| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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Is it weird to send him sexy pics of me after not having spoken in a long time?
Q. I was dating a great guy but he moved away and he was really disappointed about the distance as it interferes with us continuing things. And we haven't spoken in 2 months. Last time I spoke to him, when he was already moved and settled, he sent me a ...
A. 23 March 2012: Bad idea, even if it's just your body in lingerie. It screams desperate. Do you really want to present yourself as a hot piece of ass he can come and get when he pleases?... (read in full...)
Guys: would you date a girl if you knew she had done nude modelling?
Q. I have been modeling for an online lingerie site. I was approached by a porn site for nude modeling... The money they offered was amazing! I told them I would NEVER do photos with a man or another woman... Guys: Would you date a girl if you knew...
A. 23 March 2012: I think that for quite some guys it would be a deal breaker. Most people bear it all only for their significant other. The idea that everyone can see you naked could be a turn-off. And the step to actual porn isn't all that big. They get you to ... (read in full...)
Should I change my hair colour for him?
Q. I am dating a new guy and his type is brunette with olive skin. I am blonde, which i dye. My natural color is dark brown. Should I go back to my natural color? He asked me to but acted like he was joking but i dont think he was. So stay blond or go ...
A. 22 March 2012: Like others have said, it's your appearance, so your decision.
That said, being a dark brunette myself who has also walked the earth as a blondie, I have to say that in hindsight, my natural hair color looks much better on me. Our skin tones ju... (read in full...)
My wife agreed to introduce this third woman into our sex life to spice things up, but now I have feelings for her. My insecure wife is fine with other women but not this one, why doesn't she want me to be happy?
Q. My wife and I have been married 14 years. Pregnant at 17 but in love at the time. Because of the diffucultys of being young parents we went through a lot of struggles. I feel this had a registering effect on some of our marriage because of the ...
A. 22 March 2012: Truthfully, I think the reason why your wife went along with this was to make you happy and because she thought she could handle the jealousy, because she figured that you'd pick her over the new girl no matter what. Turns out she was wrong. It was ... (read in full...)
Getting increasingly concerned about my girlfriend's friendship with a guy who fancies her....
Q. Been with my partner for 5 years things have been great and have not really had any issues with jealousy until now, my gf is constantly talking/hanging out with this male school friend of hers from high school who does fancy her and is single (she ...
A. 20 March 2012: I think you should talk to her again about this and tell her that though you trust her, you do not trust him. Also it is not fair of her to keep this 'friendship' going with this guy when he himself stated he fancied her. It's like dangling a carrot ... (read in full...)
Jealous of not having "female" experiences due to looks
Q. I sometimes feel as if I'm less of a woman because I'm more on the side of Plain Jane/Ugly, and thus do not have a lot of the experiences that other women seem to bond over. I sit with a group of women at lunch, and lately at least one of the...
A. 19 March 2012: I think it comes down to making the most out of the cards you've been dealt. A friend of mine is really pretty, like model pretty and she also complained of all the attention she got. So I got frank with her and asked: if you could switch your looks ... (read in full...)
I'm conscious about my weight and worry that my boyfriend will cheat on me!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and I have lately been super self conscious about my weight. I have been working out trying to make myself feel better and that part is working. But I have also been super paranoid like my ...
A. 19 March 2012: You say you've been self concious lately. So does that mean you weren't before? What exactly brought this on? Has your bf made any comments regarding your weight?
I think self conciousness (=insecurity) and suspiciousness go hand in hand. Pe... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to go to a strip club and I'm not sure how to handle it
Q. My boyfriend and i have been dating for over a year now and he is going away with some friends in august. I know it is awhile away but lastnight we were all sitting around a fire and his buddies brought up going to a strip club while they were gone ...
A. 18 March 2012: I would tell him to have fun on his away trip with his friends, but that you do not like the idea of him visiting a strip club. If he respects you, he won't go. There are tons of other more fun things guys can do than that. ... (read in full...)
Is it fair of me to ask my B/f to keep on using condoms, to "save" ourselves for our wedding night?
Q. I'd kind of planned on waiting until marriage to have sex, but then I met my first boyfriend. We're an LDR couple and I lost my virginity to him late last year. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret it at all, it felt so right when it happened! We're ...
