| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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All of my boyfriend's ex girlfriends and friends are strippers, ex cons, prostitutes, porn stars ...and generally people who are a little shady, while I'm a virgin!! What the hell is going on?! Why did he pick me?
Q. My bf is 31, I am 26 and we have been together for about seven months. Things are going great...however...I'm confused about the fact that all his exes and friends are strippers, ex cons, prostitutes, porn stars ...and generally people who are a ...
A. 19 July 2012: Hmm, a very violent offense he kept from you....I'd be careful if I were you. I can understand why he wouldn't want to advertise his past, but it is a red flag even if he ended up telling you about it.
It means he's had trouble keeping himself ... (read in full...)
All of my boyfriend's ex girlfriends and friends are strippers, ex cons, prostitutes, porn stars ...and generally people who are a little shady, while I'm a virgin!! What the hell is going on?! Why did he pick me?
Q. My bf is 31, I am 26 and we have been together for about seven months. Things are going great...however...I'm confused about the fact that all his exes and friends are strippers, ex cons, prostitutes, porn stars ...and generally people who are a ...
A. 16 July 2012: There´s a time for play and a time to grow up. Could be that your boyfriend has had enough of that life, the life of taking risks, putting action before thoughts, the thrill and excitement of doing something on the wrong side of the law...and the ... (read in full...)
Seriously considering having an affair.
Q. I'll get straight to the point. I am very seriously considering having an affair. My husband has turned into a complete dead fish in the bedroom. He used to be very excited about me, he used to love to touch me, kiss me, lick me, sleep with me. He ...
A. 7 July 2012: This sounds stereotypical, but some men will put all their effort in the chase and their quest to make the girl theirs, and when that finally happens and the knot is sealed, they sit back and relax (and show their true colors).
These are very bro... (read in full...)
Fathers in the delivery room: who should have the final say?
Q. I had an interesting conversation with my boyfriend earlier about fathers in the delivery room. I'd like to find out what others make of the issue! My boyfriend said he'd rather not be in present, but if the mother wanted him there he'd compl...
A. 7 July 2012: I think he should be given the right to choose. Let's be honest here, 'the miracle of birth' is not a really appealing thing to watch. Just like a woman might resent the guy for not wanting to come, he may resent her for forcing him to be there and ... (read in full...)
Is is it ok to ask a guy out while he's still dating someone else?
Q. Hi there. Okay, I've been texting this guy my friend is setting me up with, but the guy already has a girlfriend. I do really like him, and my question is is it ok to ask a guy out while he's still dating someone else. Their relationship is rocky ac...
A. 5 July 2012: I didn't want to imply you already had sex with him OP. It's just that when you start dating someone, one thing tends to lead to another. If you're willing to go on a date with a guy when he has a girlfriend it shows you're willing to cross that ... (read in full...)
Is is it ok to ask a guy out while he's still dating someone else?
Q. Hi there. Okay, I've been texting this guy my friend is setting me up with, but the guy already has a girlfriend. I do really like him, and my question is is it ok to ask a guy out while he's still dating someone else. Their relationship is rocky ac...
A. 5 July 2012: The problem with stuff like this is, if you have sex with him while he has a girlfriend, what makes you think he won't do the same to you one day with another girl, telling her what a horrible relationship poor him is in? If a guy is willing to ... (read in full...)
My Adult Sons Are Disrespectful And Verbally Abusive. I Could Really Use Some Advise.
Q. I'm 45 with 2 "boys" aged 20 and 22. Both are finished A-Level and College. The oldest works part time 12-16 hours a week mostly in the in the evenings and other than going to football and the gym spends his time either in bed or in front...
A. 4 July 2012: I had a lazy phase when I was 18. My mom and dad told me that if I didn't want to pull my own weight in the household I could bloody well move out and live on my own. I knew from my friends' stories that living on your own involves a lot more work ... (read in full...)
I'm being pressured to get a job and drive , but I still don't feel ready!
