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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 months now, Im 18, hes 19. Its thelongest relationship we've both had. My problem is, I get so paranoid over everylittle thing. At the beginning, everything between was perfect like it alwaysis, but now he doesnt seem to give me as much attention as he used to... hestill gives me a lot, just not as much. Problem is, I dont know if this isnormal because its my first proper relationship! I keep thinking hescheating/has cheated on me, and I dont know why. Im a very neurotic person, andwhen something is on my mind, I cant seem to shed it, so this is really gettingme down. Ive asked him if hes cheated on me, and of course hes said no, and thenhe gets angry with me for asking all the time, which I understand. We recentlyagreed to take 2 days off in the week from each other, because seeing each othereveryday meant we were just annoying one another, but now this is just making methink he has more time to cheat on me! Theres one girl inparticular I have worries about... I just dont know why Im worried... he doesnthave her number or anything, he just talks to her over MSN Messenger. Recentlyjust after we slept together, there was a kind of reddy brown stuff on his..manhood. This just pushed me over the edge and made me worry ten times more.Whats wrong with me?? Does it sound like i have any reason to worry or am i justbeing far to overly paranoid??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2006): I know what you mean! I'm 19 and am in a similar situation. I found a solution! The thing is...as hard as it sounds just try this.....think about how he is feeling. Have a nice time....small things help start you getting in tune with this such as tell some stuipid jokes or massage. Although with respect to the dicomfort you may get the urge to argue or be jelous when he talks to another girl but if your calm and seem more interested in his feelings he'll consider yours more in response. If you make him feel guily all the time he's going to feel bad and this could actually escalate a problem. Its normal to be jelous or worried because as relationships progress people do get used to each other and I find that when i make a bit more effort to have a good time and let go of small things everything falls back into place. Focus on enjoying your time together and believe me he'll miss it more when your apart. In addition....short time outs like a day or two help to focus on myself.
A
female
reader, juliagulia  +, writes (2 March 2006):
 You know, I am just going to come right on out and say this, but if he had reddish-brown stuff on his penis right after you had sex, it could be that you were spotting. Were you having your period a few days before that or did you get it a few days after? Also, I think it is common for sex to cause a woman to bleed a tiny bit. So that is most likely nothing. And if you keep hounding him all the time, you can consider the relationship over. No one is going to put up with that for long. Would you? If you have a hard time trusting people altogether, then you need to look into seeing a counselor about it and practice some exercises in "letting go" or maybe you have serious anxiety and need medication. If it is just this guy in particular that you don't trust, then maybe there is a reason why you don't trust him and you should move onto someone you CAN trust. I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2006): you know what you know, and something inside of you has said not to trust this guy, you cant help that niether can he.if you cant trust him , find someone who can give you a reason to trust him
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A
female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (1 March 2006):
 It does sound as if you are being paranoid. It doesn't sound as if he is cheating on you. Its ok for him to talk to girls and boys, because its YOU thats he's decided to be with. Its YOU that cuddles him and has him as your boyfriend.
Its perfectly normal for couples to spend less time together as their relationship gets longer and pursue other interests. In fact its healthy for your relationship. You don't want to smother each other!
The 'honey moon stage' is over, good news is phycologists say the'honeymoon stage' comes back each year regular as clockwork, and I can vouch for this. You need to have your own lives, hobbies and interests apart from each other. That way you have things to talk about and share.
Remember when you first met, whatever you were doing he liked, as a person you have to change and grow, if you are in a relationship this changes and grows as well. Its up to you whether you stick with it or not.
Maybe there are deeper reaons for your insecurity that have nothing to do with your boyfriend. If that could be the case then its time to face up to them issues and start challenging them. If you don't you will continue to take them out on your boyfriend and push him away.
I hope every bodies advice helps you and helps put your stresses to rest.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (1 March 2006):
 Hi, from your posting i feel you have really little faith and trust in your relationship and boyfriend. since he hasnt really given u any really reason to doubt him perhaps u should be a little more relaxed and enjoy your relationship instead of being overly concerned and looking for the slightest of indications that something must be up with him.
You mentioned he was so perfect with you in the beginning but that is how all relationship tend to start and with time it grows slower and steady. you learn alot about the other person and try to accomodate them and hopefully love them the way they are or if one cant then the relationship crumbles.
Also, i really dont see anything wrong if he has a female friend that he chats with. my boyfriend has female friends he has known all the while before he met me and i do respect them. i also have male friends and colleagues.
My own advise is just u should try to relax and enjoy yourself and your relatiosnhip. if u continue like this iam afraid you will end of pusing him anyway.
Tale care and i sincerely wish u the best.
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (1 March 2006):
 On this occassion I am going to say that you are paranoid, you are insecure and relatively inexperienced with relationships.
Nohting in what you have told me makes me think that he is cheating or planning to cheat on you, and if you continue to act this insecure and accusing he may decide that as he is being accused of cheating he may as well do it.
My advice to you is just to try and relax just enjoy the time you spend with him and wake up to the fact that if any man or woman wants to cheat they will and that there is nothing at all you can do about this so it is just not worth worrying about until it happens.
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