A. 18 March 2012: If you think that it's going to make a difference to how you experience your wedding night, that's your prerogative. Tell your bf about your feelings on the issue and then decide together. Don't keep him guessing or wondering. It's all about the ... (read in full...)
He says he will change but he never does
Q. hey i have a serious question.im currently engaged n my man isnt taking me seriously but he say he is. he doesnt call an let me kno wen something pops up at work where i wont see him that full day. ill call him every hour on th hour and the next day ...
A. 17 March 2012: OP, when the same thing keeps happening, how can you expect the outcome to be any different? The past, in this case, represents the future. If you don't do something about it, you'll be asking the same question 5 years later.
So don't marry hi... (read in full...)
She says she loves me but can't be a girlfriend right now. HUH?
Q. So my girlfriend told me that she wants a break because she can't be a girlfriend right now but she isn't breaking up with me but she tells me that i am the one. so i don't know what this means. does this mean we are broken up or just seperated or ...
A. 17 March 2012: Ask her to elaborate, OP. We're not mind readers and women have a tendency to be vague.
From what I gathered though it means she is going through some mental hardships and therefore feels she can't devote herself fully to you. The break is suppo... (read in full...)
B/f loves me but he's close to his best female friend and it makes me very uncomfortable
Q. My fiance is in love with his best friend. They have known eachother since they were very young and have always been close. They used to 'play dirty', like most kids do I guess, when they were about 7. They grew up together and he tried to start a ...
A. 17 March 2012: I really like the advice an anonymous reader gave you: "If you love him, let him go. And if he's yours, he will return. But if he does not, he was never yours to begin with."
Even though your bf and his friend haven't seen or spoken to each oth... (read in full...)
I'm 30 and have never been in a relationship. Is anyone else like this?
Q. Ok, here goes... I'm nervous about posting this but the bottom line is I'm lonely. I live in a big city and whilst I know people, I would consider the vast majority acquaintances. I moved away from my home town years ago as most of my childhood ...
A. 17 March 2012: This could have been written by me 5 years ago. I was in the same situation. Low self esteem, living in London, a city big enough to make you anonymous, long work hours. This combo makes it very easy to become lonely and stay that way, especially if ... (read in full...)
My friends say I should DEMAND he remove the old pictures!
Q. Should I have a problem with this?: Basically, my boyfriend of 7 months has a few of photos of him and his ex on his myspace page that he hasnt used in about 3 years. The photos are just normal, friendly photos like if you didnt know she was his...
A. 17 March 2012: I think you should do what you are comfortable with. If you don't mind the pictures, let it be. Besides, it would be hypocritical to demand taking them down if you have pics of your own exes on fb. Don't let anyone decide for you what you should ... (read in full...)
Ladies, is a 4.25" penis big or small?
Q. Ladies, do you consider a 4.25 inch erect penis to be big or small? Do you have experience with this size? If so how did you like it? ...
A. 16 March 2012: I also wish men would stop getting sensitive over their penis size. But it's something that will probably keep popping up till the end of time, just like the deal with women obsessing over the size of their boobs. Preferences will differ, OP, and ... (read in full...)
I want to have a relationship--but I find women utterly annoying!!
Q. ok here's my problem. i've never really had a successful relationship with a woman. the reason is...the ones I've dated or known closely have gotten to be the most annoying, superficial. dishonest, and gossipy individuals I've ever met. i am ...
A. 16 March 2012: Well OP, like TasteofIndia already suggested, there's a very simple and easy solution to your issues with women: date men instead. Problem solved!... (read in full...)
At 21, all of the good looking women are taken and all that's left are "leftovers"
Q. Ive gotten to a point where no women is good enough for me to date. At 21 all of the good looking women are taken and all that's left are "leftovers". I feel I owe it to myself to find the best the world has to offer and I haven't seen it in ...
A. 16 March 2012: You want to know what's pointless, OP? Giving up. You didn't go out swinging, you threw in the towel before the battle even started. But sure, do as you wish. Let your prejudice and your negativity rule you and become a self fulfilling prophecy. Do ... (read in full...)
