A
female
age
30-35,
*zabella637
writes:My husband and i have a savings account but he puts in the money but its for our future home, my parents need to barrow money and will give it back in 3 months and i know we have the amount they are looking for, my dad asked my husband and my husband said hell do his best. If he doesnt give it should i get mad?
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male
reader, BachelorGreatUncle +, writes (26 September 2012):
"Should I get mad at my husband if he doesn't loan my parents money?"No, you should get mad only if he does loan your parents money. If you have the amount they are looking for, then they'll continuing looking for more until you don't, and your future home will be your present home.Shame on your parents, but no surprise considering your reaction, they trained you well, let hin be the bad guy and say "NO BLEEPING WAY" to your parents all by himself. He'll get over it. Really, he knows he's doing right thing and doesn't want to alienate a daughter from her parents, probably she'll have more time to spend with them now that he and his wife won't be spending nearly as much time with his greedy in-laws who will be otherwise engaged looking for an alternate ATM. He's looking out for his wife's future happiness. Too bad certain sleazeball in-laws aren't doing same for their daughter's future happiness.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 September 2012):
 The rule: never lend money you can't afford to give away
the truth MOST of the time you won't see it back.
the way it worked in my family: My father has lent me money. I paid him back with interest. we had a written agreement... the interest was my offer... I believe he forgave the last few payments for me...
he lent my aunt money many years ago... she was a single mom and her house wall fell down and she needed to fix it... she paid him back every penny with interest (it was written that way)...
but he lent it knowing he might not see it...
I personally think it will depend on what they need it for, if they are known to pay back their debt... etc...
my fiance and I argue about funds all the time, he has no biological children and can't get the whole "I'm the mommy so I want to help my grown kids" feeling....
I doubt he would let me lend money to my sons.... or my dad (not that he needs it)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): I lent my then girlfiend a few hundred pounds and it wasn't the first time. Same story every time, 'I'm a bit short til payday, lend it me and I'll pay you back as soon as I get paid etc.'The last time I lent her money, I even went as far as drawing up an agreement that she had to sign. It laid out what I was lending her and when she was expected to pay it back. We split up a few months later and she told me that I'd agreed to let her off the debt and never repaid me a penny. I didn't want to take her to court for the sake of a small amount of money, so just left it at that.What I learned is that you should only lend what you can afford to lose. Tell your parents to go to a bank or get a loan if it's only for a few months (only exception would be if they've lent you money and feel you should do the same).
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Lending money between family members more often leads to trouble than not. If your parents are certain they will be able to repay the money then they must have some sort of documentation they could use to apply to a lending institution.
I have seen enough families break up with family members not being able to repay loans and families being ripped apart as a result of it.
Talk to your husband, but if he is the one earning the money and putting it aside for your future, dont get mad if he decides not to jeopardise that!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): I say keep your money in the bank so it will be there when time to buy a house. Let me tell you this, my ex daughter-in-law borrow $500.00 from me and she promise to repay me and never did and now she's angry with me because I asked her for it. Don't fall in the same trap I fell in, my family owe me a lot of money, My own dear mother has borrowed thousands from me and never paid me back, my own dear child has borrow thousands from me. Be very careful when you are a soft hearted giving person because you can be taken for a rough.It took me a very long time to realize my own dear mother was using me, she would say something like if you loan me $200.00 this time I will never ask you for anything else, three months down the road it was the same thing and come to find out she was going to the casino and as of right now she really need help, lost her house to the casino but I have given everybody that owe me money a clean bill or debt free with me and none of my family can borrow anything from me, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.I gave up all birthdays and holiday gifts, my mother birthday is coming up real soon and the only thing she will get from me is a phone call wishing her happy birthday.So I say let your parents get the money from the bank and if you decide to let your parents have the money make sure you get a written agreement so when you have to see judge Judy, Mathis or Joe Brown you will have your proof.I still love my family, I'm just not giving up anymore money.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (26 September 2012):
To be frank, there's no such thing as 'lending' money to family members. Even if you draw up an agreement that acknowledges they've borrowed it, will pay it back by a certain date, will pay x% interest -- what are you going to do if they don't pay you back. Sue them?Your husband is likely weighing the pros and cons. He's naturally wondering if this sets the pattern for your future -- every time you get a bit of money in the bank, your needy family will come and scoop it up.If you think I'm being too cynical, I'll tell you that my family was there with their hands out in the early years of our marriage. My wife, bless her, let me send money to my father to keep the wolves from the door, and we never saw a dime of it again (to the tune of maybe $20k over the years, which we could barely afford). We gave my mother thousands of dollars, but mercifully her estate was enough to pay back all but a couple of thousand. There comes a point when you have to decide whether you're going to build a future for you and your husband (and your eventual children), or if you're going to support others. Give your husband a break -- he may be trying to think of your future together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): If you are absolutely sure they can pay it back in 3 months as promised. And if you can look yourself in the mirror and see past the love you have for your parents to be objective about why they need to borrow money from their kids. That is extremely odd to me. So one has to wondcer how good are they at managing their finances? Do they make snap purchases without considering all options? (yes, even people their age can have bad habits). Do they invest in strange deals to get rich quick, or gamble/play the lottery, thus running them short on money? Do they donate large sums of money to cult religious organizations trying to buy their way into heaven? If the answer is No to all of these questions, then they probably need the money for other reasons, like a major surgery or other life-threatening life crisis. In which case I'm sure your husband will come through for you.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (26 September 2012):
 never loan money neverrr
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 If they can pay it back in a few months, why can't they simply do that basic transaction with their own bank?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): Part of having a successful marriage is being able to talk about the things that are most important, and the things that are hard to talk about. Money is often one of those things, and especially discussing money matters between family members. Also, this is something that is important to you emotionally, or you wouldn't be here writing about it, and your husband is directly involved. In other words, this is definitely something you need to speak to your husband about, and there are two things to talk about. The first is to let your husband know that you feel strongly about this, and (presumably) that it is really important to you that he lends your parents the money. Secondly, is your discussion about what you are going to actually do money wise, and how that's going to work. It sounds like you feel your husband's money is more his than yours but remember, you are a team, a marriage, what's yours is his and vice versa, so this stuff needs to be negotiated between the two of you so that you both agree how things work. If the rules aren't laid out, down the line someone is going to be unhappy about the way things are working. Being able to negotiate this stuff is an important part of creating a successful marriage, so there might be more at stake here than you think, though obviously that is just my impression, you will know the reality of the situation.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (26 September 2012):
 I think regardless of what you read here, you WILL get mad. Reading between the lines, you are looking for justification for your feelings.
You haven't spelled out how much your parents are asking for and the likelihood of them paying it back. Also, what are they using the money for? Is it for them to go on vacation or is it so they can afford to put food on the table this month? The answer to that question could make a huge difference.
Finally, is your husband the sole bread winner or do you both work? If you both work and have a solid source of income, perhaps it is time to split your accounts. He can do what he wants with his money and you can do what you want with yours: including taking the risk of lending money to your parents.
I sense that there is more going on here and I suspect that your husband isn't buying into the fact that your parents will pay you back. I think you need to have a sit-down talk with him and ask him WHY and work from there.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): Wait and see what happens OP, no point pre-empting being mad because you just can't predict how you will feel. For example there is no reason to get mad if they don't, or if he doesn't give it but has a good reason why he didn't.
Just wait and see.
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