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*ikeyindaburg
writes: I met a guy online, and he actually turned out to be amazing...he's cute, he's smart, secure, funny, etc. etc.; pretty much perfect for me. We've been dating for a while now, and have even gotten to the point of saying that we love each other. But it's not all perfect. You see, when we first started talking online, he said that he had abs and guns and the whole shabang, and made himself out to be pretty fit. And he does look quite good with clothes on. But with his shirt off (which is rare cuz he's not confident in his body enough to take it off) it's a horse of a different colour: he's got leftover fat from when he used to way 320 lbs some years ago. Oh there's abs, but they're hiding underneath some fun-fat that he says he'll have surgery to get rid of.He said that he went to the gym like every day...but since dating him, he's hardly ever gone to the gym at all...and when he does, it's only for like a quick 10-minute workout. Now I try not to be a shallow guy...but I do have some standards: which include a fit/healthy man (who doesn't have to be an A and F model) that goes to the gym. Is it just a honeymoon phase? Is it just that he's so into our relationship that he's forgotten about the gym, but will come around to it later on? Or will it only go downhill from here? I love him...but I needs me a man that I'm physically attracted to as much as mentally.Any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chipmunk37  +, writes (26 July 2015):
 If you really love him you should love him because of his faults not despite his faults. He has lost a lot of weight through no doubt lots of hard work, effort and self discipline. You should admire him for his strength and determination, not judge him for not being perfect yet. See how far he has come not be obsessed with how far...in your eyes...he has yet to go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2006): At the end of the day, and a few years down the line, It's the emotional connection you have with one another, and it grows from there. Yes physical attraction is important, but like the good old saying goes, "DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S COVER!" Perhaps the reason why he didn't tell you the full truth about his physical state was that he felt that you would not like him. He did loose all that weight, maybe he is still in the process of getting into shape.
I'm sure it would break his heart to think that you're measuring your relationship based on physical qualities, and not what you feel inside your hearts.
He sounds like a great guy, and he deserves someone that appreciates him for what he looks like.
If you really did love him you wouldn't be judging him by his abs, but by his heart.
If this doesn't work let him go so that someone who really cares about him comes along.
And you go to the gym, pick guys up, with great abs, full of self confidence that's ozzing from their pores and there is no chemistry.
GOOD LUCK.
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reader, harshbutfair +, writes (2 February 2006):
 Find a new man? Even better, find a man at a gym? Seems like everytime I go to the gym it is riddled with hot gay guys. I would say that a bigger problem is not so much your shallowness in looking for a better model, as much as it was his willingness to tell you what were, lets face it, lies about how fit he is and how often he works out.
Good luck my man.
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reader, willywombat +, writes (2 February 2006):
 If you don't fancy this guy then that is it. There has to be a little bit of a spark for it to work. But I must say I think if you are judging him on a roll of fat you are being a little shallow. Sorry but you did ask.
:-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2006): Seriously shallow mate. Sort yourself out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2006): Sounds like he might be a little into the honeymoon phase if he has actually lost all that weight before he met you. But if you realy can't cope with a little imperfection then get out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2006): For all the things you say you love about this guy you aren't willing to look beyond a little puppy fat?!?! That is extremely shallow. This guy sounds like a really great dude. Do him a favor and let him find someone who loves him for who he is, not what someone else wants him to be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2006): You have some specific "physical standards" that you expect,in your boyfriends. I have to assume you are very fit yourself? Physical attraction is very important for many people. Others can look beyond that. While I feel the physical aspects don't make up the whole person..it sounds like this is important to you. If he is not what you expected-then let him go. Don't waste his and your time, any further. Hopefully, in time he will mend his heart and move on with his life. He sounds like a wonderful person and he deserves to find someone who takes him 'as is'. Do him a favor and ...cut him loose. Take care
Hugs Irish
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reader, kellyO +, writes (2 February 2006):
 Dearie, if it is bothering u so much and u feel u do love him then while not talk to him about it and let him know how u feel. maybe u can encourage him by going with him to the gymn for workouts. see how that goes.
I must emphasize though that it is true that u should be with someone u are attracted to physically and if u dont feel this way towards him then perhaps it will be best to look for someone else. its your call really
All the best dear
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