He doesn't appreciate me!
Q. My boyfriend is in the hospital for the second time in 5 months. He had to have heart surgery for the second time, and is going through another 6 weeks of IV antibiotics for the second time. He's been in the hospital basically since October with a ...
A. 16 March 2012: You mention he's grown indifferent towards life, does not care for it. This is very alarming and probably the reason why he behaves the way he does. Because when life itself loses it's appeal, everything becomes trivial and unimportant. This could ... (read in full...)
He doesn't appreciate me!
Q. My boyfriend is in the hospital for the second time in 5 months. He had to have heart surgery for the second time, and is going through another 6 weeks of IV antibiotics for the second time. He's been in the hospital basically since October with a ...
A. 16 March 2012: You mention he's grown indifferent towards life, does not care for it. This is very alarming and probably the reason why he behaves the way he does. Because when life itself loses it's appeal, everything becomes trivial and unimportant. This could ... (read in full...)
Is it weird for a 16 year old to go out with a 20 year old?
Q. Hey im just wondering peoples opinions on this. Is it weird for a 20 year old to go out with a 16 year old?...
A. 15 March 2012: I don't see why it would be wrong for you to hang out with someone 4 years younger than you. Just keep within the allowances of the law, respect her boundaries (goes without saying) and have fun. ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a prostitute, can I get her to love me back?
Q. since a short time i started two have every times more feelings for this girl she is a young prostitute and what yes i was with many prostitutes and i never believed that one day i will fall in love in one i woud probally before be againt a person ...
A. 15 March 2012: Just read the title of your question, man. She's a prostitute. While you pay for her affections, she will react as such. And once she realizes you are in love with her, it'll be a piece of cake for her to manipulate your feelings and empty your ... (read in full...)
Why do these few faults in my fiance make me feel like he is replaceable when I know that I will never find another guy who will be there for a woman who has 4 kids and a truckload of baggage?
Q. I have been with my fiance "Juan" for 5 years and we make a great couple and a great team. But he frustrates me. He occasionally insults me about my weight and says I am lazy when it's a symptom of my depression (my doctor and I are trying out ...
A. 15 March 2012: I wouldn't write him off immediately. Since they are your children, set out some basic rules with him on how they should be disciplined, like Worldlywise said. Kids need consistency and they will react much better to any form of disciplining when ... (read in full...)
I am tired of living with a dog I don't want and a wife I don't trust.
Q. I live in a small 2 bedroom condo with my handicapped wife and our two girls, 8 and 5. We run a business out of our home as well. Needless to say, the place is crowded and life for me is restrictive. For years my wife has asked if she could get...
A. 15 March 2012: Kinda reminds me of what me and my mom did to my dad when I was a kid. My mom is also handicapped, to the point we have nurses coming over for an hour and a half 5 times a day. She loves animals, I love animals, but my dad didn't.
So after na... (read in full...)
Should I reconsider the trip for my reputation? Is it too early to go on vacation together?
Q. I'm 21 and I've been dating someone from my university for two months. We've planned a 3 day trip to another state for spring break. We both think it would be really fun to explore another city together. However, my mom was furious when she...
A. 15 March 2012: Living in a small village myself, I know all about community reputation. I've always had the habit of being really private, almost secretive about my plans because of that.
So go on vacation and choose the room arrangement you feel most comforta... (read in full...)
He asked to be my FWB, I turned him down because I want a relationship, then he claims to have feelings for his ex wife but got upset when he saw me kiss another man! What is going on?
Q. Hi everyone this is the situation, I met a man a year ago today, he had split from him wife nearly two year before we met. we agreed to take things slow then he asked me if we could be fwbs to which I told him no I want a proper relationship with ...
A. 14 March 2012: Great answer Aunty Em. It should be printed and framed by every person contemplating the FWB thing. Can't imagine wow much hurt and heartbreak that would prevent....... (read in full...)
He asked to be my FWB, I turned him down because I want a relationship, then he claims to have feelings for his ex wife but got upset when he saw me kiss another man! What is going on?
