| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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Still a Virgin at 28 years old and I want to get rid of it.
Q. I'm an attractive educated female and I'm about to turn 29 years old and I haven't had sex yet. Don't get me wrong, I've done everything but get penetrated. I was waiting till marriage but I have no prospects and I don't want this to be a problem ...
A. 4 June 2012: You really are desperate, aren't you, OP? A week of e-mails is enough to proclaim he's the "epitome of my dream man"? Yeah, for a naive 14-year-old maybe. Usually they get a reality check from their parents, their friends or both.
Liste... (read in full...)
Why is it ok to be a virgin at 18?
Q. If I'm a virgin at 18, why do people say it's okay? I know for a fact that all those numbers people come up with about how many people lie about having sex is complete crap. There are more people around me who either have kids that are 2 or 3, or ...
A. 31 May 2012: You can't get a girl because you're desperate and see problems that aren't there. It makes gals run for the hills even if your other qualities are exactly what they look for in a guy. Once you broadcast that vibe, people know you're going to be a ... (read in full...)
She said she didn't have a Facebook page and lo and behold, I find pictures of her with another guy! What do I do?
Q. Ok so I dont have a huge problem persay with this,more rather I want some opinions on the matter. Ive been seeing this girl for about a week now,weve been talking for over a month now and things seem to be going well. Last Saturday we went...
A. 31 May 2012: Thanks for the follow up, OP.
It's one of those times I don't like to be right. Sometimes life throws you a curveball. I felt the same way when I found out the guy I was getting close to was actually married. Be happy you found out about this now... (read in full...)
She said she didn't have a Facebook page and lo and behold, I find pictures of her with another guy! What do I do?
Q. Ok so I dont have a huge problem persay with this,more rather I want some opinions on the matter. Ive been seeing this girl for about a week now,weve been talking for over a month now and things seem to be going well. Last Saturday we went...
A. 30 May 2012: I think you should confront her when you meet up next time. Ask her calmly whether she cheated on her boyfriend with you. Then watch her reaction and take it from there. If she asks how you got that info, say it wasn't hard to conclude after seeing ... (read in full...)
Still a Virgin at 28 years old and I want to get rid of it.
Q. I'm an attractive educated female and I'm about to turn 29 years old and I haven't had sex yet. Don't get me wrong, I've done everything but get penetrated. I was waiting till marriage but I have no prospects and I don't want this to be a problem ...
A. 29 May 2012: OP, if you wanted "advice on how to deal with the internal and spiritual struggle of being an adult virgin" you should have said exactly that in your original post. Instead, your post is titled: "Still a virgin at 28 and I want to get rid of it." In ... (read in full...)
Still a Virgin at 28 years old and I want to get rid of it.
Q. I'm an attractive educated female and I'm about to turn 29 years old and I haven't had sex yet. Don't get me wrong, I've done everything but get penetrated. I was waiting till marriage but I have no prospects and I don't want this to be a problem ...
A. 29 May 2012: OP, you have to remember our reactions are based on what you gave us to work with. We don't know the exact context of the situation unless you give it to us. You living at home was something I noticed and I brought it up because you didn't elaborate ... (read in full...)
Still a Virgin at 28 years old and I want to get rid of it.
Q. I'm an attractive educated female and I'm about to turn 29 years old and I haven't had sex yet. Don't get me wrong, I've done everything but get penetrated. I was waiting till marriage but I have no prospects and I don't want this to be a problem ...
A. 29 May 2012: Two things stand out from your post:
#1. You still live at home
#2. Apart from work, you have any social activities.
In this situation you've set up for yourself, you're not going to meet a lot of men, let alone one that rocks your world. It... (read in full...)
Can friends with benefits work ?
Q. Can Friends with benefits with an ex work ? Me and my ex started seeing each other last november. We did alot for the 2 months we was together. Met his family his friends he met mine. We all got along. He suffered with migraines and had ...
