| Latest articles: Why are so many people in abusive relationships/marriages?
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2010: I read so many questions about people stuck in "abusive relationship"s and marriages and I can't help but wonder: 1. how did this happen? I mean, why do people let themselves be stepped on like that? Why do people treat their significant o...
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Do steroids affect relations with others?
Q. I want to know if any of you have had a friendship or relationship with any man whose done steroids? What mood changes did they experience? How did you deal with them? Etc thanks for any input....
A. 18 September 2012: Why aren't you expecting a reply to your follow-up? It's worthy of being replied to.
You have some deep seated self confidence issues. Using steroids won't change that. If you want to lose fat, they're useless anyway because they mess up your met... (read in full...)
How can I tell my parents that when I finish university I want to take up the guitar professionally? They will have to pay $40,000 a year for me to do so.....
Q. Hi, this isn't a relationship question but I'd really like some outside opinions on this problem. I am currently attending university, studying criminology and going into my 3rd year. However back when I started 1st year I had started to play ...
A. 17 September 2012: ...and here I am again. DearCupid unfortunately doesn't let us edit our posts, so instead of one, you get it chopped up in 3 parts. Hope you don't mind. Anyway, I found this piece about Berklee written by a parent and I thought it was valuable ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my parents that when I finish university I want to take up the guitar professionally? They will have to pay $40,000 a year for me to do so.....
Q. Hi, this isn't a relationship question but I'd really like some outside opinions on this problem. I am currently attending university, studying criminology and going into my 3rd year. However back when I started 1st year I had started to play ...
A. 17 September 2012: Oh, and one more thing: if you really want this you may want to figure out how you can help afford that gigantic price tag. People tend to become more ambitious and motivated when their own money is involved. This will also help present your case to ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my parents that when I finish university I want to take up the guitar professionally? They will have to pay $40,000 a year for me to do so.....
Q. Hi, this isn't a relationship question but I'd really like some outside opinions on this problem. I am currently attending university, studying criminology and going into my 3rd year. However back when I started 1st year I had started to play ...
A. 17 September 2012: I'm all for following your passions, but I think that before you ask this, you need to take a real honest look at your skills and ask yourself if you have what it takes. And you have to get your expectations in line. What exactly do you think to ... (read in full...)
Do steroids affect relations with others?
Q. I want to know if any of you have had a friendship or relationship with any man whose done steroids? What mood changes did they experience? How did you deal with them? Etc thanks for any input....
A. 16 September 2012: Being a woman who works out and takes care of her body, I've seen a fair amount of 'roid users in the gyms I've been at and the reason I know they were using is because they are easy to spot. Their muscle development is unusual and as unbalanced as ... (read in full...)
My husband waits until I've gone to bed to talk to a female co-worker, should I be worried?
Q. I know that my husband talks to a female co-worker. But he always waits till I go to bed to talk with her. She works mightnight shift. I don't think this is normal. Should I be worried?...
A. 14 September 2012: I also agree with Honeypie and Stacy. This sounds very suspicious, but if you confront him without knowing what he said to her, it will be easy for him to come up with an excuse and turn it against you. Plus he'll be more careful next time.
So ye... (read in full...)
What can I change so I am no longer embarrassed by my loud, outspoken father?
Q. Dear Cupid My father is a very loud person. He rises his voice when he speaks, especially when he s in a conflict. He s so straight forward when he talks and i think that s why he s always in a conflicts. Mostly he s too proud of himself even if ...
A. 13 September 2012: Lol, sounds like my dad. Like SVC said, it's basically their fulltime job to embarrass their children. If you learn to stop caring about what other people may think about your dad because of how that may reflect on you, you'll save yourself a lot of ... (read in full...)
I may have miscarried recently. It's made me want a baby. Should I wait like my Bf says? I worry waiting could destroy our relationship.
Q. I'm 18 and going to be turning 19 in 3 weeks. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for 5 years and he is turning 20 in 2 months. He was the person I lost my virginity to and we have only slept with each other. I started taking the pill as soon ...
A. 13 September 2012: Thanks for your follow-up, OP. It's great that you have such a supportive family and that both you and your bf have jobs that pay well. I really second TasteofIndia's advice about seeking out a doctor and confirming whether you truly had a ... (read in full...)
My neighbor told me he saw my girlfriend sneaking around with my friend. They said no way. Who do I believe?
