A
male
age
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*obh
writes:I'm a mid 40's guy who works in the IT sector. Most days I have been going to the same local Subway for lunch over the last 6 to 8 months. There is this young chinese girl who looks about 17 or 18 and I think is interested in me. I say "think" because I'm not 100% sure i'm interpreting this correctly.Every time I come in she asks how the weather is outside or how I am, or how my weekend was or if its a friday...what my plans are for the weekend. She just recently had a birthday and made it a point of telling me that she turned 20. She told me the other day she finally traded in her old nokia phone for a new smart phone. She also has on several occasions slipped in an extra cookie in my Subway combo. Are these signs that this chinese girl is interested in me or am I reading too much into this?Thanks in advance for your thoughts and opinions Reply to this Question
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female
reader, HappyPlace  +, writes (24 August 2012):
 maverick494 has put it far more eloquently that I have - a brilliant response. I asked my partner, who is 43, would he date a 20 year old. His response was no way. He said he had dated someone before me who was 8 years younger and they had zilch in common. He then said well that's 3 years younger than your neice and she is soooo young and naive. He said if a guy if thinking with his dick, that that would be the only reason for a man of your age to be interested in a 20 year old girl. So that's the male opinion. I stand by what I said in the first place and make no apology if that is not acceptable to you.
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (24 August 2012):
OP, you have to be open to the possibility that she may just view you as a father figure and be extra kind to you because of that. I'm 24 and I got chatty with a guy who is two times my age. He seemed nice, wise and I guess I felt comfortable around him because he seemed like a father figure instead of some young guy trying to talk his way into my pants.
To make a long story short he thought I was interested in him and made a few moves, which took me by surprise. Naive as I was I didn't think he'd try to hit on someone who could be a daughter's age or even younger. Our contact ended there.
Don't expect to handed a number. IF she's hitting on you she's being very subtle about it, and taking a chance to give you her number on her own initiative doesn't fit that pattern.
Also ask yourself what you want from this girl. Say you make a move and she says yes, then what? Are you interested in an actual relationship, sex or something in between? She's very young still, probably still has a view naive views to shake off. That makes her vulnerable, especially to someone with twice the amount of life experience. Make sure that IF you two get together in some manner or form, you two are on the same wavelength.
If you still want to pursue her, be subtle. Ask her out to do something during the day and take it from there. If she shows signs of being uncomfortable, you know she's not interested in you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 August 2012):
 she will not come right out and give you her number... that's NOT going to happen.
based on your follow up, (and I am sorry for the loss of your wife)... I would say that you may want to "step up your game" a tiny bit...
more eye contact and smiles
a bit of "testing the water" about say music or movies and a "maybe we could go together to see it" type of thing...
based on how she responds to THAT, I would then evaluate what to do...
good luck!
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A
male
reader, robh +, writes (23 August 2012):
robh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the replies. Some folks have been encouraging and have offered some great advice, while only one has been really negative to the idea of a 20 year old woman being attracted to a 44 year old man and has even suggested it was laughable and that I am pursuing her and that I can't find women my own age. Let's set the record straight....1. I don't have any problems attracting woman my own age2. I was married for 13 years to a wonderful woman and she passed away 3 years ago. I have not been involved with anyone since then and that was by choice not because I can't find a woman my own age.3. I am not pursuing this girl, but I do find her to be very intelligent and very attractive and I look forward to seeing her everyday. 4. I have no plans to ask her out, but if she comes right out and gives me her number or asks me if I want to get together sometime... all bets are off.Thanks again for all the replies. It's nice to get different perspectives on this type of scenario
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (22 August 2012):
Hey, I'm 47 and the thought of dating a guy of 20 is in my mind laughable. Why do you have issues dating women of your own age? As I said before, please leave her alone. She's young and impressionable and quite frankly you are old enough to know better.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (22 August 2012):
 Up to this point it's hard to determine if she just possess excellent customer service skills or if she's kinda keen on you. Only one way to find out. Next time you go in for lunch, ask her when her shift ends and would she like to sit down with you and share some lunch? If she giggles and nods. You're in. If she shakes her head no, chalk it up to good customer service skills and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): hi,
I think she's just being friendly. Ask her for coffee, so you can get to know each other. She sounds like a nice person, so you probably want to become her FRIEND; NOT her soul – mate.
I wish you the best!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 August 2012):
I think you may be reading too much into it to be honest...
Sounds like she's just friendly with a regular customer.
While I don't have an issue with age gap relationships at all (my fiance is 13 years younger than I am) I have learned now at age 52, that I am no longer attractive to younger folks other than "hey that's a nice looking older lady".... my ego takes a battering now and again but it's the way of the world.
She's 20 so she's more than half your age.... however, if you are willing to risk it, you could ask her for coffee or something safe and "feel her out"...
but, if she's just being social and nice to a regular customer, then you may feel embarrassed....
Personally, I would just continue to flirt with her and see how it goes... eventually you will figure it out.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (21 August 2012):
You are old enough to be her Father, please leave her alone. She's just being friendly to a good Customer.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (21 August 2012):
 Well I'm on-record here for saying that age does't matter if interests, hopes, desires and dreams are compatible. She may just be supplying friendly service to a valued customer. Asians are well known to respect those much older, especially family elders It would probably not hurt to suggest an innocent get-together. You might say, when she asks about your weekend, that you plan to go see a movie, or whatever, but have nobody to go with. If she does not respond much to that, then leave it be.
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A
male
reader, anonymus2012  +, writes (21 August 2012):
I dont know, I could be. You should ask her out and see how she reacts. i guess its the only way. oh, and BTW dont worry about the age gap. every time is more common to see couples with significant age diferences, its not a big deal as long as you both have the same interests. Good luck.
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