A. 29 May 2012: No it can't. Trust me on this one. FWB's only work between to people who have absolutely zero emotional attachment to each other. View FWB as an arrangement between a client and a hooker, without the money. They exchange sex and that's it. There is ... (read in full...)
My younger brother is a bully how should I handle him
Q. dear aunts/uncles im having some problems with my younger brother. Firstly i dnt live with him, thank goodness because he is so moody! he has always been a moody person, angry irritable and really rude! when i visit he is off with me and bites my ...
A. 29 May 2012: I have a very simple solution: ignore him when he's being an a-hole, give him attention when he's not. Right now you're probably doing the opposite. You pour your attention onto him when he's calling you things, and yes, even negative attention is ... (read in full...)
Would you date someone with scars from self-injury?
Q. Would you date someone with scars from self-injury? I recently went through a pretty rough period while I was far away from home at college, and I became so mentally worn that I resorted to cutting as a coping method. I know it's bad, and I kn...
A. 28 May 2012: Okay, here's an honest answer:
You're going to be met with some prejudice. With so many using self harm as a coping method, many others have started to look down upon it. To be honest with you, whenever I see a guy or a girl with arms riddled ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend "moved on" while I was deployed, what happens now?
Q. I was dating my ex for close to a year before I was deployed in October. My deployment was originally scheduled to last for 6 months, but was extended twice so now I'm scheduled to return from my deployment in about a month (9 months). The majority ...
A. 28 May 2012: Thank you for your service. It always breaks my heart to hear about guys like you who are already sacrificing so much and then also get the short end of the stick when they get back home. I once heard a marine say that when he started service at a ... (read in full...)
What did my boss at the restaurant mean when he said "Clean the shaft too"? Was he hitting on me?
Q. Maybe it's just wishful thinking but I think my boss was coming on to me a couple of days ago. I work at a restaurant. I'm still kind of new to the place, only a few months in. I was cleaning near the latte machine and one of the spoons was dirty...
A. 28 May 2012: Hahaha god girl, you're already head over heels and seeing things that aren't there. Better get off that pink cloud and focus on the task at hand before you get yourself fired. ... (read in full...)
Why is it ok to be a virgin at 18?
Q. If I'm a virgin at 18, why do people say it's okay? I know for a fact that all those numbers people come up with about how many people lie about having sex is complete crap. There are more people around me who either have kids that are 2 or 3, or ...
A. 28 May 2012: Of course you have a choice OP. You always have a choice. Like chi girl said, waiting for the right person usually means losing it with someone you have feelings for opposed to just a one night stand. This usually makes the experience much more ... (read in full...)
I told my husband I want to end the marriage and now he's acting all pitiful
Q. After being married for 12 years I've told my husband I can take it no more and I want out. He's been cheating which I found out and even after that I've put up for 3 years. We have 2 kids and I have been telling him since a year that I am not happy ...
A. 27 May 2012: Start doing what's good for YOU, OP. Get a lawyer now. They know their way around the legal system; you don't. It's best to be a step ahead of him in this matter. Your man is a slimy weasel and he will do anything to get it his way. The past 12 ... (read in full...)
Why is it ok to be a virgin at 18?
Q. If I'm a virgin at 18, why do people say it's okay? I know for a fact that all those numbers people come up with about how many people lie about having sex is complete crap. There are more people around me who either have kids that are 2 or 3, or ...
A. 27 May 2012: I was a virgin until 22. I know a guy who is still a virgin at 20, and he's very good looking and sociable. A friend of mine is a virgin at 23. She looks like Natalie Portman (not kidding). I don't live in the outskirts of the country either and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex is a super model while I'm fat and ugly!
Q. my boyfriend's ex is a super model. she is drop dead gorgeous with a perfect body. they broke some 2.5 years ago due to some misunderstandings. they really loved each other, ive seen their letters in his bag once. my boyfriend and i have been ...
A. 27 May 2012: I can understand your insecurity. I used to be so unhappy about the way I looked I postponed sex and relationships for a long time, believing no-one would accept me for who I was. That was a load of crap of course, but I think it was good for me to ... (read in full...)
