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male
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anonymous
writes: I am really in love with my girlfriend (now-ex). She is everything that I could ever want, in every way possible. She was the only best friend I have ever had. I know that I love her, because it seems to be unconditional and never-ending. She said that she loved me too, and we were such a loving happy couple. I always went out of my way to make sure that I always kept her happy. I know that I could have happily lived forever with her. I was seriously considering marriage with her, but that I would not try it until we had been going out for a few more years. We would spend as much time as we could together. Then, she bagan to pull away from that. It was a very painful experience for me, but I still loved her anyway and we were still happy together only not so often. I got used to this and still loved her, but she kept pulling away until she barely talked to me anymore. I asked her about it and she assured me that she still loved me and that everything would be OK. But then she began avoiding me altogether. Through a frind of hers I managed to talk to her and she told me that she didn't know what was happening and was obviously avoiding the reason. After some thinking and examining of the circumstances I guessed that she was going to become a nun. I asked her and she confirmed it to be truth. She made me promise not to tell anyone else about her becoming a nun. Then she broke up with me because of it. The thing is I still love her after all she put me through and can't stop thinking about her. I once thought I was to be a priest, myself, like a weird message from God, but that feeling went away for good, until I got the same feeling about being with her. It is almost like God sent me a message that I should be with her and then took her away from me. I really really love her, and want only the best for her. That is why I support her and don't want to make her vocation any harder, but I'm just so hurt and confused.I really don't know what to do. I am always very depressed thinking about her because I still see her often and her general attitude is that I just need to deal with my problems. I don't know what I should do, or anything, or how I could feel better. I still love her and would give her another chance if her nunly feeling goes away like my priestly one did, but I don't know if I should or can really hope for that. I can't really talk to anyone else but her because of how I promised not to tell anyone, but she doesn't seem to want to help me feel better. I feel very alone about this due to the circumstances. I don't want to lose her as my best friend, but she hasn't been very friendly for a while now, so being near her only seems to hurt me even more so. What should I do to feel better or to deal with my friendship with her?
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (5 March 2006):
 I agree completely with the response below. If it is in her heart to become a nun there is really nothing u can do about that. You have to support her decision and be her friend. No need for regrets i am sure u had a great experience and love for her when u guys where dating you should treasure that and move on.
Go out with friends, occupy yourself with activities and try not to think too much.
All the best.
A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (5 March 2006):
 If being a nun is in her heart, you will not be able to change that. If you truly love her, you will find a way to accept her choice and support her decision even though it is not what you want or hope for. You thought for a while you would be a priest. Then pray...not that she stop wanting to be a nun...but for understanding. Pray that you can be strong enough to love her enough to allow her to find the path that God has chosen for her.
Then convey to her that you will accept her choice and be her friend no matter what. (this allows the door to remain open if she should change her mind and she will always know that even if it meant not having her....you considered Her happieness before your own)
Then pray for the strength to back up your words and know that If She is not the path that God has decided for you...then he has other plans for you and you must trust them.
Of course you are going to be sad but dumping your sadness and depression upon her does not show anything but that you are thinking of yourself. So she has pulled away because she just can't deal with the constant reminder of how something she really can't control has hurt you.
If she truly is called, she was never yours to begin with...you were just allowed to borrow her for a bit. Be thankful for that gift rather than bitter that it was not as long as you hoped for....life is that way. A flower is very beautiful but it will fade....but for a moment it is a gift from God.
Don't think of giving her another chance....ask her for another chance at Truly BEING her friend. No Matter WHAT.
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