Q. A neighbour/casual friend of mine has told me that my girlfriend has cheated on me with one of our good friends. He said he saw him leave the house one day when i was out, and that the guy also told him he had slept with her a while back and that ...
A. 13 September 2012: Tough call. It is possible that the 3 of them are in a pact to keep their stories in line (I've seen it happen before and yes some of them even swore on their loved ones' graves.)
On the other hand with 3 testimonies against him, it could be... (read in full...)
I may have miscarried recently. It's made me want a baby. Should I wait like my Bf says? I worry waiting could destroy our relationship.
Q. I'm 18 and going to be turning 19 in 3 weeks. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for 5 years and he is turning 20 in 2 months. He was the person I lost my virginity to and we have only slept with each other. I started taking the pill as soon ...
A. 13 September 2012: Hmm I didn't word that last part well. What I meant was that the decision to try for a baby should NOT be made by just 1 person in a committed relationship. Both parents need to agree and be ready for it. So basically, if your boyfriend does not ... (read in full...)
I may have miscarried recently. It's made me want a baby. Should I wait like my Bf says? I worry waiting could destroy our relationship.
Q. I'm 18 and going to be turning 19 in 3 weeks. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for 5 years and he is turning 20 in 2 months. He was the person I lost my virginity to and we have only slept with each other. I started taking the pill as soon ...
A. 13 September 2012: You sound sensible enough, OP. However, don't mistake the feeling of loss after this as a sign of you being ready for a baby. Hormones play a huge role. That's not necessarily your heart speaking. You're 18 and though legally an adult, you really ... (read in full...)
I am having a serious clash with my boyfriend and I'm looking for some advice please.
Q. I am having a serious clash with my boyfriend and I'm looking for some advice please. I was raped about 7 years ago. It was very brutal (the guy was on a lot of drugs and had a knife) and it took me a long time to get myself back on track and ...
A. 13 September 2012: You're welcome, OP. Everyone has weaker moments so don't feel bad when that happens. It's natural. I'm happy to hear you're taking steps in taking care of yourself.
I just want to add that with this drug problem your boyfriend has, it's probably... (read in full...)
Some days I get a lot of male attention and other days nothing
Q. Same dress, same hair, same make up, same place. One night guys are all over me askin for my number, buying me drinks. Went out with same girlfriends yesterday night there, no attention whatsoever. One asked my friend if I'm having fun. I was act...
A. 13 September 2012: OP, sorry if I offended you. I made the bold comparison of reliance on strangers' attention and interest, in hopes of making you see how unhealthy that is.
Most people appreciate attention and acknowledgement from the opposite sex, but you soun... (read in full...)
How do I make it clear to women that I am NOT interested in dating right now?
Q. I'm scarred by a bad breakup. Now, I have a NASTY impression of the dating world. I have 2 questions. First, how do I give the signal to girls in general, that I'm NOT in the mood to date, so that they can look for someone that'll actually be ...
A. 13 September 2012: OP, you sound like a nice guy, but stop over thinking things and just do what you have to do. Don't worry about scenario's that haven't even begun to unfold yet. You'll cross that bridge when you get there. Every girl out there knows what it's like ... (read in full...)
Some days I get a lot of male attention and other days nothing
Q. Same dress, same hair, same make up, same place. One night guys are all over me askin for my number, buying me drinks. Went out with same girlfriends yesterday night there, no attention whatsoever. One asked my friend if I'm having fun. I was act...
A. 12 September 2012: The other day I was walking home after doing some shopping and this guy stopped me and said I looked lovely. I was wearing cargo pants, a long, fitted T-shirt with an elaborate print, a short motorcycle jacket and low heels. I had my hair up in a ... (read in full...)
I'm 16 and my 25 year old friend hints that he wants to date me. Is there anything wrong with this?
Q. Hy. I dont know if this is a bad idea or not. Lately ive been friends with an awesome, kind ,funny an intelligent guy for 8 months. I like him so much. He s been telling me the past whole week that one day 'when the time is right' he would ...
A. 12 September 2012: I am 24 and though I can get along well with young teens like you, I would never date them. Like others have said, the maturity gap is too big. I was at such a different place in my life at 16 than I am now. At 16 I was still in highschool. At 24 ... (read in full...)
I am having a serious clash with my boyfriend and I'm looking for some advice please.