Why are people so upset by the fact that I cant drive?
Q. For the longest time i have been fearful of the art of driving. as a teen i was never excited to get my drivers licensee like everyone else. I have always been baffled how people could go through life driving and ultimately putting there lives in ...
A. 27 May 2012: In the country where I originally came from (which is not the US) streets are really narrow and packed with vehicles. Parking spaces are so small SUV's are basically non existent there because they take up too much room. That's where I learned to ... (read in full...)
Ladies: I have some dating queries, please let me know what you think
Q. Hi, this is a post for the ladies (guys can def help too). I'm a guy and have been meeting the odd female here and there but I never actually get a formal relationship out of any of them. So I have been thinking of what may be the problem. It i...
A. 23 May 2012: Thanks for the interesting answer, Cindy. Just to be sure, my post in reply to yours was indeed just my opinion and POV, not me pointing out "you're wrong" or anything like that.
I was raised while my family was in a relatively poor situatio... (read in full...)
I'm a lesbian, then what's with my feelings for this man?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I'm in a bit of a crazy dilemma here. First off, I'm a 29 year old lesbian woman, holder of a PhD in Electrical Engineering. So I'm not an idiot. I also don't want kids, so I'm not really worried about my age. Since I was a ...
A. 23 May 2012: I think stamps like "lesbian" don't always cover everything. In the end, you are attracted to whomever you're attracted to and even if that isn't consistent with what you experienced before, it doesn't mean it isn't there. Why not give this guy a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend watches LIVE porn. How do I deal with this?
Q. Hello, I have just found out that my boyfriend watches porn. I have had a look on this site and at some porn related questions, and some people say it's fine and all men do it, and some people say they should stop in a relationship. My problem i...
A. 23 May 2012: I'm quite an easygoing gal when it comes to porn in general, but this would be crossing the line for me. Like others have said, it's the interaction that matters. Porn video's are made with mass audience in mind. The people in that video have no ... (read in full...)
Ladies: I have some dating queries, please let me know what you think
Q. Hi, this is a post for the ladies (guys can def help too). I'm a guy and have been meeting the odd female here and there but I never actually get a formal relationship out of any of them. So I have been thinking of what may be the problem. It i...
A. 23 May 2012: Funny Cindy, I've never thought about it that way even though I'm a woman. I always found "the guy pays on 1st date" thing to be a weird custom and I don't really care for it to be honest. Since guys already do most of the asking out, it would be ... (read in full...)
Ladies: I have some dating queries, please let me know what you think
Q. Hi, this is a post for the ladies (guys can def help too). I'm a guy and have been meeting the odd female here and there but I never actually get a formal relationship out of any of them. So I have been thinking of what may be the problem. It i...
A. 22 May 2012: Here are my thoughts on what you put up:
#1.The guy always pays on first date.
While it's nice, paying the full sum can be pretty expensive and being a very self reliant woman it would make me uncomfortable if a guy did this for me. I always... (read in full...)
How do I trust my husband to look but not touch? I'm so insecure since I gave birth to our daughter....
Q. Why do I get so upset everytime my husband looks at another woman? Ever since I gave birth to our daughter I have been sensitive about how my body has changed. It has made me so depressed that I don't even want to go to the beach or anywhere in ...
A. 17 May 2012: Your husband is not the problem. Your insecurity is. Listen, almost every woman has stretch marks, even those skinny runway models. I am 24 and I have them on my breasts, my hips, my butt and I haven't even had a child yet. When I was a teen I used ... (read in full...)
Isn't it too early to have sex?
Q. Hello! I met this guy online. We hung out 3 times so far and we had such an amazing time. We text and chat it up all the time... The 3rd time we hung out, there was so much sexual tension between us so we ended up making out and touching each others ...