Q. I'll try to make this as brief as possible... My mom and step dad have been pressuring me to drive and get a job, ever since I graduated, which was only a few weeks ago. Now, I took two weeks off from everything to de-stress, but now I've been ...
A. 4 July 2012: OP, tell them you are still in the process of figuring out what you want to do and that though you know they mean well, their pressure is actually making it harder for you to get things done.
Take your time deciding what you're good at and what... (read in full...)
I'm being pressured to get a job and drive , but I still don't feel ready!
Q. I'll try to make this as brief as possible... My mom and step dad have been pressuring me to drive and get a job, ever since I graduated, which was only a few weeks ago. Now, I took two weeks off from everything to de-stress, but now I've been ...
A. 4 July 2012: Just wanted to add: get your current bike checked out. I once thought my stamina sucked until I found out my bike tires were half deflated, which makes it twice as hard to get around. ... (read in full...)
I'm being pressured to get a job and drive , but I still don't feel ready!
Q. I'll try to make this as brief as possible... My mom and step dad have been pressuring me to drive and get a job, ever since I graduated, which was only a few weeks ago. Now, I took two weeks off from everything to de-stress, but now I've been ...
A. 4 July 2012: I second Cerberus' advice, if you live in an area that has everything relatively close by. I'm 24 and though I have a driver's licence, I do not own a car. When I was younger I wanted one, but I once got my eyes opened when I was a "runner" on a ... (read in full...)
Are my friends right? Do I have no conscience? I slept with a married guy.
Q. what should I be feeling about my situation? I had sex with a married man. I am barely 18 he is 42 and works in the same place i do. I have a boyfriend. he at first wanted to talk to me all the time after the sex he kept asking how the sex was afte...
A. 3 July 2012: Well I'm happy you came here to ask this question. If you had absolutely no conscience you wouldn't be on this site right now. So not all is lost.
Like others have pointed out your actions (and your lack of consideration for the conseque... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend is into anal sex and doesn't like the way my vagina looks
Q. This is kind of embarrassing but here we go. I have been in a LDR for several years. Not long after we started dating my boyfriend talked me into, um, pleasuring myself on camera for him. So I did and it's become a regular thing where we do it ...
A. 13 June 2012: When I read this my first thought was: this guy must be gay. Because I've never met a straight guy who had an issue with what basically makes women women.
Leave him, OP, before he does some real damage to your self esteem. His opinion is not valu... (read in full...)
My best friend got me pregnant, and my husband is threatening to leave. Should I keep the baby?
Q. I'm 30 years old and I have been married for nearly 7 years. I love my husband very much but I do believe you can love two people at once. I am also in love with my best friend- occasionally, when we hang out, we have sex. We know it is wrong and I ...
A. 11 June 2012: If you keep the child, you have to make sure it really is wanted. Because there's nothing worse than growing up thinking you're not. As for the whole pro-life deal, there are already too many human beings on this planet. Adding another is not a good ... (read in full...)
How do you know when you're overweight?
Q. so um...how do you know if you're overweight? every time i go to school i feel like i'm so much bigger that everyone...i am fairly tall to so i always feel like a gigantic freak...none of my friends understand...is there a diet program someone ...
A. 11 June 2012: BMI is one of the most flawed systems out there. It holds nothing in account, like muscle mass, gender, build, fluid retention, etc. etc. I know many people who would be defined as overweight by that specific measuring stick, but aren't. Body fat ... (read in full...)
I'm truly smitten but he wants to keep it a casual relationship. What do I do?
Q. Hi, I'm 41 and just came out of a 20+ year marriage. Met a guy online, met in real life, 'clicked' physically and (for me at least) emotionally. But he hasn't. THe sex is incredible - first person I have orgasmed with ever - and I am utterly smit...
A. 10 June 2012: Talk to him about it. Don't beat around the bush or wait for something to happen. If he really doesn't see a future with you other than a casual fling, you have a right to know before you really commit your heart to this even further than you have ... (read in full...)
How do you know when you're overweight?
Q. so um...how do you know if you're overweight? every time i go to school i feel like i'm so much bigger that everyone...i am fairly tall to so i always feel like a gigantic freak...none of my friends understand...is there a diet program someone ...