Q. Hi everyone this is the situation, I met a man a year ago today, he had split from him wife nearly two year before we met. we agreed to take things slow then he asked me if we could be fwbs to which I told him no I want a proper relationship with ...
A. 14 March 2012: He doesn't want a relationship. He wants to be able to keep sleeping with you, while at the same time trying to get his ex back, but he does require you to be committed to him (hence him getting upset over that kiss). In short, he's a hypocrite only ... (read in full...)
Hair extensions, whatever next?!
Q. I met this beautiful girl, she is laid back, funny, interesting, smart just a great girl! She has a great figure and is a natural beauty, unlike some the girls I see she doesn't look like she even has to try to look good. Well one thing about her ...
A. 13 March 2012: Oh man, you're in for a surprise if you think that most women wake up looking the way they do when you meet them during the day. That's very naive of you and you're punishing this gal for her honesty?
Extensions are a commodity these days. I ... (read in full...)
Would you go back to an ex who cheated on you with your friends?
Q. This question is for the guys out there. Why would you leave someone who treated you right for an ex who has slept with all of your friends and cheated on you? Is it possible that this cheater will change?...
A. 13 March 2012: "Is it possible this cheater will change?" Even if he did -which is VERY unlikely btw- why would you want to take him back? He betrayed you in the worst possible way. A person who has such little regard for the wellbeing of someone he's in a ... (read in full...)
My current boyfriend wants me to delete FB pictures of my ex and I! Should I do this or not?
Q. My boyfriend feels uncomfortable seeing videos and just a handful of pics on my Facebook page of my ex boyfriend, it's vids and pictures of him and a few if my friends hanging out and normal pictures of me and him.. He's asked me previous times to ...
A. 13 March 2012: I'd get upset too if my bf would keep pictures of him and his ex on public display. Their relationship is simply not relevant anymore and making a big fuss about keeping those pics online would make me wonder if he was really over his ex at all.
... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to be upset about the fact that my girlfriend still keeps photos of her boyfriend who died 12 years ago?
Q. I have been living with my girlfriend for three years. She kept photos up of her and her deceased boyfriend (posed together) who died 12 years ago. We had none of us. After we had been togehter 2 years, I mentioned that I felt that she was living in ...
A. 13 March 2012: From your post it seems more is going on then just that. If everything else was perfect, I'd doubt you'd want to end the relationship over this. Does her deceased ex cast a shadow over other parts in the relationship as well?
Personally, I can ac... (read in full...)
Do I pick the one my parents want and live an okay life or pick who will make me happiest but know I will have to start all over?
Q. I have been in some real shitty relationships since I was about 17. I was always the 'untouchable' hottie who everyone thought was gorgeous but never got a chance with. I got real sick and started to finally date this older guy who at the time was ...
A. 13 March 2012: Please please leave Bill. He's is horrible to you 24/7. If you leave right now, it'll be the best thing to happen to you AND him because then he may finally get that nudge to get his act back together. But even if it doesn't (because let's face it, ... (read in full...)
At 21, all of the good looking women are taken and all that's left are "leftovers"
Q. Ive gotten to a point where no women is good enough for me to date. At 21 all of the good looking women are taken and all that's left are "leftovers". I feel I owe it to myself to find the best the world has to offer and I haven't seen it in ...
A. 12 March 2012: Everyone complains, OP. And the big complainers also tend to gravitate towards each other, because the more grounded people will not put up with much of it.
Also, can you recall exactly how many women have complained to you about guys in the way ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong because on our 1st official date I turned down giving oral sex?
Q. Dear Cupid, So i've been seeing this guy but not for that long. We've hung out briefly and last night he took me out on an official date. After dinner we left and went to a park to check out the view and went back to the car. He kept asking if I...
A. 10 March 2012: Please never feel wrong about turning people down for sex. Only a hooker would feel bad about that because she makes a living that way. This guy was not dating you, he was hoping you were an easy lay. Turns out you're not. Good for you OP! Keep it ... (read in full...)
At 21, all of the good looking women are taken and all that's left are "leftovers"
Q. Ive gotten to a point where no women is good enough for me to date. At 21 all of the good looking women are taken and all that's left are "leftovers". I feel I owe it to myself to find the best the world has to offer and I haven't seen it in ...