A. 17 May 2012: I agree with Cerberus. Let him prove it. Don't pay so much attention to his words, but his actions instead. That's what counts. Right now his actions make him come across like a smooth player looking for some casual sex. ... (read in full...)
How do I convince my mother to let me cut my hair short?
Q. I have long waist length beautiful healthy hair. But the trouble is that i dont like them at all. I want to get them cut short because i like hair better that way. My mother apparantly doesnot understand me and she does not even let me do the ...
A. 15 May 2012: Why not just go out and do it? Go to a salon during break from school and get your hair cut. My parents were horrified when I cut my then hip length hair to a layered bob, but in the end it's my hair and my decision. ... (read in full...)
Need help! Really need to get the liar back for what he did.
Q. So basically it's been a long night, my boyfriend well now ex has decided to tell me that he cheated on me, obviously it has really hurt, but I need a way to get him back. I know I shouldn't sink down to his level but I'm going to do it anyway, he ...
A. 15 May 2012: I second the anonymous user's idea: marry prince harry. Now that's payback ;-) But seriously, he's not worth all this anger and time spent.
Sure, you can place an anonymous call at the police to tell there are illegal weapons and drugs stored a... (read in full...)
His 13 year old son is keeping us from being together!
Q. I've been dating a man my age, who is divorced and has 2 kids. His daughter is 8, and we have no issues. His son is 13, and has issues... one of them being me. He has recently decided that he can't sleep at his mother's house where he lives anymore. ...
A. 15 May 2012: He is doing this to keep you apart. And it seems to be working. And when it's working, he doesn't have to make an effort to like you because in his mind you'll soon be gone anyway. Teens can be very selfish that way. I know I felt like I deserved to ... (read in full...)
His 13 year old son is keeping us from being together!
Q. I've been dating a man my age, who is divorced and has 2 kids. His daughter is 8, and we have no issues. His son is 13, and has issues... one of them being me. He has recently decided that he can't sleep at his mother's house where he lives anymore. ...
A. 14 May 2012: I think your man needs to strike a deal with his ex about how things are arranged. Basically, whenever his son is with her, he should sleep there. If he's at your bf's, he should sleep there. No late night hauls, he isn't a taxi driver.
Now, ... (read in full...)
How can I accept being ugly?
Q. Rather than continuously wishing and hoping to at least be average, even with working out, eating healthy, makeup and hair straightening, I want to finally just accept that I am ugly. The hope and trying keeps me from accepting it, because in t...
A. 12 May 2012: They're not just politically correct answers, OP. They're true. And the older you get, the more you'll realize this. At 18 I didn't believe it either, but now at 24 I know better.
What is a waste of time? Self improvement on all facets never is... (read in full...)
LDR not working and I've met someone closer. Do I end things?
Q. Hey im 20 yrs old,,im in this dilemma,i have been dating my guy for the past one year but it doesnt seem to work due to the long distance,we rarely meet,like twice in a year,i met this guy in the city i live,i liked him and i decided to give it a ...
A. 7 May 2012: Dump the LDR guy. Like you said, it's not working. Look, the fact you're already with this new guy for 5 months tells me you don't really care about the LDR guy anyway, so why drag on? It's not fair to the LDR guy, nor to your new bf. ... (read in full...)
Why does this girl think I'm ugly?
Q. So I was on myyearbook and I sent this girl a message telling her she was beautiful, and shortly after that she posted a status saying "Dear guys, just becuz you call me beautiful doesn't mean I'm gonna get past how ugly you are, and cream in my ...
A. 7 May 2012: Thanks for the follow up, OP. I don't get how some users are defending this girl because your message could have "creeped her out". Seriously? This is facebook. She could have simply ignored you if she wanted to. Manners should have told her it's ... (read in full...)
Now that it seems my husband and I are going to succeed his vile sister wants a piece of the action!
Q. Hello everyone, I am in need of advice about my husband's sister. (ugh I feel odd just typing that) My husband moved to my state from one up north to get into a college he wanted. Well of course life throws twist. He met me!(I am a mother as well...