Q. I am having a serious clash with my boyfriend and I'm looking for some advice please. I was raped about 7 years ago. It was very brutal (the guy was on a lot of drugs and had a knife) and it took me a long time to get myself back on track and ...
A. 11 September 2012: The scumbag who raped you is not taking your relationship from you. Your boyfriend is. He is choosing drugs over you. That is bad on it's own, but the fact he doesn't care your PTSD is triggered by it shows how far he's truly fallen. He's not in ... (read in full...)
Are there guys out there who actually don't like strip clubs?
Q. Are there guys out there who actually DON'T like strip clubs? I live in a mining town and strip clubs are starting to pop up everywhere, and since mining is a very male dominated field, guys go there after work to bond, and blah blah. I've been ...
A. 11 September 2012: Well, from what you're describing, this mining town may not be the best place for you to find a guy and settle down with. Are you planning on living there forever? That said, if the population is high, there have to men out there who don't like it. ... (read in full...)
What would you think of an otherwise decent woman having a one night stand in the distant past?
Q. If you were dating a woman of good standing, moral fibre and integrity.... what would you think of her if you found out she made one big mistake several years ago in the form of a one night stand found from the internet? Would who she is today be ...
A. 11 September 2012: Personally, I have little gripes with the past. In the end we're all human and we all make mistakes. Sometimes mistakes are actions, other time inaction. Not doing something and not experiencing something can be as big a mistake as risking it and ... (read in full...)
Advice needed on overcoming fear of public speaking
Q. Im a student studying Media and Production, which involves a lot of presenting. We recently got told that we need to do a presentation in front of the class in 3 weeks time. I know that this gives me time to prepare myself and what I will say but ...
A. 10 September 2012: When doing class presentations in groups, my classmates always asked me to go first because I wasn't afraid. But I was. I just hid it.
What really works for me is:
- taking a deep breath, emptying your mind before you go up the stand. Inhal... (read in full...)
How do I make it clear to women that I am NOT interested in dating right now?
Q. I'm scarred by a bad breakup. Now, I have a NASTY impression of the dating world. I have 2 questions. First, how do I give the signal to girls in general, that I'm NOT in the mood to date, so that they can look for someone that'll actually be ...
A. 10 September 2012: Don't be like so many people who go the coward route and try to give people 'hints'. Simply be honest. If a gal shows interest, tell them thanks, but you're not interested. Be polite, but firm.
Also don't visit establishments where it's likely f... (read in full...)
He says I'm a great woman, but he only wants a sexual relationship...what am I to do?
Q. He says that he doesn't see a serious relationship with me because, I'm not part of his culture and that when it comes to building a family, the way he children will look, they language they speak and the culture is very important to him, THUS he ...
A. 10 September 2012: He doesn't sound like a great catch, to be honest.
- He's a teacher who dates students,
- he hasn't been straight forward about what he wants, which is sex only. For the record: "not right now" means: "not, ever."
- He's narrow minded and s... (read in full...)
Am I a racist for not liking a black guy?
Q. I’m a young gay man and I feel like I’m a bad person. I’m receiving a lot of attention from a black guy (I'm white myself). He’s being really nice, giving me small gifts and everything, asking me to go out with him. We’ve talked many times, he’s a ...
A. 9 September 2012: Good point, BeingBlack and Honeypie. We're all of the human race, so that should make us one and the same. Like so many others, I sometimes get sidetracked by all the gibberish so I lose sight of simple truths like this. Thanks for that.... (read in full...)
Am I a racist for not liking a black guy?
Q. I’m a young gay man and I feel like I’m a bad person. I’m receiving a lot of attention from a black guy (I'm white myself). He’s being really nice, giving me small gifts and everything, asking me to go out with him. We’ve talked many times, he’s a ...
A. 8 September 2012: Being racist to me means being intolerant towards people that are of a different race and/or have a different skin color than you. That's different than having a certain preference dating wise. I mean, you probably encounter plenty of white guys ... (read in full...)
How should handle really rude, mean nasty insensitive aunt?
Q. Last time I saw my aunt, I was in tears from being cruelly dumped by my boyfriend at the time. She ignored this at and proceeded to have a huge go at me for not futhering my education. I wasn't in the mood and depressed. Instead she yelled at me...
A. 8 September 2012: You're an adult now and though it's weak that your parents don't stand up for you you're old enough to do it yourself.
