A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 years now, our relationship is the best thing in my life. About 3 months ago I got pregnant but I wasn't ready to have a child cuz I'm working and so is my boyfriend and I just wasn't ready to settle down yet(yess we did use protection)anywys I told my boyfriend about this and he wanted to keep the baby,I didnt, I would love to have kids some day with him but not right now so I went to the doctor and had an abortion. Ever since then my boyfriend acts soo distant towards me and says things like 'we would have been a family' and for me this whole experience was traumatising. I had to go thru the abortion process and I wish he was more considerate.. rather than acting like this!!What I need now is his support... and lately I've seen him talking way too much to his collegeague(girl)and I'm just paranoid... what if he leaves me because I'm not ready to start a family with him? what do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2012): The trouble with this situation is that your not the only 1 who is hurting and your not the only one who needs support. yes the ultimate decision does lay with the woman because it is the womans body but can u imagine being in his shoes where you have absolutly no sway on the outcome of such A huge situation regardless of what you say? At the bottom line, that was his baby too. He needs time to sort out his own thoughts i expect and you both need to sit down and talk or your going to keep drifting apart.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (28 September 2012):
 I think your boyfriend is very upset with your decision. Up until now, your relationship has probably been all fun and games: sex, romance, and a plan for the future. However, reality set in when you became pregnant -- and that changes everything.
Did you consult your boyfriend before you made your decision or was it something you decided on your own? Perhaps he felt left out in the process and is upset that he wasn't consulted or his wishes weren't respected. Also, he is now realizing what is at stake: sex has now turned into something serious and is no longer casual and without consequences. He also may have some religious issues with terminating a pregnancy -- particularly if he is Catholic. Do you know his stance on abortion?
Whether he leaves or not is really dependent upon him. If he chooses to leave, there won't be anything you can really do about it. If he is being chummy with another girl, you need to assert yourself.
I would urge you to sit down with him and ask him about his feelings. Explain how you felt and how you want to have a future with him and that would include raising a family -- just not now. Tell him you want to remain with him and that you are concerned about him seeing another woman.
Hopefully his answers and by you listening to them will give you some insight into his sudden withdrawal and change of heart.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 September 2012):
You had every right to have the abortion, and I support that. But that doesn't mean your boyfriend has to support it. He wanted the baby, and you didn't, so you made the choice to terminate and he didn't have a say in it. That's your decision. But you have to understand that he doesn't have to support a decision that he didn't agree with. How can you possibly expect him to support you, when he didn't agree at all with what you did, and he wanted that baby.
I'm sorry, but as much as you had the right to choose what you did, he has every right not to support it. You can't expect someone to just fall into line and do as they're told when they clearly don't agree.
As for this idea that he might leave - well, yes, he might. Again, if he was ready for a child, and he wanted the child, you can't really expect him to stay around if he's suddenly decided that he wants a family and you're ready.
Always remember this - you have the right to choose what to do with your body, and as such you have the right to terminate or not. That is very clearly a traumatizing decision to have to make, and you do have my sympathy. On the other hand, it can be equally traumatizing for the man who has no say at all.
What you now need to do is sit down with him and see whether this relationship can actually continue. Does he want to be with you, in which case may I suggest counselling so you can both come to terms with what has happened, and you can both listen to each other rather than just you wanting him to fall into line and do as you want.
Or, has this gone as far as it can, and does it need to end?
Either way, start talking to him - and do it quickly, because it does seem to me that he's making an exit plan one way or another.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 September 2012):
 He lost a child too. are you being sympathetic to his pain and loss? Are you supporting him through this trauma like you expect him to support you?
You had every right to have an abortion.... I agree that every woman should be able to choose.... but if he's ready to have a family and settle down with you and you are not ready then you should be concerned that he may leave you to find someone who is ready...
In addition, did you have the abortion without his consent?
that's a big deal too.
I'm sorry things are not going right in your relationship because of this but to be honest, I think you are being a bit selfish.
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