A. 7 May 2012: First of all, great you stood your ground. Do not waver OP. She's a spoiled brat because she's been calling the shots most of the time in her life. Well, she simply can't have everything she wants.
For me the best approach with terrible people y... (read in full...)
I have let a 19 year old chat me up, and now I'm wondering, what's the harm?
Q. Been a silly girl I know. But have let a 19 yr old chat me up, he's obviously only after one thing, trouble is, I am 40. We're both single. But... Anyway, I have been single 4 yrs now, and working non stop, I keep thinking so what! Bit of fun? All...
A. 7 May 2012: I don't see the harm in it to be honest (and I'm a gal). As long as you're being honest with yourself and him about the no-longterm-commitment deal, it should be fun. Just don't get attached. ... (read in full...)
Why does this girl think I'm ugly?
Q. So I was on myyearbook and I sent this girl a message telling her she was beautiful, and shortly after that she posted a status saying "Dear guys, just becuz you call me beautiful doesn't mean I'm gonna get past how ugly you are, and cream in my ...
A. 7 May 2012: Well, even if you did creep her out (I don't see how a random stranger complimenting you on your looks in a picture could be creepy, but that's just me. I mean, for f-ck's sake, she's the one parading herself around on fb) she could have just said ... (read in full...)
Found out g/f sleeps with men to support herself. She says she'll stop if I can support her. I can't. What to do???
Q. OK folks, I have a real dilemma. I am hoping you can help. There is this girl I know who is from a middle eastern country. She is here on a visa. Very pretty, sweet. We started seeing each other, and then got involved. I thought things were perf...
A. 4 May 2012: Well, that shows how much she cares about you. There is ALWAYS other work you can do to support yourself other than prostituting yourself. It's always a choice (not counting the girls sold into sex slavery, etc.) You're stupid if you accept this as ... (read in full...)
I want anal again but she refuses! What should I do? I want to go with a call girl just for revenge!
Q. We did it two times but she doesn't want it anymore, the first time was painful to her but the second one she enjoyed because i did it a soft way! Now i desire to have anal intercourse again with her but she doesn't want it, we've talked about th...
A. 4 May 2012: *third time... (read in full...)
I want anal again but she refuses! What should I do? I want to go with a call girl just for revenge!
Q. We did it two times but she doesn't want it anymore, the first time was painful to her but the second one she enjoyed because i did it a soft way! Now i desire to have anal intercourse again with her but she doesn't want it, we've talked about th...
A. 4 May 2012: Well for that you deserve the "worst boyfriend of the year" award. Seriously? Anal can be very painful. It's for outgoing traffic, not to stick things in there. The fact she let you try it in the first place speaks volumes about her dedication and ... (read in full...)
We don't like C. Should we invite everyone and just let C's bf tag along?
Q. My three best friends (A, B, and C), and I are planning a graduation Europe trip. We are considering inviting our boyfriends as well as we are all very close and it would be very fun! However, none of us including the guys, can stand C's boyfrien...
A. 4 May 2012: When I was 18 me and my friends were in a similar situation, where we all couldn't stand one of the friend's bf. The thing is, my friend really loved him and despite what we and our own bf's thought of him, I felt we had to respect that. You can't ... (read in full...)
Hungarian girl wanted me to 'sign documents' for her, I said no and she hasn't spoken to me since!
Q. I went for a drink with a Hungarian girl a couple of weeks ago, we went out, had a good time, I walked her back to her flat. We chat on Facebook Chat, everything was going well, until yesterday, when I got a Chat message asking if I could sign doc...
A. 4 May 2012: I don't know OP. The way you put exclamation points behind every sentence you write about her suggests you are infatuated with her and not really objective.
Sure, her facebook may be 'real' as on fb everyone posts the version of themselv... (read in full...)
How would you deal with finding out about a one night stand?
Q. Guys or Gals, please share your thoughts. What if you found out a year into your relationship that your girlfriend or boyfriend had a one night stand after being drunk at a bar with another guy/girl they barely knew only a few weeks before you both ...