A. 10 June 2012: First establish if you're overweight by going to a doctor and asking him. If he establishes that you are, let him forward you to a dietician. You should not experiment with diets yourself. I did that at your age and ruined my metabolism and I ended ... (read in full...)
I believe I am God's match for her
Q. I am in love wih my best friend (female) and I'm pretty sure she hasn't thought of me in a romantic way. I honestly love everything about her. I'm nothing special but I do feel that I am God's match for her. What do I do? How do I go about it? Any ...
A. 9 June 2012: Please don't fall into the 'destined to be together' trap. It's going to strain every effort of getting together and you make it sound like she hasn't got a choice, that even if she's not interested she still should be with you because 'god wants ... (read in full...)
21 and want pay a prostitute to take my virginity. Is this illegal?
Q. I'm 21 and I want to lose my virginity soon, I don't want to drift into my mid-late 20's early 30's and still be a virgin. I am aware of the protection needed and please don't try and sell me any of the disneyland wait for the right girl and l...
A. 9 June 2012: Prostitution in the UK isn't illegal, but openly advertising for it and street prostitution is. Plus there are a lot of things you have to look out for. For example if she isn't 18 yet (you often can't tell) or forced into the industry (you can't ... (read in full...)
Should I just get my virginity out of the way?
Q. This is really personal, but I think I need a little advice in this area. I'm still a virgin, which is shocking to some people. I'm 20 which isn't that bad but in my generation isn't very common or even looked at as a good thing, its almost ...
A. 9 June 2012: There are so many posts on this web site from people in their twenties who are still virgins; it's really not that uncommon as you think. I myself was a virgin until 22 (I'm 24 now) and I'm happy I waited for the right person to lose it to. My first ... (read in full...)
B/f has domestic charges and child endagerment against him. Should I be concerned?
Q. I have a new boyfriend that I have been dating for a few months now. He's really nice to me and treats me well. He recently told me that he has a domestic violence conviction. He tells me it was a male roommate who he got into a fight with. After he ...
A. 8 June 2012: It's good he was upfront about the domestic charge, but part of me thinks he's doing it so he can twist the facts in his favor beforehand, not because he actually cares. Like others have said, domestic charges usually apply when there was a woman ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong for letting my 17 year old daughter sleep in the same bed as her male best friend?
Q. I let my daughter's male best friend sleep in her bed with her - am I a bad mother? My daughter and her best friend are 17 and I completely trust my daughter's trust in him. I know she wouldn't do anything because she's too insecure for anything ...
A. 6 June 2012: Cerberus makes a good point. Having them sleep in one bed together makes the idea of sex much more tempting because of the intimacy of being that close to each other. It's like putting dry alcoholic in a room with his vice and being surprised if he ... (read in full...)
Would it be safe to ask for a Fwb relationship with the neighbor?
Q. Hi, I always have sexual urges to have sex with my neighbor. We're both 15, she's very cute and has a creamy complexion. We're classmates in elementary. And I know that she has a major crush on me. She flirts with me all the time but in the past ...
A. 5 June 2012: If you can't control your urges you're not mature enough for sex, end of story, never mind the whole legal issues and the fact you'll probably make her pregnant. Recipe for disaster if I ever saw one. ... (read in full...)
How can I keep it a secret if I get involved with a married man?
Q. I posted a question earlier about a relationship with an older man who is married with children. I thought he was flirting with me and it turns out he was. We met to talk about the project we're both involved in and he drove me home (again!). I...
A. 5 June 2012: I second iAmHereToHelpYou's post. You're playing with fire here. Do you think you're special to him if the person he actually married gets puts aside like a piece of trash? It's only a matter of time before you lose your shine and his eyes wander to ... (read in full...)
Will money eventually come between us?
Q. My girlfriend and I were friends for awhile before we started dating. We've been together for 6 months now and things couldn't be better. She was born into a wealthy family and has inherited a lot of money. I'm an average office worker and make a ...