The next time she picks on you, tell her: "Listen [her name], if you don't have anything nice to say to me, then don't say anyt... (read in full...)
My girlfriend romantically roleplays with others, would I be wrong to ask her to stop?
Q. Ok so I'm in a rather unique situation right now. I'm in a long distance relationship with my current girlfriend and she is an avid roleplayer on various forums with multiple people. The problem lies whenever she romantically roleplays with someone. ...
A. 7 September 2012: *gf... (read in full...)
My girlfriend romantically roleplays with others, would I be wrong to ask her to stop?
Q. Ok so I'm in a rather unique situation right now. I'm in a long distance relationship with my current girlfriend and she is an avid roleplayer on various forums with multiple people. The problem lies whenever she romantically roleplays with someone. ...
A. 7 September 2012: Let me explain something about text based RPG's.
I participated in them for years and honestly it's nothing more than writing a story with equal input of other people. I don't know which sites your bf is on, but my sites have plotting boards w... (read in full...)
Boyfriend leaving state on internship for 4 months, should I let go?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about a year. We have been very happy together, rarely argue, and always have a great time in one another's company. We're both in college, and go to different colleges. We miss each other during the week, but set aside ...
A. 7 September 2012: I'm sorry but if your relationship can't survive a small 4 month internship (most internships take 6 months, if not more) then what is it worth anyway? 4 months, to me, is nothing. Take the past summer for example. I've been looking forward to that ... (read in full...)
Why do guys stare at me or laugh/smile when they see me?
Q. there are a group of guys in my school and i never talk to them. its like everytime i walk by they stare at me and whisper, i have same classes with couples of em, and i know everytime i walk into the classroom and no matter what im doing, they ...
A. 6 September 2012: I have to agree on the makeup thing. There's a girl at my school (go figure, we don't even know her personally) who walks around with a ton of makeup on her face, fake eyelashes, hair extensions, the whole deal. Guys make fun of her behind her back. ... (read in full...)
Crush on my teacher and can't let go
Q. So Im 17, and I 'love' my teacher who is 32(unmarried, no kids with a girlfriend). This has been going on for almost 2 years now, but circumstances have changed.... he has left and moved to the other side of the world where he once lived 6 years ago ...
A. 5 September 2012: I'll be checking back here on friday ;-) Good you're finally taking matters into your own hands OP!... (read in full...)
All of my friends have boyfriends except for me!
Q. Recently all of my friends have got boyfriends, or have someone who likes them, all except for me. I feel as though I'm the ugly one of my group of friends, they don't make me feel like this, it's just I know that in our group I'm probably the least ...
A. 5 September 2012: Your self loathing is what makes you unattractive to the opposite sex. People can sense when someone is unhappy, and they tend to prefer the company of people who are content in their own skin.
The most popular person in my class is an overweig... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong? I've only had sex twice and it's not even painful.
Q. Okay so i have had sex only twice with my boyfriend. but it doesnt hurt one bit. its not even liek hes small. but even when he penetrates its not at all painful. it just feels like something is inside. i cant even feel the movement inside. is ...
A. 4 September 2012: Nothing is wrong with you. Not every woman feels pain the first time they had sex. Just like not every woman bleeds the first time they have sex. Everyone is different. Don't worry about it, you should feel lucky!... (read in full...)
I'm afraid my sister is on the wrong path -- what can I do to help?
Q. Dear Cupid, My 14 year old sister is beginning to worry our family. I'm 20 and have been through the same high school she is now attending, and the way she dresses can and will get her in trouble (school-wise and peer-wise), from what I've seen in ...
A. 3 September 2012: Honestly, I don't think there's much you can do.
Trying to guide her subtly won't help. Your sister has shown herself to be someone who needs a message to hit like a brick for her notice it and learn from it.
Don't protect her, she'll just... (read in full...)
18 year old living with us is too friendly. Do I tell her brother?
Q. Hey everyone, I'm in a living with my boyfriend for the past 4 years now,and everything was going great,he has a good job so do I..but now the problem has arised cuz of a third person which unfortunately I brought into the picture.. My best guy fr...
A. 3 September 2012: Nope, not overreacting. She's doing this because she knows she can get away with it. She's testing your boundaries and you're not offering enough resistance. Well, that should change. Since you brought her into the house take it on as your ... (read in full...)