A. 3 May 2012: I just wanted to add that my answer was written under the impression you two weren't dating when she did this. If you were and afterwards you two got 'exclusive' it would be a different thing. ... (read in full...)
How would you deal with finding out about a one night stand?
Q. Guys or Gals, please share your thoughts. What if you found out a year into your relationship that your girlfriend or boyfriend had a one night stand after being drunk at a bar with another guy/girl they barely knew only a few weeks before you both ...
A. 3 May 2012: Well, if it was before you guys were officially dating, I'd chalk it up to her experimentation phase. You two weren't exclusive, so she had the right to do as she pleased. If she's treated you well since you got together and didn't exhibit ... (read in full...)
I've been waiting for her to leave her husband for me for 15 years! Should I confront her or should I let this go?
Q. I'm still in love with my childhood sweetheart and she said she is still in love with me and we have a child togeather but she is married to another man. I've been waiting for her to leave her husband to be with me for 15 years. What should I do. ...
A. 2 May 2012: 15 years is too much time wasted on waiting for a person. If she really loved you she'd leave him. But she doesn't. Look at actions, OP. Not words. Her actions show she is not ready to leave him and despite what she may say about him, she never ... (read in full...)
I've liked her for 3 years. Should I tell her of my feelings? Or back off?
Q. I like this girl in college..She was dating a guy for 4 years..I have known her for the last 3 years..Recently they broke up and she started dating another guy..Should i go and tell her my feelings or should i like a gentle man back off and let them ...
A. 1 May 2012: I have a feeling that if you don't tell her you like her you're going to wait around for her, which is a wast of time. So tell her how you feel, if she's into you she'll break it off with the other guy. If she's into the other guy, you know where ... (read in full...)
I'm engaged. But should I act on my powerful crush I have with my co-worker?
Q. I have been working with this married woman for about two years. I'm engaged. There was an instant attraction. She is this sexy hipster with a really cute face and a hot body. We started texting and the texts became heated. We decided to pull bac...
A. 30 April 2012: Let's rephrase the question: do you want to be a cheater? You know, the scum that inflicts hurt on those they're with and only look out for themselves? If you like the idea of seeing your name next to that description, go for it. It would be better ... (read in full...)
Hungarian girl wanted me to 'sign documents' for her, I said no and she hasn't spoken to me since!
Q. I went for a drink with a Hungarian girl a couple of weeks ago, we went out, had a good time, I walked her back to her flat. We chat on Facebook Chat, everything was going well, until yesterday, when I got a Chat message asking if I could sign doc...
A. 28 April 2012: Okay, so let's turn things around: what do you want from her? Do you want friendship, something more? In any case, watch your back and listen to your gut. She could just be taking the more subtle approach now, getting your sympathies so she can ... (read in full...)
Hungarian girl wanted me to 'sign documents' for her, I said no and she hasn't spoken to me since!
Q. I went for a drink with a Hungarian girl a couple of weeks ago, we went out, had a good time, I walked her back to her flat. We chat on Facebook Chat, everything was going well, until yesterday, when I got a Chat message asking if I could sign doc...
A. 27 April 2012: Thanks for the follow up OP, but I don't understand how this little story clarifies anything. Why did she need a friend to tell you her story? Why couldn't she tell you herself and what exactly does she want from you know?... (read in full...)
Hungarian girl wanted me to 'sign documents' for her, I said no and she hasn't spoken to me since!
Q. I went for a drink with a Hungarian girl a couple of weeks ago, we went out, had a good time, I walked her back to her flat. We chat on Facebook Chat, everything was going well, until yesterday, when I got a Chat message asking if I could sign doc...
A. 25 April 2012: Listen to the international lawyer. Any document you're asked to sign, no matter how trustworthy to person who asks it of you, should be reviewed by a lawyer first before you do it. This girl made it easy for you to flush her out because she's as ... (read in full...)
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