from the salad bar. It wasn't that expensive but that's not the point. She seemed ...
A. 17 September 2012: There's a simple way to go about this. To the guy: "Hey, I forgot my wallet so I can't buy lunch. But since you still owe me three bucks, is there a chance you could pay me back now so I can still get something to eat?" To the girl: "Hey, I forgot ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my parents that when I finish university I want to take up the guitar professionally? They will have to pay $40,000 a year for me to do so.....
Q. Hi, this isn't a relationship question but I'd really like some outside opinions on this problem. I am currently attending university, studying criminology and going into my 3rd year. However back when I started 1st year I had started to play ...
A. 17 September 2012: ...and here I am again. DearCupid unfortunately doesn't let us edit our posts, so instead of one, you get it chopped up in 3 parts. Hope you don't mind. Anyway, I found this piece about Berklee written by a parent and I thought it was valuable ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my parents that when I finish university I want to take up the guitar professionally? They will have to pay $40,000 a year for me to do so.....
Q. Hi, this isn't a relationship question but I'd really like some outside opinions on this problem. I am currently attending university, studying criminology and going into my 3rd year. However back when I started 1st year I had started to play ...
A. 17 September 2012: Oh, and one more thing: if you really want this you may want to figure out how you can help afford that gigantic price tag. People tend to become more ambitious and motivated when their own money is involved. This will also help present your case to ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my parents that when I finish university I want to take up the guitar professionally? They will have to pay $40,000 a year for me to do so.....
Q. Hi, this isn't a relationship question but I'd really like some outside opinions on this problem. I am currently attending university, studying criminology and going into my 3rd year. However back when I started 1st year I had started to play ...
A. 17 September 2012: I'm all for following your passions, but I think that before you ask this, you need to take a real honest look at your skills and ask yourself if you have what it takes. And you have to get your expectations in line. What exactly do you think to ... (read in full...)
Do steroids affect relations with others?
Q. I want to know if any of you have had a friendship or relationship with any man whose done steroids? What mood changes did they experience? How did you deal with them? Etc thanks for any input....
A. 16 September 2012: Being a woman who works out and takes care of her body, I've seen a fair amount of 'roid users in the gyms I've been at and the reason I know they were using is because they are easy to spot. Their muscle development is unusual and as unbalanced as ... (read in full...)
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