A. 5 June 2012: I think she's shown by dating you that she does not really care about such matters. As long as you continue pulling your own weight like you're doing right now I doubt it's going to be a problem in the future.
You have to understand that being ri... (read in full...)
I want to stop taking my birth control pill and not tell my b/f
Q. I'm 20. I started dating a great guy a few months ago, and for the past month, all I've been thinking about is getting pregnant. He's 27, has a wonderful job, and would not walk out on me if I got pregnant. His father left when he was young and he ...
A. 4 June 2012: Why would you want to screw over someone like that, especially if he's as great as him? You'd basically be punishing him for being a good guy because a guy with less integrity would drop you in a heartbeat and you know it.
No matter how crafty y... (read in full...)
He fell in love with my friend's picture, and didn't like the real me!
Q. I have been in a Long Distance Relationship.. for about 2 years now. It's a strange relationship because, I lied..when it began (we met online) I only talked to him to kill boredom. I thought I could shrug him off. Which I did, but he kept coming ...
A. 4 June 2012: Using a fake picture of someone who looks entirely different from you is a big violation of trust and basically compromises an already shaky foundation (long distance always is.) You can't blame the guy for being disappointed when he found out the ... (read in full...)
Still a Virgin at 28 years old and I want to get rid of it.
Q. I'm an attractive educated female and I'm about to turn 29 years old and I haven't had sex yet. Don't get me wrong, I've done everything but get penetrated. I was waiting till marriage but I have no prospects and I don't want this to be a problem ...
A. 4 June 2012: You really are desperate, aren't you, OP? A week of e-mails is enough to proclaim he's the "epitome of my dream man"? Yeah, for a naive 14-year-old maybe. Usually they get a reality check from their parents, their friends or both.
Liste... (read in full...)
Is there any woman who would even consider dating a guy with his life in as big a mess as mine?
Q. So, this is my first time posting here, but I could really use some advice. I'm 24 years old, and still living with my father and sister. I've been looking for work for well over a year now, and recently got laid-off from the job I had. Making th...
A. 3 June 2012: You need to work on making your life worth sharing if you want to find someone to share it with. A relationship is supposed to be the cherry on top of an already established life, not the lifeline to cling onto.
- Not being able to find a job is... (read in full...)
How to discuss rehab with an addict
Q. my bf...ex bf....idk what we are exactly but i know he is a drug addict and has told me he wanted help and had a personal cry for help but now with some pending legal problems he says he wants to use till he has to potentially go away for awhile, i ...
A. 3 June 2012: If he's adamant keeping on using, no lecture is going to make him change. So instead, ask questions.
- ask him to keep track of his drug use, including when and how much he uses. This will give him a better sense of the role the addiction is play... (read in full...)
My family feel that if my 27 year old boyfriend is having sex with me, then he should pay for ALL my expenses! And the poor guy does enough already!
Q. Ive been dating my boyfriend almost a year, im 19, he's 27 he also lives 3 hours away but visits every weekend. He pays for 99% of everything when we're together the hotels, dinner, movies, concerts etc. I havent worked in about 5 months i cant ...
A. 2 June 2012: Like everyone else I can't understand why your family feels this way, but they seem like a stubborn bunch and you're outnumbered. So what I would do is this:
#1. Keep your own expenses minimal. This means less money for clothes, hairdres... (read in full...)
My baby's daddy is giving me the cold shoulder
Q. Ill try to keep this short and sweet, my bf and i were together over 3 years we have a 2 year old together. he has a lot of stress and demons, drug addict, anxiety, can't hold a job, his dad just passed away, we never broke up but he seems to say we ...
A. 2 June 2012: I think you should stand up for yourself and your son and demand some clarity. You can't allow him to just barge in and out of you and your child's life like it's a department store. You've got to set some rules and boundaries, just like you have to ... (read in full...)
I wish I hadn't asked my b/f if he would be interested in dating his friend if we broke up
Q. My boyfriend of 7 months and I enjoy discussing everything and posed the hypothetical question of "if we were to break up, would you be interested in pursuing any of your friends". Fyi, he has casual female friends whom he has dated briefly in the ...