Crush on my teacher and can't let go
Q. So Im 17, and I 'love' my teacher who is 32(unmarried, no kids with a girlfriend). This has been going on for almost 2 years now, but circumstances have changed.... he has left and moved to the other side of the world where he once lived 6 years ago ...
A. 3 September 2012: First of all thanks for the follow up and thanks for really considering the points brought up.
["By telling him how i feel its like giving someone all control over me, and ive always been so independent. Or im terrified of disappoi... (read in full...)
I'm a straight A student and he is a skater boy. Should I take the chance with him?
Q. So all my life, I have been pretty tamed(: I do my school work and get straight-A's (I'm planning on being a doctor). I am a senior this year, 17, and school starts in a couple of days. However, I am so not prepared because my mind is completely ...
A. 2 September 2012: Taking a chance is never wrong. Just stay sensible, (as you should be with every guy you date.) Don't get mixed up in his bad habits, don't get pregnant and don't prioritize him over school and future career ambitions. This sounds blunt, but these ... (read in full...)
I hurt my FWB's feelings by talking to another girl. Did I cross boundaries?
Q. My friend with benefits is not happy with me after she found out that I was speaking to a mutual female acquaintance. I am not interested romantically in this other woman at all. The conversation was about music related activities that we both have ...
A. 1 September 2012: FWB is a no strings attached arrangement, so no you didn't cross a boundary. The problem with FWB is that often, one starts having romantic feelings for the other (this is most often the woman). This seems to be the case here. You should decide if ... (read in full...)
Crush on my teacher and can't let go
Q. So Im 17, and I 'love' my teacher who is 32(unmarried, no kids with a girlfriend). This has been going on for almost 2 years now, but circumstances have changed.... he has left and moved to the other side of the world where he once lived 6 years ago ...
A. 1 September 2012: **edit** sorry correction, I just saw you said "no" kids. ... (read in full...)
Crush on my teacher and can't let go
Q. So Im 17, and I 'love' my teacher who is 32(unmarried, no kids with a girlfriend). This has been going on for almost 2 years now, but circumstances have changed.... he has left and moved to the other side of the world where he once lived 6 years ago ...
A. 1 September 2012: Girl you talk like a drug addict who says she needs a last fix to quit. Those are the kind of people who always end up as losers.
You need to cut all contact, delete him off facebook and definitely do NOT meet him in October. Do not go to him w... (read in full...)
I'm not in a position where I can get a divorce but I want to get to know this other man. I'm very unhappy and don't know what to do.
Q. I am 28 and have been married for 5 years. I was good at first. But when I got pregnant with our first child my husband starting watching porn. Without getting into massive detail, I eventually confronted him about it and told him how I felt. After ...
A. 30 August 2012: Do not disrespect this other man by dangling this possibility in front of him. He's trying to do the right thing, but you 'hanging out' with him, obviously showing your attraction is not nice. It also paints a picture of you, not a very pretty one I ... (read in full...)
I want to call off the engagement! I'm freaking out!
Q. I am freaking out! I am getting married next month and... I don't want to!! I want to call this engagement off! It's not that I don't love my bf, it's just that this whole marriage thing is scaring the hell out of me. So many things can go wrong in...
A. 30 August 2012: Seems to me you're just realizing this means commitment. But think about it; this whole idea of that before marriage it's easy to get out of a relationship is just an illusion: you've probably been living together already, sharing your lives, ... (read in full...)
Too Close For My Comfort
Q. I need advice. My 24 year old stepdaughter moved in with us. She quit a perfectly good job and came home. She doesn't clean up, she doesn't pay rent, she generally acts like she is still a child instead of the grown woman she is. My problem and...
A. 30 August 2012: After reading your follow-up I have to say that this may indeed cross the line. Too bad your elaboration was deleted by a mod, because now we still don't know what this "graphic detail" is. Could you try to give us the cliff notes version so we know ... (read in full...)
Too Close For My Comfort
Q. I need advice. My 24 year old stepdaughter moved in with us. She quit a perfectly good job and came home. She doesn't clean up, she doesn't pay rent, she generally acts like she is still a child instead of the grown woman she is. My problem and...
A. 30 August 2012: This may be strange in a culture where physical intimacy has become somewhat of a taboo. That's the thing in America; compared to some other countries people here have a lot of freedom when it comes to love and relationships, yet men are afraid to ... (read in full...)
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