A
female
age
36-40,
*pliced
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 years.We have traveled a lot, lived a lot of different places and done some amazing things. He is about 1-2 years older than me.This is the issue - I want to get married and have kids and feel like I am running out of time! He has said that he would ask me to marry him if he knew I would say yes - but he knows I would say yes from the hundreds of discussions we have had about our future together before! I feel like it's just a fob off on his account to actually commiting, or even wanting to marry me.He also says he wants kids but his actions say otherwise - he actually shuddered durind a programme the other night on pregnancy. He knows I don't want to be an "old mom" - and I feel like I've been clear about what I want from this relationship, but he is stalling.What should I do? am I best to break up with him and move on? I love him, but I feel like if I want marriage and children and he doesn't - what is the point????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2012): If you are sure that you want marriage and kids fairly soon, and he is not sure that he does, I think it's time to question if this relationship has run its course.You don't want to be waiting around forever to see if he will warm up to the idea only to find he doesn't. And then now it's "too late" for you to move on.at the same time you don't want to pressure him into doing something he's not ready to do. Guys can have kids at any age. Some guys are not ready to settle down until their 40s or later. Some never will be ready to settle down. I think what you should aim for right now is honesty. Not for one of you to get what they want at the expense of the other.If you want to get married and have kids soon, he needs to feel just as enthusiastic about it as you do. Otherwise, IMO, this relationship should end now because there's only 2 possible paths forward: you waiting around to see if he warms up to the idea, or him reluctantly giving up the life he truly wants just to satisfy you. Both can lead to regrettable outcomes. Honesty is what you need so that you can know where he stands and then make a decision for yourself. But to get honesty from him you have to approach this discussion topic gently and sincerely. Many guys will agree to anything if not doing so means you will leave them. that is not the same as them being OK with the thing they just agreed to. And if it's something as serious and life-altering as marriage and kids, you want to know that he is telling you the truth so you need to NOT approach this topic as a 'threat' e.g. "if you don't want to marry me soon I will leave you!" I mean it's true that if he doesn't want marriage anytime soon then it's best for you to leave BUT you don't want him to agree to it only because he wants to keep you yet not really be on the same page as you.
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (18 August 2012):
I want to point out that at your age range 26-29, it's going to take quite a few years for you to be stamped as an 'old mom' . But if this is a deal breaker to you, you need to seriously discuss your future plans and ask him sincerely about his. Tell him that he needs to be 100% straight with you about it, even if his views differ from yours. You two need to know where you're at, you both deserve that.
Don't break up with him without truly knowing what he wants. He could just be uncertain about it, lots of guys your age are afraid of settling down even if they do have the right person at their side.
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