A. 10 March 2012: Like everyone else here I am under the impression you are a bored troll, but today I will consider the possibility that people as vain and naive as you do walk the earth.
Well with that attitude you are setting yourself up for failure, which is... (read in full...)
Does extra strength color remover turn your hair orange?
Q. Hiya everyone this is not a relationship question I recently dyed my blonde hair dark brown with a tint of red to it now I would like to go back blonde as I don't think I suit my hair dark even though it is my natural colour I was just wondering if ...
A. 10 March 2012: It is possible, but not advisable. You need a volume 40 developer and using that on already heavily processed hair is going to really damage it. You may get orange hair, or in the best case scenario it will be very very yellow. To get rid of that ... (read in full...)
Do all men cheat if given the chance?
Q. Hmm, I'm getting a little cynical-do all men cheat (emotionally/physically) if they get the chance and don't think they'll get caught?? This is the impression I'm getting from DearCupid, from celebrities, from my friends, and I don't like it. I ...
A. 9 March 2012: Keep in mind that when it comes to cheating, just as many women are guilty of it. So if you are able to refrain from it, that must mean there are plenty of men out there who also can.
Also, people usually don't go on here to talk about how amaz... (read in full...)
Do I pick the one my parents want and live an okay life or pick who will make me happiest but know I will have to start all over?
Q. I have been in some real shitty relationships since I was about 17. I was always the 'untouchable' hottie who everyone thought was gorgeous but never got a chance with. I got real sick and started to finally date this older guy who at the time was ...
A. 9 March 2012: That's great OP! I'm sure that if you stick with this you will get the happiness you want. Please keep us updated on how things are going!... (read in full...)
What do I say to my crush?
Q. This sounds pretty pathetic, i mean i'm 27 for goodness sake and can easily talk to others, but i'm genuinely stumped on how to go about this!!! I work for a bookies and recently transferred to a different shop closer to home. Whilst in my old...
A. 9 March 2012: I spend 4 hours travelling from home to uni every day. It's time consuming but if I had a nice guy to look forward to seeing, it wouldn't bother me much ;D
Give it a shot! You've come this far. ... (read in full...)
Do I pick the one my parents want and live an okay life or pick who will make me happiest but know I will have to start all over?
Q. I have been in some real shitty relationships since I was about 17. I was always the 'untouchable' hottie who everyone thought was gorgeous but never got a chance with. I got real sick and started to finally date this older guy who at the time was ...
A. 8 March 2012: Pitying him and staying for him is the worst thing you can do for him. You are in a way enabling his destructive behavior because you attempt to be his safety net. This does not motivate him to change, it only assures him that he can keep screwing ... (read in full...)
I'm losing my confidence as my bf keeps saying I dress like a slag!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I am 18 years old and he is more than 10 years older than me. A massive problem has arised which is my apparent "dress sense". I am constantly called a slag and a attention seeker for wearing what I see ...
A. 8 March 2012: Please get out of this relationship OP. This man does not deserve the wonderful and talented girl that you are. He will destroy you, in fact he is already in the process of doing this. From your follow up it seems you are beginning to realize this, ... (read in full...)
Do I pick the one my parents want and live an okay life or pick who will make me happiest but know I will have to start all over?
Q. I have been in some real shitty relationships since I was about 17. I was always the 'untouchable' hottie who everyone thought was gorgeous but never got a chance with. I got real sick and started to finally date this older guy who at the time was ...
A. 8 March 2012: Bill is bad news, just like all the other losers you have turned out to be dating. Don't listen to your mom, she obviously has no clue what she's talking about. Bill is addicted to alcohol and this will not change. Him being nice sober does not ... (read in full...)
I'm losing my confidence as my bf keeps saying I dress like a slag!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I am 18 years old and he is more than 10 years older than me. A massive problem has arised which is my apparent "dress sense". I am constantly called a slag and a attention seeker for wearing what I see ...
A. 7 March 2012: In general I have no problem with age gap relationships, but I'm always wary of the ones between mature men and super young, impressionable girls.
What I'm seeing here is a man who is around 30, maybe even older than that, who strives to control ... (read in full...)
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