A. 2 June 2012: God, I never understood why people do this to themselves. Why would you ask questions you know you do not want to know the answer to / can't handle the answer to?
No, I do not think his answer warrants more thought than it already has. Poor guy... (read in full...)
I'm married but involved with a 25 year Russian girl. How do I know if my feelings for her are true? How do I know if I still love my wife? Should I try having a baby with my wife to improve our marriage?
Q. How to start...I am 44 years old and have fallen in love with a 25 year old Russian girl who I met in Moscow while working there for 2 years. I am married (for 18 years) and my wife has never been able to have children. We have recently started...
A. 31 May 2012: #1. "How do I know if my feelings for her are true"?
Let me rephrase the question: how can you say you love this girl when you are treating the person you pledged love and loyalty to at your wedding like a piece of crap?
#2. "How do I know if ... (read in full...)
Why is it ok to be a virgin at 18?
Q. If I'm a virgin at 18, why do people say it's okay? I know for a fact that all those numbers people come up with about how many people lie about having sex is complete crap. There are more people around me who either have kids that are 2 or 3, or ...
A. 31 May 2012: You can't get a girl because you're desperate and see problems that aren't there. It makes gals run for the hills even if your other qualities are exactly what they look for in a guy. Once you broadcast that vibe, people know you're going to be a ... (read in full...)
How do you create a long lasting relationship with a woman? Do you have to be a 'bad boy'? Or are there some women out there who like the good guys?
Q. How do you make a woman fall in love with you? Yes i know iv heard it all before ''you cant' - ' you cant help who u fall in love with '' etc, but generally speaking, i have found that women who are hurt/abused not necessarily physically, but more ...
A. 31 May 2012: The key to this is being nice without being a pushover or a doormat. Women (generally speaking now) like guys who... #1. are confident (without being arrogant), #2. know what they want (without it being at the cost of someone else) and who ta... (read in full...)
She said she didn't have a Facebook page and lo and behold, I find pictures of her with another guy! What do I do?
Q. Ok so I dont have a huge problem persay with this,more rather I want some opinions on the matter. Ive been seeing this girl for about a week now,weve been talking for over a month now and things seem to be going well. Last Saturday we went...
A. 31 May 2012: Thanks for the follow up, OP.
It's one of those times I don't like to be right. Sometimes life throws you a curveball. I felt the same way when I found out the guy I was getting close to was actually married. Be happy you found out about this now... (read in full...)
Was it such a big deal that I lied to my b/f's mom about a job interview?
Q. Hello. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. Just recently I was supposed to go to an interview for a retail department store, but I cancelled it because I was too lazy.. : Anyways my boyfriend's mom asked me how it went and...
A. 31 May 2012: Since you seem to freely admit and accept you're lazy, why lie to the mother about it to make you come across as different than you really are? It implies that deep down you do feel ashamed about not going and I think that's why your bf got mad.
... (read in full...)
Coping with bereavement of losing your love to suicide
Q. You can rebuild your life after some very close has died. But you need to do it at your pace. It certainly made me face life without rose colored glasses. And it opened my eyes to the fact that some people do not have honorable intentions. I am ...
A. 30 May 2012: Thank you for your insightful article. I applaud you for the way you have dealt with this tragic event and rebuilt your life. You truly are a woman to admire, Abella.
This article has been helpful for me personally, as I've been friends with som... (read in full...)
I really like two women. One is available. The other isn't ready for a relationship right now. What do I do?
Q. I need some help! I am a single male. I was divorced ten years ago. I got out of a long term relationship two years ago. I have had time on my own and I am ready to date again. This is my problem. I have two lady friends. Both are attractive a...
A. 30 May 2012: OP, you should know that "not-ready-for-a-relationship-right-now" really means: "not ready for a relationship with YOU, period." It's just the wimpy version of turning someone down.
So basically you don't have to choose. But since you're heart is... (read in full...)
We've been dating for 3 days and b/f already wants sex
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been dating since the 26th of May and he is already ready to have sex. He told me he didn't want to have sex and then leave me. He never lied to me before and we we're the best of friends before this. What should I do? I ...
A. 30 May 2012: Boyfriend at just 3 days? How can you call him your boyfriend so soon? He has done nothing to earn that status yet! Don't give it away so soon, especially since he's already pressing for it. Looks like sex is all he's after and once he gets it, this ... (read in full...)
Do guys my age automatically expect sex?
Q. Hey there! So, I'm 18 and I'm getting ready to head off to college soon. Like most kids (I guess some would consider me a "young adult"?) my age, I've been pondering the possibilities of what the future might bring. This includes relationships and ...
A. 30 May 2012: It really depends. Some people depict the college years as one big party and sex fest, but as I stayed a virgin until 22 (I'm 24 now) I know it doesn't have to be this way. It all depends on where you go to meet guys and how you go about it. ... (read in full...)
She said she didn't have a Facebook page and lo and behold, I find pictures of her with another guy! What do I do?
Q. Ok so I dont have a huge problem persay with this,more rather I want some opinions on the matter. Ive been seeing this girl for about a week now,weve been talking for over a month now and things seem to be going well. Last Saturday we went...
A. 30 May 2012: I think you should confront her when you meet up next time. Ask her calmly whether she cheated on her boyfriend with you. Then watch her reaction and take it from there. If she asks how you got that info, say it wasn't hard to conclude after seeing ... (read in full...)
Still a Virgin at 28 years old and I want to get rid of it.
Q. I'm an attractive educated female and I'm about to turn 29 years old and I haven't had sex yet. Don't get me wrong, I've done everything but get penetrated. I was waiting till marriage but I have no prospects and I don't want this to be a problem ...
A. 29 May 2012: OP, if you wanted "advice on how to deal with the internal and spiritual struggle of being an adult virgin" you should have said exactly that in your original post. Instead, your post is titled: "Still a virgin at 28 and I want to get rid of it." In ... (read in full...)
Still a Virgin at 28 years old and I want to get rid of it.
Q. I'm an attractive educated female and I'm about to turn 29 years old and I haven't had sex yet. Don't get me wrong, I've done everything but get penetrated. I was waiting till marriage but I have no prospects and I don't want this to be a problem ...
A. 29 May 2012: OP, you have to remember our reactions are based on what you gave us to work with. We don't know the exact context of the situation unless you give it to us. You living at home was something I noticed and I brought it up because you didn't elaborate ... (read in full...)
Still a Virgin at 28 years old and I want to get rid of it.
Q. I'm an attractive educated female and I'm about to turn 29 years old and I haven't had sex yet. Don't get me wrong, I've done everything but get penetrated. I was waiting till marriage but I have no prospects and I don't want this to be a problem ...
A. 29 May 2012: Two things stand out from your post:
#1. You still live at home
#2. Apart from work, you have any social activities.
In this situation you've set up for yourself, you're not going to meet a lot of men, let alone one that rocks your world. It... (read in full...)
Why is it ok to be a virgin at 18?
Q. If I'm a virgin at 18, why do people say it's okay? I know for a fact that all those numbers people come up with about how many people lie about having sex is complete crap. There are more people around me who either have kids that are 2 or 3, or ...
A. 28 May 2012: Of course you have a choice OP. You always have a choice. Like chi girl said, waiting for the right person usually means losing it with someone you have feelings for opposed to just a one night stand. This usually makes the experience much more ... (read in full...)
Why is it ok to be a virgin at 18?
Q. If I'm a virgin at 18, why do people say it's okay? I know for a fact that all those numbers people come up with about how many people lie about having sex is complete crap. There are more people around me who either have kids that are 2 or 3, or ...
A. 27 May 2012: I was a virgin until 22. I know a guy who is still a virgin at 20, and he's very good looking and sociable. A friend of mine is a virgin at 23. She looks like Natalie Portman (not kidding). I don't live in the outskirts of the country either and ... (read in full...)
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